Meth: a Ticking Timebomb Gone Viral

Say It Like You Mean It and Do It Like You Mean It Even More

Doubts, there are aplenty, but the strange thing is...I'm having none.

This honeymoon period I thought was 'over baby' was just one day where something happened that brought me down, and can happen to any one of us, on any given day. So, now, I am faced with the dilemma of...when will this honeymoon really end?

In the past, I have never allowed myself to believe, "I got this." Because as soon as I do, I will fail. That creates a false sense of security...over-confidence.

But now, I'm not so sure. Verbalising is a powerful thing...saying something like the little red engine did... "I think I can...I know I can!" Which got him up and over that hill shows determination rather than arrogance...confidence without spiel.

Nothing I have tried in the past has worked and so, perhaps it is time for a change in tactic...instead of under-confidence...HOPING I will stop using, it might be time to believe I can do this, after all, the very definition of madness is repeating the same process and expecting a different result.

I'm sure that everyone wants me to succeed...I want me to succeed, but the truth is, I have used meth for so long, have failed on so many occasions that I couldn't hold it against anyone who had their doubts I can do this...and in the past, it was I who doubted me the most.

I never really wanted to give her up, she has been with me for so long and was at times the closest thing I had to a friend...but friendships sour...relationships change and what can one day be one thing, can quickly change into something else altogether.

Meth and I are co-dependent...were co-dependent...and like someone who finally decided they have had enough of abusive relationships, although far from cured, at that moment, a switch clicks, and they know they will never settle for anything less than respect, love and truth again.
The difference is that an abuse victim can find a new partner who will treat them with the respect they always wanted...meth will never do this for me.

When someone leaves an abusive relationship, friends and relatives all hope they won't return to that, or another abusive relationship, but I believe that once the switch is flicked, you cease being a victim, and begin the journey of becoming a survivor. My switch has clicked, and I can say right now, without one single doubt in my mind, I will never go back to that, or any other drug, ever again.

Today I have not used, nor will I use...tomorrow, or the next day or for the rest of my life.

I know...I am not out of the woods yet, my head is not up in the clouds and there is a lot of work to be done, but I will do the work, I will find my way out of the darkness and enjoy the warmth of the sun on my face again...of this, I have absolutely no doubt.