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Not interesting at all. Just like me. |
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In a text-based world, I'm beautiful. My favorite things in life: *cocoa *hugs *banana paraphernalia (chips, smoothies, ice cream....) *knowing that I am understood. *good pens/pencils *writing down my thoughts *serving *conversations of the deep sort. *spending time with those that I love. *a cleansing bunch of noise once in a while *quiet the rest of the time *blogging my lil heart out *understanding *noticing the little things that generally don't matter. *being just a little bit different *pretending to be a poser "You must do the things you think you cannot do." -Eleanor Roosevelt. This is straightforwardly me. |
| I don't think it'd stop me if it was. The last post on this blog was the angriest and most hurt I have been in years. Well, 4 years. But I am 22, and 4 years is actually a good chunk of my life. I'm 22. This is something that I am coming to terms with recently. I am graduating this April, and I am moving on in life. I am leaving the friends that I have made here and leaving to make new friends and form new experiences. So this is a good thing, right? Then why do I feel like crying when I consider it? Each year of my college experience has been increasingly better and richer, especially when considering the quality of my friendships. The content (or rather, lack thereof) attests to the fact that my quality and quantity of friends has only risen. This only makes it harder, however. Jali in particular is all the reason in the world for me not to want to graduate. Also, i feel that there are few people that I can truly talk about the sense of looming loss that I anticipate. Most just want to know what I'm doing after graduation, some (like Jali) can't bear the conversation, and for the most part I just find myself comforting others about the fact that I am leaving. And therein lies a great deal of the problem. Anyway, if you know of any sort of paid position that has a social work slant or anything to do with social justice, let me know! Somehow most organizations want me to have experience...... Eeeeeek. |
| Apparently, I'm going to respond in a reasonable manner to a very unreasonable, maligning, cruel letter that was posted in my apartment yesterday. I'm affirming that she feels how she feels, clarifying my stance, and then I'm going to discuss my issues with her. (In a much gentler manner than she used.) What I would really like to do is to respond in the same manner: accusatory, insultingly, maliciously, long-windedly.... And with lots of ultimatums. Oh, and I'd like to tell her that she's not a good Christian either. (Oh, I'd love to delve into all the areas where she's failed...) But that's the point... as a Christ-follower, I feel that I should be respectful and as loving as possible in this situation. Even if responding in an immature way wouldn't violate my sense of obligation and morality, it would prove her right. And the sad thing is, she is right. Knee is a sucky Christian. AR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm still so mad! (Oh, and I don't want to be manipulative, either.) I'd really like to take out my frustrations in a violent manner, such as punching a pillow or something, which has never been my style. Okay, I'm going to go do something now. |
| Next semester I have: A Spanish class (Intro to literary analysis in Spanish) WOOT! A Social work class (human needs, complex societies) 2 Psych classes, 3 more and I'm done!!!! and an engineering class.  So, psychology is my major, I have three classes after thisI may or may not finish my Spanish minor, let's see how this semester goesThe engineering class is the one gen-ed I've been hanging on to And the social work class is to help me get up to speed for grad schoolThat's right, I'm not going to grad school for psychology. I will be getting my master's in social work. |
| There's this funny thing that happens to college kids once in a while. (Aside from never contacting people that they don't see daily, updating blogs, and eating vitamins for breakfast...) Once in a while, a student will get really sick during a busy/stressful time in the semester. Now, these students are aware of their illness, but frequently, they will lament shortly, and finish that project for their' research methods class, conjugate the last few verbs in a language project into the pluscuamperfecto, take a shower, present that psychopathology project, and turn in the study proposal. This student will then take a deep breath, eat something, and then realize how sick they are. Once the adrenaline wears off, they are one sick college student. |
| College might just be the best time of a person's life. It's pretty awesome for me. Honestly, when I graduate, i'll have to get a job, and go to bed before 4AM. I'll pay more than $16 for groceries for two weeks. I'll be responsible for other people. But right now, I can dance, laugh, sing, dress strangely, drink, stay up late, be stressed, have fun, and do socially unnacceptable things, and it's not a big deal. (It takes a lot of oddness to impress a college kid, by the way) So I'm enjoying my last two semesters. (despite that scarey capstone) |
| I thought that I liked change. I'm an extrovert, extroverts love variety. Yet -I can't quit my job (although I've been given ample reason to do so) I can't quit until I have another job, it's almost completely true. (I could get by for quite awhile on the groceries I have, my rent is paid through May, I don't have a car, or insurance, I'd have to stop a few other money commitments. I could live, but It would be tight) Why are there no jobs in Michigan? |
| go home ... ..... ...... you're mad at me. ...... anxiety? depression? i'm learning about these things. Not experiencing them. (they warn you that you'll try to analyze yourself and everyone around you.) |
| i'm terrified of conflict, no matter how much it needs to be had. i try to tell myself that it doesn't matter that i don't get enough sleep because of her. (which once in a while, it'd be fine. But it's been every morning since I moved in) the fact that she's messy doesn't bother me, though, because i can get away with a little more when the place is not nice to begin with. i've never had a year without huge roomie problems. |
| Odd, I'm really out of the habit of blogging. It feels weird to think about what I want to write here. Well, whatev: I think I started out my summer fairly depressed, but I'm pulling out of it now. It'll help, being back in school. (I move in on Monday) So yeah, it's been a good summer, even if I was a little numb for it. ;) |
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And when you think about it, what kind of a Christian you are is really between you and God, strictly. Never feel ashamed of falling short. If God wanted us to be perfect today, we certainly would be. 
