SuperNova Afterglow: End Of Days

When They Find You

I don't know why, but I always feel worse when I talk with someone about what is bugging me. It's not like I got it off my chest, but got it out there in the universe.

I'm dealt with limited parameters to knowledge, to complete understanding. And when I'm issuing forth my concerns, what I share is a complex formula of what I'm affected by and a search for knowledge like truth to hopefully fill out an asymmetrical thing.

I'm not going to give an example, though I can imply for others to infer. The whole point of having communication with others is to get on the same page, get resolution. Even if we are looking at the same thing from different vantage points. It's hard to walk in someone else's shoes and I wouldn't expect others to fully realize my conjecture.

But, there are words, phrases, mannerisms we have been taught to give another comfort, some sign that we acknowledge, to alleviate concerns and to empathize or sympathize. The latter I would rather not have, if someone is going to talk down to me, lecture me, unless I deserve it. And, that is for me to decide.

What is this about? Trying to understand a spouse, an employer, the salesman, or the people at the doctor's office or bank about what's ailing/befuddling you. You know these people come with some information you don't have that can help shape perception, inform a person who feels vulnerable from the weakness of not getting a complete picture to solve the riddle, dilemma, predicament. In fact, the process can get tainted, sullied, darker from those you allow participate in that process of knowing.

In the meantime, we are taught to be meek and step back and give others space around us as a courtesy. Don't bother us with your ignorance is all I may feel from some who are downright callous. And, they may be in a position to make someone feel safe, whole and to not worry so much about the not knowing everything you'd like to understand so you can sleep better at night.

Some people deal with their problems by saying I have more money than I have time to get to resolution. Me, I'm thinking I may need that money for when I really need it. I'm not just going to throw it at each question hoping for resolute answer. I live by my wits to figure out the system to get resolution. Systematic is how a lot of stuff feels. And, it feels dysfunctional with a purpose to keep me off kilter until I back away and go look at another unsolved formula written on the chalkboard walls that surround my un-equated life.

Can I just tear it all down so I can stare at the barren ground? What is this metaphor and what am I talking about? There is purgatory like a prison inside of my mind, where I'm different and jailed for not being able to decipher what might seem life's easiest riddles to solve. I could take medication for it and still struggle, but differently. I could do my due diligence daily to go through certain processes to keep life's little worries on my doorstep, away.

I'm still going to the porch for the milkman's delivery. Even though it's not there anymore. I can be trapped in my little home because I'm developing agoraphobia for the intensifying complexities of an indifferent, unfeeling world where neighbors put up taller, thicker fences and the only connection you get is to a Netflix account where you stream endless entertainment until he day you die in your recliner, face half-eaten off by the cats you employ for comfort, when they find you.

Is it me? Probably, but not entirely. I have a wallet with a credit card, but still not tempted to use it. I've gone pear-shaped with my obtuse-ness.




Just something I was feeling after my last few daze. Really nothing related to my online life, either.

"Life’s Little Misdirections 🥀🦋" 

"Life’s Little Misdirections 🥀🦋"