Mercy! Mercy! That Dang Nabed PERCY!

Character Driven Story Line

Rindar "Rindar" 

Hello Everybody,

The reason I'm providing this is to show an example of a Character Driven story line. This is the model we use in the workshop. Here I have combined into one what you have been given three vignettes to complete.

When you read this be thinking...

1. Do you see two characters being auditioned for Central Character (CC)?

2. Do you see an enigmatic character and a stereotypical character?

3. Which character do you like best and think will become the CC?

4. Do you see the characters paddling around in the story world?

5. What is Volusia's Want Need and Desire?

6. What is Rindar's Want Need and Desire?

7. Do you see the vignette transitioning from placid waters to a fast moving current?

8. Do you see the vignette culminating in a Life Changing Event?

9. Do you see some backstory woven in?

10. Do you see the character development taking place?

11. Do you see scene setting in the story world?

12. Do you see exposition that moves the story?

13 Do you see dialog that moves the story.

14. Do you see interior dialog?

15. Do you see Foreshadowing?

16. Do you see symbolism?

17. Do you see subtext?

18. Do you see "Head Hopping?"

If you want, show me where you see these things.

Template:

1. Backstory: 6%
2. Character Development: 12%
3. Scene Setting: 12%
4. Exposition that moves the story: 31%
5. Dialogue that moves the story: 35%
6. Foreshadowing: 2%
7. Symbolism: 2%


Word Count 2340

The Encounter

It was hot, very hot. The middle of the summer, and Rindar sat beneath a rock overhang looking into the valley below. He was in his early twenties and kept his beard cropped although he often wondered why. For a year he had lived the life of a hermit, an outcast from his people. The solitude had taken its toll and often he would creep to the edge of the tribal encampment and and watch the activities and listen to the voices he longed to see and hear. He missed the hunts, the comaradarie and the delightful nights in the arms of a young women. He cursed silently wishing for evening when the temperature would drop and he could venture out to hunt. So, he sat looking about, swishing away sand flies, and trying not to dwell on his miserable state of affairs.

He watched as a buzzard circling overhead. Ever since being exiled, the bird never seemed far off-- ever circling, riding the currents and biding its time. Waiting for me to die Rindar thought. Well, he'll just have to be patient.

He was jerked from his reveries by a sudden movement. A figure passed between the rocks followed by two shadows. They came into clear view and he noted a woman and her cubs. Fool, he thought shaking his head. Has she no sense for the surroundings? Is she unaware of the dangers that abide this valley?

He sniffed and the faint smell of wolf came to nose. His senses were keenly attuned. He towered at over six forearms and enjoyed the prime of his life. He got to his feet and began to scramble down the loose shale. Descending, he wondered where the female came from. It was not common to see one so far from camp and with her litter no less. Upon reaching the path his stride lengthened and he continued in haste down the slope.

...

Volusia


Volusia my character for EWW
Volusia is my CC in the EWW courseVolusia my character for EWW [#1839818]
Volusia is my CC in the EWW course


“I’m hungry,” complained Moogy as he walked behind holding his sister’s hand. She plodded along next to him, a vacant look in her eyes. Volusia, their mother, walked ahead, wondering how much longer they could keep it up. She was in her early twenties, with striking blue eyes. Her complexion was pale, a Wardarian trait, a wiry girl but attractive, with a woman's curves.

They had eaten the last of the food two days earlier and only avoided thirst by guiding on the river. True, they kept back during the day and only in the evening ventured close, but today their parched lips drove them to greater risks. At night they had been hiding along the rocky bank with their backs to the swift flowing waters. Several times, when confronted by the sounds of predators, they had swum out into the flow and let it carry them along for a few minutes. She picked up her daughter and kissed her forehead. It was pasty and almost dry. The absence of sweat caused her face to squinch in foreboding.

“We must get to the river and cool her off--- Maybe catch a fish.” She told her son. He wasn't listening and instead his eyes were wide and fearful.

She spun about to see what held his attention. A man was running towards them. He was carrying a spear and stopped short, lowered it and uttered some unintelligible words. As they stood motionless, he began gesturing excitedly. Volusia looked in the direction he pointed and saw nothing unusual. The encounter was unnerving and she wondered if the stranger meant them harm. His sudden appearance was both disconserting and welcome. Then she heard the barking and the issue became crystal clear.

“Urwa, Urwa,” he urged pointing out into the swift flowing current. She needed no encouragement and stepped into the waist deep waters. The stranger shoved Moogy behind. Then he took a defensive stance, holding his spear at the ready.

The first of the pack to arrive was a young wolf and walked to the edge snapping and snarling. Soon others followed at his heels, yipping and barking excitedly. From behind came the pack male and his bitch. Several ventured out and began swimming about. Rindar nudged them with the tip of his spear and they whelped in pain hastening to find footing and scramble up onto the bank. The pack leader barked a command and began to lope off to the North. The others snapped, snarled and nipped at one another as they followed his lead.

The woman and her whelps are in a bad way thought Rindar. He walked up out of the water and took a knee in the sands giving thanks to some deity. She watched the ritual, quietly understanding it’s meaning, if not the words themselves. They sounded vaguely like a dialect of Kupinchin and some of the words like Urwa (water) she had heard before. She listened closely and if she didn’t understand everything she knew what a prayer was. At length he stood and spoke to Moogy.

“Urflow hagga an tu purpo.” Moogy's blank look showed a complete lack of understanding. The man then launched into what is sometimes loosely termed “Universal Sign language” which was not exactly universal but had its uses. The sense of it seemed to be that he wanted them to follow. Moogy gave the Wardarian sign for “Yes”. The big man started and stepped back with a look of hostility and dismay. The protocol in signing is to first give a tribe signet and then the message. The stranger seemed unnerved by the tribal designation and visibly perplexed. Still he motioning for them to follow and they set off up the slope.

From behind, in a low voice, Volusia cautioned her son. “Don’t sign him again in Wardarian.”

Rindar began the slow assent up from the valley floor. The woman and the small girl were practically spent and he chose the path carefully until they reached the trail. Wardarian, he reflected, Not good, not good at all… Who is this woman and why do they venture so far from home.? The trail became steeper and he looked back seeing them lagging behind. He paused reflecting further… Runaways, that’s what they are, Runaways and there’s going to be hell to pay when her people come looking. Perhaps they’ll accuse me of “Snatching.“ Not good, not good at all.

The boy called "Moogy" looked to be of about ten seasons but big for his age. His mother, beneath the smudge and dirt could not hide her attractiveness. She had a visage that was compelling and curves that brought to mind the urgency of his need. She had that pale Wardarian complexion and piercing blue eyes.

The camp, where he served penance, was a lonely place, stuck out in the wilderness. He had at least another year of exile and hated to think that he was jeopardizing his hopes of ever being accepted back. A Wardarian woman and two children could only spell trouble. Then again there was no assurance of his pardon and if that was true, perhaps this was an alternative worth exploring. The woman was young and carried herself with a dignity uncommon to his experience. She had a power and influence exercised over the boy and he saw him continuously deferring to her. Can you imagine giving deference to a woman? Was that unmanly or what?

At the first plateau, still a mile below the rim, they jumped a rabbit. Rindar usually snared the creatures and if in dire straights, ran them down. He paused, not intending to give chase and heard the whirr of a sling. Ducking his head, reflexively, he saw the boy cast a stone and heard the “plunk” as it found its mark. The rabbit lurched, fell on its side and began to jerk spasmodically. The boy ran forward to retrieve it and his mother clapped in delight. “Urgowambi.” she cried out.

Gathering some dried sticks she reached into a pouch and laid out her fire-starting paraphernalia. There was tinder and flints and she shielded with her body showing the mark of experience. With a long practiced motion sparks began to fly and smoke was soon rising as she blew on the tinder. Concurrently Moogy skinned the carcass and in short order it was spitted over the rising flames.

Rindar shook his head in disbelief. Eating a prey on the spot, over a fire no less--- in the middle of nowhere was not part of any protocol he was aware of. A prey was killed, taken to the camp, cooked and distributed in accordance with time honored traditions. Never was it eaten on the spot.

"Magua, suree, tu'wally," he said, in a disgusted tone. They ignored him as Moogy scurried about for more sticks for the fire. The big man walked towards them intending to scatter the embers only to be confronted by a determined look and drawn blade. He paused. In the presence of his people he would have acted forcefully to punish such flagrant disrespect. Still, he hesitated. In the months of solitude he had learned to curb his impulsiveness and give thought to his actions. They glared at one another as Mookey quietly fed a rock into his sling. The motion wasn’t lost on Rindar and he shook his fist with one hand and shielded his face with the other. Then he pointed to Volusia and said, “Urbawamby Taskatooma.” and walked a safe distance up the trail. At about a hundred paces he stopped and settled on his haunches looking in the other direction.

"What did he mean?" asked Moogy,

"He warned you not to shoot him with the sling."

"I got that part."

"Then he called me a dumb female swearword."

Flesh began to sizzle and popped on the spit. Volusia cut off a leg and bit into it. She chewed it until the stringy consistency softened and pushed the wad into Tupa’s mouth. The young girl's eyes opened and she began to chew. Moogy cut off the upper portion and began to gnaw ravenously. Volusia began cutting at the carcass and eating some of the less delectable parts. At length, she took the other hip quarter and walked towards Rindar. She handed him the man's piece and went back to gather her belongings.

"Is he mad at us?" asked Moogy.

"Confused is a better term."

"What do we do?"

"Try and get him more socialized." The real meaning of her words were lost on the young boy. She wondered how to reconcile her son's innocence with the demands the stranger was sure to make. We owe him Volusia thought with resignation, and that part, a woman is expected to pay.

"How do we go about doing that?" Moogy asked. He was tall yet his slender frame held the promise of a father's size and strength.

"You'll see..."

Rindar finished the hindquarter and was crunching the bones.

"He's motioning for us to follow..."

Volusia set Tupa on her hip and slung her knapsack.

"I don't like that look," said Moogy. "Does he intend to spear us?"

"I think not. He's sulking but means us no serious harm," she answered. The spear part she didn't elaborate on.

Rindar set off up the trail. Minutes later they reached his digs.

The camp was a cave beneath an outcropping of rocks. In front was a hide-covered structure with a hole in the top. Inside were stones and more hides. Behind was a cave entrance. It was cool as she entered the fizzure in the rock. Hanging from a rack inside was a deer carcass. A stream flowed nearby. He opened the flap and motioned them inside the enclosure. He smiled with a clear sense of pride in the dwelling he had crafted. Then Rindar set about gathering wood. Volusia had the fire going when he returned with another armful of seasoned branches. He pointed to the hanging deer with satisfaction. She walked into the cave and carved off a section for the night’s meal. In addition to the carcass there were numerous potted containers. He pointed and said "Abuloga Feneister" inviting her to explore the lauder. The earthen jars were full of herbs, mushrooms and dried fruit. He picked up one half full of water and gestured towards the stream nodding his head.

"Do I look stupid?" she asked her son.

In short order Volusia had a meal prepared using some of the spices from her stash. It was a feast by the standards of the past week and everyone fell to eating.

Rindar could not believe his good fortune. "Erco Malacouie!" he said when he finished, rubbing his stomach in satisfaction. "Erco Ventracouie.," she answered, hoping it translated. He stood exercising his arms and looked sideways at Mooky and then back at Volusia. Then he made the sign...

Her heart jumped and Mookie stared in dismay...

"Did he just do what I think he did?"

"Take a walk Moogy..."

"Are you sure?" he asked pleadingly.

"See if you can't stone us another rabbit....NOW!"

Rindar stepped back surprised by the unexpected tone.

What is going on with all this? he wondered, All I did was give her the sign.

Moogy stood blushing, brushed aside the flap and went outside.

Rindar made the sign again, this time more emphatically. Surely this woman knows what the sign means?

Volusia gave him a nod of understanding and went over to where Tupa was sleeping. She covered her daughter with a hide blanket and unrolled her own leather sleep pad. Kneeling, she laid down and positioned herself. Rendar loomed above and their eyes met. With a sigh, Volusia motioned she was ready.