Holiday Stories and Poems

An Essay on the Elfdom Christmas

Writer's Cramp: Write a story of a 1000 words or less of a Christmas in your favorite Fantasy setting... whether it be Middle-Earth of Tolkien, Landover of Terry Brooks, or even one you create yourself...

An Essay Concerning the Evolution and Differences Between Human Christmases and ElfDom Christmases by Jof P. Kringle, age 11

An Essay on the ElfDom Christmas

I have never understood humans. They have such strange habits. They sit and watch a small box for hours and hours, and it never moves. I have placed spider web traps all around it to check. Nothing happens. The box never budges from its spot. I suppose humans are just hopeful, but they get so excited sometimes. I even hear hooting and laughing in anticipation that the box will move. It is very, very strange.

Humans have a small room that they enclose themselves in, sometimes, four or five times a day. Their other rooms are much larger, with comfortable chairs and couches -- padded ones with fat, soft pillows -- and they have places to plop their feet up. Yet, they are so fond of that one small room, they sit inside it for long periods of time.

Inside that room there is only one chair, a small round one with no cushions or footrest. Humans sit on that uncomfortable chair and study magazines and newspapers, so it’s possible that the chair has powers to increase learning. That is all I can figure, unless it is the large mirror that covers the wall across from their hard, white seat that attracts them to it. Would they truly give up pillows and foot rests just to see themselves in the mirror? And then, if that is the reason for their obsession with the small room and its uncomfortable chair, why do they read their magazines and newspapers there?

It is a mystery that is most perplexing. But the most confusing of all is how they call their holiday Christmas, and it is nothing like our Christmas. They drag a tree into their largest room, cover it with small, painted objects that dangle, and then drape it with small lights. Underneath this tree, they hide packages wrapped in elf or candycane paper and heaped with bows and frilly ribbons.

Then, on what they call Christmas, they tear up the packages, tossing out the pretty bows, ribbons, and decorated paper. The next day they toss out the tree, put the objects and lights into boxes and hide them all away.

I haven’t figured out why humans do these things. It is illogical. Especially when they sing. Their songs are about reindeer and snowmen who come alive and dance about the house. I have never seen such a thing happen, EVER. Several of the humans' songs are about a big, fat man who wears red pajamas and sleeps in chimneys. He’s always calling out, “hoe, hoe, hoe,” which I looked up. It means a farm implement, so the poor man is undoubtedly some kind of farmer who has lost his hoe and can’t find one, even in the chimney.

What I really don’t understand, though, is why they call all that Christmas. We elfs have the true Christmas. Old Father C., you see, was the genuine thing, the original jolly, old elf. He patented gingersnaps, gingerbread men, and gingerbread houses, and when everyone else started baking them, he got very rich.

And everyone knows, Father C. is the one who brought Christmas to TrueElfDom.

It all goes back to the time when Old Father C. was a boy. He sneaked into a church and spied on some humans. That’s where he told elfs that he first heard about a man named Jesus Christ. Because the minister said that Christmas was Christ’s birthday, Old Father C. took the idea back to TrueElfDom. Then he preached many sermons about Jesus, and he converted everyone to the idea of Christmas.

It has become our favorite tradition. Every year, one week before the day of Christ’s birthday, we all turn into drummer boys, angels, wise men, or shepherds, and for that whole week, we go about delivering our goods to the poor and needy of HumanLand. The drummer boys bring toys and candy to children in orphanages. The angels bring gold coins to those without employment, and the shepherds take goodies to all the mistreated animals they can find. Those who have chosen to be wise men dust wisdom and peace across the world’s governmental leaders.

Then on the day after Christmas, everyone gathers together for gingerbread, and we have ourselves a delicious party. That is what Christmas is like in the TrueElfDom. I just don’t understand why the humans don’t celebrate it correctly since it originated with them. I suppose, the problem may have something to do with those boxes that don’t move or the small rooms where humans hide themselves while sitting on the uncomfortable chair.

But, whatever their reasons, I’m so very grateful that I’m an elf and know the true way to celebrate Christmas.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~