Writing in Snow

On the last day of July 2010

Word count: 757

On the last day of July, I completely changed all the cat litter pans. Yesterday, I bought 80 lbs. of cat litter in two 40 lb. cardboard boxes. Today I put the new cat litter into two plastic buckets (the buckets used to hold cat litter). Then I began the process of emptying the litter pans. I emptied each litter pan and then filled the pans with fresh litter.

On the last day of July, I decided that I am going to let Mom talk rather then reacting to what she says. Today, she decided that since I am emptying all the litter pans, I am going to get rid of the cats. It is no use attempting to convince Mom that I am keeping the cats because she will forget what I say. She has decided I am getting rid of the cats and there is no way I can convince her otherwise.

I know her reaction to me emptying the litter boxes has to do with the Alzheimer’s disease. No matter what I say, Mom is going to argue and continue to believe I am getting rid of the cats. I will put fresh cat litter in the last pan and put the litter pan back in the breakfast room. I had planned to change the location of that litter pan, but that is not a good idea right now. I have to wait a couple of weeks before putting that litter pan in another room.

The best thing for me to do, when situations like this arise, is to let Mom rant. If I attempt to say anything, different from what she thinks “at the moment”, Mom wants to argue. Mom has short-term memory problems, so she forgets easily. However, if I continue to repeat my statement, she continues to argue. I simply have to remember, “This too shall pass”.

On the last day of July, I only want to get through the day. I would like to get through it without Mom saying I hate her, but that is impossible because at least once a day she decided that I hate her. She will forget it in a few minutes and the rest of the day, I will encounter other problems. This is becoming a way of life, because Mom gets angry when I do anything that she considers her job. However, when a floor needs sweeping or the dishes need washed, I cannot put those jobs off until tomorrow, otherwise to job gets bigger and bigger.

Mom will continue to get angry because I am doing “her job”. I would love to see Mom do those jobs. The problem is she gets angry if I remind her to do a household chore and she gets angry if I do them myself.

No matter what I do or say, Mom is going to think I am angry with her. The best I can do is keep my mouth shut. When it gets too difficult, then I go outside to the car and cry. I cannot cry in front of Mom because she does not realize she has Alzheimer’s disease and does not believe me if I give her the information. I cannot win for losing; therefore, the only thing I can do is keep my mouth shut or say, “Mom, I love you.”

On the last day of July, I have decided to sit up a housework schedule for August. I cannot do every housekeeping chore after Mom has gone to bed at night. Some of those chores must be accomplished during the day, therefore, I realize Mom is going to become angry with me because “I am doing her job.” This is a hazard of the situation.

Mom gets angry with me because I hire someone to stay with her while I work outside the house. Sometimes she is less angry now that I have Larry, but she still gets angry because I have someone stay with her while I am gone. Mom cannot stay alone, so I have to have someone stay with her when I am gone. Mom’s anger is a hazard of the situation.

On the last day of July, I have decided to find an adult day care facility for Mom. I can take her there while I am doing housework. Mom is still going to be angry because no matter what I decided to do Mom is not going to like it and as a result she will become angry. This is a hazard of the situation.