View From My Back Porch

Tis The Season

We're getting close to Christmas and the end of the year. I'm in a funky mood not so much for myself but for my brother. He has been estranged to a large degree from his family. I don't have the details that caused this riff but it runs deep. His kids gave him an ultimatum several years ago and he couldn't go along with it. So they have stayed away even though they live close by. Of course with the Holidays here, he is in a depressed mood and would like to share in his children's life. Since I don't know the particulars I can't comment or try to intercede though I've given it some serious thought. As a Christian, I believe in forgiveness and moving on. I know from my own experience that hanging onto a grudge or hurt feelings gets you nowhere. You are the looser when it comes to what you're missing. This is breaking my mothers heart and she too doesn't know what to do. Unfortunately my brother is living with the decisions he made and not handling it well.

Several years ago I sent his kids a email asking them to cut my brother some slack over the way they were handling a situation. That didn't go over very well, and their reply was for me to mind my own business. I don't have a bad relationship with these kids with the exception of one. His dislike for me stems from his feelings about my not being involved when his dad had a breakdown, he thinks I don't know what family is all about. My brother and I have lived on two different planes, he was a climber, wanna be, I just wanted to be happy with where I was and the people around me. I visited my brother more times than he ever came to our place. We've had a few disagreements over the years but nothing that made us lose the family connection. The one nephew never understood our relationship and I believe that his mother (who is separated from my brother) thought I should have the same connection with him as she has with her sisters. Not all families are the same, we are two peas from the same pod but we developed completely different. I did not involve myself in his family affairs so I wasn't there when the break up of his family occurred.

I had a similar situation with my youngest daughter. She met a great guy and they were married, during a period of time we began to get separated and we both blamed each other for the problems we were having. I replied to a letter she sent me and I was not very nice. I was hurt and wrote some words I wished I could take back, but like words that come out of our mouths they can't be put back in! My daughters husband died suddenly, and she called me from the hospital in Oklahoma and I asked her if she wanted me to come. Her reply was yes and I was on my way. We have been re-establishing our relationship ever since. It's a terrible shame that it took a death of a good person to make us see that family is important for the support they give. Both my father and father in-law were very big on the importance of family and how they should be kept together at all cost when possible.

I've gotten my feelings off my chest so I will say Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all!

Life Is Good