Dissociated Thoughts

Prompted By Life: 9/21/21

         I never thought that going back to work part time would be so exhausting to me. I only got the job a couple days ago and I am already worn completely out. Mentally and physically. It has it's rewards though. I'm no longer feeling I have no purpose and I have something to bide my time. I have been blessed to meet a lot of kind people. And I am being forced to come out of my shell, which is just what I needed to combat this social anxiety problem that has been steadily getting worse over the last couple of years. But, along with being back around people, I have noticed that my tendency to "put on a mask" is still there. Apparently, even though I am quite comfortable with who I am, I don't seem to be ready to allow people who aren't close to me to see the real me. I still feel it necessary to stay very guarded and aloof around people. But, being in a job that has to deal with the public non-stop, I still have to be friendly. So, I put on that mask, even when I am quaking in fear inside because I have to be around so many people. It'll get better, I'm sure. Baby steps and one day at a time - just like always. And I have to remember, life is still just a walk in the park.