SuperNova Afterglow: End Of Days

Long Reviews

I write lengthy reviews that are unaffiliated. I seldom see the need to participate in group reviewing goals. Though, it might be good for encouraging writing and the feedback process. But, we can say what we want without worry of who or what we represent when we go solo and unacknowledged by others, except the true author...

Review of "River’s Parallel"
"Dear Foolish Consistency ,

Just a note before you read this very long review, I learn as I go. I take things in directions I don't see before I set my fingers to keyboard. I was enlightened by your poem in the process of writing and deconstructing what I read. I will find flaws and joys in what you shared. I hope you have not given up on sharing your visions as a writer because of the underwhelming appeal of what you revealed in this little corner of the internet world. My review:

I had to contemplate this poem for awhile after reading because of the statements used to build imagery and emotion of a sunrise. But what got me googling first for answers was in that second stanza. Does a sunrise look like it is setting on the water's surface? I found no proof of this reversal, leading me to conclude that the expressions used in this poem overall do not bear fruit.

I think this poem does wax poetic and uses some unique expressions that when analyzed by this writer/reviewer didn't make enough sense. I note a theme of nostalgia, holding on, perseverance within some feeling of loss. When I found fault, each phrase came to bear under scrutiny, after reading:

We look to the rising sun, as it sinks into its last horizon...

Now, if you are implying end of days, then I might suggest a turn of that phrase to mean "before it sinks into its last horizon..." Other phraseology looked smooth and well written, but logic was forcing me to look deeper and question if these nicely constructed words just randomly flowed from the mind that did not consider their actual worth. However, I feel an idea was forming and writing is a process to fleshing out something that does have a leg to stand on.

I start from the beginning:

The gentle green reflection
brings forth its mirrored image, a world dwelt in shadow...

I puzzled over this, 'gentle green reflection.' A sunrise was being described over what I assumed was water, which is nicely alluded to indirectly with images like 'wavering in the depths' or describing a 'world born in water' later on. And here, the 'mirrored image' added to my thought something earthly is reflected in this world at sunrise. I have to assume it is an expression, not of place in the world but a place described inside the narrator. This person is dawning on something, because the rest of the stanza describes turmoil in this watery place:

"Beyond our ken is a light beyond sight
a realm sunk deep in the waters of our prayers,
the grief of our hearts and, the blood of our veins."

This internalizing is projected into a world view, an opinion of a world that surrounds a place in one's soul arriving. This is a poem that a writer is developing in real time to describe rising feelings like that sunrise, but a feeling that it will be the last. Or, that it does create a sinking feeling. But, in stanza two the first line that stopped me brought it to a halt. I had to keep reading to figure out if in summation we could get a better understanding of what is being devised here in the remaining lines:

"...We contemplate our image, wavering in the depths,
and see a smiling face shimmering, fading, falling,
only to rise again.

A world born in water, birthed from its earthly counterpart,
is not a farewell, but a parallel.
For every fall is risen, and every tear a smile.
There is no goodbye, only now and forever."

The rest of stanza two reads like a relation to people in general who feel like we can see our own selves where we should be struggling as something bright and hopeful and yet 'fading' because we are 'falling' and rising. It's like an eternal struggle of self to be more than who we are, to be accepted. We rise and fall in that deep water that holds us down. It made me wonder, do we surface? I believe some do, feel that they do.

This is where the poem in analysis is gaining enough introspect from me that I can see the sum of the parts, some coalescing while others fail to make the grade. It ironically mirrors what the poet is saying about how we can shine one moment and lose that grip to fall back down. And we had that first line in stanza three that stumbled again for me, getting me to reflect back on the first line of stanza two.

Does the poet go for unique expressions at the risk of sounding illogical? Does the poem make sense when held up to introspection? I feel there is enough truth within that we can overlook a few overlapping errors to observe some universal truths. We have commonalities as a world, as a writing community even. However, not all will acknowledge the struggle like the poet of this piece grapples with. I find a writer trying to divulge while still learning from the flaw in our genealogy and ideology as a race put on this planet.

I can only imagine that the summation to this poem is saying the earth bears more people like us to struggle. It might not be meant to be that broad. It could also be suggesting there are two parts to us. The parts this narrative wrestles with might be as simple as id and ego. The remainder of the poem discovers we are infinitely trapped to never really change in a process that seems like birth, death and resurrection. It could follow a biblical theme, but I don't think that was the attempt. I think religion is universal and has inspired most of the stories and cannot be separated from these simple, but revealing truths.

I'll sum it up. Wherever you go, there you are. It's more than that, but that is the basis. As a writer, I came to this writing community like taking a leap of faith into its waters. I floundered, learned to swim. But, was I doing it right? Like the poem suggests, during this epic battle to find worth (in my case through writing in this forsaken community), we seldom surface. I seldom find I am shining. It is my struggle to break surface, emerge from the water and connect with that sun on the setting horizon. I feel anchored in the depths. Who or what is holding me down?

That might be another question to ask of the writer. Do we hold ourselves down, or are we made to eternally struggle because we do not have some kind of super power to actually achieve. I think it might be the former. But, in this writing community there is another element that shuns idealism and the belief that one can move on from this realm into a larger perspective. Someone or something is holding our head under water. Fortunately, there are other domains and parallel universes in the internet construct. Unfortunately, we ascribe our worth to those we allow rule over us in this realm.

I went beyond the scope of this poem in analyzing it with my comparative. I saw an opportunity personally to show others this poem has worth where many others don't even come close. But, a poem like this is forgotten, overlooked and sinks to the depths of time because no one noticed, was not incentivized to pay attention, or did not have the ability to comprehend, overcome the poem's shortcomings to see it's real value.

I'm rating this poem five stars for it's potential. It can observationally be corrected, though I think it is cast in stone for time because this community does not value writers with scope for great potential in writing. It would rather manipulate the few that could fit into the domain's short-sighted goal to be self-reliant with the fear that acknowledging good writing over bad is not good for business. Delusional dreamers are greater than writers who figure out they don't need this place.

Sorry again for using this poem as a tool to figure out as I review how this poem fits in a current spectrum that I call my world. There is enough in this review to see what I have discovered and what the poet could take away as feedback. There is a larger picture within a smaller world view about how we need to acknowledge one another as people and be treated with equal respect. We have this commonality within us that should bond us and make us stronger as a community without the manipulation and division within, sacrificing our personal ethos for some 'greater good' as it may be falsely ascribed.

Brian
Circumpolar Reviewer (a review so long, I can't go back over it to edit, sorry)

This review is not a middle finger to the man. It is a statement of beliefs from circumstantial evidence compounding over a decade of exposure to a separatist world falsely presented to manipulate well-meaning writers (especially the introspective ones) with ideals and intentions to purpose their words. If anyone is offended, they certainly need a little introspection -- valuate whether they have unfairly judged others in support of a hollow 'cause' in this exclusive world. It is a plea to respect writing first and foremost and stop milking a cow."

I didn't even acknowledge the poem's title in my review.

I do not write jibberish. I think you can acknowledge, but through indifference or tired of the same theme repeated...

I have some new theories on this. It takes time away to develop introspective thought.