Holiday Stories and Poems

Bananas, Celery, and Spinach

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She started off on her bike, intending to go grocery shopping.

A Writer’s Cramp story.

Write a story 1000 words or less or a poem 40 lines or less about a trip to the store that does not end as planned.

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Bananas, Celery, and Spinach

Bananas, celery, and spinach. Bananas, celery, and spinach. I didn’t need to write it down. I could remember it.

So I said as I rode down the side of the road, pedaling like a maniac because I recalled that I hadn’t exercised all weekend. That was one of my New Year’s Resolutions -- exercise two hours a day. I scolded myself and pushed on, in spite of the fact my legs wobbled on each down push of the pedals since I was headed up hill.

Traffic was light. No cars on the road. Everyone was probably in bed recovering from the weekend.

At the stop sign, I halted, put one foot on the ground, looked both ways. No one coming. Ready? Push off.

I did. But I didn’t. I mean my legs pushed off. They pressed down hard on those two little grayish-black pedals, but that’s all that happened. Strangely I didn’t fall over, either. I pushed down full force, tried to move forward, but inexplicably I seemed to have fallen into stasis.

I opened my mouth to cry out something full of panic, but my mouth didn’t move either.

No forward propulsion, no mouth action, no fall to the side? Something weird was going on. If I could have, I would have sung the eerie music from the Twilight Zone – no, for all your vampire lovers, not that Twilight Series. The two are different.

Not that it matters. Either would have done for the occasion. Both are weird – strange, alien, not something I wanted to encounter on a pleasantly warm Tuesday morning.

For at that moment -- with my bike in frozen position – my legs, arms, mouth all in the same condition – I think I’d have welcomed Rod Sterling or Edward Cullins. (Okay, I wouldn’t mind the latter visiting at any time as long as he continued to be a “vegetarian.”)

I tried to squeak, tried to screech, tried to make any kind of a noise that would attract attention to my situation. I wish I hadn’t. That’s when they saw me.

Purple noses.

That’s the first thing I noticed. Their noses made them look like they had plums on their faces. Their faces were kind of gravely-like, too, not smooth like human skin – well, the way it’s supposed to be minus zit attacks.

When the aliens got close – remember, it wasn’t like I could run away or even turn away – I noticed that their ears were like tiny mirrors. I could see my reflection in them. Not all that cool, I’m afraid. My reflection showed me two huge brown eyes the size of chocolate cookies – not the miniature kind, either.

But I didn’t see how big my eyes looked until the aliens got really close, and at that point I could smell them – crushed strawberries, strawberries out in the sun, strawberry jam, strawberry gelatin. Anyway, sweet, nauseatingly sugary, except that it made my stomach growl since I hadn’t had breakfast – New Year’s Resolution #2 – lose weight.

Stuck to the bike, to the road, to the air, so to speak – stasis didn’t stop my stomach from growling louder and LOUDER. That’s what attracted the aliens. They heard my complaining stomach.

They gathered round me, held a whispered conference. Did I mention there were five of these plum-nosed aliens? One of them touched my sleeve with his hand, and I dropped to the ground. Well, my bike did. The alien who’d touched my arm caught me just before I hit the ground.

Nice muscles. Nice body, too. I could feel it through the tee-shirt I was wearing. (Yes, I know it doesn’t make sense to be celebrating the day after New Years with eighty degree weather, but you saw the Rose Parade so you should know we were having a heat wave out in Southern California.)

The one holding me, patted my cheek, bent down, and whispered. “We take you with. You like me, yes?”

“Uh, no,” I said, the moment I realized my voice was back.

Perhaps he didn’t hear. My stomach began growling big time.

“We feed you. Feed you good food.”

“No, thank you,” I said, politely, but maybe his language abilities were still not up to such sophisticated endeavors. He slapped a piece of something at my mouth, and I opened to repeat that I didn’t want it.

Oh, my! Luscious. Chocolate. Raspberries. Cookies. Ice Cream. You name your favorite food, and that was it.

I sucked. I chewed. I purred.

“I Marrrgottam.”

I didn’t have time to repeat it. I was too busy absorbing heaven.”

Marrrgottam carried me over to his ship. If I told you that it looked like a simple mailbox with red, white, and blue on the sides, you’d never believe me, so I won’t bother describing the thing. But Marrrgottam and me – and the others all piled into it and took off.

I think it was a nice flight, but Marrrgottam gave me another piece of his food, and I wasn’t paying much attention to anything else but the lovely flavors in my mouth.

It would be nice to tell you how I eventually married Marrgottam and lived happily ever after, but that isn’t true. I married his brother, Corrrthapam.

Still, I’m making headway on my New Year’s Resolutions. I’ve lost weight, started exercising two hours a day, and am taking some time off to see the world.

I mean worlds.

Oh, by the way -- I no longer need the bananas, celery, and spinach.

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914 words



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