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 |    10k views, 2x BestPoetryCollection. A nothing from nowhere cast words to a world wide wind |
The Romantic Version Summer shadows ripped light from our cabin like frames of film reeled, lapsing our time. In my fast car we drove. I had purpose. You needed a break from your tormentor -- sought my tanned arms hopefully gripping the wheel tight. With the beach in sight, my dreams packed in a hollow heart. Smell of hot pavement crept up where we parked. Our long towels found shelter beneath birch, on bluffs before timeless sand. In sunglasses and smiles, never saw you laugh so much -- made me forgot to seduce you. Our perfect forms barely clad, swam, dried, sang; swam, lotioned and tanned in bright, lasting time. We cried joyous with wine-imbibed, reddening lips tendered but undelivered. The sun failed me that day, dipping too soon in our glossy, green lake. I wanted to hold you, give you my body's warmth when breezes brushed us off our idle shore. The longest walk to the last car -- must have witnessed every stone on exit from a cold park. Serious, I didn't want to wash away that silly grin. I was forcing smiles -- the reverse tide home -- watching your silhouette form. Each glance away from our highway brought wonder, would you finally be done with him? I delivered you safe to your apartment, platonic. Words in my head died on journey to lips too tense to play beneath the lamp of a long opened doorway. I wondered if you saw bluebirds caged, long fly into your night, nestle within bosom and arm. The light dimmed more days before I saw you and him, linked by hand, moving on. A hard neck stilled the wondering head, imagining your lingering eye over his shoulder. with concern? Your choice, flawed; bound anyway to break a hopeful fool that dared laugh along, in escape, on your dark day. Bright, one of us healed in the sun. I admit, many nights my slow car rolled past your porch light. Emotion melded with the light in another season. Eternal, sun-seared memory in my skin flies like the pulverized car, scrapped in a sandy, leaf-draped beach. You helped me realize the best version of my romantic self was unselfish. I've known rejection, even as the most beautiful boy in the room. Girls eyes sparkled when viewing me. The bravest sought me out, not realizing I could brood because I knew their fascination would fade. I wasn't your typical boy, the kind a girl imagined more than a dalliance with. I was only focused on perfect, true, eternal love. Some got my hopes up, relationships lasting as long as two months. I may have been conditioned to make the repeated rejection my thing. It's how I define myself to this day. It's sociopathic, seeking and compelling rejection to feed the pitiful artist. If I'm not getting rejected soon enough, I become provocative, test boundaries until I prove the final result true. I'm not worthy. I'm aware. I can tone it down. The flare ups are overwhelming, so I take it one day at a time. It's a part of me that will take a lot of therapy to partly expunge. I can't be a better man for you. I'll give you glimpses of my promise before self-destructing again and again. You get to have a hand in it. I know how you operate and how willing you are. Does it make you question why you participate, even by being indifferent to it? Maybe I'm the lone manipulator in these relationships. If I had it figured out...well, I wouldn't be where I am.    Entry written but not offered for:
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