Work in Progress

Changes in Attitude

As I was warming up for my workout, I realized that new lifestyle is altering more than my waistline and the number on the scale. In fact, one of the biggest changes is in my attitudes and beliefs about what I am capable of doing and it is way more than I ever gave myself credit for. When I began this journey, I never imagined that I could do forty-five minutes of cardio without feeling like my heart is about to leap out of my chest and that I would actually learn to love (yes, I said it) it. Amazing, since only six weeks ago I struggled to do ten minutes. When April told me to increase from thirty to forty-five minutes, my first thought was 'no effing way' (okay, maybe I thought 'has she gone completely nuts?' too). But by that point, I knew that she would ask me to do it if I wasn't capable of doing it. So I went to the gym the next night, did my forty-five minutes and felt absolutely fabulous. I did it. It was challenging but I pushed past the tough part and the last fifteen minutes (the extra ones) were sublime. How the hell did that happen?

It seems like every workout I gain some new insights into just what I am truly capable of. It all comes down to what I believe and expect of myself. I'm so used to putting myself down, of trying to melt into the background that I haven't pushed my boundaries for a very long time. For a long time, I lost the belief that I could be fit and healthy so I stopped trying. Working with my trainer, I am learning that I am capable of so much more. Because she pushes me and challenges me, I'm slowly learning how to do that for myself.

Last week I conquered my goal to hold plank for two minutes. When it was time to set a new one, I asked to work on push-ups. It addresses an area where I know that I need to build strength and confidence. I know going in that it will be challenging but I want to go there. The first night (at the end of a very intense workout) I did three. (I would have said only three, but the fact is that I did three perfect push-ups when I was at the point of exhaustion- that's good!) Over the weekend, I did six. Tonight I did nine. I've tripled the number I can do in about five days. That's progress. I did nine push-ups because I believed that I could. And I believe that I can and will do twenty in the next week and a half.

This new lifestyle isn't always easy, but it is proving to be about a lot more than just the physical. I'm gaining a sassy new attitude to go with my stonger and leaner new body. I'm learning that I can do so much more than I ever really believed. I'm learning to challenge myself to try things that at first glance may feel impossible. Living this new, healthy lifestyle is as much of a challenge mentally as it is physically.

I finally believe that I am up to the challenge. I can and will succeed.