I love the smell of napalm in the mornin

Hulk Smash!

Man, I wish I could go outside for a smoke right now or have one. I've had 2 or 3 in months now, and I'm just so stressed it's actually almost tempting to risk the pain of that plastic thing called a leg and go outside, except I'm pretty sure my smokes are stale as hell considering they were bought in October. Fuck I want my leg to grow back. After they finally cure some of those deadly diseases out there, they should work on making body parts grow back? Then who knows immortality? Fuck I don't know. I'm having an angry day today, lol. Brought on by the letter S, as in stupidity worldwide!

This is one of those days where it is better I just go shut the door and hide in my room all day. I'm pissed off at this whole bullshit of life. The biggest trigger, though, is my so-called bitch of a sister-in-law. I know now she does shit just to push my mother's buttons. This morning right in front of her, my mother told my kids she would finally make the cookies she promised for days. Not even twenty minutes later, the SIL is in the kitchen with my niece and nephew, and what are they doing? Making fucking cookies. Now, mom is pissed off, and it's this trickle-down effect because she is making my life miserable. No one ever considers the need for calm and sanity in my life. No, I'm not some snowflake who needs to be coddled. My mom is just really bitchy when she is mad and takes it out on me. In return, I feel sick or get Indigestion, my anxiety raises through the roof, and all sorts of nasty shit happen then. Right now, it is bad as hell, Indigestion, aka heartburn.

You know I would be so much an agreeable person and all that good stuff if my life wasn't full of this bs. When I'm calm and just not stressed out over something, I'm a totally different person. I accomplish more than I do when my anxiety isn't through the roof. I need to find us a new place to live. I look every day and fail every day. I waiting since I got out of the hospital for this social worker to contact me, it's been months, and I'll probably have to wait longer. I'd love to see if any extra support is available to me because I don't know where to look. I've searched google for stuff around where I live. Either I'm blind, or there is none. I need to get my kids and me out of here as soon as possible because I might snap soon.

And you really wouldn't like me when I'm mad.

I could so Hulk out and smash stuff.

God, do I wish right now I could. LOL