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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/books/item_id/1054703-Break-the-Cycle/sort_by/entry_order DESC, entry_creation_time DESC/page/4
Rated: GC · Book · Personal · #1054703
before it gets too out of hand.
I see clouds reflecting off my lenses....


For me, anger has been an issue since the earliest days of my adolescence. Managing it has never been a top priority, though. As a result, I have paid dearly for the consequences of my most potent emotion. By the time I reached the age of 18, however, I decided to get it under control. This attempt resulted in failure, though, and my anger has continued to flourish to an extent. Turth is, though, this can't go on any longer, as my anger has become internally self-destructive, resulting in crippling internal stress that has robbed me of my energy and is pushing me back into the depths of depression. If I don't get a grip, I may likely be dead before I turn thirty, either by suicide or cardiopulmonary disease.

When I look at my anger, though, I can't imagine myself without it. It has been my muse on several occassions, and on some days, it's been my main reason to get out of bed. I have been enjoying feeding off the euphoria of anger-provoked revenge for the past few years, and it's about as addictive as cocaine. How do I break free from this vicious circular thinking and make things right in my life for once? That's what I hope to find out through my scribblings here.

This particular blog won't be updated daily or perhaps even weekly. It will be updated when I feel the need to discuss how this journey is progressing or regressing. All I ask is you keep an open mind with this journal. One thing I can admit right off the bat is preaching to me sets me off something fierce. If you try to preach to me in any way, I will not make any progress. I appreciate support, but remember that I'm the one who must make the choice to accept your advice. This is up to me and only me. I'm the one who must break the cycle.
Previous ... 1 2 3 -4- 5 ... Next
February 15, 2006 at 10:27pm
February 15, 2006 at 10:27pm
#407076
Though adding other emotions when I'm angry might be considered more of a factor than a trigger, I list it as a trigger. Why? When other emotions course through me and coincide with anger, it's very difficult to clamp down on the psychosomatic reactions I tend to experience. There are even rare cases in which another emotion has triggered my anger. As far as the emotions experienced alongside anger go, they run the gamut from motivation to fix something to lamenting shit over which I have no control. This trigger is quite rare for me, as my anger is somewhat focused on one person or situation 90% of the time. Oddly enough, though, this trigger always happens after I attend class; the subject doesn't matter, although literature and history classes tend to be biggies.

I'm not sure what to do about this trigger, though, since it usually proceeds deep thought. Thing is, thinking deep is something I enjoy doing, and I consider not thinking deep at least once a day to be a criminal offense. Those who read my journal tend to see this more than others who aren't so privy to my inner thoughts. Sometimes, I don't always have immediate access to my journal, and I have discovered jotting my opinions on paper to be a rather dangerous action. So, it gets cluttered in my head, and after a while, it boils something wicked. The solution to this trigger is easy...but not. When I can't get to my journal, I'm adrift and at the whim of my emotions, physically and mentally. I have started sketching bad cartoons (as in bad quality) to purge my anger. It has worked to an extent, but it mostly serves as a temporary tranquilizer. Thing is, this trigger is so rare, and until today, it never really flared up to the point where one writing wasn't enough to purge it.
February 10, 2006 at 12:27am
February 10, 2006 at 12:27am
#405785
I've mentioned my misogyny in my journal before, but I've never recognized it as an anger trigger until tonight. See, unlike frustration (which I'm having a hard time confronting for some reason), annoyance and ignorance, my misogyny has been more subtle and has not interfered as frequently with my self control. Ever since I graduated college, though, it's steadily gone downhill. Moving into an apartment shared wiith three other females has definitely exacerbated it. However, it never really flared up except when I'm under extreme amounts of stress. Well, recently my life has been a huge mess of stressors including sick relatives, changes at my job, financial problems, car troubles and a hectic school schedule. Having roommates who nag, ask asinine questions and are slovenly hypocrites doesn't help. The kicker, though...is being a mod. I can't go into detail, but I'll gave you the bare facts. The vast majority of mods are female. So, when there's a discussion, a fair amount of women are involved. And let's face it. Women love to complain no matter who, where or how they are. Bitching is very much a part of the day. Sometimes, though, it gets so out of control I feel they're losing sight of how to fix things, instead coasting on the bitching momentum. Hell, I've seen this in the preferreds' forum, and it pissed me off (although my reasons were a little different at the time). Point is, I can only handle X amount of bitching before I start going off, be it verbally or physically. Verbal aggression usually results in ranting (and oddly brief) journal entries or sometimes (if in physically being able to confront the person in question) yelling at the female and saying enough shit to make her break down in public. As far as physical aggression is concerned, I used to take it out on others. I once hit a girl in the back in sixth grade, and I managed to hurt her physically and emotionally. Back in those days, I gained a twisted sort of pride from being able to do that. Now, though, I look back on it...and feel numb, as though I know I fucked up and caused her to resent me with a shitload of emotion but at the same time still wanting to cling to a powerful accomplishment. Maybe its the misogyny talking there. Who knows? In any case, when faced with female bitching or fuck ups caused by a female, I usually take it out on myself physically. I'll hit myself, either using my fists (like earlier tonight) or other objects (including but not limited to computer monitors). Technically, this is self injury, but I rarely do this, and I refuse to draw my own blood in my injuries. I prefer just to bruise myself if i'm going to hurt myself at all. Usually, if I'm just stressed out to an extreme, I'll hit something in my car (poor Moby *Cry*), but I don't hit myself in any way unless a female is to blame for any part of my current stress. The only exclusions are female relatives and close friends. However, female classmates, co-workers and roommates are among the many types of females that will provoke me to go this far with my anger. I can do a semi-feasible job of handling general anger right now, but with misogyny-provoked anger, I have a feeling professional help will be needed, as i think it may actually be a mental disorder. Wouldn't surprise me with all the mental health problems in my family tree. Both sides.
February 4, 2006 at 12:44am
February 4, 2006 at 12:44am
#404470
Reports of me going into violent tantrums go back to my toddler years, as I was cited for biting my classmates in pre-school. After pre-school, my anger ebbed for a few years, but shouting matches and defying teachers proved to be new effects of my anger. There was an ebb after fourth grade, and then I locked myself down in sixth grade after my grandfather's death. After that, my anger became manifest in more destructive ways: fighting, violent artistic expressions, physical destruction of inanimate (and sometimes damn expensive objects) and even getting fired for arguing on the job. After high school, I began inflicting more of the anger on myself to prevent future firings from jobs. On the rare occassions I inflicted it on someone else, had my words be weapons, I'd have been sent to the electric chair for multiple murders.

So what's the point of this mini-bio? I typed it out to show how long I've had to deal with my anger. It simply boils down to a lifelong trait. Thus, I've been reluctant to get my anger under control. It's become so much a part of me I honestly don't know what's underneath when you remove my anger from the equation. Underneath might be a sweet, caring and intelligent person, but I don't want to be known for those things (well, I'll take the intelligence part *Pthb*). What I wish to be known for is something I've mined from my years of anger flare-ups: intimidation. I know it's so stereotypical, but I am trying to compensate for being short, not to mention protecting myself from an array of potential predators (mostly female). I have been known to give people looks that would indicate my blood was boiling right behind my irises and that they better be ready to run like the wind. I do not take crap from people, and I am not afraid of utilize an aggressive, even threatening, posture to communicate this point. If the fuckhead can't take the nonverbal cues, then I have no choice but to drag out the big guns: vicious language that impales the target straight in the gut and (if all else fails) beating. I usually can't use the beating one, but there are few occassions for it these days. Verbally, though, as I've said before, I seriously believe I have the ability to make Saddam Hussein cry and piss himself. Others...won't have a chance to write a suicide note. Simply put, I can be scary as hell when I want to be, and I'm damn proud of that. I really am.

As well, anger has tinted many of my stances on major issues. I've always been pro-choice, but becoming pissed at violence of the Christian idealistic hypocrites who bomb abortion clinics, I became pro-abortion. Anger towards bipartisan slacking inspired me to go into politics. The stupidity of average American kids? Anger spurred me to begin arguing for a national curriculum for public schools. How about IB curricula at every level of school? People coddling those with disabilities also pisses me off to no end, and I have already devoted a journal entry or two to it (see "No fucking clue). So as you can see, anger for me has become a tool, much like how early man harnessed fire power. I've used it to form a great deal of my persona *nods to Steev the Friction Wizurd *. Steve nailed it in an earlier comment so now the question becomes "Where do I go from here"? Yeah. To abolish something that has been such a huge part of my life is both something that needs to be done and also possibly the riskiest venture of my life. I fear I'm not going to have the power or ability to intimidate people as I currently have, and I feel subtracting my anger may sap me of the passion I'll need later on in life to wage a vigorous political campaign and later execute a significant term in office. I fear no one will perceive me as a force to be reckoned with, and that's what I want to be. I'm not the little girl who was regarded as disabled because she didn't talk at the standard age. I refuse to be seen as timid and not as capable as everyone else. I want to be seen as a formidable force capable of kicking collective ass as needed. Intellect and work brought me part of the way to that goal; anger, though, was the primary fuel. It's like the nation's oil depency, in a way, as both quagmires ask the same basic question.

How do we get out of this?
January 30, 2006 at 2:12am
January 30, 2006 at 2:12am
#403179
For me, family can be a major source of frustration (the next trigger I will be discussing). Don't get me wrong; I'm close to my family. However, since I am an only child, I tend to get more attention than I care to handle. In that vein, college has been bearable because I'm not constantly around my family, and I admit I tend not to keep that closely in touch with my family. That's usually because I'm here. *Pthb* All kidding aside, I do have a lot on my plate, and thus keeping tabs on my relatives gets moved to the back burner. At my age, it was bound to happen anyway. Perhaps it needed to happen. Without constantly being in my relatives' presence, I have been able to do what I want and not have to wrangle with the frustrations my relatives provoke.

Perhaps the two biggest culprits are my mother and my dad's mom. With my mom, it seems that my finances tend to be the breaking point in our relationship, as that's what we usually argue about when we do argue. When finances aren't involved in the conversation, we get along fairly well. As for my dad's mom...well, it boils down to differences in religious beliefs. She's a strict universal baptist; I'm a god-shunner. I sometimes refer to myself as an atheist because agnostic and non-denominational are inaccurate in describing my belief in god as a sadistic egomaniac that needs to be seriously humbled. I've never told my grandmother my beliefs, but it's that self-imposed silence that builds frustration. I find it excruciating to hear her say "God does this and God says that." I don't want to cause a family scandal by revealing my beliefs (as my mother's family is Catholic), but at the same time, hearing god talk is very offensive to me, and how I manage to put up with that shit remains a mystery to me. I'd like to think of it as a means of building up my patience (a decidedly lacking element in my life), but at the same time, I can't help but think I'm on my way to a coronary before I get a decrease in my car insurance. Yeah.

As for the rest of my family, I've learned how to deal. I have to since I have quite a few relatives living in the same state as me. Sure, I'm still annoyed by my mom's incessant nagging and my grandfather's constant exasperation with her. However, I don't feel violent when it kicks into high gear. Seems to be that exposure to family is key to maintaining a semblance of sanity. I just doubt my relatives will let that happen.
January 22, 2006 at 12:27am
January 22, 2006 at 12:27am
#401236
Okay, that was a vague title, but basically it means don't whisper about me when I can hear you, or online it means don't journal about me because I'll eventually find out. It's not cool. While I'm often offended by what you say about me, I'm mostly upset about you not saying it to my face. That indirect knowledge is what hurts me more than the opinion itself. I'm a tough opponent in debate. I recognize that. But I'm not so iron-hearted that I won't blink when I see you beat my opinions in your journal. My question is this. Why do you feel the need to hide your opinions from me when I have no fear of making mine public? To me, it screams cowardice. I'm not fearing the opposition. Why should you? It seems I'm willing to go to bat for what I think and feel...but I'm the only one.

If you think about that, though, this is all the more reason for people to stand up and directly counter an opinion which clashes with yours. Ever notice how rare this is in many aspects of modern life? All the bullshit is swapped behind closed doors where the person with the opposed argument hears exactly jack and squat. Well, then there's later on, when a random interloper strolls on by and drops off a news fragment to the unsuspecting sap whose opinion got slaughtered in the room. Well, so much for the secret annihilation, eh? It's all a matter of what comes around and what goes around. Seriously. I feel journals on the site operate in a similar fashion. When I put my thoughts on display, I present them for debate. Not too many people take me up on the offer, though. Thing is, my journal is both for me and for an audience, so if my stance is called into question directly (e-mail), I'm not afraid to debate. If I need to rant about someone on site (which happens), I usually wait until after I've confronted the person, and even then, I won't rant publically. I try to avoid this situation at all costs, but in the near four years I have been on this site, it has occassionally come to that point. I accept this as part of the Writing.com territory, though, and have devised a respectful way to go about it. When I'm pissed, I'm not shy about name dropping, so my site rants are hidden. Offline, though, I'll go straight for the kill and name names (even if I sometimes change them to keep myself out of potential legal trouble, keeping myself from getting kicked out, etc.). By the time I get to my journal in most cases, I've already made my stance known to my opponent. Onsite, in my mod role, I avoid no-holds barred, all-out, ass kicking confrontation (although I will e-mail some people and say "Hey, what are you doing?"). Otherwise, I'm not afraid of confrontation. The trick is to keep from getting violent. Trust me. When a kid scratched a CD my ex-boyfriend gave me, I punched that son of a bitch several times. He wasn't hurt since my punches were fairly weak, but I did enough of a job of hurting his pride since he tried to sneak away after scratching the disk. Moral of the story? If you have a beef with me, I advise you to be straight up about it because I will find out about it. Online and off, I have my ways of uncovering information. I can get over your opinion pretty damn quickly, but I'm not very forgiving if I learn about your opinion secondhand. That really chaps my ass.
January 18, 2006 at 1:48am
January 18, 2006 at 1:48am
#400195
As a whole, I actually enjoy working for a living. I feel like I'm accomplishing something significant, and money is always helpful. I will say I've been lucky thus far to generally make enough money to live a comfortable lifestyle, although there are always exceptions to that rule. My main contention point, though, has always been co-workers. It seems so mundane, but when it comes to my fellow employees, I can be a black-and-white bitch. Either I adore you or I want to rip out your entrails and feed them to some rapists. There's very little in between. Why is that? I honestly don't know. If I had to guess. I'd say it's because when it comes to teamwork, I'm not a natural at it. I have some difficulty working with others and tend to like to do things own. Plus, in work environments, it takes me a while to get over my shyness, as I try to balance keeping my superiors happy while taking initiative. So for a while, I'm distrustful of many, as I fear they're saying shit about me behind my back. When they get on my case about something, then I start the process of determining who will make my life miserable and who won't. Do I let these people make my life miserable? Indirectly. I will be the first to say I cannot assimilate into a work environment all by myself. I need help from my co-workers and superiors. When someone is harsh or annoyed in their criticisms and reactions, the assimilation process becomes that much more difficult for me. Oddly, in the workplace I am most sensitive. I can be damn insensitive and not give a damn in many situations, but working can breed a strange sense of self-consciousness. That said, co-workers have the potential to annoy me, frustrate me and occassionally betray me. Co-workers factor into all my triggers, and in the job-holding realm, they tend to be my most formidable opposing force. In fact, the only time I was ever fired from a job was due to getting into a loud argument with a co-worker who had negligible seniority and didn't care much for his job. Granted, I was not happy with this job and was in the process of seeking another source of unemployment. However, one little delay caused by this co-worker set me off in such a...violent way I was out of a job the next day. I've wondered for years if they wanted me out because I didn't fit in with the rest of the crew, a group of people so unlike me. Thing is, I did become friendly with some of the people there, and they were the reason I stayed as long as I did. I fear the same might happen in my current job, as my annoyance ebbs and flows, so my assimilation into this workplace doesn't feel stable. I fear pissing off my co-workers, but at the same time, the stress of dealing with diverse personalities that seem unwilling to acknowledge a shy female is a burden I'm uncertain how to handle. This is a bit of a quagmire for me, and I'm worried it will impair my ability to work later on in life.
January 17, 2006 at 12:28am
January 17, 2006 at 12:28am
#399945
I haven't had reason to be truly pissed off, but I have been through a rough time. I feel so broken, as one of the few truly therapeutic measures I've taken for my anger is temporarily not available. What is that? Driving. I love to drive, as it serves multiple functions when it comes to my anger. On emptier roads, speeding enables me to handle the adrenaline rages I sometimes get when I'm really livid. On any road, concentrating on the road diverts my attention from fixating on what has caused me to be so hopping mad. It also converts my hormonal energy into mental energy, enabling me to be more lucid (if nothing else) in my thinking. When I have my own car (whether owning or renting), I can get a grip. Without it, though...I'm a wreck. I'm not really angry right now, but I'm kicking myself for getting into this compound situation of a broken automobile and being in debt at the same time. It hurts me to know I brought this upon myself. I need no reminders of it. I can myself up over it quite nicely, thank you very much. Oddly enough, I'd love to drive even a rental just to relieve a little bit of the stress, but I can't even manage that I have so little money.

I know when I'm back behind the wheel I'll feel worlds better, and I realize it'll take some steps to get there. However, I'm so frightened, worrying when these steps will crumble beneath my feet and leaving me in an even bigger hole. How far will I keep falling, and how many more times will I kick myself for all the mistakes I've made to lead me to this hellish debacle? How many more pained tears will fall before my vision clears and this is all over? Having my car provides a way for me to cope with the frustrations in life by giving me a haven. Without it, I feel like I'm behind square one, in a childlike state of vulneranility. When I get kicked diwn now, I'll be caught between fight and flight. I will want so desperately to unleash all the pain on that person that doesn't give a fuck how lost and alone I feel, but I'm trying to avoid that. How will I face the things that torment me the most? How can I negotiate with them? How can I maintain my composure when inside I am shot to shit?
January 12, 2006 at 10:45pm
January 12, 2006 at 10:45pm
#398966
If you haven't a clue as to what a headache is or have never had one, I recommend a head examination. *Pthb* All kidding aside, anger results in headaches of varying intensity. For the most part, the angrier I am, the stronger the headache. Along with tears, headaches are the most immediate effect my anger has on me. Normally, as my anger subsides, my headache goes away, so I don't bother with Advil or any other drugs. I've been rethinking this strategy, though, as I am beginning to wonder if it's just the same headache time and again. My anger headaches tend to start in the temples and mess with my sinuses. They come on as I feel myself on the verge of yelling at a person, but when I opt to keep my yap shut, the pressure builds. After about twenty minutes, the pain will ebb a little, but the pain doesn't totally recede until I am in an environment completely removed from the tense situation. For example, I'll get really ticked with a co-worker at work. I 'll have the headache until I'm in the parking lot heading home for the day. That's basically the duration of my headaches. Along with the pain, I sometimes deal with nasal discharge and the constant need to pop my ears. I sometimes also become lightheaded, although that tends to happen more with brief flashes of anger than the long distance headaches. It may be due to my repeated eustachian tube issues, but I'm honestly not sure. So for now, headaches are a physical manifestation of my anger. However, in conjunction with my anger, there may be an underlying physical ailment responsible for the intensity.

For some reason, only drugs and sleep seem to do anything for my headaches. I'm not a relaxing type when a non-pharmaceutical will abate the ache. It can be an all or nothing issue for me.
January 11, 2006 at 12:44am
January 11, 2006 at 12:44am
#398510
A comment made about a film in my history class sparked some old memories of times when I was angry. In particular, I remember the latter half of 2002, the year I turned 18. 18 had to be one of the most agonizing years of my life, and these two incidents lead to my near in ability to function in early 2003. Both of these incidents could be considered abuse in some form or another, and if reading about incest and/or teacher misconduct upsets you, I highly recommend scanning past this (even though I will leave out some details).

The first is the incest, or near incest in this case. In 2002, my mom's cousin (N) was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. Besides being physically debilitating, MS can also drastically alter a person's behavior. In N's case, he developed an unhealthy obsession with my mom, trying to split up her and my dad. He stalked her, took things from the house and left many disruptive messages at the house. Needless to say, my entire family was on edge when it came to N. Even the police became involved after he violated numerous restraining orders. My dad was livid, but his words could not match what I wanted to do. I wanted to kill N with my bare hands. I even told my mother this, but she told me to shut my trap for fear it'd be interpreted as a threat and therefore land me in a spot of legal trouble. Still, his behavior caused at first tension in my close-knit family, but eventually most of my relatives sided with my mother, and we cut ourselves off from N. Even so, nearly a year passed before he finally left us alone. This incident was never really mentioned during the time I was in therapy during my senior year, but at the time, it was to stunning to even consider. In fact, only in the past few months have I thought about how damaging this incident was for me. For me, though, the big thing is knowing what happened to N, mainly is he even still alive. His twin brother also had MS that severely disabled him in a few years after his diagnosis. I wonder what kind of shape N is in if he's still living. Though I was angry as a youth, I now feel a sense of guilt and lingering angst. I want to shut the door on this, but the only way my mind is willing to let go is to find out if threat is still in this world with us. I need to know if he'd be able to sneak up on my unsuspecting family, thus triggering long dormant rage.

The second one has to do with inappropriate conduct from one of my teachers. This incident preceeded the one with N by a couple months. As opposed to what happened with N, I have discussed this incident several times before. To summarize, my band director lightly rubbed my foot as I lay on the band office couch crying. What I have not discussed, though, is the role of anger in this incident. Prior to this, marching rehearsal had been extremely frustrating, especially for a soul who had next to no patience as a teenager. The rehearsal the day before had been exceptionally challenging to endure, as the director himself kept losing his patience with the band. After that rehearsal, I was ready to quit band, and during my last class of the day (being watched by a substitute) I went to talk to him. It started out a normal enough conversation in which I stated I was too frustrated to go on even though I enjoyed playing saxophone (and wasn't too bad at it, either). Soon, though, I lost control of my voice and anger. My arguments started running in circles, and I was getting so ticked I was in tears. Back then, I only cried when I was angry. I didn't cry when I was sad and have only recently begun to cry for reasons other than anger. Still, by losing control of my anger, I was the recipient of an unwelcome action that to this day makes me bitter towards the (unfortunately attractive) former teacher. I think what did it for me was that prior to this we didn't always speak but had a relatively stable working relationship, and I felt I could trust him. Because I lost control, he put himself in the position to violate that trust. This event changed our working relationship in negative ways, something I have also discussed in the past. Am I still upset about this? Well, I'm not as angry as I was before. However, I'm still miffed that his treatnent of me after the advance caused serious rifts in the relationship I had with my boyfriend at the time, a rift that drove my boyfriend and I apart. Interestingly, when my boyfriend and I finally broke up, he was grieving his deceased grandmother, and my family was having problems with N. I suppose that had either the family woes or the rift been removed from the equation we may have had a better (and maybe longer) relationship. So maybe I'm just bitter these days, as licking the wounds has left a putrid taste in my mouth that Listerine is only working on eliminating.

These incidents were fairly long ago, but as you can tell still weigh a it on my mind. I don't devote a little time to them everyday, but the memories are still there, and unfortunately you just don't forget shit like that. I suppose I should be thankful that they haven't debilitated me emotionally to the point I can barely claim sanity. However, those memories do sometimes fuel my fury.
January 8, 2006 at 10:14pm
January 8, 2006 at 10:14pm
#397901
I guess the 64 million dollar question is what is a factor? In the context of my anger blog, a factor is something of a "miscellaneous" category. Factors can be facets of triggers, memories of incidents which tested my ability to express my anger and discussion of patterns in my actions.

So what is my annoyance factor? Well, basically, being annoyed by little things can result in anger. I can deal with up to three annoying instances in one day. After that, I start to lose my patience. How I handle multiple annoyances varies. If I'm in a situation where I don't feel comfortable, I tend to hold it in, which results in headaches or inflammation of a problem nerve near my neck. If I'm in a situation where I feel comfortable but fear the consequences of lashing out, I'll restrict my speech and put a threatening edge in my voice. If I'm in a situation where I feel no fear at all, I'll be physical, either in yelling or in some cases punching people. Hell, I sprained my wrist punching someone due to annoyance-laden anger. I can assure you I exercised more sense when punching people in the future. With annoyance, though, my reactions are not usually that severe. I recall one instance where a co-worker who had been chapping my ass pushed me too far by walking into restricted territory on his day off. People who witnessed it will tell you they were waiting for me to sprout horns. I didn't get physical, but I bellowed and ordered said co-worker to get out. That co-worker didn't dare to talk to me for three weeks. So yes, even when I just yell at people I can prove to be a scary individual. Making me let my guard down just for annoyance doesn't bode well for the morons that dare to do that, as I'm more likely to target more vicious waves of anger at you, even if you're completely innocent. With annoying behaviors, you make yourself one of my punching bags. Consider yourself warned.

So what annoys me? I don't think you have that much time. *Pthb* A lot of what annoys me is what I can't control: people excessively complaining, invasion of privacy, a failure to follow simple instructions, people wrecking just finished work, those who excessively flaunt themselves, you get the picture. In fact, I have devoted a couple works to this factor:

 Pathos Regime  (18+)
The cons of American youth
#933047 by Elisa the Bunny Stik


 Winded  (13+)
A tired Floridian's musings on Hurricane Season 2005
#1027019 by Elisa the Bunny Stik


The question of how to handle annoyance remains. The problem is, I react so quickly to annoyance I can never stop myself from feeling annoyed. The deep breath method has resulted in mild panic attacks on a couple occassions. Getting away from the situation seems to be the best method, but I'm unsure what to do when that isn't an option.

I suspect, though, annoyance will be discussed again in the future.

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