Life as we know it sucks

Don't you just hate everybody somedays?

Current Mood: ranting (is that a mood?)

Current Music: none

Haha. Mother caught me on the internet late last night! <laughs so hard, she falls out of chair> Oh man, that's funny. Mother did scare me at first, but that was all. I found it funny all around. Why bother taking her seriously? So, over all, I make a joke of it. Then she comes back to my room a couple minutes later because her conscience was burrowing into her stomach and she just had to apologize. So funny. : )

The one thing I hate is when she compares me to my brother. I hate anyone who does that. Even if they are saying nice things. I am no where near anything to him. "You're like your brother. Untrustworthy." Fuck that. When was the last time you actually caught me doing something, mother? Never. I'm pretty damn sure of it. This was the first. I find it so funny because she thinks I am oh so untrustworthy. Fuck you mom, I'm no where near Marshall! I'm nothing like him. And if you were a good mom you'd fucking kick his ass out on the street because he doesn't care about you. He's taking advantage of all this nice luxury you provide him. He's almost 24 fucking years old! He's a grown man with no job. You should screw him over like he's screwed you over. How do you like that mom? REALITY SLAP!

Anyway, Danny was being a dick. I put up an away message and he doesn't understand them. Like seriously, he doesn't understand that either: a) I don't want to talk or b) I'm doing something and I'm not at my computer right now. My away message was: Fuck off. So he called me a bitch and slut and told me to go fuck a banana because that's the closest thing I'd ever get to sex. How sweet. Oh no, Danny, you're not a dick. Not you. Fuck you.

Damn, don't you just hate everybody some days?

Yea, I hated Jacob today, too. Surprise, surprise. He pissed me off something major. He didn't do anything, but he still somehow managed to piss me off. Yes, it is uncanny, but I think he and I need a break.

I haven't told him I loved him in 5 days. I want to. Because I do. I am so unconditionally in love with him. Without him I will be incomplete. Insatiable. Lost. He makes me wake up in the morning. He makes my day - even if he does piss me off in bizarre ways when he didn't even do anything.

But he hasn't noticed that I haven't said I love you. He sure noticed when Kelly didn't. I remember that. Like a month or so ago he'd said, "Do you know when the last time Kelly and I said 'I love you?'" I said no of course. Naturally, I'm no a psychic. But anyway, he said, "Last week. And she didn't even fucking mean it." Do I really not matter to him? <sigh> Does he love me? Did he ever? I think I do compete for the same affections Kelly received. I do compare myself to her constantly. I am jealous of what Jacob feels for her, still.

Because I thought I was better than her. He told me he'd wish he deserved someone more like me instead of her. I am better than her. . . And yet, he still loves her. Wants her even? You know, I don't know.

All I know is that she's hurt him in so many ways. I haven't hurt him yet (amazing!). And he's killing me to get to her.