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 |   All that remains: here in my afterlife as a 'mainstream' blogger, with what little I know. |
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The Idiotic Ideate?? Formerly: New Zenith To Hell…(all started with arc as writer here from the trials of Rising Stars to Preferred Author to WDC Quills Best Poetry Collection to the falling action I feel now that settles in a white case.) Got to hustle to preserve the best of me before fully fading on that virtual horizon glowing more brilliant with each passing day to permanent nuclear winter. if people don’t get it, I don’t need to explain it. We kill all that’s beautiful before we question it’s purpose. So many people find it easier to think in the black and the white. God forbid you get lost straying in the gray. "Whoever fights monsters should see to it…he does not become a monster.” I’ve been to the abyss and back. Not so bad. The loneliest happy person you'd ever meet, when not the saddest person who needs to be alone. In an ever-changing world, we need to handle topics at the ready. If you roll over and give in to the narrative without lending a voice of your own, you might as well hand over your civil liberties. We have voices that should connect to true conscience and spirit for honest and open discourse. Why feel so redacted? Unify on issues and put drama aside. Open minds require complete objectivity. If none need apply, question the unbendable sources for answer. If you knee-jerk react to every issue lurking out there that clutches your neck, you fall victim to your own ignorance born from a life of apathy (no doubt) in pathetic cries of injustice. Just writing what I feel without the narrative-altering mind f---ing with my head. [MY Chorus] In your house, I long to be Room by room, patiently I'll wait for you there, like a stone I'll wait for you there, alone "It amazed me how truth was often suffocated in minutes, but lies were given sufficient air to breathe indefinitely." "You are all better than you think you are, you are just designed not to believe it when you hear it from yourself." ![Merit Badge in Second Time Around Contest
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Congratulations on winning the Grand Overall Prize in [Link To Item #2164876] with your beautiful poem, [Link to Book Entry #933358]. This poem really moved me. Great writing!
Rachel *^*Heartv*^*](https://images.Writing.Com/imgs/writing.com/writers/badges/group-Second_Time_Around_Contest-2164963_14.gif)    "...lasting art is never anything more than a mathematical expression of the relations that exist between the internal and the external, the self [le moi] and the world." -Jean Metzinger I'm in love with carefully chosen words, arranged just so, audible, edible, to inhale. I attempt to post new poems and epiphanies daily with some links to what inspires. I am legally blind with a rare, genetic form of glaucoma. I'm described as "end stage" after two successful surgeries, still subject to further vision loss. Cataracts complicating matters. Writing Can get strenuous but seldom deters what yearns to emerge, despite a documented history of depression and recently diagnosed ADHD and undefinable social disorders and/or PTSD. My recent poetry:
Sometimes epiphanies about my insights on writing and life and what goes on... Making sense of life is maddening. Why do I need to know, when truth may not actually exist? Learning to accept would be a better pursuit? Flailing about in my own mediocrity, hoping to bust out. I am visible. You can put a face with a name. I would like to see other writers, too. Fiction is what you write, not who you are. Reinventing myself. I couldn't continue on the path I was on and needed a fresh start. This time around I want to put the focus on writing and the world outside of this community as it affects my life. I realize now that I have been baring my chest a bit more, as when young. fake me much more boring and unliberated than the real me. A world arriving as silent as that blossom in your garden that I told you about... |
| I don't know why, but I always feel worse when I talk with someone about what is bugging me. It's not like I got it off my chest, but got it out there in the universe. I'm dealt with limited parameters to knowledge, to complete understanding. And when I'm issuing forth my concerns, what I share is a complex formula of what I'm affected by and a search for knowledge like truth to hopefully fill out an asymmetrical thing. I'm not going to give an example, though I can imply for others to infer. The whole point of having communication with others is to get on the same page, get resolution. Even if we are looking at the same thing from different vantage points. It's hard to walk in someone else's shoes and I wouldn't expect others to fully realize my conjecture. But, there are words, phrases, mannerisms we have been taught to give another comfort, some sign that we acknowledge, to alleviate concerns and to empathize or sympathize. The latter I would rather not have, if someone is going to talk down to me, lecture me, unless I deserve it. And, that is for me to decide. What is this about? Trying to understand a spouse, an employer, the salesman, or the people at the doctor's office or bank about what's ailing/befuddling you. You know these people come with some information you don't have that can help shape perception, inform a person who feels vulnerable from the weakness of not getting a complete picture to solve the riddle, dilemma, predicament. In fact, the process can get tainted, sullied, darker from those you allow participate in that process of knowing. In the meantime, we are taught to be meek and step back and give others space around us as a courtesy. Don't bother us with your ignorance is all I may feel from some who are downright callous. And, they may be in a position to make someone feel safe, whole and to not worry so much about the not knowing everything you'd like to understand so you can sleep better at night. Some people deal with their problems by saying I have more money than I have time to get to resolution. Me, I'm thinking I may need that money for when I really need it. I'm not just going to throw it at each question hoping for resolute answer. I live by my wits to figure out the system to get resolution. Systematic is how a lot of stuff feels. And, it feels dysfunctional with a purpose to keep me off kilter until I back away and go look at another unsolved formula written on the chalkboard walls that surround my un-equated life. Can I just tear it all down so I can stare at the barren ground? What is this metaphor and what am I talking about? There is purgatory like a prison inside of my mind, where I'm different and jailed for not being able to decipher what might seem life's easiest riddles to solve. I could take medication for it and still struggle, but differently. I could do my due diligence daily to go through certain processes to keep life's little worries on my doorstep, away. I'm still going to the porch for the milkman's delivery. Even though it's not there anymore. I can be trapped in my little home because I'm developing agoraphobia for the intensifying complexities of an indifferent, unfeeling world where neighbors put up taller, thicker fences and the only connection you get is to a Netflix account where you stream endless entertainment until he day you die in your recliner, face half-eaten off by the cats you employ for comfort, when they find you. Is it me? Probably, but not entirely. I have a wallet with a credit card, but still not tempted to use it. I've gone pear-shaped with my obtuse-ness.  Just something I was feeling after my last few daze. Really nothing related to my online life, either. |
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In the Falkland Islands, internet is very limited and very expensive. The place I'm currently staying only lets me use it in the middle of the night, so when I have to get up at 3 am to check my texts (no cell service to the US here unless I'm on the internet) or WdC, I don't do nearly as much as I used to. 
I currently have 2 very long emails I still need to get to from several days ago. Anyway, I miss everyone, but I also miss sleep, so there's that. 
Have you spoken to the doctor about your vision problems lately? I know there are special glasses for it because I have to wear them to read much ever since the brain injury. It's part of why I now only listen to audiobooks instead of reading regular books. It took 8 years for anyone to diagnose it because I have a brain injury and while one might think it would be obvious to me that I see double, it wasn't. Partly, my brain does a fair job of compensating. But also, partly, you use your brain to realize and understand that the 2 images you constantly see are double vision and something you should mention to your eye doctor. Since my brain was damaged, even basic things like that can escape me. 
I never once thought to mention it, even with annual eye exams in the Army and an exam every 2 years at the VA. Though, in my defense, since it happens in something like 41% of people with a brain injury, it should have been discovered by an eye doctor much sooner. 
I know doing that activity is a CRAP TON of work. But you made a difference in lives, not just his, but for all the people he's reviewed since. 
Well done! 
