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White picket fences and other myths of parenting... |
 Welcome to my blog. I can't promise to be always entertaining and witty. I can promise however, to speak my mind, ramble about this, that and the other, and hopefully, entertain you along the way. |
| So, I just received an email from a friend of mine. It seems that she was given a book in a gift basket. I know. Nothing shocking there right? Well, the book was The Misadventures of Mom and Disasters of Dads. She was flipping through, and was surprised to see my name. She didn't know that I did freelance writing. She only knows me though the autism community. She thought it was more than likely me, but wanted to be sure. LOL I emailed her back and now she wants to know if I send out autographed glossies. LOL I bet she'll be surprised when she sees the photo I'm sending her. <evile grin> It's one of the two of us in Chicago at Autism One. I bet she doesn't remember that pic? HEE HEE I hope she's prepared...it's going in tomorrow's mail. |
| Something has changed within me Something is not the same I'm through with playing by the rules Of someone else's game Too late for second-guessing Too late to go back to sleep It's time to trust my instincts Close my eyes: and leap! ~ Wicked, the Musical I'm so there. I'm standing on the edge, ready to leap. I can feel the anticipation of the wind catching me, lifting me higher and higher, away from where I am now. I can close my eyes and imagine something better, something happier. I know it's the right move, so why am I still so damn torn about it? Why is there a part of me that wants to quickly run from the egde and go back to the safe confines of my room? |
| Recently, I went to see a counselor for myself. An odd experience. He said stretched out over a chair, and bounced about a bit. He was not what I expected. Grilling me, a bit rude I felt, pushy... even odder, I like him. He pushed me to really question the things I have been doing. He questioned my perceptions, and honestly, had me pegged within 10 minutes. He knew I was a caretaker personality, pointing out that I even "caretake" in my job. He asked me "Who takes care of you?". Sadly, I realized no one, not even me. I'm too busy taking care of everyone else. He also knew about my rose colored glasses trick, and I thought I had that pretty well hidden. What I learned was that... I can be that person that I portray to others. In fact, I *am* that person, it's just I don't believe in me. My insecurities eat away at me, begging constant feeding, 'does he love me?' 'did I do a good job?' 'are they mad at me?' 'am I good enough?' and I'm sure there are many more. What I also realized, is that while it's good to do for others, it's all for naught if you don't put yourself first. He made me promise to do one thing differently, one change...now to decide what that will be. Crazy is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. Guess that makes me crazy. |
I once knew a girl who was so confident it bordered on cockiness. She was bold and brazen, and smart. She always seemed to be one step ahead of everyone else. Life was an adventure, an unexplored ocean of opportunities to be mapped. She set out on each day with excitement and a sense of entitlement. Nothing could stop her, and setbacks only fueled her determination to succeed at all costs. She demanded that others take notice of her, and they did. I wonder where she is...I miss her. |
| I suppose this would be a good time for an intro. It would also be a good time for me to admit I am fairly new to WDC, so WritingML is new to me. I've never been one much like having to do the "About Me" in front of the crowd, so how about I just start in the middle and we'll go from there? I'm 38. I remember when I thought 38 was so old. Now, I'm here, and it's not as old as I thought. I was thinking that I'm more than likely halfway through my life. I've do so much. Some I'm proud of, other things, not so much. I'm at a crossroad in my life, and it's time to make a decision, forwards into the unknown? Retreat in the past, even though there is some unpleasantness there? Hang a sharp right? Veer left? So many choices, all of them with valid pros and cons. So, as I set off on this adventure, I invite you all to join me. But be forewarned, I can't promise to stop and ask for directions if we get lost on the way. |
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