Toadette's Story

Chapter 22 - The Ruined Ruins

The crumbling floor still slanted downwards into the pit of the ruins. With no good light source outside of the occasional flames, my brisk pace came to a crawl. Slow and steady, Toadette. Soon enough, a room emerged that looked to be mostly intact. The torches blazed, the dust didn’t muck the air up, and the debris was few and far between. Finally, a safety pocket in this hell.

Glancing at my right sole, it hadn’t been this dirty since I’d left Toad Town Tunnels. Beige and black soot caked the whole of my feet. Actually, the entirety of my body had some form of dirt covering me like I’d popped out of a chimney.

“Let’s see…”

Even though this may have hurt, I had to make sure these weapons of mine were functional. I lifted my right foot to my nose and took a sniff.

Instant regret!! Totally, instant regret!! Okay, now it was confirmed my feet had the most noxious smell out there.

I picked up the pace and ran into the next room.

Now I was back in familiar conditions. How this room managed to keep from completely collapsing was a wonder. Far in the distance, someone was coughing harshly. The moaning and groaning had a high pitch, too! At that moment, my heart missed a beat.

“I’m coming, Penelope!”

I was a fool! I should’ve told this girl to stay back at the inn! My heavy steps didn’t do this uneven floor any favours, but my legs couldn’t stop. The few intact torches led me to the end of this winding room. Amazingly, her body was still moving alright, though covered in thick black dust.

“You okay?” I asked.

Upon touching her body, I sprang back like a wet cat. That wasn’t dust! It was a black coat! Damn it, one of those thieves.

He sputtered as he pulled himself up. “How are you still alive?”

“Bet you’re the one who turned this place into a walking death trap, aren’t you?”

“What can I say? The boss saw you as trouble, so he needed you out the picture. A shame you really don’t know when to die.”

Fires emerged from the cracks in the floor. Standing on my tiptoes, I was ready to get this over with. Yet I hadn’t fought anybody in a good while. Even counting the Blooper, that wasn’t someone my own size.

“It’s over!”

CLAP!

The guy kicked me in the cheek. Then he gave me another one to my cap. Man, his kicks were so unnatural! Hard to predict, too.

With my best efforts, I dodged a hit and prepared to stick my foot right in his hood. Just as it reached, I found myself spinning into a column. And my leg felt worn out. The man chuckled, stiffly approaching me with arms outstretched.

“Your feet stopped my friends. Don’t think I’m as gullible.”

He rushed at me with a closed fist. After blocking it, we exchanged blows back and forth. These dusty kicks I gave failed to hurt him. But what he had in fighting skills, I had in endurance.

Jumping away from the man proved advantageous. I briefly clung to a wall, anticipating him to charge at me. Surely enough, he took the bait.

BOOM!

Before gravity brought me down, I sprang over the man who collided with the structure. Now that he was howling out in pain, it was time to gain the upper hand. A swift elbow to the head sent him slipping across the deteriorating floor.

And speaking of, it became apparent that standing on my tiptoes served no purpose. My feet barely crinkled at the warmth shooting from below. Though my soles were reddened, it wasn’t from any injuries. My whole body was becoming as warm coloured as my cap.

Cruising through this heat, my heel struck the man on his side. A pile of debris waited right for him, crumbling into pieces of charred dust upon the impact.

“OW!”

That strong impact got the both of us, bringing me to the floor about three metres away. Oof, maybe I should’ve kicked with the ball of my foot.

“No more games, you rotten fungus.”

The groaning figure crawled out the pile, appearing to walk just as fine. As if I wasn’t beginning to tremble enough, his voice gained an unsettling echo. Each inhale sounded like a distorted, roaring vacuum. And my shallow breathing started catching up with me.

“We didn’t raid that princess’s land, only to be stopped by a mushroom girl.”

I scrunched my crimson toes into the ground. “Nor did I come here to be killed by a whiny-sounding hooded maniac.”

Screeching, he pulled his foot back. Wait, Toadette. Not yet.

“Gotcha!” I screamed.

He kicked the air while I leapt straight for his face. Feet-first. And I got it in on the first try! Oh yeah, both of them.

We fell together, with my feet firmly in this fool’s hood. So, this is what it felt like when Minh T. was rubbing my face. Who would’ve guessed this position would be an effective take-down tactic? Of course, now with the man trapped under my smelly soles, I’d have to borrow something from Daisy. A touch of grossness, you know.

“Mmm… Mmm…! You like those rotten feet!?”

My toes dumped loads of grime and soot onto his nose, mouth and maybe even eyes. And whoo, I could smell those things from here this time. That ground heat combined with my shoes must’ve stunk them up. Penelope was right when she said they smelt like fish guts.

While I laughed, the man shrieked like a little girl. Twisting like he was suffering a malfunction, he swung his arms desperately to grasp my ankles.

“Get ’em off!! Can’t breathe!!”

Clink, clink, clink…

Something popped out of the man’s coat as his body freaked out. No, two things. One was purple and shaped like a flat egg. The other was — I couldn’t believe it — the princess’s crown! I reached for both items, continuing to slap his face with my slippery feet.

My toes forced their way in his mouth until the sounds of choking were louder than my laughing. After the hell he put me through, gagging him with my clammy foot was an act of mercy. He better not have sucked off any of my toenail polish!

Soon, his body stopped moving altogether. Though his panting persisted.

I stood and delivered another series of kicks to his head. The screaming first intensified, then faded into muffled whimpers. Now the only sound filling up the room was my excitement. Maybe it took us going out to the desert to achieve it, but we finally got one of the princess’s items back.

The celebrations came to a crawl once it dawned on me. We were still trapped under the ruins. So, I hovered my saliva-covered foot above the man’s hood, wiggling my toes.

“Unless you want another date with Toadette’s nasty feet, tell me how we get out of here.”

Coughing, he growled, “These ruins are sinking. Neither you nor I am ever getting out at this rate.”

“Poor answer.”

My toes dipped back into his hood, entering his mouth. While I teased him about my toe grime and the other nasty little elements of my feet, it sunk in just how rigid his body was. When fallen down, it looked rather lumpy or like there was tech hiding under his coat.

As the toes came up for air, the man yelled out.

“Gross, I swallowed it! Look, the boss and the others already left! The place is too deep down. W-We’ve got nowhere to go, and that’s the truth. You want a better answer than that?”

A shame he couldn’t have caught me in a better mood. I gave him a final stomp to the face before spinning off in the other direction. With or without him, I’d find my own out.

Actually… How about I correct an error I made in my last encounter with these men?

“Just what’s under that hood?”

“Don’t you dare!!”

Before I could pull it back, the man reached for one of the torches and enveloped himself in flames. A burst ensued as tiny fragments dispersed throughout the room. That… That is not normal, right? In my panic, I immediately dashed to the way I came.

“Hold up,” I said, turning around. “New idea.”

I scooped up some of the hot pieces of the man and jammed them into my pocket. Cloth, what appeared to be a string, whatever I saw.

The former safe haven turned into another disaster. Both doorways leaked in a mad amount of black gas, and the odour of burning sand and artefacts got me on my knees.

CRACK!

Come on! Give me a break! The place was crumbling again!? I closed my eyes, preparing for the worst. Then, sure enough, a wave of heat hit my back. Now was time for the debris storm.

“Toadette! Finally!”

I squinted at the wall where the noise echoed from. A deep hole spewing out dirty air formed, and a metal tool popped out. Wait a minute. That was the strong drill I used before working for Her Highness. After looking up, my jaw dropped seeing Minh T. running into this smouldering room. She quickly wrapped me in a snug hug.

“How are you—” I stammered over my words.

She pulled back, picking up the drill. “Good thing this thing didn’t pop her bag.”

So that’s why Penelope’s bag was so heavy. Only Minh T. would stuff a bunch of tools into a bag and have a little girl carry them. When she looked me up and down, her expression went from concern to anger.

“YOU CRAZY!? Why would you pull out the Pulse Stone!?”

“Huh!?”

She screamed at the purple egg-thingy poking out my pocket. “You remove that from its pedestal, this place gives and drops miles into Earth! You learnt this in history, come on!”

Scold me later. I yanked Minh T. in the direction of the princess, scrambling up the slippery slope. Rubble began coming on our heads while the fires and their crackling got a boost in strength.

“First of all,” I growled, “I didn’t pull this stupid thing out! It was one of those cloaked assholes! Second of all, where is Penelope!?”

“Makin’ sure our emergency exit’s stable. If that rope snaps from that palm tree, we’ll be buried alive.”

KABOOM!!

Minh T. whimpered as the pulverised stone obscured most of the light. Still holding her by the arm, I shushed her. All I repeated was that I wouldn’t leave her.

When we got to Daisy, she screamed, “I thought you died down there!”

“None of you have any fate in me, do you?” I asked, shoving my shoes back on.

I grabbed my left behind stuff and put my shoes back on. Ah… My toes could relax in their sloshy home once again. A sharp snapping sound meant the slab crushing the princess was finally cut.

Minh T. sprinted down the broken hill. “Let’s go!”

We picked up the pace to the hole she dug out as more debris rained over us. It was a tight fit, but at the end, a faint light shone from above. Right in the middle, a long rope. No time to waste. Grasping for dear life, I hoisted myself up the rope to the surface.

Yes! Fresh air! Or as fresh as it could be with the collapsing ruins showering sand into the air.

“Miss Toadette!”

Penelope ran to me from a tree, rubbing her head into my chest. Despite the pain in my body, who would I be to not squeeze her back?

The princess and Minh T. joined up, wiping sand out their hair.

“Is that it?” I asked.

Just as I said that, it was like we were all invited to watch. First, the structure creaked and groaned. Then, once one side leaned over, its acceleration built up and sent the whole ruins plummeting into the Earth with a monstrous roar.

“RUN!!”

I picked up the kid, and we fled from the sinking desert sand.

Man, the Dry Dry Ruins had been brought back to the surface for about ten years now. And it was just gone. All because of some thieves who wanted to get rid of us, huh?

“This may hurt a teensy bit, Miss Toadette.”

Back in the inn, I fought back the tears as Penelope bandaged my right arm. Meanwhile, across the room, Daisy posed in front of a mirror. Her just-polished crown topped her off, and I admit, she looked way more like a princess with it than without.

“Now, all we gotta get is my ball and shoes.”

She slapped my left arm. “Good job, Toadette! Most useful Toad this kingdom has.”

“T-Thank you,” I whimpered.

The princess began to rub my feet like last night. No cream, but her soft hands soothed my aching soles. Penelope scurried to grab one of my feet, pushing her thumbs into my heel. I sighed in relief. Could I spot the difference in massage quality between these two? Absolutely. But the effort is what counts. So, while they treated my feet, I gave them an abridged recount of my encounter in the pit of the ruins.

Daisy sighed. “Burnt himself? Great, so we still don’t know who these guys are?”

“Oh, we’ll find out. I guarantee it.”

My eyes widened as something odd happened with my big toe. Penelope sucked on it, wrapping her tongue back and forth against my toenail. Still gross after everything I went through — I still hadn’t showered — but her big eyes looked so cute doing it.

She popped it out her mouth to say, “We tried to call you when we saw them leaving, but you never answered.”

Ah, so that’s how that happened. The whole group, sans that one mook, pulled a U-turn while we were being led deeper into a trap. Makes me sick. I bet it was meant for all four of us. Thank the stars that Minh T. and Penelope’s ghost fears prevented them from entering, even if there were no ghosts.

Speaking of the Toad, she remained in the bathroom during my long shower. After the damage I endured, somebody had to stick with me if I lost my balance.

“So, is that the most dangerous mission we’ve done?” she asked from behind the curtains.

“Nah. Cleaning out Crystal Palace that one time was way worse.”

Minh T. remained quiet, outside of her humming. She must’ve been tired too. Couldn’t blame her. This was another long and crazy day, and she had to enter a place she feared at the last minute.

“So, thanks for not travelling lightly.”

She giggled. “De nada.”

“Look, I need you to do something very important tomorrow.”

“So long as I’m not running into the dark, lay it on me.”

I flung my head back, sighing as the water ran down my neck and breasts.

“Well, you mind giving the know-it-all a little visit?”

If we were going to get the identity of these goons by ourselves, an old acquaintance of ours was the key. And better yet, he’d do it in an instant for free. Not like I owed him anything. And if he refused, well, this was just the beginning of my stinky soles being a powerful manipulator.