Complex Numbers

Thanksgiving Day

In honor of Thanksgiving, five things I'm grateful for:

1) Beer.
2) Wine.
3) Scotch.
4) Gin.
5) Tequila.

Cheating? Okay, yeah, that's cheating. Let's condense those into one category and try again.

1) Alcohol.
2) Hookers.
3) Drugs.
4) Porn.
5) Gambling.

...nah, that won't play very well with the test audiences. How about one more try, this time serious.

1) Alcohol. (Yeah, this one's staying on the list.)
2) The internet. (I mean, where else can I meet people from pretty much everywhere? Besides Las Vegas or New York.)
3) Modern medicine. (Because of it, I'm still alive to make lists.)
4) Cats. (Dogs are fine, but too much work. Cats appeal to my lazy nature.)
5) Money. (Anyone who says the best things in life are free has never had a really good single-malt scotch.)

And in honor of the Thanksgiving holiday, I have composed a poem, the first one I've attempted in a long while. It's inspired by my second attempt at a list, above. It's called...

Alcohol, Hookers, and Blow

There are many things to be thankful about
In a life of contentment and joy.
But on this fair Thursday, I think I will go
With alcohol, hookers, and blow.

Weed is just fine, and legalized now,
But meth is a dangerous drug.
So I'll stick with the stuff I already know,
Like alcohol, hookers, and blow.

Our vices in life can be curious ones,
And sometimes the secrets we keep,
So I'll leave this out here and put on a show
With alcohol, hookers, and blow.

Beer is terrific and wine is okay,
While gin is my poison of choice
For when I get ready to spend all my dough
On alcohol, hookers, and blow.

From Reno to Jersey the gamblers play
In casinos and Indian bars,
But really, the answer is hitting the flow
With alcohol, hookers, and blow.

Life is uncertain, could end anytime
And death is a permanent state.
So I thank the gods and the folks down below
For alcohol, hookers, and blow.