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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/books/entry_id/836103-Chapter-10
Rated: 13+ · Book · Action/Adventure · #2021930
The battle between Muslim vampire hunters and Volpone, the vampire
#836103 added December 13, 2014 at 3:16pm
Restrictions: None
Chapter 10
Scene 14

Voice of Lust: I began to doubt working for Volpone a few years back. It was a day that affected me greatly. I had just been battling Vampire hunters and was in trouble. I was in the USA and in some hillbilly town.

Lights up.

Enter Lust from left. She is looking ill. She staggers then falls to the floor.

Enter two people dressed in trendy clothing.

Hooligan 1: Duuude! We got a bitch here yo!

Hooligan 2:Radical man! So extreme dawg! Pussy for me!

Lust: I have been poisoned.Help me!

Hooligan 1: Radical man! We should take her down to the others and have some party!

Enter Joe. He is in farming clothing and carries a shotgun.

Joe( To hooligans): Get out of here ye damned city folk!

Hooligan1( To Joe): Why should we byatch?

Joe: Listen punk! You have no guns and I have a shotgun, more specifically a double barreled shotgun. This beauty can kill a deer at a distance. So listen city folk if ye want to try me on I think I like my chances!

Hooligan 2: Go have sex with sheep!

Joe( To hooligan 2): Oh sheep jokes is it now? Leave here now before I have to hide ye carcasses in my garden but I don't want to do that since my garden needs nutrients not punks like you!

Hooligans leave to the right.

Joe( To Lust): Come here girlie.

Joe picks up Lust and carries her off stage to the left.

Lights down

Scene 15

Lights up

On stage is a bed.

Lust is sleeping on the bed. Joe is sitting at a seat reading a Quran.

Joe( Reading Quran): [All] praise is [due] to Allah , who created the heavens and the earth and made the darkness and the light. Then those who disbelieve equate [others] with their Lord.

Lust awakens.

Joe stops reading the Quran.

Joe: Hello there Miss. How are ye feeling today?

Lust: I feel very tired. What is that you are reading?

Joe: This? It's a Quran.

Lust: Quran? You are a Mohammedian?

Joe: Mohammedian? Folks still use that term? The term Muslim is the correct one since Muslim folk don't worship Muhammad peace and blessings be upon him. Muslims worship God.

Lust: I know. May I have a drink please?

Joe: I'll get ye some water now.

Joe leaves to the right.

Lust: Have I been captured? Oh no, what if he is trying to mislead me into giving him information?

Re-enter Joe from right with glass of water.

Joe: Here ye go girlie.

Lust: Thank you.

Lust takes glass of water and drinks some.

Lust: My name is Lu. What is your name?

Joe: It's Joe. You better rest here. Ye was poisoned. I had a doctor check up on ye and he said you'll be fine as a dandelion in a week time. I going ta work now.

Joe leave stage to the right.

Lust: I need to escape. But I can't feel my legs! Damn! Once I get better I'm moving my lusty self out of here!

Lights down

Scene 16

Lights up.

On stage is Joe. He is carrying wood.

Enter Jebediah. He is in farming clothing.

Jebediah: How are ye ya Moslem? Want some Moonshine?

Joe: Ye have a funny sense of humor. Shucks I'd laugh if ye weren't so terrible at joking.

Jebediah: Eard ye had some trouble with city folks

Joe: Yeah, they was harassing this girlie. She been poisoned, bet it was those city folks!

Jebediah: Damn bullies! Never leave us country folk alone! They say we backward but they seem ta never be able ta resist the area and have some moonshine!

Joe: You and ye moonshine!

Jebediah: So how long she staying?

Joe: Till she better I guess.

Jebediah: put yer charm on! Play some banjo feor her and ye'll have her as a wife in no time!

Joe: Banjo is haram. I'll look after her then she'll be on her way.

Jebediah: Shucks man! Ye need a wife man!

Joe: I'll find a wife in my own time Jebediah. Now since I've prepared my wood. So ye want ta come in ta meet her?

Jebediah: Ah shucks. i can't or ma wife will get real angry. The woman has jealousy issues. I was passing by anyway. See you later then and don hide yerself away. I haven't seen ye at the local gathering in a while.

Joe: I been busy. I'll come down to tha gathering in few weeks time then.

Jebediah: That'll be fine. I'll see ye later.

Lights down

Scene 17

Lights up

On stage is Lust. She walks slowly.

Enter Joe from the right.

Joe: Are ye okay Lu? Don push yer self too much now.

Lust: I won't.

Lust moves forward a bit then trips.

Joe grabs Lust.

Lust: Thanks.

Joe: Ye need ta be more careful Lu. I haven't asked ye yet but how were ye poisoned if ye don mind me asking?

Lust: I work for an organization and an enemy organization attacked us and they they threw liquids at us that poisoned me.

Joe: Darn that's bad. Now I'd say tha is enough walking about for today. Ye need a rest.

Lust: You can join me in bed if you want.

Joe looks surprised.

Joe: Ah no thanks.

Lust: Is it because you don't like me?

Joe: No tha ain't tha reason. I jus don think its right. Sex before marriage is wrong.

Lust: You Muslims and your no sex before marriage! Sex is just sex. Marriage is overrated.

Joe: Let's get ye back to rest.

Joe helps Lust. Both leave stage to the right.

Lights down lights up

On stage is Lust. She is on the bed. She is reading the quran.

Lust closes the Quran.

Lust: What a load of nonsense! Such propaganda. Allah thinks he can boss me about! Why shouldn't I have fornication and sleep with married men!? No fun in being a Muslim at all! I bet I can corrupt Joe!( Lust looking confused) Why is he being so nice? I haven't paid him anything and he is so nice to me. He protected me from those two people wanting to be untoward with me. Marriage! Such crap! Why wouldn't I want many men! Marrying Joe would be ridiculous! Why? Why am I thinking of marrying him? Humph! I'm a lusty woman so I cannot settle down at all! It is a nice thought though? Is it? I-I like the idea of being with Joe. Why am I feeling such things!

Lights down

Scene 18

Lights up.

On stage is Lust. She is cleaning the floor.

Enter Joe from the right.

Joe: Wha ye doing Lu?

Lust: I am cleaning your house?

Joe: Are ye sure ye'r alright?

Lust: Yes I am fine. ( Looking mischievous): I'm a bit warm. Maybe I should take off my clothing?

Joe: Heck no! Yer keeping yer clothing on!

Lust laughs joyfully.

Lust: I was only joking! You need to chill sugar!

Joe: Ye well ye behave yerself, Yer not walking around naked here.

Lust: I won't. I see that you aren't much of a cleaner. There's dust all over the place.

Joe: The place has been left alone fer a while. My pa died last year.

Lust: I see. I never had parents.

Joe: Ah that's sad Lu.

Lust: I want to help you outside after I clean the house.

Joe: I don know about that. You shouldn't push yerself.

Lust: I'm okay now. I want to help you.

Lights down.

Scene 19

Lights up

On stage is Lust, Jebediah and Jane.

Jane( To Lust): So ye been living with Joe fer six months now? Wha make a city girl like ye move in with him then?

Jebediah( To Jane): Why you so nosy woman!

Jane( To jebediah): Don you talk to me like that! I'll break yer banjo!

Jebediah: Ye keep yer hands off ma banjo woman!

Lust( To Jane): I like the countryside. Its nice. I like Joe. He is a very good man.

Jebediah( To Lust): Ye he is. Damn strange he is though! He don like moonshine anymore!

Enter Joe from right.

Joe( To Jebediah): I don't like Moonshine anymore because I'm a muslim. I still get urges ta drink the stuff but I'm dealing with it.

Jebediah( To Joe): Sounds like a lot a work ta me being Moslem!

Jane( To Joe): Ye bought those goats?

Joe( To Jane): Ye I did. The farm is going well. ( To Lust) I think it's time fer us to go back home Lu.

Lust( To Jane and jebediah): I'll see you later then.

Lights down

Scene 20

Lights up

On stage is Lust and Joe. They sit at seats on a table. There is dinner on the table.

Joe: We can go to tha food festival tomorrow if ye want. I eard they selling guns there. I been looking fer a new gun for hunting. i also hear tha they having a lecture on looking after llamas.

Lust: That sounds like good fun. ( Looking shyly): Why did you help me?

Joe: I helped ye because ye needed help.

Lust: Most men when they help me expect something like sex in return. You haven't tried anything with me even when I've tried my best to have sex with you.

Joe: Tha because it wouldn't be right Lu. Men shouldn't expect sex jus cause they help ye and tha ain't helping ye tha is taking advantage. I'm a Muslim so I follow tha principles of Islam.

Lust: I've slept with some imams.

Joe: Tha muslim world is in a mess. I read ma history books on Islam and tha Muslims were supermen and were strong and moral but now tha muslim world is a mess and we've gone from supermen ta being deformed. Maybe many Muslims are corrupt but i hope we can return back to tha golden age and clean this world of evil.

Lust: I like you Joe. I really do, no, I love you. I want to be with you.

Joe: Then marry me Lu.

Lust: Marriage? That would be nice. I thought I'd never want to get married but I'd like to marry you.

Joe: I'll talk to tha nearest imam then.I think he lives in tha city a hundred miles from here. Ye ready ta become Muslim?

Lust: Yeah I am. I will become Muslim. I want to spend my life with you.

Lights down

Lights up.

On stage is Lust and Joe.

Joe: So jus had a talk with the imam and he says he'll do the marriage after ye take the shahada. We'll be to husband and wife soon Lu.

Lust: That's great. I'm so happy.

Joe: I'm gonna get us some beef jerky . Heard from Bill that the shop near this place is selling some at the store, some different type tha tastes better than usual. Ye stay here, i'll be back in a few minutes.

Lust: ok.

Joe leaves stage to the right.

Lust( To audience): I feel so happy, so complete, so fulfilled. All these centuries that I have been corrupting people, all those people's lives I ruined yet here I am ready to convert to the religion I have fought against for so long and marrying a Muslim man. Oh Joe, I'm so glad that I met you. I may be much older but I can live with that. Maybe I will start dying after I convert? It doesn't matter as long as I am with Joe.

Lights down.

Lights up.

On stage is Lust.

Lust: Where is Joe? I'm sure it has been more than enough time to get beef jerky.

Enter people from the left.

Person one: Hey, I jus got news from my mom on the phone , there's been a stabbing down the store near here.

Both person leave stage to the right. Lust quickly leaves stage to the right.

Scene 21

On stage is Joe. He is dead and on a table at the morgue. His face can be seen. He is covered in quilt apart from his face. A bag is on the floor near the table.

Enter Lust from left.

Lust( Looking at Joe's dead body): No! No! No! I hoped it was someone else but its not!

Lust cries uncontrollable.

Lust: We are supposed to get married! You only went to get beef jerky and that bastard stabbed you! I can't believe this! It's all nonsense! God is a liar! Where was Allah when you needed help! Where was he!? Nowhere! Nowhere! He could have stopped you getting killed but he didn't! I hate God! I hate God!

Lust wails on the floor for a few minutes. She looks at the bag then opens the bag.

She takes out some of Joe's belongings.

She takes out a Quran.

Lust: This book! Its full of lies! Full of rubbish! I should destroy it!

Lust looks sadly at the Quran and places it back in the bag.

Lust: I can't. He loved that book.

Lust places the Quran back in the bag. She puts all of Joe's belongings in the bag.

Lust stands up and leaves stage to the left.

Lights down.

Scene 22

Lights up

On stage is Lust, Adab and Gluttony.

Lust( To Adab): Listen sugar! We need to find a safe place to go to!

Gluttony( To Adab): With food please!

Adab( To Lust): Why? what is going on?

Lust( To Adab): They are dangerous people! They wanted to posses you. They were jinnis.

Adab( To Lust): jinnis?

Lust: Yes. I worked for them but as you can see I and Gluttony have decided to quit.

Adab: I know of a safe place to go to so follow me!

Lights down

Lights up

Enter Adab from the right with Lust and Gluttony.

Adab( To Lust and Gluttony): I'll get my grand father. And-

Enter Hakim from the left.

Hakim and Lust look at each other in surprise.

Adab( To Hakim): who are you?

Lust( to Hakim): Hakim!

Gluttony( To Hakim): You will fill my tummy!

Hakim attacks Gluttony. They both battle each other in mortal combat.

Gluttony bites Hakim on the leg.

Hakim( To Gluttony): You hungry devil! I'll give you some Hakim flavored fist!

Hakim punches at Gluttony.

Enter Wallace and Ruqqayya from left.Wallace carries a claymore.

Wallace( to Lust and Gluttony): Aha! Devils have entered my abode in need of being taught a lesson in manners! Come here to get a fine spanking with my blade!!

Adab( To Muslims): These are my guests! ( To Wallace) Grandad! Who are these nutcases!

Ruqqayya( To Adab): The only case I see here is a case of devilry!

Wallace( To Adab): These are my guests you badly behaved grand daughter! Where have you been? Out drinking again!?

Adab: Never mind that! Tell That man to stop hitting my friend.

Hakim stops hitting Gluttony.

Hakim( To Gluttony): How about you let me go Gluttony?

Gluttony lets Hakim go.

Gluttony( As she walks back to Lust and Adab): You taste bad!

Hakim: Thank you for the compliment.

Ruqqayya( To Lust): So tell me devil! Is this a re-match!? You decided to settle this once and for all in a duel with me!?

Lust( To Ruqqayya): Duel? Who the hell does duels these days!?

Adab( To everyone): enough arguing people! We'll talk this over with each other like civilised people. Now first, Chlamydia, explain why you are here?

Ruqqayya( To Lust): Is that the name you go with at times? What is your other names? Hepatitis, syphilis and Herpes?

Adab( to Ruqqayya): Chlamydia sounds like a nice name. Sounds Greek to me!

Ruqqayya( To Adab): Yeah, Greek for a disease!

Lust( To Muslims): Ok, As you know my name is Lust. i know we have had some difficulties in the past bu-

Wallace( to lust): Difficulties?! You stabbed me in the arse when I was nineteen!

Hakim( To Lust): You killed a good friend of mine.

Ruqqayya( To Lust): You stole my ancestors bakery recipes!

Lust( To Ruqqayya): You are his descendant? That was what? Back in the 1740s? ( To Wallace, Hakim and Ruqqayya): Look, i know we have had arguments but I want to ask for sanctuary from you for Gluttony and I. I'll give you information in return for protection.

Ruqqayya( To Wallace and Hakim): It must be a trick!

Adab( To everyone): what the hell are you on about people!

Lust( To Ruqqayya): It's not a trick! I'm serious!

Lust goes onto her knees.

Lust( To Ruqqayya): if you don't think I'm serious then kill me right now!

Gluttony( To Lust): No one is killing you! If they try killing you I eat them!

Lust( to Gluttony): no! You will do as I tell you.

Wallace( To Lust): Alright Lust, you women are always so over-dramatic. Enough of this arguing. You are under my protection now. Enough arguing or I'll get a heart attack.

Wallace( To Hakim and Ruqqayya): go and check on Mcdougal.

Hakim and Ruqqayya leave stage.

Wallace( To Lust): You and I have a lot of talking to do young lady.

Lust( To Wallace): I'm old enough to be your great-great-great-great-great-great-great and a few other greats in there grandmother.

Adab( To Lust): You mean to tell me that I slept with an old lady!

Lust( To Adab): It could be worse sugar. I could be a ugly old lady. As you can see I look very healthy for a five hundred and something woman.

Adab: How the heck are you that old?!

Lust( Mischievously): Vitamins.

Lights down.

End of Act 2
































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