Meth: a Ticking Timebomb Gone Viral

I Had a Dream

I had a dream...I was with people who use and a dealer arrived. I went to give him my money and the bill stuck to my hand...he had to grab the money, and even though I was not holding it tightly, and was trying to shake it loose, it was like it was glued to my fingers.

He ripped it from my hand and we waited for him as he weighed out the drugs, and suddenly it occurred to me that I don't use drugs anymore.

I became anxious and told one of the people I was waiting with that I don't use drugs anymore. It was then that the feeling of panic subsided and I calmed down. I knew when they ran out, they would purchase the drugs from me and I felt better..but I also knew how stupid I had been and questioned myself why had I tried to buy the drugs in the first place.

The feeling of panic at having to tell people on my blog that I had failed...all those who have supported me and want to see me do well all disappointed. But mostly, I felt disappointed in myself.

When I awoke, I felt such relief that it had all been a dream, but I also could see the significance of the money sticking to my hand, and the fact that even in a dream, I knew that I could not break my commitment and let myself down. For me, this was a very proud moment.

I know that if I can resist drugs in my dreams, I have a good chance of not using them while I am awake.

Only three days to go until I attend my first group session. For me, this is where I will get the most benefit because there is something about discussing issues with people who understand what it is we are going through. There is a connection, and like here, the feeling that I don't just want this for myself, I want this for all of you.

It doesn't matter whether you have never used a drug, have a loved one who is in the depths of addiction or are struggling yourself...it can be done if we want it badly enough. One of the most important keys to freedom is in the acknowledgment that you cannot do it on your own...that reaching out for help is not a weakness, but true strength...that failure doesn't mean the end because I have failed more times than I can even remember, and who knows, it might even again.

But, no matter what, I will never stop trying to rid myself of meth. I want to feel life as it is meant to feel...not a slave to my addiction, but as a human being who wants to experience things that are far greater than any high drugs can give.

Life IS the high...but we need to see this for ourselves before we can move on to the next phase...facing the reasons why we chose drugs in the first place.