SuperNova Afterglow: End Of Days

A.D.D. -- I'm Just A Person With An Ordinary Problem?

Being diagnosed ADD didn't feel like the divining moment, because I thought it was more, something else. There had to be a better explanation for my childhood and everything until now, so I could stop feeling shame and pain for the way I am.

After another visit with my brain guru, yogi said nope, I'm not a highly-functioning-whatever-you-think-that-is. You're just a high functioning person with Attention Deficiency Disorder. Why can't they give it a cool name like Asperger's or Autism?

I couldn't sleep tonight. Like a power puppy (one description I use for my condition), I got up and started noodling with googling and found stuff when I asked in the dialogue box 'how come I feel' this way (not in so many words, but in many different words) until I found a link that said everything perfectly that I'm feeling:

https://www.additudemag.com/slideshows/what-does-adhd-feel-like/

Reading it makes me think I need to go through my paces, slow down a bit. I do at times, but then I start running away from myself like a child with a new toy until I become bored again. I needed to tell myself not to bite off too much of life, just the way I eat sometimes, inhale everything because I moved on to something new and can't think about food anymore. I was told to try mindfulness once, got bored with the exercise after a few tries.

This makes me think of people who workout but don't have a good diet, never make (desired) progress and wonder why.

Wrapping it up. Though, I'll wonder more later. Until I can sort myself out, I shouldn't be taking on project after project until I can learn to just complete one thing.

My research, as yet, doesn't fully explain why I don't find friends that put up with me. Should be happy I found my wife? Or, why I don't acknowledge people in my life as friends. Why I don't open up more to people online, fear manipulation (from all the other times I've been taken advantage of) and frustration and shame that I'm not the person people need me to be. And, I go running off before any matures into something real.

More blathering after a good, solid discovery that should relate me to others. Not that I should feel the need to...just that I can't...don't know how to...where to go from...

7.8.21

I might quit blogging for awhile. Or, wait until the meds kick again. Been off those pills three plus days. Keep forgetting.

edit later, maybe add some blurbs from link. Wait for the two clicks on this blog entry to know 'someone' read. Probably to make sure I'm not off my leash, so they can call me back, 'good puppy.' 'who wants a treat?' I'll stop there.

Poets Needed:
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