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Finding love no matter how you try to avoid it. |
| I cant believe I’m doing this. Sarah thought to herself. She was sitting in her car staring at the ranch. She hadn’t yet wound up the nerve to turn off the road and onto the drive. God you are such a coward! She scolded herself. It’s just a riding lesson. Sarah could not have said why she was so nervous. When Dr. Sykes had agreed with Doc Harold’s idea and encouraged her to do it she hadn’t felt nervous. When she had called the ranch and booked her lesson she hadn’t felt nervous. She hadn’t even felt nervous when she woke up this morning and got in the car to drive here. Only now sitting here on the road staring at the ranch she was unable to even turn down the drive for her jangling nerves. Her stomach churned. Dear lord it is just a damn riding lesson. What is wrong with me. I used to love riding. Daddy took me twice a week, every week. Suddenly the view of the ranch was blurry and swimming behind the tears that were filling her eyes. Yes, daddy had said he might buy me a horse for my birthday. He had said that just two days before the ‘incident’. He never mentioned it again. He never bought me the horse and we never took another riding lesson. Tears flowed silently down her stricken face. Snatching a tissue from her purse she wiped angrily at her tears and forced herself to breathe very slowly and very carefully. You have got to get a grip on yourself! This is not about your father. It is just a riding lesson. Once composed and calm she started the car and turned into the long drive. She was determined not to have another overly emotional reaction. She cleared her head and thought only of the technicalities of riding. She went over everything she could remember that her old riding instructor had told her all those years ago. I just hope I don’t make a complete fool of myself, she thought to herself. As she approached the ranch she was impressed with the size of the property and just how superior it was compared to any other ranch she had ever seen. She knew the Kinkaid’s were wealthy and had the largest spread anywhere near here but they also were apparently very serious about ranching. Every building seemed either new or extremely well maintained. All the animals she saw were obviously prime specimens and well cared for. There wasn’t a single sign of neglect or even the usual ranch detritus and wear and tear. She knew that to keep a ranch this well tended would take not only dedication but plenty of hired hands. They must be well staffed. She followed the signs that led to the horse stables. She parked in a spot marked for ‘guests’ and headed to what had to be the stable office, a small structure built onto the right side of the building. Just as she was about to open the door a short gruff looking man came out the same door nearly knocking her over. Sarah fell back and caught herself by grabbing onto the hitching post. Her eyes were wide and startled and her hand was clutched over her heart. “Sorry ma'am. Didn’t see you there.” A smile of recognition softened the mans otherwise serious face. “You must be Miss Logan. Talked to ya on the phone the other day.” He held out a hand and she shook it having reclaimed her composure for the second time that day. “Yes. You must be Mr. Bowen. I take you will be my instructor today. I am sorry to arrive early. I got up early this morning. I hope it isn’t any trouble. I can wait of course.” “I am the usual instructor but I'm afraid I have to be going. That’s why I nearly bowled you over see. Just got the call. I’m about to be a grandpa. I have to get to the hospital. My daughters gone and started havin the babe without me there.” everything came out in one excited rush. She was about to suggest rescheduling when he went on. “Today Dean will be givin the lessons. He knows almost as much about them horses as I do. He’s in the stables you go right in. I’ll be here next time though. Sorry but I really do have to git goin.” He started running for the dusty truck parked off to the side. As he drove past he waved and gave a huge delighted grin, obviously excited about his grandchild’s imminent delivery. As she headed to the stable entrance she thought she had never seen anyone who looked so much like a cowboy in her life. He was not tall and handsome like they always have in the movies. He was fairly short for a man with weathered, leather like skin and a gruff face that lit up when he grinned. He was obviously a warm down to earth man who was rough but kind. Dusty and obviously hard working but not unkempt. Sarah turned the corner into the stables and pulled up short. The man before her was turned partially away from her and didn’t notice her entrance. Unable to do anything but stare she absorbed every detail. She had never seen anyone so beautifully masculine in her life, or if she had she didn’t remember it and she was sure she would have remembered anything like what she saw now. He was tall, six feet tall at least. She watched as he pulled off his shirt and slung it over the rail next to him. Now stripped to the waist she saw the lean sculpted muscles of his arms and torso. These were not the muscles a man acquires in a gym they were sculpted by hard work and the labor of working a ranch. Sweat beaded on his skin and ran down his spine to the already damp patch at the waistband of his jeans. The man leaned down and dunked his head into the water barrel soaking his hair and turning his curly locks from light brown shot through with blond streaks to almost black though she could still see the lighter streaks as he flicked his head back spraying water behind him. He scrubbed his face in his hands and proceeded to splash water on his chest and neck. As he poured another handful of water on his neck he turned his head and caught sight of her and froze. For a long moment they just stared at each other neither moving or making a sound. His face was tanned with high cheekbones and full lips. His almond shaped pale icy blue eyes seemed to bore into her. He looked like a dangerous and hungry wild animal the way he stared at her. She couldn’t look away and she couldn’t move. She realized she was studying him in return. He has got to be the sexiest, most ruggedly handsome, man I have ever seen. Sarah felt a warmth that had nothing to do with the hot summer day rushing through her veins. Her body tightened in a way she had never experienced before. Her heart was beating like a caged bird trying to fly away. What is this? Is this what those girls meant? Oh dear. Dean had just been thinking about the woman he had already heard so much about that he was expecting to give a riding lesson to. Everyone in town was talking about the new pediatrician. He’d heard how young she was and that old Doc Harold chose her himself and that she was supposed to be an old family friend of his. He’d heard she was a small petite woman who looked much younger than her years. His cousins little boy, James who was 8, had even told him about the nice lady doctor who fixed his ear ache and how pretty she was. He remembered James had called her an angel. Dean had laughed at the time and had been curious when Allen had told him he would be giving her a riding lesson but he had not expected the woman standing in front of him. No one could have prepared him for his response to the woman. He had been curious to hear about a pretty woman moving to town as he always was but after the disaster with Lydia he wasn’t thinking about getting involved with anyone else so close to home. She was standing in the sunlight at the entryway to the stables. He noticed she was quite petite and probably no taller than 5’5” at most with golden red hair falling in loose curls around her shoulders and perfect translucent peaches and cream skin. Her hair was aflame in the bright sunshine. Her large eyes were somewhere between blue and green, an impossible shade of teal. They were also very round with a slight tilt upwards on the outside. She had the face of a china doll. Her eyes were so wide she looked startled. Her mouth was open slightly forming a soft O. He could tell she wore no make up and was glad for it since it would only have detracted from her natural beauty. She is an angel, he thought in wonder. Never in his life had he seen a fully grown woman who looked so innocent and young. Only in small children does one expect to see this soft sweet angelic doll like face and then only rarely are they so perfectly formed. His chest burned. Seeing her had made him forget to breathe. He let his breath out slowly. It felt like minutes had passed in the frozen silence of their mutual awareness but was probably only seconds. Collecting himself he gave her a smile he meant to be reassuring and continued to rinse the sweat and hay from his chest and arms never taking his eyes off her. He turned his body toward her and watched as she moved in out of the sunlight. He became aware of her body and noticed that she not only had the face of an angelic doll but undeniably had the body of a woman. An incredibly sexy woman. Her jeans hugged her lean legs and tiny waist above the flare of her hips that swayed enticingly as she moved closer. She wore a tank top that perfectly matched the teal of her eyes and a white linen long sleeved button up shirt left open and tied at her waist. She wore no jewelry, not even earrings. He couldn’t have said why but that small fact pleased him. She seemed to be over whatever had originally startled her. She was smiling slightly and seemed to be embarrassed or nervous not wanting to meet his eyes again. Certainly she wasn’t uncomfortable with him rinsing off. She’s a doctor and though she doesn’t look it she’s long past being a teenager Dean thought to himself. Stopping a handful of steps from Dean, Sarah gathered her scattered wits and decided to at least attempt to seem composed. “Hello. You must be Dean. I’m Sarah. Sarah Logan.” “Yes. I know.” He gave her a long appraising look and smiled again. “Allen told me you would be my instructor today.” Her voice sounded uncertain and questioning. “I could always reschedule of course. I mean, if that would be easier for you.” Actually it would be better for him. He usually hated giving lessons or anything else that took him away from the ranch and all the responsibilities that he never felt he had enough time to do in the first place. But he did not want her to reschedule. He wanted very much to spend the next few hours with this woman. “No. It’s perfectly fine. I’m looking forward to the lesson very much.” The way he emphasized the last part in his low husky voice made her insides quiver. She may not have been interested in anyone before but she knew when a man was interested in her. Either Dean was the most unconsciously sexual man she had ever met or that was a clear declaration of interest and invitation. She decided it was both. She also decided he was a dangerous man and that for some reason she really didn’t care right then. Dean watched her eyes widen and darken, and the shiver of awareness at his deliberate suggestiveness and it excited him. He grabbed up his flannel work shirt but left the white tee behind. He put the shirt on slowly watching her watching him. He left the front purposely unbuttoned exposing his naked chest and stomach. Sarah seemed mesmerized by the sight of his still wet smooth tanned chest. She finally wrenched her eyes away and forced herself to look up into his eyes. When her eyes met his her stomach gave a lurch. His eyes are so intense! I don’t think I can spend the next few hours with this man. “Why don’t we start with what you know. I was told you used to ride when you were younger. Is that right?” Deans voice was low and husky. She wasn’t sure if it always like that or just because of the way he was looking at her with apparent interest. She swallowed and opened her mouth to speak but just nodded instead. “Ok. So tell me what you remember and we will go from there.” Sarah knew she needed to say something, to speak. She just couldn’t think of any words. Forcing herself to look beyond him at a bay mare she breathed deeply and found if she didn’t look directly at him she could think, sort of. Sarah answered all his questions and was impressed with how much she remembered. She let him go over all the basics again though. He seemed to think it was best to start at the beginning. She found it reassuring to go over everything anyway. It calmed her and made her feel more confident. Sarah was pleased to discover that she was still comfortable around horses and they all responded well to her. She eventually began to loosen up and enjoy the animals. Eventually it came time to ride. Dean prepared the calmest horse, the bay mare she had been looking at before named Whisper. When it came time to mount she found that at only five feet four inches tall she was too short for her foot to reach the high stirrup or swing herself into the saddle. Dean thought nothing of it and immediately moved to help placing both hands around her waist to lift her up. As soon as his hands touched her hips she froze in shock at the touch and alarm at the feelings that raged through her body and shut down her mind. In that instant she became painfully aware of his hard frame pressed close to her back and his large powerful hands splayed on her hips. Her head flew back to look up at him. She knew her face must show her surprise and probably every other thing she was feeling that she wished she could hide. Dean wasn’t unaffected by the contact either. The feel of her narrow waist and gentle swell of her hips instantly inflamed him with desire so strong it shocked him. His fingers clamped down more firmly on the soft swell of her hips in an unconsciously possessive response. Seeing her look up at him with clear awareness of the sexual tension between them made him want to possess her all the more. Again her mouth was shaped in that soft O of surprise and her wide teal eyes darkened. He could see her arousal on her face and in her eyes. His hands clamped firmly on her hips again and his body shuddered as he controlled the overwhelming passion that claimed him. He could feel her body fairly humming with the same tension. With great effort he forced himself to lift her into the saddle and release his grip. He knew he could not control his physical response to her. His jeans which were always comfortably snug were now unbearably tight and all he could think of was what her skin would feel like. He stood next to the horse regaining his self control. His eyes were tightly closed and his breathing ragged. Never had he had this fierce uncontrollable response to a woman. Always he had prided himself on his uncommon self-control with women. He was always able to say no and never let passion overpower him or cloud his thinking. Never had he known such intense need. Not even as a young man. She stared at him only just slightly elevated above him while sitting astride the horse. He was too close for her to see his evident arousal but she knew it was there. She had felt it pressing into her before he lifted her up. She was struggling with her own poise. Her body thrummed with tension and an ache had begun between her thighs. Her nipples were erect and painfully tight. Having not worn a bra that day, since she knew she would be more comfortable working with the horses without one and she wasn’t really large enough to need it, the knit fabric of her tank top rubbed agonizingly across her sensitized areolas. She was still staring at him with a mixture of confusion and alarm when he finally opened his own tightly closed eyes. As soon as he opened his eyes and saw her there the raging hunger for her threatened to overwhelm him again. He noticed the two erect points pressing against her thin tank top and wanted nothing more than to reach out and caress them, bring them to his lips and taste them. Forcing himself he looked higher into her doll like face. He saw her need there and something else that stopped him. He saw fear. It was so surprising that he didn’t know what to think. The moment was awkward for both and neither knew anything that would help diffuse the tension. Sarah just waited on the horse unable to do anything else. Dean walked stiffly to the front of the horse and patted the animals long face and gathered up the reins murmuring to the mare. He cleared his throat roughly making her jump in the saddle. Her eyes were wide and she was breathing hard through her mouth. “Let me see you take her for a walk around the corral.” Although his voice was rough his tone was calm. Sarah did not respond she just urged the horse out into the corral and began walking her slowly around the perimeter as requested. Her mind was in turmoil. It was obvious Dean was intensely attracted to her and she couldn’t deny the responses of her own traitorous body. Having never experienced these feelings before she wasn’t sure what to do about it. Again Dr. Sykes came to mind. The advice she had reiterated for the umpteenth time about finding someone she liked, and trusted, to sleep with. The doctor thought it would be therapeutic. She thought it was a barrier that Sarah was reluctant to cross. Ok, maybe I have avoided physical intimacy but then no one ever made me want it before either. Maybe. . . No, I cant. Dean is a local. He works the ranch. If I sleep with him I wouldn’t be able to come back for lessons and there is absolutely no chance of a relationship. If I choose anyone it should be someone not from around here. Maybe if Dean is a transitory worker, and only here for a short time it might work. Just the thought of sleeping with this incredibly sensual powerfully built man made her thighs begin throbbing again. A mental picture of him naked flashed through her mind and she gasped her legs tightening. The horse stopped and shook her head confused by Sarah’s contradictory signals. “Sorry girl.” Sarah muttered to the horse and continued to lead her around the corral her thoughts still in a turmoil. Dean leaned against the railings and tried to calm his pounding heart and control his thoughts in an attempt to lessen the fierce need that throbbed through his body and kept his arousal so apparent. He wasn’t embarrassed by, and didn’t try to hide, his erection. He just wanted it to go away, at least for now. He tried to understand this woman and why he was so affected by her. He knew he wanted her and decided he was going to learn everything he could about her before making a move. And he would be making a move, of that he was sure. Dean knew she was attracted to him as well but her fear left him confused. No matter how young she looked he knew she was a fully grown woman and had to have had some experience at her age. With her looks he knew she would have been the recipient of a lot of male attention. He watched her ride and noticed she was fairly good or at least she used to be. She was a bit rough from lack of practice but she would be an easy student. Obviously she was a good rider as a child to still be so comfortable after having not ridden in so many years. After a few laps around the corral he asked if she could make him trot. To his surprise, after a slightly difficult beginning, she was able to get the horse to trot around the corral quite smoothly. When asked to Canter she had some trouble and he decided to tackle that on a different lesson. "Bring her in." Dean called out to her after another thirty minutes of work. "That's good for today." Sarah brought the mare back to where Dean was standing and as she prepared to hop down from the horse Dean reached up and again grasped her around the waist lifting her effortlessly from the saddle. He knew he shouldn't but had been unable to resist the opportunity to have his hands on her again or to hold her slight weight for even the moment it took to put her down. The feel of her was absolute torture to his already strained control. Sarah's body tensed up the minute she felt his hands on her again. Does this man have no respect for physical boundaries? Even as she thought it she also knew her body was responding to him sexually as much as it was tensed from fear and nerves. Other than another surprised gasp which she was unable to supress she said nothing but stepped quickly away from him the minute his hands released her. Try as she might she couldn't bring herself to look him in the eyes again. "You did well for a first lesson. Obviously you were pretty good as a child. You will need more work before you should take any horse out on your own though." His voice sounded casual and relaxed to her as he led the horse back to the stables. Dean walked slowly not wanting to stride ahead of the shy woman. Hell she's likely to bolt! Seriously she seems like a 16 year old closeted virgin rather than a mature woman. But I know she's attracted to me as well. Maybe Allen will be able to tell me more about this girl/woman. Sarah followed Dean back to the stables trying to keep a reasonable distance between them without being obviously standoffish. Maybe this was a bad idea. I can't keep coming out here for lessons with him around. Trying for cool and unconcerned she asked, "So I understand Mr. Bowen will be my instructor from now on." Dean glaced back at her but couldn't make eye contact as she was still not looking at him. "Yeah. He is the usual instructor. I only stepped in due to his family emergency." He tried to gauge whether that was good or bad news for her but couldn't tell. "So are you usually around here or do you work another section of the ranch?" Sarah cringed when she realized how her question must sound to him. Oh well it was already out there. Dean laughed. "I work everywhere on the ranch. I spend sometime in this area but really I'm all over." At the sound of his laugh Sarah looked up and saw the way the smile lit up his face making her body respond yet again by tightening and tingling. "Oh. So you are regular hand here? I hear that a lot of hands come and go at places like this." Try as she might to sound casual she knew she sounded like she was fishing for information, which she was of course but she didn't want him to know that and get the wrong idea. "I am definitely a regular here. I have been working this ranch since I was a kid and I figure I will still be working it when I am an old man." Dean laughed to himself. She had no idea who he was and he found he really liked it. One thing he really hated were the women who went after him for his family position and money. She would surely learn soon who he was but he was enjoying her ignorance for the time being and was not interested in correcting her assumption. "Many of the men who work this ranch have been here a long time. They treat people well here." "Well that's good." Lame Sarah. Totally lame she berated herself. "Let's get Whisper here brushed down. It's an important part of getting to know the horse and taking care of her needs." Dean reached for the brushes and combs handing one to Sarah. For the first time since she arrived at the ranch Sarah smiled as she brushed out the mares coat. She's beautiful when she smiles Dean thought as he continued to brush down the other side of the horse. "I see you remember how to do this part." "Yes. I always loved this although my dad always grumped that it wasn't my job. He never quite liked that I was required to care for them after the lesson when he was paying for it." Sarah laughed at the memory. Dean's hand with the brush stopped moving as he watched her face. She seemed lost in her memory and hadn't looked up at him. He couldn't help but watch her. When she was happy her face glowed and her smile was devastating. Tension gripped his body again and he was glad for the horse that stood patiently between them. Sarah noticed the stillness coming from Dean's side and glanced up catching him staring at her with such an intense look that she froze feeling like a rabbit caught in a spot light. Her breath caught in her throat and heat spread through her body. Sarah felt her face flushing and the nervous fear and anxiety came to the fore and she stepped back without realizing it bumping into one of the empty stall doors causing a loud clanging sound as the latch slammed closed. Now feeling completely embrassed she tried to regain her lost composure. She looked at her watch and feined surprise at the time. "Oh wow. I didn't realize it was so late. I really must be going." She tried desperately to look anywhere but directly at Dean who had stepped toward her away from the horse still holding the brush. "I'll call the office and set up my next appointment." Although she made a hasty exit she caught the look of surprise and confusion on Dean's face. Once she was in her car she forced herself to do her breathing exercises before starting the car and driving away. I am a complete fool! How could I let myself act like that and be so rude? Although he really didn't seem like the gossiping type she just hoped he wouldn't mention her odd behaviour to anyone else. Dean followed her as far as the open barn doors and watched her practically run to her car and climb inside. Still surprised by her sudden change in attitude he wasn't sure what to think about what had just happened. He watched as she sat in her car for a few moments before driving away. What did I do? |
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