Life as we know it sucks

Connect to me

Current Mood: ELATED

Current Music: Hooked on a feeling - Quentine

The major highlight of my day (yesterday) was talking to Jacob. :) It was a civil conversation, too. Hardly any mention of our "significant others." He asked how me and "my man" were doing. I told him: Good, I guess. He inquired further on the "I guess" part as I hoped he would. I want him to think that it's not all that great, even though it is. I won't actually say it. That's awful.

I want him to tell me he loves me again. I want him to tell me that. I want more than anything to hear him say that to me again. If that was the last thing on earth that I could hear, it would be those four words. "Hilary, I love you."

Oh Jacob. It almost made me want to cry. He typed out my name twice and each time I could imagine him saying it. I'm so in love with him. I told Ashton that and I have some strange feeling that she'll tell Paul (her boyfriend - who's friends with Shane) and he'll tell Shane and everything will be fucked up. I don't know if I want to ruin this . . .

. . . But for the love of my life, it's a pretty fucking hard decision. I'm happy with Shane. TOO happy. I like Shane in so many more ways than I do Jacob; but Jacob - he and I connect. We have this odd connection. He understands me and I him. I may never have that with another human being as long as I live. That's why I can't lose this one.

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but i threw you the obvious,
just to see if there's more behind you.
eyes of a fallen angel,
eyes of a tragedy
but i see,
see through it all.
see through, see you