Life as we know it sucks

Is something wrong with me?

Current Mood: philosophical

Current Music: The Weakness in Me - Joan Armatrading

2-10

Danny and I talked again today. He called at 1 and we talked until 4 1/2! Crazy. We really get into conversation, I guess.

I wish Jacob would have been more talkative tonight. <sigh> Well, he probably had a lot on his mind besides talking to me. I know I'm boring and stupid. Oh well.

I thought Danny was going to ask me out tonight...but [thank God] he didn't. I don't want to have to say no. Melissa doesn't understand why I would. Danny likes me and I like him, but you know, I am in love with Jacob. And I couldn't be faithful to two people. Even though I wouldn't have to be faithful to Jacob. I don't have to be. There's nothing going on with us. We just say I love you on a daily basis and blah blah. But we're nothing. We're not together. We're friends, you know. Nothing further. Because he doesn't want to take it further. And I understand why. It wouldn't work for one. And well, he's consumed with Kelly and Brett. I'm just consumed with - him. Pathetic. It just wouldn't work.

No worries. I don't care. Ok, I do, but the first step to get over something is to believe you can...or something like that.

My Ben-look-alike at school is probably the hottest guy there. No one else may think so, but I don't care, I do. Lately, I've had an attraction towards ugly, fat guys as my friends have so constantly reminded me. Fuck them. It's not like I care what they think. Ok, I do and it does get to me and sometimes I feel as if it's messing with my heart's decision. But I try not to care.

Danny had told me that my life was worse than his and he doesn't know why he is so unhappy. But, the one thing I've learned from Jacob is: do not compare your life to someone else's. Seriously, no one's life is worse than someone else's. You go through things that are hard for you and other people go through other things that are hard for them. But what hurts one person may affect someone else differently. Everyone is unique, we think differently, feel differently, act differently. So, therefore, no one's life is worse than someone else's. I know that probably made no sense, but it does to me.