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| October 19th, 2007 (1127) 500-a- day 1340 Words Well today is really shitty because I wiped out my whole thumb drive with all MY SIGGIES and IMAGES and CNOTES and everything else that was on this. This includes anything that I written in the past that I was going to put it in my journal, or anything in poems. I can’t believe that I did this. I sure hope that I can get this fixed and I can get my SD disk. I am going to scream!!!! I want to scream so loud. Thank good ness that I have it all in my port and WDC email. I am going to have sapphy getting into my email that is a gmail. We made it through the storms. When the news was on this morning and at lunch they had already declared that Owensboro and Western KY had at least 6 tornados that went through that area. That was really scary to know since I saw many of the places on the news for the last 6 hours of the day. I excited that I have gotten a few awesome pictures that were luckily on my memory card of my camera card. I was really upset that I was going to loose these too. I will be uploading them into my port. The pictures turned out really cool. Some I was hoping that you could see the Lightening but I do not see it at all. I will have to figure out how to get them so that I can have the lightening. Living across the Ohio River does make it a lot easier to see the clouds coming from Henderson and the vicinity!! I really can’t wait to mess with these and see what I can do. I have paintshoppro in this so I may use to mess with them Also have Corel on here too. I have a few other graphic ones that are a few years old but that would be cool to play with them with the clouds. You can see the dark and white of the clouds. It was like the coolest thing to zoom in to the clouds and actually figure out how to add items to the clouds. I was thinking if I could figure out how to set a butterfly on there that would be so cool. Or find a fairy butterfly that was sitting in a feathering cloud too. Or just having the clouds with the lightening in it too. I could not get that as well as I wanted too. Everyone in Owensboro is in a temporary state of emergency. Today is the “October 18th Storms” as we have gone through the whole day of seeing damage that has been done and the fact that there is people out there taking pictures with their cell phones. Or they used their IPods or apple IPhones. Now that is good use for those IPhones!! All this reminds me of is “November 6th” tornado that went through Evansville IN. I am sure that you will be seeing more of my poetry coming in from this week on until after the November 6th. I sure that everyone will keep Evansville and Northern KY along with Western KY in your prayers. Everyone in the November 6th tornados probably feared that this was going to happen to them again. I was scared too. I really do not want to see anyone else loose their lives or anyone else family’s member. Here is a poem that I wrote right after November 6th, 2005: East brook Lives Wind, Spinning, Calm Spinning, Calm. Fast Calm, Fast, Speed Fast, Speed, Rain Speed, Rain, Windy Rain, Windy, Houses Windy, Houses, Destroyed Destroyed, Families, Lives Families, Lives, Gone Now I will be writing a new one for October 18th, 2007! I really can not believe that we had this happen and they were saying that Owensboro in January 2000. I hope that they will still be able to recover. Thank goodness those families were all right and no one will have to worry about their families. Yes they will have to find places to live, but now they do not have to worry about someone loosing their lives. Even their pets were able to go and hide when the winds were all the way up to 140 miles. I know that when the animals go and disappear and the wind calms and the sky get green then you know the tornado is coming. I am so happy that we had the wind still and it did start to turn green but we had a lot of rain. The wind was about 20-30 miles an hour. I just made sure that my plants were moved back up to make sure that they didn’t go flying. Well I think that I am going to go to bed. I feel like I am just repeating myself. I do have one other poem I want to put in this: The Moon is a Man They say you are cheese, but that is a face. You sit shining in the galaxy, but that is the stars. You provide the phases as you smile when you are full. At night you help us see along with the twinkling stars. Not sure really how this will be but I am going to add it to my port to see what everyone thinks of this. I am going to be adding more as I go. Ok really, I am going to go to bed now. I know the kiddos will be up early tomorrow. Here I will go. |
| October 18, 2007 500 a day 1126 Words Well I went to finally put my “TAGS” in for my 8 random facts that make me. Then it kept trying to rain. I did get some awesome pictures of the clouds. It took 4 hours to get the storms here and we were lucky not to get all the rain. Owensboro, KY and Western KY were the ones hit too. I left a message with Bryce to see if he was ok. I am sure that he is out working right now with his truck he drives. He is one that drives the dump truck or any other trucks used to help with that kind of work. I am sure that he is ok. I am going to call tomorrow to make sure. He may have been sleeping too. Sorry whether or not we are more than that. I am going still care for him no matter what. I will be making a photo album with all the pictures of the clouds I took. I have some that you could see the lightening and some of the coolest pictures inside the clouds. I really love the way they turn out too. I really love the videos I made with my camera. I totally forgot that I could make them into video too. I really like the way they turned out. I have them on DVD right now. I think that bubby was getting really scared because I was still outside with the lightening getting bigger and bigger. The thunder had not started yet. I was just having fun with taking the pictures of clouds. Then the storm started in really quick. After November 6th, 2005, the news has to stay on all the way through until all the tornado warnings are done and gone. 6 hours of Tornado Watches all the way up to Northwest IN. Yeppers at my dads, they have been under this too. I called my dad and asked him to take this tornado watch seriously because of what happened here in Evansville. I am really scared about all of this even though we are now in the clear and not having to worry about anything else for the night at least. They are saying the same about the weekend too. I do not believe that because we have not had much of a fall yet. I know that we will have more rains ASAP. My brother Tim is now 19!!!! I am so happy for him. He has a great job. He is sending my kids letters to keep up with him on what is going on in life. He really does care about what happens with me down here. I really wish that he would come here to live but I know that is asking a lot for him to leave everything he has up there for me. I am really excited that he wants to keep in touch no matter what. I am so happy he is having an awesome birthday too. I am ready to get this letter wrote for my financial aid so I can go back to school in the spring for my Liberal Arts in English and literature and minor in Creative Writing. I know that I will have a lot of fun in my classes because I hope to get my teacher and old advisor!!! My favorite teacher Carole Chapman is the one that had me interested writing! I love what I learned in her class!!! I can’t wait to see what else I will learn in here classes! She really is an awesome teacher in writing, poetry, and different types of Literature. Children’s Literature was going to be the next class that I was going to take with her and I was not able to go back with her in that class. So I REALLY want to take that class. Now I just have to get this letter written in good form and convince them enough that I want to take my classes. I REALLY do want my classes back and get my degree done finally. I hope that this will work. I think that I do need some encouraging thoughts for the classes. I am sure that I will keep myself in school mood and not slip through and mess this up. I have work hard to get the 9 hours completed so that I can go back to school!!!! I am off to bed now!!!! |
| October 17, 2007 500 a day 780 Words Link to your tagger and post these rules. List eight (8) random facts about yourself. Tag eight people at the end of your post and list their names (linking to them). Let them know they’ve been tagged by leaving them a comment on their blogs Tagged by twinkledee ♥'s you   What makes me, me: 1. I have an auto-immune Disease-Graves Disease 2. Butterfly lover in sigs, cnotes, and many others. 3. Loves to write poetry, haiku mainly 4. Clean and sober for almost 4 years. 5. Blonde in the brain by heart….sssshhhh sapphy 6. Loves helping others 7. loves my Bestest Frienders in Wide Worlders {you know who you are} 8. My favorite addictions: sex and chocolate! My 8 to tag: Angela's Niece needs Praye Stephanie Grace Legerdemain  darkin kiyasama Joy  The Milkman  matthewhuge --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Well on to the fun part of today. I have finally gotten off the feel sorry for myself because Eddie is not talking to me. Oh well and life goes on! I will be talking to Bryce and letting him know what all happen and we are just going to take over where we have left off. We get excited to see each other every time. We talk and we are good friends. I just have to remember not to call him while he is at work. He is in Louisville, KY right now. We are not going to more than friends with benefits because he works 90% of the time and over time are mandatory too. He does not ever know when he is going to get off on time or not. That understands and I promised I would work on that but he has to work on coming back more too. That is where the problem lies. We have the seeing each other problem because of the time he is away. Next march will be 3 years since we have been talking and that we know what we want to do. Which is why, we are just friends with benefits for that reason because we know that we cannot have more than that right now. As for the rest of the day, bubby and I went outside and he played out on the swing set the neighbor had. I had to call the police because I Thought the neighbor was going to get hit by her boyfriend and did not want to see that. I just thought that was not a good thing for bubby to see it. Of course bubby has been the greatest son in the whole wide worlders (sarcasm) hehehe…. Then tonight it finally started to rain and I cannot get online to get the Thunder Call because of the November 6th, 2005 tornado that wipes out a whole trailer park, and half of Warrick County. You would have to Google it to understand what has happen. I have a poem in my poetry folder from last year that I wrote from the first big storm we had of the season. I already told bubby he could get in my bed if he gets scared. He is in there already without me. Poor little one snuck in there last night and I did not know he was in there and I pushed him out of bed. I here trying to comfort him and I am crying and he is back to sleep just like that! Go figure, and then I fell to sleep again and quit crying. In 9 minutes it will be my brother’s 19th birthday!! I am so proud of my awesome little brother who turned himself around! As you see above this entry that I have been part of the Game of Tag here on WDC! The cool part is that you have to put 8 things that makes me me. I am so sure no one is really going to realize that the last one is true unless they have been catching up on this journal. I am going to add this to my other two journals. So this will be something fun to see in there too. I can’t wait to see the reaction to the sex addiction part because I have not really told anyone but Sapphy. I have items that I will be putting into my port later on as I get the confidence to add them to my port. Of course these will be in an adult content. I really will want others to read these. I am not sure how to plug them besides in the shameless plug page for adult work. I am not sure if I am going to try some of the contests too. |
| October 15, 2007 500 a day 1025 Words Sometimes you think that you are with the best person in your life. Then you lose the best friend you have had for almost 3 years. Why all because I push away and make everyone go away forever and ever. Unfortunately it does not work for Bryce. Bryce at least understands what I am going through and knows that I do this because of my BPD. I know that we get into it every six months but he is consistent in my life. I thought that Eddie was going to be more than a fuck. Looks like that is all he is interested in so he is not going to get that any more. I rather am with Bryce. He is the one that wants me and it is only work that is keeping me and him together. I hope that eventually he will be able to slow down for work. But as winter comes on he will be going out of town again so I will not see him then either which makes this one way we can agree of fuck buddies. As for Eddie, I am not sure what I am going to do. He has not officially said anything to me. I am not going to have contact with him anymore because I am just going to get hurt more and more every time if I keep with him. He promises he would not hurt me at all. And what happens I am hurt from him and hurt myself for having my addiction come back out too. I do not know what I am going to do about this. I am not sure if I want to tell my therapist about it too. WHY DO I GET MYSELF INTO THIS KIND OF MESS, as I ask myself? Every time!!!!! This would normally be the time where I would be the one who would still be crying but guess what, I have only cried at night before I went to bed. But during the day I have been pissed off more and writing to get it out. I am so hard on myself about everything I do wrong that all I can do is write to get it out. Last night’s entry let me get what I needed to get out and then I went to bed and fell asleep. So this journaling everyday is working for me to do feel better as I have it all out. Joy thank you for the 500-a-day forum and group so that we can have a place to write 500 words or more!!! Otherwise I would not be writing and getting my feelings out every day and achieving my 500 too. Or at least trying to achieve this every day. I know that I am going to try to do the NaNoMo this year. Hopefully I can do this it this year. I think that I really can do this. I am so happy to be here on WDC!!!! I have some members on here that I consider my mentors and Joy is definitely one of them. I want to continue on to the next part of my books about my life. I am not sure how my family will feel once I am able to get these all together, but that will happen when I have it all finished. I want my kids to know what I went through and why I promised that I was not going to treat them the same way I was treated growing up. I have tried my hardest not to treat them the same way. When I realize that I am doing that then I talk to them afterwards. Together the kids and I figure out a way to change this so that I am not doing this to them. My kids and I will figure out away to get through all of this no matter what!!!!! As for my addiction to sex, well that is whole another story that I am going to have to work through while seeing my therapist. As for when, who knows. Who knows what I want anymore since I have now made myself feel like a slut even if I have only been with 6 men, which is not the point. The point is that I want to not do anything until I am in a long-term relationship that is about us, my kids and not about the whole SEX thing at all. I am not ever going to do that if I keep spreading my legs. Dear lord help me out here. I do not want to do this anymore. I want something stable for myself and my kids. I don’t want to be like my mom and be lonely the rest of my life. I do not want to be like my father who has gotten himself in an abusive relationship AND not wanting to divorce my step mom because then he will not have control over anything. As for getting ready for NaNoMonth, well I have to go register again on the site and don’t have the website. I am all for trying to get 30k done in a month. Since I know that I can do 500-1000 a day on here then I can do that a day with the story. I just need to get it all laid out for now. I am just wondering if I needed to have the whole thing revised during that 30 days or not. Well I am sure that I can have everything done in the 30 days. I am actually confident on that. I will have to keep those entries private so no one can see what I am writing about in here. I will just let Joy know a head of time in the forum. I will be able to do the 10k Krew too!!! I am so happy to be doing this again too!!! I am so happy about this forum getting me to start writing again!!!! Even if it is all bitching and so forth but I am writing!!!! |
| Sorry all I am going to say that this day is in memory of my grandma's birthday. Nothing more than that... Happy Birthday Grandma, my you be happy in the heavenly gates above us. Love always to all, Veronica R. Adams ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Please check out
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| October 10th, 2007 500-a-day 566 Words 11am Well today has been a sucky day. Bubby has been whining from the he got up and will go all day. I am so mad I could slap him silly… I had to call sapphy to help me get him calmed down and I calmed down too. I am so glad that I have her as my bestest frienders in the whole wide worlders. I have not talked to Eddie since the other night he was over. I think that his daughter is sick again. I hope that she is feeling better. I know he will be down there in a heartbeat so his ex wife will be able to work still. I hope that he calls me for a few minutes or comes over to talk for a little bit. I miss his hugs and cuddling for him. Bubby has to start being good because his uncle is going to be mad at him. I talked to Tim last night. I am going to call him so he can talk to bubby. I know that these guys need to get their letters wrote so that we can send them to Tim. He is so excited about getting letters from the kids. I want to be able to make sure I get a letter and their Christmas lists done for him too. I have to get them sent to mom and give Ben and Amy a list too. Then we need to send off the one to Santa too. I know that I have a wonderful list: for everyone to be healthy and love one another. I want to make sure that Eddie’s family is safe and healthy too. I think that is a great list. Santa can also bring a Microwave and DVD player too. He he….. I can’t wait until the girls start having programs at school so I can go and see them!!!! I want to be able to take pictures so that I can send them to grandpa, Aunt Sherrie, uncle mike, dad, mom, and Tim!!! I love my family. I am also going to try to send the pictures to all my family. I just wish that I could get my Christmas shopping done before Christmas again. I think that Christmas help is going to suck too because the Salvation Army is going to take over the Christmas program. This month made it for me not able to get some presents yet. Luckily Christmas day will be easy because they will be at their dads until Christmas day. Hopefully we will get to go to grandpas as soon as they get back. We can wait to open all the presents at grandma. I am not sure if we are going to get this done without dad getting info on what is going on. I would love to figure out away to also have Christmas there at dads too before coming back home again. I am not sure if we are going to be able to get to Michigan too. I know we are going to have to take the bus home. Hopefully Tim can help with coming back here to the bus. I really hope so!!! Lord I know that you will help us out with this. Well I am going to get ready to leave so I can get some stuff done here. 6pm I have to say that I am so lucky!!! I just got my book that Writing.COM’s published author Mark Bradley!!!!!!! This is pretty cool to get his booked signed by him. I will be reading the poetry book and then do a product review on this. I will also be doing a review on each of the poems too!!!! I can’t wait to brag to Sapphy about the book!  I can’t wait to get other published WDC authors too!!!!! Hehehehe…. I will be sending the book to Sapphy to read this!!!! I am so happy!!!! I love this cover with the leaves going down to a point with the raindrop that is going. Love always to all, Veronica R. Adams ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Please check out
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| October 9th, 2007 500-a-day 553 Words Last night Eddie and I were together sexually and felt so much better. We love being together and I trust him with no matter what we try. I have tried a few new things with him that I would never, ever, ever have let anyone else do. I know that it sounds like that we are only have sex, but that is not true. That is first because we are so attracted to each other that we cannot keep from playing cat and mouse. You have to remember that Eddie has heard every complaint from Joe, Bryce, and of course with Ben. He has been able to keep an open mind while talking to me and supporting me as I made my mistakes. He just helped me work through it all. I have done the same with him too. He had a girlfriend that was one to make his friends turn about her saying who was bigger. Well he dumped her really quickly for being a high school. He went to meet his sister’s boyfriend and went ice skating and fell on his knee, shoulder, and his elbow. He had to be out of work for a few weeks because of this. I had to laugh. I again wanted to be there to help him too. Then from there we sit and cuddle and talk about everything. I showed him the pictures of my brother and my kids and a picture of myself. I guess I could have asked if he wanted a picture or not. I am going to ask to see one of his daughters again. I know that he is going to be going rafting with his cousins this weekend coming up. I have to get some stuff done here. I think we are going to see each other on Sunday. Depending when he gets home and when bubby will be back. I want to see him and see how the trip went too. We talked about his family reunion too. That was awesome because we talked about my family too. Family is important for both of us. I was telling him about how everyone couldn’t believe how much I looked like my nana and grandma. I was really freaked out by that since I had not been able to admit that my grandma died. I know that he is looking for a house so when he gets his daughter back he has his own house instead of at his moms for now. Then we talked about the house next to me. I think that would be awesome. He is able to make sure that everyone here is all right. I found out the other day that some of the persons across the street were watching and trying to find out when I leave and at home. They were trying to case my house to steal my laptop. I think that he is going to make sure I am not going to have any problems. I am sitting here listening to a bunch of music that I had ripped from my brothers cd’s so I can think of him. I almost thought I lost this entry because my computer decided to act up!!! I am going to bed now. I will write more lately!!! Love always to all, Veronica R. Adams ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Please check out
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| October 8th, 2007 500-a-day 253 words Well today is the first day without my bubby is not here. I miss Tim so much. Dad told me he made it home ok. That is all I wanted to know. To know that he is ok made me feel so much better. I can relax now. Eddie called last night and we are better. He still told me today he will have to come give me a hug and hold me so that I am not scared about him not being there. He is coming over tonight to spend the night, if not most of the evening with me. Of course we will be having sex and loving it all. He is all for my sex addiction! What man would not be, except I am not going to go there on that? Since I know a few that can’t keep up with me at all. I know how I feel with Eddie and me hoping that this feeling is going to be for long run hopefully. Hopefully the relationship direction will be there no matter what since he wants to be with me. I know that I need someone who is going to be there for me as we get closer and emotionally closer together every time. Eddie, his daughter, and his mom went to a family reunion over the weekend and they had a lot of fun. He was so glad to see his family. I am so happy to have Eddie in my life. Love always to all, Veronica R. Adams ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Please check out
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| October 7, 2007 500-a-day 593 Words Well bubby left to go back home. I didn’t want to Tim to leave. I want Tim to move here for goods. I know that he is not going to because he will miss his family up there and his best friend Heather too. He is having a hard time with her because she does not want them to be any more than just friends. He wants her to be his girlfriend. I am so glad that were celebrated his birthday!!! That was the best thing we did. I also love that I surprised him with the first banana split he has ever had!!!! He thought that was the best present ever. He finished playing a ton with the girls and bubby. Bubby has been crying everyday with his Tim gone. I am not sure if the girls cried when he was dropped off at the bus depot. I will find out later. I am made bunch copies of the pictures so that everyone can have their own and he can have his own. I know how my family is with not giving back the pictures. I have been really irritable today to the period friend coming up in a few days. Well Timmy got mad at me for raising my voice at bubby and Samantha. This was the only time I have raised my voice at them because they were going to spill the drink on the couch and floor. I am not one that wants to clean tea out of my couch. I was going to get him a calling card, but I have to get Eddie one for making some calls and texts to him on his phone while he lost it. This was my idea. I am going to get Tim one too. When I get some extra money I am going to buy Tim one. Eddie and I are ok now. We finally were able to get some talking done, and he plans on not letting me push him away. If I do that again he is going to come over and wrapped his arms around me and let me know how much he cares for me. I just cried when I saw that on there and then he called me to tell me that on the phone to let me know he really means that. We are doing a lot of talking on the phone for now and him coming over here a few nights a week so we can watch TV and mainly cuddles and talks. We really want to make this work. He is my best friend and is right he is not leaving me. I am so happy about this. Great thing is that he is close to getting his daughter back. So everyone keep your fingers crossed for that. I am so glad that we want to be together. I am not going to be so clingy to him. I forget that guys are not as clingy as women want them to be. Go figure. I know exactly how much I care for him. I think he is still trying to figure out with me. The great part is that we doing have the physical relationship too. He is ok with my addiction to sex. Eventually I will be showing some of my sexual desires in a folder of that. It all depends on that! Well I am off to bed. I am also dealing with bubby crying in his sleep with missing his sissies and his Timmy. Love always to all, Veronica R. Adams ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Please check out
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| October 6th, 2007 500-a-day Word Today we went to the park for awhile with the kids and Timmy. They had so much fun. I took some pictures with the camera that I gave Timmy. I know that we are going to have a lot problems with Timmy leaving as bubby realizes that his uncle is going home. These two have been inseparable from the time Tim had came off that bus. You know when they tell you to leave and we are going to have fun. Then you know that he is having a TON of fun!! Bubby and Tim will best uncle and nephew forever!!! Tim then later on went to Service with Ben, kid’s dad, and really enjoyed it. Then they went to eat while the kids and I went to Joann’s. As we were there, all I was asked was when are we going home because they want to see Uncle Timmy? Mind you the girls love being there and bubby is finally acting like a true boy not wanting to shop. We were going to go to Target to take back the charger that did not fit Tim’s phone. So he had a dead phone the whole time he has been here. I also forgot to get toilet paper again. I was able to get Ben to buy a package of TP for me. I also found out that when Tim and I were talking about their conversation. Ben had told him that I had lost a lot weight. Ben also told him I had gotten bigger than when I had bubby. He told Tim that he had no idea what had happened. Ben also told Tim what had gotten him to get back into church tonight too. I really thought it was awesome. Well that is simple I had let food and sex take over my other addictions. When I was not having sex I was eating. I quit having sex with Joe because of a break up. So I fed myself to take care of the pain and so forth. Ben actually never knew about the addiction to the klonopins and or the drinking since I was a binge drinker. Using food to take over the urges with Bryce too did not help. Since sex only happened once but we were still seeing each other and I took care of the cravings by helping him get his stress off his mind. We have been watching 300 was a pretty cool movie about the Romans. It is amazing how those 300 Romans were able to fight with thousands of others. This was something that I will have to now know more about this movie. Bubby has been having night terrors about his sisters and has had to see if they are ok. I know you are not to wake up kids when they are having night terrors. It is really scary because he gets up and walks in his sleep and tried to unlock the doors too. Of course again, I found a stupid bug again has to get Tequida to send the bug man out here. I also found a hole in there and will have to get some foam to get these filled so there will be no more. I at least sprayed some generic Lysol in there and hopefully that killed some too. Then since I freaked out, I had to go wash my hands and put sanitizer on my hands and arms 4 times. It is time for me to go to bed for now and write more tomorrow. I will be crying when my Tim goes home!!! I want my bubby to come down here to be with me and help me with raising my kids. I am not sure that will help him work wise, but if he can, he will be here. I know that god has plans for him and that is all that matters. Love always to all, Veronica R. Adams ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Please check out
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