Writing in Snow

Ramblings about Mom and me

Word count: 646

Why am I washing
dishes at midnight instead
of letting them set?

There must be a logical explanation to this. I do not like doing dishes at midnight. I do not like waking up in the morning to a sink full of dirty dishes. It is not a choice between to evils; if I do not wash dishes at midnight then I will have to do them when I wake up.

Someone once told me that sleep is highly overrated. Perhaps he was right. It has been so long since I had a good nights sleep, I have forgotten what it was like. Maybe I never did have a good night’s sleep even in grade school. I know that is not true, but sometimes it seems that way.

I go to sleep sitting on the couch and I know this is not good, but I just get too tired to stay awake any longer. When I go to bed I do not sleep any better and when the alarm goes off the push the snooze alarm several times before getting up and starting my day.

Sometimes I feel overwhelmed by everything I need to do. Mom has Alzheimer’s and I her caregiver, my sister tries to help, but she lives in Searchlight and has her own issues with her old man. I think I need a rest, a day away from everything, but I cannot leave Mom by herself for very long at a time.

Writing helps, but I cannot spend all my time writing because I have housework to do. I have bills to pay and I do make a little money online; true it is not very much, but it does come in handy and it arrives when needed. Still I cannot spend my entire day online or writing. Even if I could sitting in front of a computer all day is not good for me.

I know I am not eating properly. I worry more about what Mom eats then making sure I eat. Most of the time Mom will not get her own breakfast and when she does all she wants is peanut butter sandwiches or cereal without milk. Mom needs a variety of foods. She will not fix good meal for herself.

When Mom gets out of bed she sits on the couch or the love seat almost all the time. Sometimes she will wash the dishes or clean the cat litter, but usually she sits on the couch and plans to do things she never gets around to doing. She wants to clean the breakfast room, the living room and the kitchen, she even plans to do that; however, she never gets it done.

Mom mopped the floor in her bathroom this week, which was a big help. I am not sure what motivated her to do that, but I suspect she was angry because I started to do it. I wish she would get motivated to do other things as well. I am going to have to keep better track of what motivates Mom because I think that may be part of the problem.

Mom is going to be angry in July because I received some grants to get people in to sit with her. She does not believe she needs anyone except me. In fact, she does not think I need to take care of her, she believes she can take care of herself. However, that is not entirely true because by herself she would not remember to take her medication.

The few time I have left Mom alone all she did was lay in bed or sit on the couch. That is not good for her, she needs to get up and get some exercise. I am going to have to find a way to motivate Mom to do the things she used to like to do.