Spiral Bound Journal

Hanging By a Moment

"Hanging By a Moment" by Lifehouse, originally released 2000

Somehow I managed to get out of the house. I held tight in my neighborhood for two whole months, living off Facetime and doing all the things on the internet when my brain wasn't overloaded with work. For Darren and I, we managed to make things work in spite of our condo not being all that big. I've gotten used to him appearing in the background when I'm on team meeting calls, and we've spent countless hours discussing all the fluctuations with COVID-19. We tackled stay at home pretty well. It went well enough that I felt confident in making our way north to a large rural sculpture park as a reward for cooperating. Darren even agreed to tag along. So here we are, wandering among whimsical pieces with titles like "Lizard Lounge" and something that looks like an oversized X chromosome reaching for the heavens.

We ended up stopping at a small circle with trimmed grass and dozens of mirrors positioned at various spots and heights. A couple other (maskless) people wandered around. I kept an eye on them while watching Darren photograph the two of us standing in front of one of the mirrors.

"I know that the mask thing is still pretty new," I said to him, "but I wish more people would wear them."

"Are they required outdoors?" Darren asked.

"No, but the health department commissioner and infectious disease director are recommending it."

Darren shrugs. "I think around here we should be okay."

"For now. I do think that we need to be a bit more aggressive in getting the spread down to a dull roar. The reopening astroturfers do not make me feel confident."

"Yeah, that's true."

"There are some house divided scenarios playing out as well," I added. "I know I had to goad Mitch a bit to wear a mask when he visited. To my surprise, Samantha was actually a big help on that front. He's been a bit reluctant but agreed to wear a mask at least part of the time."

"And then he tried to steal your strawberry hand sanitizer because he liked the smell so much."

I laughed. "Yeah, although I had to, shall we say, strongly suggest that he clean up before going home."

"How is he feeling?"

"So far so good. No word from him or the missus about anyone getting sick. Clearly no one out in his neck of the woods is wearing a mask yet."

"I'm not surprised."

"Me neither. I was taken aback a little bit given that Mitch did live in Minneapolis for a little while, and then it sounds like he and Samantha lived in Robbinsdale for a while."

"Guess they shed their city personas real quick."

"Maybe, although it seems like neither one of them had strong city leanings to begin with."

At that, Darren grinned. "I guess Mitch was so eager to see you he was willing to venture back into the urban jungle even for just a moment."

"That's when you know he's desperate, although he seemed to enjoy being at the beer hall way back when."

"Well, of course he did. You were there."

"Along with the rest of the team," I reminded my husband. "Man, had I known what was going to happen that night...."

"You'd have still gone," Darren said.

I shrug. "Probably. I feel like that set off a chain reaction where whatever Mitch was feeling got accelerated. My situation ended up being rather different. I was happy, but then the shoe didn't drop so much as it collapsed like an unstable mine shaft."

"It did."

"I'm still not entirely sure how I feel about my mom's death. I feel relieved that she's not here, as COVID-19 would likely kill her. And then I feel guilty about it. And there's no way I could tell her about Mitch. It's all just so strange, really."

Darren put his arm around my shoulders. "It is. I think we still need some time."

I nodded and leaned against him while looking in the mirror. I knew we were doing our best, and yet I could not shake the feeling of still being adrift.