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Rated: 18+ · Book · Spiritual · #1149750
10k views, 2x BestPoetryCollection. A nothing from nowhere cast words to a world wide wind
Like one of those adventure games where you go off questing in different directions but you don’t advance like the others. You earn pretty medallions gallantly while other players buy, sell and trade at market to get ahead without moving an inch. Slow burn…hey? You’d rather keep your dignity, or try to figure out their game. That’s where you really get lost. Game full of misdirects leads right back to start over and over. You could have stayed on your quest. Now, you have this.

Redacted, censored, gaslighted…must be doing something right, my old boss would say. I’m not a sociopath, he tells himself. Equal parts, then? Mom should have had me tested. Because, life of turmoil produces stuff like this. Not going to call it beautiful agony…it gets a bit ugly.Tap on them. It’s part of the quest…see where I’ve been; see who I am:


         
                   
                                       
                   
                   
        
         


Right. I redact myself. The beautiful mess you made. Who are you?
If I’ve been denied the right of knowledge, I’ve earned the right to judge.
         |
Without knowledge, who’s to judge?
         |
No gavel; no voice.

"...politely reedy but ambitiously eclectic—moving effortlessly from hen-picking and bottleneck slides to a full deck of chucka-chucka rhythm figures."

I had a lover's quarrel with the world - Robert Frost

         |
I'm sorry you got caught in the middle.

*Neurodivergent poet.
*Don’t judge/hate. I love.
*Honesty without mincing words.
*Dump your prejudice outside my door. Hope you leave it on the way out.
*Nothing to fear but people who surround themselves with rules, can’t be touched.
*Real dialogue accepted.

My words collect, arrange on a kaleidoscope spectrum. The true experience/acknowledgment of my writing yet to come...long after I’ve left WDC, am dead, or both.

Truly been a blessing, but I've been pushing it — envelope, push world and all inhabitants away, push buttons to find boundaries, having no clue or told where they lie, where I've lived in your dark. Now and then, push dirt out of this hole; someone/thing/entity might envision me the way I need to be viewed. (if I knew what that was. Cryptic, I know. Try living in my dark, find comfort amid the strange, virtual walls that tempt me to try).
*The parenthetical lawyer up?



Foot free, I’m all over the place.
 
"Note: Poetry: life’s little interruptions amassing int..."
 

Best Poetry Collection 2X, nominated three years. What does it mean? I was enjoying myself, head bagged. A happy idiot. Something messed with that. I won’t be a coward; not starting feuds or wars over ideals and beliefs. We all know that’s a pile of crap packaged with dreams of pretty things to sell the next boob that walks by. *Clown*

Been more than I could imagine or expect. My achievements aren’t going on a LinkedIn wall. But, I get it. You're sick of me. It's how I feel about myself when I dig deeper, push boundaries. Don’t care my words that aim for honesty, either brave or veiled cowardice, flinchingly flung, inadvertently hit a target. Get a back off shoulder shot for asking your motivations to write…won’t get me to bend over backwards to appease, again.

There’s no prize to eye, not properly incentivized. So, does it mean when dealt the worst two cards before the flop, do the best with what you got? Yeah, rigged. Yeah, other tables — other ‘games’. But, something in my gut I’ll never be rid.



My Pluggers:
You are an icon here.*BigSmile*
You suffer, but you suffer brilliantly. Wow, what a great writer.{/blue}*Heart*


It’s like plugging myself, but using other people’s (reviewers) words…Review of "Life’s Little Misdirections 🥀🦋"
Your poetic muse is on fire! *Fire* Some great emotion, well-balance(d), lovely lyrical qualities -- even the ones that were written out of sadness or anger came through in a clever cadence…It's obvious you've put a lot of work into each entry and the totality of the blog has eye appeal. *Cool*

 
Published four times with one a literary journal, including… *PointRight*   "The Tender Core (Sedona)
I don’t submit because it’s too much work. Truly alone, know no one cares to show they believe/support me. Lip service feeds delusion. I’ve seen a lot of smoldering and snow. Try not be cynical, work hard at openness and consideration — work, sooo…gut thing.

*Toilet* *RibbonW* Merit Badge in Taboo Words
[Click For More Info]

Brian,

Congratulations! You won 1st Place in Taboo Words with your fantastic poem, [Link to Book Entry #1027659]. 

I absolutely loved this! *^*Heart*^*

Rachel Merit Badge in Poetry
[Click For More Info]

    Thanks you for supporting the  [Link To Item #power]  with an order to the  [Link To Item #powergifts] ! We appreciate it. *^*Heartv*^* Keep writing the beautiful poetry. [Link to Book Entry #1027659] is an awesome poem! *^*Starv*^* ~Lornda

 
Love my process constructing and sharing visions in words collected (no small task considering personal and physical limitations, see below).


August 28, 2006 this blog opened

BOOK
SuperNova Afterglow: End Of Days  (18+)
All that remains: here in my afterlife as a 'mainstream' blogger, with what little I know.
#1300042 by He’s Brian K Compton


No specific aim going forward (2014)

 
What I used to say: 'Maybe, I just don't get it. Watch me fumble with my version of reality, expose ignorance as truth. You don't have to get me, either. But, wish someone would explain me to myself.' Now I say: *Cool* *FacePalm* Now: I was such a whore.
 


*Laugh*This is old….
What? Oh, this? A rhetorical, self-motivational speech I'm working on.
Don't just read the parts to construct your theory, as if to confirm (construed out of context) your opinion, mentally-stunted Neanderthal. Therapist wants me to be less negative toward myself. I see it as attacking, rather than being defensive. Fear I will chomp too many bullets unintentionally sent toward the unsuspecting.
If you can be triggered for stupid reasons, then I?
…just looked like me rolling around on the floor with myself.*RollEyes*
             



What Was NEW

Who am I, you ask? My mirror knows that question, repeated daily.

Just trying to create a little buzz, not boost my ego.

#amwriting #poetry #blog #contest #freeverse #award #bestpoetry #freyaridings #lyrics #music #video #YouTube

Can you believe it took this long for someone to put a quarter in me and push the button GET ANGRY?
 

Mud 4 My Eye: Is that you, Poo? 💩 Secret Back Door

The Best Poetry Collection on Writing.Com
March 31, 2023 at 12:53pm
March 31, 2023 at 12:53pm
#1047238
I can take every thing I've ever written and throw it in the trash...right now. And, start over. A new era has dawned.

It's that meaningless; though, historically significant, as I move forth with waged words encrypted, easily solvable, but not loveable...to the likes of who? Oh, your friends. Sorry. Does that mean I am an enemy? No.

I've devised meaning within the subcultures of a much larger construct, incentivizing parties within to war with one another, or just play nice, with their words. PC, you know? Slowly, being redacted. Not studying our own ignorance, but ironically blacking out the text of the past, deleting old episodes that showed where we were on the path to where we have come. Without that bridge, you can no longer look back and look into the present day mirror to clearly see your image. And, just image a generation that studies social culture and symbolic language through the internet, without ever picking up a classic novel, learning history, or advancing beyond a second grade, rudimentary, 12-year-old's imagination of the universe. Can we distract more geniuses with unprovable math and Hadron collider's while sipping on more of Elon Musk's gas?

3.31.23

workshopping this, too. Edit later? Tired of my own bullshit. Really. I don't want to be a modern day Holden Caulfield than pay Tom Sawyer's fee to paint a virtual fence from the most wildest (revealing) dreams...but only one color. Monochrome is the color of dreams. Let's avoid red.

What's in this coffee?
Stay focused, Brian.
Sorry, that's my schizoid other half, life partner. We're inseparable.
Use it to jail me, as I use as defense to stay out of invisible traps to social imprisonment.
Nicer than gas chambers.
What am I implying? What do you infer? can you? read? between? the lines??
Huh?
Exactly.
Nah, we don't connect. Wrong audience?
Not looking for one. Do want to get off this line, if - I - could - just - hang - up...
*dial tone* (anyone remember...at all?)

def. editing later
DEL no anagram can get me. maybe an emoji. how much time do you have to read symbols in this cave and clue it altogether? Yeah, I know.

;erft pf cenmter tjhos os whjat i wrptoe. *Rolleyes*

an now it's noon.
more *CoffeeBl*
Excuse. I'll have some commas to insert, later.
March 26, 2023 at 7:15am
March 26, 2023 at 7:15am
#1047000
Validation
when you need it
you're broken
when you want it
you're vulnerable

We seek salvation
without owning our sins
And with that loose thread
someone is likely to see
and give it a yank

Bear your soul
with half your head buried
in a thick, icy glass you drain --
need is superseded by want
for a costly refill

You can go a long time
between servings as if
you've been without love
and you will kill yourself inside
to get on the outside

No one has to own your sins
They will own you
if you let them
because you need
human contact, validation

But if you have pride
and experience
and have been tormented
from the weakest to the most manipulative
you stand back up, step away

brush yourself off
and go on a new mission
because self-fulfillment comes
from tormenting anyone who represents
those that took your life

you're alread dead
you have nothing to lose
pride as a motivator is fueled
by controlled rage inside a highly functioning mind
that never sleeps until...


3.26.23

My name...is Inigo Montoya...
March 21, 2023 at 10:17pm
March 21, 2023 at 10:17pm
#1046821
Run From Yourself (Lyrics)

Where do you go?
Where can you go?
When you run from reality.
It’s a form of insanity.

Out on the road.
Don’t know where to go.
You’re stuck in reality, insanity.
What can you know?

Run far from it all.
Get as far as you can.
No one you know.
No one you depend.

Mirror splash on the wall.
Swimming in the insanity.
Image distorts you small.
Can’t live with conformity.

Why do you run?
Why carry a gun?
Everyone left behind.
It chases your mind.

Reflection bears in the hall.
Ever since you were small.
Can’t leave it behind.
Everything will remind.

Out on the road.
Seeking out your reality.
It’s a heavy load.
Can’t live with conformity.

You’re the only one.
What good is your gun?
Hear everything smash —
Crash of mirror glass.

No one will see
In a lonely scene.
Out on the road.
Out on the road.

Words echo in here
before finally near,
A frozen horizon
And it’s setting you fast.


3.21.23

After 3rd episoode of Burn Notive, inspired by main character’s plight.
March 14, 2023 at 11:46am
March 14, 2023 at 11:46am
#1046382
the moths gather at night
but do not near my dim light
scum of life hardens a glass shell
housing this hot bulbs flickering

the moon crickets chirp their loudest
bow legs do not rosin up in my thick
damped by flood waters seeping,
steeping thoughts keep interrupting

I do not intersect with the crossroads life

sparrows flock to fullest feeders flowing
squirrels ravage and
March 13, 2023 at 6:10pm
March 13, 2023 at 6:10pm
#1046354
twang, twang
is that okay?
you look the other way
my confusion apparent
your back, what I was staring at

I've been wanting to share
the ups and downs,
how to turn over a frown
but my strings might be too tight
i'll adjust tonight
and sing another song

CHORUS: wish i could bend that ear
have it near
to know you care
what i've shared with you,
special you.

you do know, you're special
to me? not sure
how you'll feel
if i directly express these feelings
now lyrical, but
maybe not as smooth
as i wanted it to be

CHORUS: wish i could bend that ear
have it near
to know you care
what i've shared with you,
special you.

let's just look at the moon
and wonder how
it absorbs the fire of one, consumed,
93 million miles away,
even at night.



3.13.23



yearning true acceptance, community, not false flattery
March 13, 2023 at 12:18pm
March 13, 2023 at 12:18pm
#1046336
i can't selectively delete portions of myself.

though, in a science fiction novel --
a man has the ability to reverse aging
back to when he was young and chiseled, a blond Adonis, but
carries all the baggage of his younger years behind a blue-eyed façade. But,
he has unlimited access to a time machine (with no stipulations for outcome)
and goes back (and forward) to meet the most beautiful women --
just to know if he is worthy of their attention, and learns
it's having lived that's more important than physical appearance, but
his looks are what first informed him he was (finally) acceptable to others before,
one by one, they rejected him because he was lacking
confidence, independence and a vision for his life, because
he was stuck -- stuck in a childhood that imprisons him in the after life,
future life, in his travels throughout outer space -- black, black void, space.

fictional men in sci-fi novels, written to life, are wrong (sorry Han), because
their nerdy masters (with the fire of all spite) do not know how to envision
failure before it repeats itself. and cliché, and true.
just ask Einstein, who has a handy quip, stupid.


3.13.23

this needs further vision, information, but like a writer, crafting a cautionary tale for oneself.
we are not who we seem, even in imagination.
March 13, 2023 at 11:48am
March 13, 2023 at 11:48am
#1046333
Week 35 PPC

Week 36 PPC

Week 37 PPC

Week 38 PPC



March 10, 2023 at 11:33am
March 10, 2023 at 11:33am
#1046181
If you can relate…

https://www.reddit.com/r/aspergers/comments/jvt8y6/ive_realized_as_an_adult_im_i...

…because I can…100 percent…or about 95ish?

I will read the full Reddit thread someday…it’s just…my ADHD…?

3.10.23

Why Do I Care (um, Why Care?)

Abused
Confused
Conspiracy theorist
Thoughts contorted
Unsupported
Are you gaslighting me?
But, not insane…me too, or
why not me?
Why?
Me?
Me don’t know, and
why not you, or
did you know?
Kept from me?
This seasonal agony continues…
I’ve learned
it’s not your job to understand , and I…
I am the one who was built
with compassion
I’ve learned to employ, though
misapplied?
Deep in it now?
Educating myself to dispell
any informed hatred
I applied, told myself
Unworthy
No worth? But,
Not my baggage anymore
I like this thing you call indifference
Can’t seem to uncare
Maybe, I’ll figure it out,
besides
rambling.

Now, to the matter of sharing, then
editing and future cringe
possible change
of possible hypocrisy
that I don’t envision yet
showing
Showing?

It’s my own thread
that I pulled.
Unwoven
yet I can be seamless it seems, since
no one really calls me on it…
any more
Anymore?

And just like AI, I’m learning.
Danger, Will Robinson?
*robot arms like slinkies flailing*
I’m not funny
I’m not funny?

Still
learning…
but not when to STOP 🛑 ✋

Think a thing
Question a thing
Limbo
Forget
What was I thinking?
Rinse
March 9, 2023 at 1:43pm
March 9, 2023 at 1:43pm
#1046142
Can I speak to you, directly?
Why do you turn, run the other way?
Out of ear’s shot,
I’ll not strain my voice,
sweetly sing, gently ply
your poison. Why not hear,
before we’re dead
what puts a gleam in the eye
of one carefully ambling about you,
not as rigid as a zombie.
I’ll be dead, rigor mortise
instill a pale flesh
shadowed, yet fears your dark.
Needs
what your light could bring.
You sniff, distrust.
Just want to be real for awhile.
Delusion kills illusion
I’ll ever win space
in your chambers.


3.8.23
March 9, 2023 at 1:31pm
March 9, 2023 at 1:31pm
#1046140
It’s as if I composed it
echoing a vacuous theatre in my head.
What vibrates more than my love
when I write
little odes
to someone yet visited
beg eyes decipher coded dreams
the bitty clouds
forming in my head


3.8.23
March 9, 2023 at 1:16pm
March 9, 2023 at 1:16pm
#1046139
Recipe

Alone,
sequestered and comfortable
in the Best place —
fave drink (coffee am/bourbon pm) to lubricate.
Mood music that soothes, flows, doesn’t beg
an unsympathetic ear,
just a heart.

But, alone. Very, very alone —
a place conducive where none can insert.

I prefer moon over daybreak.
I prefer blues to intensify heartache.
Properly medicate
when wielding a hefted sword
bleeding its worth,
bleeding all my love,
hopefully drained.

Then, erase the board, or sleep.
Know a dream’s worth.



3.9.23

                   2-Time WDC Quill Winner: Best Poetry Collection, 2020 and 2021. NOMINATED for 2022!

For quill 2021 winners

BOOK
Life’s Little Misdirections 🥀🦋  (18+)
10k views, 2x BestPoetryCollection. A nothing from nowhere cast words to a world wide wind
#1149750 by He’s Brian K Compton


A book is coming…I keep telling myself…as all kinds of arbitrary deadlines near & pass…like blaring traffic. So, there’s that.
March 9, 2023 at 12:27am
March 9, 2023 at 12:27am
#1046126
It was you eight minutes ago
and you’ve changed.

More than 93 million miles from me
at the nearest,
you break away from a tenuous spot
before cloudy memory.

I didn’t have to be here to feel your heat,
captured in magnified view.

Further you travel from a weakening world,
blaze up the black,
blind all in your path,
burn them if they get too near.

They don’t know intensity of one so red,
blue-hot core within.

And you don’t know, I know you’re cold.

I can look up at night and imagine twinkling,
fire-breath contained in memory.
I knew bright beauty, now light years ahead
of a fading vision.

In just eight minutes, mascara daubed on,
awakened me. Wiped clean,
our clothes shed, when the last vibrant glimmer.

I could stay up with you all night,
bridge that gap,
a billion miles away from myself.

Not near enough, shutter slow, captured
one blurry, 4-year-old image, paling.
Reminds, it’s sooner than a trillion, as I’m
moving the other way, too.

Had to look back at one snap in time.
Tattering, does it matter anymore,
as we both explore
the dark side of our lives?




3.7.23/3.8.23
Idea of capturing the memory of something not present, that we are seeing light years away, like someone gone from our life. Can’t retrieve a fuzzy vision like before, without some imagination.
March 8, 2023 at 10:56pm
March 8, 2023 at 10:56pm
#1046123


Projector (Jump Cut)(In My DNA)

The projector cast spells on my eyes
squinting at bare walls
capturing frames of illusion
causing delusions from spools
of black, filmy stuff humming along
all night until dawn

spawning a bright window or two
but I don’t wake up
I don’t wake up
until shook and I quake
did I dream that?

what involuntary night response did I offer
as I shake my head
shake my head
can’t shake it off
as the projector reloads and spins again?

what a fool I have been
what a fool
what can I do
conditioned by this damned DNA
strung out, clipped and pasted?

I can’t jump cut these scenes
all through night
looping
looping
through dreams looped

legs twitch, head flails,
pillows thrown lay on the rug
not beneath my head
no support for a head
no support
none can know my dread

when the filmy stuff
spools out my mouth like vomit
I should quit here
I should have quit there
I can’t quit
someone clip my DNA

before I splice, tape
all the edited pieces that
I can’t throw away
never throw away

it’s in my DNA.



3.8.23

I go night, night now. Sweet dreams.
I would love a break…from my heart.

Rewrite for Shadows
I go night, night now. Sweet dreams.
I would love a break…from my heart.
March 6, 2023 at 11:09am
March 6, 2023 at 11:09am
#1046022
In the bitter battle against myself to complete a book of poetry and losing, I am reminded why I make notes at the end of each blogged poem. As neurodivergent in an unidentifiable location on the spectrum, I know I suffer short term memory loss that can lead to permanent memory loss. I could look at a life of concussions as another excuse. As an example, a poem I'm working on to include in the anthology with it's updated notes gives me perspective (at this hour):

Uttering Our Rosebuds

If I stop walking to start thinking
all old feelings and musings might rush back,
and with a new twist.
Something else crystalizes as truth
to diminish a melting illusion.
Or,
is it delusion that freezes me here
toying with a shape-shifting puzzle
not faithfully marveled, in want to understand?
stung by the white lies of life, until left
uttering our rosebuds in deathbeds?



9.9.18
12.11.22 more cohesive and inclusive to include reader with edits
3.6.23 deeper look at poem ending to create imagery to support this otherwise unsupported summation. Original version stored on WDC. ‘white lies’ the new emphasis? Just before first ‘Or’ could add ‘simple enough’ as a two word sentence at end of illusion line.
I think the second verse juxtaposes the first and it’s about thinking too much and getting caught up in our own lies, not living life but asking why life.

Additional note, supporting introductory thoughts: In pursuit of publication, is the focus that these poems are offered as some awakening as neurodivergent, atypical, ADHD sufferer seeking truth and solace through the construction of these self-evident, or searching for the truth postulations coined as poetry? The only handout I seek is peace of mind. I could just stop writing altogether. Then, moments later, he lifts the pen-finger again.

Yeah, I'll consider and edit further, later?? I'll actually make time for that?

pen-finger?

if only these walls echoed true answers instead of my warping, distorting voices in return. Nah. Could work on that, too.
March 3, 2023 at 4:30pm
March 3, 2023 at 4:30pm
#1045895
Wild words heaved like logs into our night fire.
Crackle, wild words; spark colorful fire light!
Pine twigs burn wild, glow rising fire higher,
spewing ash wild; dancing fire stirs our fright.
Bloom-flames white hot wild fire rages desire.
Drawn in lungs, heavy verses sung to air.
Oh, our stars! Flicker of flames lick each out!
'neath blanket, gray mist chill cannot despair
blackness in these blues crooning, I'm devout!


3.4.23
Neuvain (obscure poetry form, French?)
"The Neuvain.

Explain my attempt?
Words 'wild' and 'fire' come together in first half of poem by line five, as a form of showing love and fire growing together. I did not want to use wildfire as the tired expression or as disaster.

Usage Note

Creation time total: two hours, three minutes
because I'm legally blind, prone to err. *Rolleyes*
March 3, 2023 at 11:14am
March 3, 2023 at 11:14am
#1045872
Multitudes From An Unglazed, Shattered Heart
And the days after creation ignorantly wasted 'neath a truer light

None purposed a dim-lit brain before
hot as a broiled oven light
gases ignited the stove soul —
passion melting in metal bakeware.

Particles collided at higher rates of speed
until flashpoint. Perfection exploded
on walls designed to self-clean, except
the victim, clay heart, not glazed or red

still beats. Not put down, or out of misery,
rapid expansion projects beyond its container.
Vapor escapes, creates multitudes of universes
unnoticed, recreating eight whirling planets,

a precious princess within, lone denied dwarf
and micro-ball, center to all, centrifugal
as magnet. Yet, this hyperactive heart
of no known design grows infinite, light years

away and ahead of any that would understand,
repulsion spinning and distancing within
an immeasurable incipient void, readied to receive
its haywire, wayward pigeon splattering —

random atoms collecting, amassing more
devious, wobbly orbs — brilliant illumination —
fire-bright dust humans call stars in other,
as yet named, chocolate bars. In black,

lifeless journey propelled it to Hulk-smash
emptiness down random, interfering constructions.
No blue-print clutching contractor or laborers
viewed. Moving at careening pace, he cannot

conceive all in a monstrous wake. Unflinching,
does not hesitate. Word, word, word, adjective-
noun-verb — highlighted, asteroid punctuations
move about, collision courses redirected, redefine

affected systems it’s attaining. If only
humans could read beyond his opaque manner.
Only it manages imagine if he should steer free,
in a blink, drop finally in her sink to soak, scrub

microbial dust free for the rest of a century.
The oven cools at some point. The heart well below
it’s peak 1500 centigrade, she puts in a box -- cannot
be disposed. Remnants glued, acrylic applied, she sidles,

eyes it from one side. Lifted, lays by her bedside
on the stand with the lone switch-bulb installed
to burn alive her nights, comfort her silence,
when she can’t sleep, touching bubbled-smooth surface

and dream a day he roosts in quiet, like seasoned roast,
or drags himself across a dewy lawn, limps upstairs,
a battle-worn cat defeated. Tattered black fabric smelly,
he is designated a mattress side. She’ll remember when

they convened in the middle, intertwined, never too tired
from heat at flashpoint. He’d bring home the cosmos
in a brief case, if she let it past the door, never
framing its contents to adorn a wall. He lived and forgot

all. The brittle, clay blob/pot/pigeon dim-gloams,
needs fuel and a map for redirection home.


2.24.23

a bit much, like me, and difficult to sort out that big bang metaphor for a heart that bursts from its love and never returns to normal, though she thinks she can make use of him, though damaged as he tries to finding meaning in third person, as narrator, throughout and at end, retelling dramatically and otherwise boring story of societal affect on a highly functioning atypical person who suffered emotional devastation that takes a lifetime to heal from, opposed to the ease of the neurotypical.

there, I summarized it. it's my little monster poem all glued back together in one big blog thingy infinitely expanding as we/I speak/write (so folksy/yet not) and cannot stop the path the initial explosion caused. a calmer metaphor would be a stone dropped in water, ripples that ring/wave out until smooth as glass again, unless crash back, overlap, because of restricted size/space to spread, and resulting mental devastation, but still, returns to smooth...unless, windy, water added by rain and other sources, as murky puddle car tires and children smash, or...imagination depleted...finish yourself...
March 3, 2023 at 10:23am
March 3, 2023 at 10:23am
#1045871
putting down the toilet seat (post buffet ballad)
all will be revealed as I go off the deep end

Mission Impression part 1

From the sidelines
get a good seat
watch my origami unfold
don’t forget to take notes
my sociologist friends
if you can comprehend
insanity on a leash
boxed like a cat

grace is self-preservation

on what field my performance?
did you bring a drink, snack,
comfy blanket? ready
to be in awe? I see

that dull surprise lift eyebrows
fifteen-sixteenths of an inch

and in a moment now
mouth agape —
I can’t tell
if in awe or hungry.
eat your snack.
it may take awhile
to refine this act.
wait? you’re leaving?


Mission Reaction part 2

I should’ve been to the point.
and that would’ve been…?
Can someone give me a cue
how to act with you? in your houses?
none have visited mine.

you say something, I say something.
you walk away. do I follow?
information locks legs that sway,
hear the chorus, repeating line,
stay. stay. stay, when I want to play?

getting that I can be a bit much.
do you think it’s my choice? think,
like I have to — be in other shoes?
try walking in them. a bit big?
their invented adage, not mine.
unproductive.

instruct my cursed DNA.
information, restructure atoms, sequences
so I can come back…as what?
zebra, condor, polar bear, penguin?
I reserve the right to not lick my junk
and have access to public toilets.

Might be compelled to migrate.


Mission Projection part 3

not long. all my rights taken away.
I love my friends who are gay, swing
the other way. gender fluid could be
my style. I’m beautiful, you know? yes,
you know. over-employed, it has opened
code-doors to a lonely, clod-foot guy.

if I incorporate a sense of societal silence,
segregated boundaries realized, again. pain to near.

I was beautiful, blond, blue-eyed, tall —
from cherub to muscled, chiseled marble white.
now pigeon stained, crumbling in my Athens.
I still have my art-junk — I’ll not lick clean.

Onlookers point at a facade. I lied
and that is wrong. does it matter to you
since I’m alien to your race and ironically
not in minority, so, man-child whining
someone please place yourself in my Nikes?

a bit much, I’m getting harder to know.


Mission Unification (keep it together) part 4

insulate, isolate from perceived insult.
oh, that thing flung was said with love?
not giving anticipant public meltdown.
too proud for that. and, I never really
approached you. hope you found comfort
with a good sideline seat. it’s my final act.

I recoil from touch; friend or foe?
I really don’t know, and I forget.
and your name is…? not because
I don’t want to know. afraid to love you
and lose you like all the others who ask
how’d you get off your leash? insist,
get in an escapable box.

and I wonder, can you hear as I talk,
fill silence through and outside
societal-constructed walls? Where is
unity, your unifiers? not the spinsters.
humanity taken by gun 60 years ago?
of weapons, the greatest we lack —
financial resource and systemic philosophies
since Machiavelli to control.

hypocritical inversion, satire infused.
sorry, what joke is funny? do you even know
the division, where I squat in kennel?

world peace can bite my perfectly proportioned
rump. cut through diversion from you’re wound-up
mumbo-jumbo Trump. sorry if that sounds racist?
who taught you to respond that? how did you get
that many followers to salivate over grammatical buffoonery?
your thumb reposting nation? o-kay.

a bit off track. a bit? don’t mock me.
I’m mocking you. I’m going to be the pest
your nuclear tests cannot devastate from weighted
heels of your billion stomping boots. but know,
my DNA conditioned lifelong, too clever for that.

zombies feeding on flesh of your mediums
walk slow, can’t return love, but money
from wallets, collected from demigod employers
whose buddies rake it all back, because
what is life but stacks of red, white
and blue chips lost in the flash
of this reserved, casino life.


Unplanned: Coda

zombies dine on a buffet of hookers.
porn is bad. bran muffins are good.

putting down the toilet seat now…from where I shat.


3.2.23
Originally titled — zombies need hookers

you want positivity — fight for what is right.
segregated, clasping others mouths shut, they divided us
through social conditioning. you’re negative now, and we’re defeated.
serious, you can’t see that? won’t? right, you’re busy
thumbing that river of streaming whore buffet glut.
you’re the devil, negative.
you’re not a simpleton, just human. not positive enough.

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