Three Score and Ten [Now Thirteen

Three Score and Ten + Day 66

It is late on day 66. but I want to finish my thoughts regarding day 64 after thinking about it for two days. I have come to a important realization that I want to reveal to you. Does this thought make sense? I spent twenty five plus years with near round the clock stress, seven days a week. I did not fish or have any toys. I was married too Dairy farming then a retail horticulture business. There was no time for fun and games. I was an self employed at 22 then later with employees. It was my job to count pennies, to pay the bills. But I was young with a lot of ambition and drive. I was able to leave the horticulture business in 1995.

Now to today, I have a brother up north that lives two miles from our compound there. We are close, less ten months apart in age. We are like twins and I think the world of him, may I say I love him. But we are direct opposites in our personalities. He is much more extroverted then I, Every bodies buddy, a real people person. So much so I feel that neighbors take advantage of him. I see him when ever we go to the North Woods, We fish and visit. He is not married, No dog or cat. He has a lot of good qualities, but he is very loose with money and purchases of large things that I could not, would not touch. He is able to laugh off any bad purchase or circumstance. And sometimes that bothers me, not that I an coveting anything he has, but I wonder why it it so hard for me to go ahead and spend or converse with others. What is wrong with me? I was very troubled last time I returned from the north

After giving this question a lot of thought it came to me in the dark of night. The problem is Stress. I lived under stress so long that it is like touching a Hot Stove. I have subconsciously learned not to touch the stress, I automatically pull away. I subconsciously since 1995 make decisions based on how stressful I think they will be in the future. If you put stress on a 1-100 scale, my Desires, and Needs need to rate higher on the 1-100 scale then the stress is rated. Lets say I rated stress at 60 the rating of a desirable want is 40. Then subconsciously the desire will be a no go. Subconsciously I have learned to avoid negative unrewarded stress. It is not just things but people and events also, If I feel they are too stressful I try to avoid the circumstance or person. It is a automatic reaction, not a thinking individual thought.

A good example is a Four wheeler with a trailer, Nice to have. I would use it for Ice fishing and at the farm I still have part of. On the scale of desirability let's say it is 50, As I would use it here for ice fishing a few times a year, take it to the farm a couple times as year. The down stressful side is, Maintenance, A place to store it, The cost of the Four wheeler and trailer, Legal requirements, Floats for Ice Fishing needed at this location, The stress of shopping and buying. My stress rating will be much higher then 50. The purchase will not be rewarding enough for me to endure the stress of owning it. In the short I do not want to deal with the stress. There is not enough reward.

Is this a good way to look at things, shying away from stress, giving everything a stress rating. My brother obviously does not do this, he rolls with the stress. I get stressed easily with Shopping, Driving, Dealing with people I know and do not know well, Making major purchases, Television and telephone. I try too keep things organized, on time and running smoothly to avoid stress. I am not complaining avoiding stress has been rewarding, But can it go too far? I still live in a stressful world and it is not getting any better.