Blogocentric Formulations

Participation Trophies

"30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS"  | May 7

Prompt ▼

Start your entry today with the words: “I used to believe...”

I used to believe that I was the exception to the rule.

I used to believe that I would be that one-in-a-million success story.

I used to believe that my talent would just naturally be discovered and I'd rise to the top.

But that was a long time ago and, I suppose, not so different from a lot of young people when they first graduate and set off into the world on their chosen career path. The assumptions that the world would just somehow recognize how talented we are, and that success is something to be stumbled upon. Being born at the crossroads of Generation X and the Millennials, I got a lot of the "participation trophy" stuff growing up. At the pinewood derby car race in Boy Scouts, they had trophies for the winners and literal participation ribbons for everyone else. For Little League, everyone on every team got a trophy regardless of their performance or the team's ranking at the end of the season. For schools plays, everyone got cast in some role, even if most of us were relegated to the background because we didn't audition well enough to land a more prominent role.

In a way, I understand the impulse to make every child feel like they're special and meant for great things. The positive reinforcement can be very inspiring and comforting to one's ego. However, I can also see how damaging it is, especially with kids younger than me who were a little more firmly in the Millennial generation and graduated at the height of the Great Recession, to be convinced that you're entitled to rewards just for being you, and then to land hard in the real world and have to discover on your own that advancement and success are earned, not handed out.

Convincing your kids that they're unique snowflakes destined for greatness just because they are who they are is a really dangerous approach to parenting, because the kids hit the real world hard and many don't have the skills necessary to cope with rejection and a world that isn't inclined to give you anything unless you fight for it. On the other hand, it can be devastating to a kid's self-esteem and sense of self in their formative years if you constantly reinforce that they're ordinary, nothing special, etc. As with most things, I think moderation is the key. It's important to figure out what things about a kid are special and encourage and promote those hobbies, interests, skills, etc. And it's equally important to teach them that they're not going to be great at everything, that they're probably not going to be that one-in-a-million exception to the rule, that they're going to have to work hard and fight hard to be successful and stand out from a crowd.

I spent a lot of years just assuming success would come to me, and I think it probably cost me some opportunities when my grades in school were good, but not great, when my work ethic in the early years was decent but not terribly strong, and even now when I have a natural inclination to just assume everything's going to work out in my favor before I have to remind myself not to rest on my laurels and that I need to push ahead and define my own success.