Alternate Worlds Explored Archive b/j

8/3 A Smile No Matter What / Sweet Revenge

If you could adopt one personality trait from someone you know, what would you take and from whom?

(Don't forget the reasons behind your decisions!)

A Smile No Matter What

This is a difficult one for me. I am a pragmatic person which is my way of minimizing my negative attitude regarding most situations. When I respond in the negative and am rebuked for it, I call myself a realist. I'm the Lilliputian on the cartoon Gulliver's Travels that would always moan, "It'll never work." Or, "We are all gonna die."

So given my base defeatist nature in my first response to adverse situations, the one personality trait I'd wish to adopt is the one my current boss tends to display. When the chips are down, smile and mean it. She doesn't ever come out and say that, she just does it.

When a smile appears on your face it accomplishes a couple things. One, try talking angry or sulky when you are smiling. It really is harder than you think. Two, once the smile is glued to your face, it effects the impact of the negative energy in a situation. For some metaphysical reason the bad situation isn't really as terrible as you first perceived it.

Three, when someone is trying to upset you and you smile, they are no longer in control of the situation. Smiling may not calm the other person and it may not defuse their negative energies, but your smile puts them into proper perspective for you and anyone else witnessing the situation.

A smile is a positive source of power. I wish to adopt this personality 'behavior' trait as a way to combat my own pragmatism.


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If you could take revenge on any person you have ever known, who would it be, why do they deserve it, and how would you do it?

(Don't forget the reasons behind your decisions!)

Sweet Sweet Revenge

It is written in one of the oldest books ever circulated around the world, "An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth...."

But I have grown up in a time when people of intelligence and innate wisdom scoff at this notion of revenge and claim if an eye were taken for every eye insulted the world would be blind. Also, for every offending tooth only the denture makers would profit. Instead, I think revenge should be as the Christ directed in the New Testament, "If someone should smite you on the cheek, turn to them the other also."

Revenge should not exact a punishment for an injury incurred, but rather revenge is best as a kindness which diminishes the power of the harm done.

Revenge has been described as a dish best served cold. In otherwords, an act of revenge tends to happen long after the insult or injurious act has been forgotten by the offender. Revenge is a driven obsession by the injured party upon someone they have held a grudge against for a long time. The motive for revenge is unhealthy to the psyche of the person seeking it.

Given that definition regarding revenge, if the injured party could instead act opposite to how they feel toward the offending party, it could accomplsh a couple things.

One, if you lavish your enemy with kindness after a while the 'enemy' is also showing kindness back. Two, after being nice and meaning it, you tend to forget just how badly you felt for what was done to hurt you. The motive to hurt back is diminished.

So here is the revenge I wish to exact. I have lived a very unhappy existence because when I was a child my parents were physically and emotionally abusive. I've struggled with self esteem issues, emotional commitment issues, and a variety of phobias through out my life. I've felt very angry for the unhappiness in my life and the struggle forced upon me to overcome the disadvantage of having toxic parents. My revenge is basically toward my Mother, since my Father is dead. (But if he had by chance lived this long, this I think would apply to him too.) I find myself in a very interesting emotional position within myself these days. I have discovered I am stronger than either of my parents were or are. Given that insight, I don't need to force any accountability upon them for what they did to me. I am responsible for how I perceive my life and for what I do or do not do with my life. Since I do not need to hold them accountable for a past long gone, that allows us to concentrate on the present. At this time in my life, I choose to avoid hurtful topics and simply show my love I've always held for my mother to my mother.

When my father died, I lost all chances for a revenge of kindness. I suspect he felt as empty about our father/daughter relationship as I did. But I was able to have the last word and declare that I love my father and I always have regardless of ancient history. I accomplished this feat simply by out living him.

The dish best served cold has acquired a different flavor after being placed in the warming oven. I as the avenger have discovered fullfillment where only anger and despair resided. Angry revenge does not stimulate healing from an injury but rather it promotes further infection. I have discovered the best revenge I could ever have upon those who hurt me is to diminish the power of the injuries I've incurred at their hands and not hold their weakness or ingnorance against them. The best vengeful act is for me to heal and smile and to live my life without their past power controlling my present or future.

I am at the point in my life where I can do this. I have let the past go. I suppose it could be said I have forgiven my trespassers. But I won't say I have forgiven, I've just placed a lower priority of what is important in my life. Living a life where my past has no control over my present is my highest priority. Life is too short to waste on cold leftovers unless it is lastnight's pizza for today's breakfast.




Take care and may your road lead to only good places.

Deb

Compassion and the effort to try and understand some thing that was not understood before is a step toward acceptance not only of others but most importantly of yourself.

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