Welcome to My Life

2016 Random Poetic Thoughts Part I

"Every day I feel is a blessing from God. And I consider it a new beginning. Yeah, everything is beautiful."
Prince

Death will take us all
Eventually
Fear is a
Form of
Death

Some days I don't want to write,
But I write anyway.

Friday afternoon
A few clouds cover the sky
The birds are singing

Thursday thunder rolled
Sent shivers through Las Vegas
A beautiful rain

Did the rain wake me
Whispering secrets to me
Chilling morning's air

Rainy Saturday
Looked out my window and saw
Shiny wet asphalt

Is gratitude a spiritual attribute? For me the answer is yes, but I don't know how to prove this to anyone except myself. I've proven this through the use of a daily gratitude list. Each day I attempt to list ten things that I am grateful to have. Some of the things on this list repeat themselves each day while others are new. I begin the list first thing in the morning after I say my morning prayer. Sometimes I write the list down immediately and sometimes I make the list mentally while I'm preparing for my day.

Being thankful is something I learned as a child, but I'm not sure who taught me. I remember Grandpa Frank saying a blessing at the table whenever the entire family sit down to eat. I remember hearing prayers in church on Sunday morning. Grandpa took us to the First Southern Baptist Mission in the Smelter Heights in Blackwell, Oklahoma. When Mama took us to church we attended the First Southern Baptist Church in downtown Blackwell. We never missed a Sunday going to church where I always heard someone say a prayer thanking God for something.

Outside of church and at meal time, I never heard anyone say a prayer of gratitude. I heard people say please and thank you all the time, but they never said it in a prayer outside of church or mealtime. I also never heard of anyone making a gratitude list until after I turned forty-five or fifty. I am not sure precisely when I heard about gratitude list. It was the gratitude list that taught me the true meaning of being thankful. It was the gratitude list that helped me deal with depression.

At first I composed my gratitude list only on Thursday. I called this Thankful Thursday because it was when I considered the things I should put on the list. Sometimes I had difficulty thinking of ten things to give thanks for. Other times I found that I had more than ten items on my list. I think it was in 2012 or 2013 that I began making a daily gratitude list. I did this because of an article I read about a thirty day gratitude list. After the thirty days, I extended the exercise to a year. I discovered that I was less depressed and happier than when I limited the gratitude to one day a week.

My gratitude lists help me to feel more tranquil and calmer both of which enhances the spiritual feeling I get when saying prayers or meditating. To me this is proof that gratitude is a spiritual attribute which flows from the soul to the mind. This spiritual feeling helps me to deal with the disappointments and stress that tend to send me into a depression.

It's Monday
The humidity is approximately 26%
The temperature somewhere between 99 and 105 degrees
A sweltering day in Las Vegas
I just want to remain indoors
Listening to the air conditioner's hymn.

I am thankful that
Last night at midnight it rained
Cooled Las Vegas heat

On the first Saturday in August 2016,
I fight the tears that want to fall,
I look into the encompassing darkness
As it sneaks into my soul and mind
Like clouds hiding the morning sunshine.

On the first Saturday in August 2016,
I want to weep away the disappointment
My 69 year-old mind feels
About a body that is no longer young and healthy
Enough to attract another man into my life.

On the first Saturday in August 2016,
I weep because no one wants to be around me,
No one wants to know someone who is no longer
Strong and healthy.

On the first Saturday in August 2016,
I write my fears in a poem
Knowing that I am exaggerating
The situation.

Smoke from California wildfires
Make morning hazy
Blow across the valley from west to east

It's a blue Wednesday
Hump day is the day when all
Projects are half finished

It rained last night in Las Vegas,
A gentle rain that didn't wake me up
With lightning and thunder.

It rained last night
When I went for my morning walk
I noticed the puddle of water
Under the rental sign
Hanging from the roof of my apartment building.

It rained last night,
It didn't rain hard enough
To push the trash either East or West
On Sunrise Avenue.

It rained last night
Clearing the air
And refreshing the morning.

Surveys can be fun
And sometimes they're frustrating
Is it my mood or the time of month?

I was born on December 24, until four years ago my mother and I celebrated my birthday and participated in family Christmases together. My mother died on November 29, 2012 and that was the year I stopped celebrating my birthday. Sometimes, when asked, I still participate in the Christmas celebrations of my friends, but not very often. The hardest thing about this time of year is celebrating my birthday without Mama.

It's a week before Christmas and all through the town
People are madly driving around,
Looking for presents to place under the tree,
While the memories of my childhood are returning to me.

It's a cold December day in Las Vegas.
It's a day that reminds me of Oklahoma
Without the snow.

On days like this
The cold seeps into my bones
Chilling the marrow
And sending shivers up my spine.

It's a cold December day
In Las Vegas
Causing me to layer
My sweatshirt and sweaters
Like my Grandmother did
On snowy days
In Oklahoma.

It's the Bah Humbug season
When people drive from store to store
Looking for the perfect give
Fighting traffic and holiday crowds
Encourage the Bah Humbug feeling.

It's the Bah Humbug season
When people growl for no apparent reason;
To get out of that Bah Humbug feeling
Take a deep breath, a prayer or meditation break
And then get yourself a nice hot cafa mocha
Or hot chocolate with extra whipped cream
Or marshmallows.

High temperatures are not the norm
As Winter wraps us in her arms
Pretending we are Christmas presents
Placed beneath placed beneath her Ponderosa pine
Yuletide gifts for her to unwrap.

Flames in a fireplace crackles
Radiating warmth that Winter abhors
Instead she wants us all to shiver; as
Days grow longer
And nights grow short, while we
Yearn for the warmth of spring.

As another Gregorian year draws to an end
I contemplate my 2016 successes
And failures.

My conscious mind knows
That those failures let
To my successes.

My subconscious mind whispers
Encouragement
For the coming year.

If I left anything undone
There are still five days left
To accomplish more
Before 2016 gives birth to 2017;
I may not be able to complete
Everything I wanted to in 2016,
But I can finish a few more things.

It's a cold sunshiny morning in Las Vegas
And I'm attempting to get warm
By wearing two layers of clothes.

On a cold winter morning in Las Vegas
The temperature has risen to 43 degrees
Without making any difference in the way
I feel the cold.

It's been a good year
And it's been a bad year
Through all the stress and mess
The coffee has remained hot and strong
While the chocolate has remained dark and sweet

Stress and worry
Partners on the road of life
That distract from enjoying
The mundane pleasures
Of daily existence.