Life as we know it sucks

Dear Daddy

Current Mood: when i wrote this i was suicidal

Current Music: The Hollow - A Perfect Circle

Suicide Note (1-31)

Daddy, I'm coming. I'm coming to see you again. Ever so soon. I miss you and you were the only good person in my life that mattered. Oh daddy, I never meant to hurt you when I didn't come to see you. I can't stand it, daddy.

You don't understand how hard it is for me. I have lost too many people and I'm about to lose the only one I care about. And it's all my fault! It is all my fault! Oh daddy, help me. Help me please.

I know mother and Marshall must have loved me. But, Marshall never showed it. and I know you'd back me up on that, daddy. You were always protective of me and since you left me I have been on my own. I hate him so much at times. He doesn't understand what he says affects me. It leaves major scars on my life and I remember every fucking word he says.

And I guess mother must have cared somewhat about me. She showed it in the weirdest ways possible. She never listened to what was important to me. And she'd everything. She doesn't just accept things . . .

. . . I take after her. I won't leave things alone. That's partly why this decision I have been contemplating has taken a drastic swerve and I suddenly will do it. I have lost the one person that has made a profound impact on what I think, how I act, everything. And I love him, but he won't let me. Now that I've lost him, nothing in life means anything.

I know how much this won't hurt anyone, thus my action has taken place. I have no friends, I have no family, my life is over. I stupidly made Jacob my life . . . I shouldn't have made him to be that because once he was gone, there would be absolutely no life for me. Hence, once he was gone, I would die. My entire will for living would be over . . . which is the case here.

. . . That's why, tonight, I am joining you.



but i threw you the obvious,
just to see if there's more behind you.
eyes of a fallen angel,
eyes of a tragedy
but i see,
see through it all.
see through, see you