Complex Numbers

Road Hazard

For today, my second entry chosen at random from the prompts in

Journalistic Intentions  (18+) This is for the journal keeping types that come to PLAY! New round starts February 1! #2213121 by Elisa the Bunny Stik

Hazard Ave.

Another Street Sign prompt... I told you I pick these things at random. My only rule is not to do one twice.

Even though I designed roads, I never paid much attention to the general distinction between streets, avenues, ways, lanes, drives, etc. I mean, I had this vague notion that a street is urban while a road is rural; a court is a short street that either loops or ends in a cul-de-sac, and an avenue is a particularly broad street. But I could name exceptions to each of these general rules.

I just designed the things. I never got to name them. This is probably a good thing, because then there'd be a Thunder Road, a Back Street, an Icant Drive, and an Ivelostmy Way in my town. To name but a few.

And really, some of these naming conventions are purely arbitrary. The street I live on is a court, because it ends in a cul-de-sac; a nearby street is a drive, even though it's a loop. Another nearby street is designated an avenue, even though the closest part to me is actually narrower than the court I live on (later on, it's divided by a tree-planted median). The street=urban and road=rural is more of a design specification; streets generally -- again, you can find exceptions very easily -- include curbs and sidewalks, while roads (including highways and freeways, another blurred distinction) do not. The drainage systems are completely different for streets and roads, and from a design standpoint that's what matters.

As I'm learning French, it seems they make the same distinction: a rue is an urban street, while a route is a rural road. Meanwhile, in America, we can't decide whether to pronounce "route" like root or like rout. (In French, it's closer to root.)

Speaking of France, the Platonic ideal and archetype of the "avenue" is the Champs-Élysées in Paris, formally the Avenue des Champs-Élysées, because yes, avenue is a French word. And it's only very recently that it finally dawned on me that the name of this prototypical avenue translates as Elysian Fields. I mean, I could have looked that shit up if I'd been arsed to do so, but as usual, I was not. Hell, it took me fifty years just to learn how to pronounce it correctly so as not to get smacked by a passing French person.

Hopping back across the pond, let's look at New York. It has avenues, too. In Manhattan, avenues run north-south (actually more northeast-southwest, but whatevs) while streets run perpendicular to them. That is, on most of the island. The lower and older part is confusing as hell. The Dutch probably did that, back when it was New Amsterdam, specifically to annoy the hell out of the rigid English when the latter acquired the city from the former. Or, well, no; there was no real planning involved, but that's my headcanon.

Anyway, the point is, the avenues of New York are merely broad streets, and most of them are one-way. You think of an avenue, you probably think tree-lined, probably has a median, otherwise looks like an airport runway. Oh, sure, there are trees, but almost all streets in New York have trees. Pretty sure it's the law there. You look at a picture of the Champs-Élysées, though, and it's positively teeming avec les arbres.

Which reminds me of a joke:

Why are the streets of Paris lined with trees?

Because Germans like to march in the shade.

There is one notable exception to the rigid grid structure of middle Manhattan, and that's arguably the second-most famous street in the world: Broadway. (I'm sure that as an American I should proclaim it is the number one most famous street in the world, but come on, just look at a picture of the Champs-Élysées. That sucker is just plain beautiful.) Broadway is so special that it doesn't have Street, Avenue (it would qualify as an avenue under most definitions of the word), Road, or any other description. And it's not Broad Way, or Broadway Way, because that would just be silly. It's just Broadway, and it cuts right across the otherwise regular grid pattern that defines Manhattan and makes it actually a rather easy city to drive in, as compared to, say, Boston or DC.

Fun Fact: Broadway starts in Lower Manhattan, but it runs across into the Bronx and on into Upstate New York, not stopping until after it's passed through Sleepy Hollow. Yes, that Sleepy Hollow, of Ichabod Crane fame and the setting of a TV series that started out so well and then went to shit. In fact, there's more to Broadway outside of Manhattan than there is in Manhattan. One of these days I want to follow it for its entire length. It's only something like 33 miles long; given Manhattan traffic it should only take me a week or so.

Point is, with all the traffic, trees, statues, medians, curbs, stoplights, signs, blinking lights, crosswalks, parking, pedestrians, and potholes you inevitably find on something called an "avenue," the only thing shocking about Hazard Ave. is that it's not a far more common name for a street.