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 |  Thoughts from my mind on any topic I deem worthy to write about on a day to day basis. |
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** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Welcome to The Random Post! This is my blog where I put basically whatever I want. If you want to know more about me, check out my BioBlock, Biography tab, or just read below. |
 Task 26: What things are you currently avoiding? Do you have a tendency to avoid things or confront them head on?I'm going to tackle the second part of this first. There are certain things that I prefer to confront right away and others that I tend to avoid. If it has to do with the dentist...you better know I'm avoiding that for as long as possible because I hate the dentist. If it's something that's more immediately health-related or house-related, I tend to do that right away. I think it all comes down to how comfortable I am with something and how confident I am in completing it. I've had to deal with various insurance things for the house/car/whatever and now I have no problem calling them up to figure something out. It's the quickest way to do it usually and I'll get it done right away. If it's something that I don't know exactly what I'm doing and how I'm going to do it, I'll avoid it for a little while and try to work out how to do it without outright actually attempting it. Right now I'm avoiding cleaning the house because there is so much that needs done it feels a little overwhelming and I'm not exactly sure where to start. We'll see if I get to all that later tonight or tomorrow, since it does need to get done at some point. Task 30: How can you identify a supportive person? What attributes does someone need to have for you to consider them part of your support system? What traits are absolute red flags for people in your support system?Oh lordt, this is a complicated one. I feel like I have different support systems for different things. I have my friends who are there to talk to about basically anything and who I can ask for advice on basically any topic. There's my family that I can talk to about certain things or if I need like house/tax/what brand is the best of whatever kind of advice but they're not people that I can get in too deep about things with. Family is also good for just talking through something that's stressing me out, that's usually when I give Mom a call and she's good to just listen for that stuff. People in my support system are typically very good listeners and they don't give advice if I'm not asking for it. I like to have those who will let me explain what I need at the given moment and then give me just that, not try to push anything else or any kind of agenda. One of my best friends has GAD like I do and she and I can openly discuss that, which has been great for both of us because we'll shoot a text saying "this shit is stressing me out and my anxiety is going crazy" and we'll just be there for each other. Red flags for me are people who try to make me something that I'm not. Whether that is pushing their own agenda of how I should act/feel or just not being able to actively listen. I've pretty much come to the point in my life where if someone isn't going to be there for support (or if I feel like I can't be there for them) then they aren't in my life in an active fashion. I don't want to have someone who needs me so much that it damages my mental health or for someone to have me be a drain on their health. That's not fair to either of us so I always keep an eye out for that and only keep people in my support system where we work together well. |
| Task 17: Brag about yourself a little bit. Write about something you're good at. What makes you think you're good at it and what have you done to excel? I'm good at design. Honestly I love talking about what I do, so I could talk about this all day. I've gone through school to study graphic design and then web design and new media (user experience, motion graphics, etc.). I've been doing design for the past 10-11 years so I've had quite a bit of experience in working with clients, following what I wanted to design and learning all of the design trends and techniques. Aside from just doing graphic design, I've been working with user experience which I love and is one of the best things I'm glad I've ever learned. Every day I keep learning more about design, various website systems and patterns, and how people actually want to use the things I'm making. Being able to constantly learn is how I continue to excel. Task 19: What are some things you struggle with day-to-day right now? Not things you've struggled with in the past, but things that are an active daily problem. What are you doing to resolve those specific problems?Currently my biggest issue is always being tired. I have an appointment in February to do a sleep study to see why I may be tired all the time. Lately I have also had a hard time focusing. I've been working on this by taking regular breaks from work when I can't focus to bring my mind to a different topic and then I can better focus on what I need to be accomplishing. Task 20: Create a list of at least 5 potential tasks for next month's "MHWA Mental Health Challenge". Is there a person in your life that you can turn to for help with your mental health problems? How do they help? Find an article online that is relevant to your own mental health problems and share it with the group. Do you have a hobby that helps your mental health? What is a decoration in your house that brings you joy? Take any Buzzfeed quiz and share your result. Why did you choose this quiz? Task 21: Are there certain times of the day where your anxiety, stress, or mental health problems are worse on average? What time of day and what do you think causes the increased severity?They can get worse if something comes up unexpectedly at work, which is usually early afternoon if it happens. One of the more regular times is when I'm going to bed. When my brain kicks into overdrive while just laying in bed, it can wander into topics that make it worse. This is why I always listen to something to fall asleep or make sure that I'm extremely tired when I go to bed, so that I can try to keep those thoughts from invading. Task 22: Have you ever regretted opening up to someone about your struggles with mental illness? Who was it and what made you regret being so candid?I haven't regretted opening up to anyone about it yet. I am of the opinion that being open is what you should be doing and that if you can't be, then it's not a relationship that I want to cultivate. To flip this around, one of the best things about discussing my mental illness was one of my friends and I becoming even closer. We both have anxiety and regularly openly discuss it. If we have something that's making the anxiety worse, we text each other and discuss, we talk about ways we reduce anxiety. |
| Task 9: Are there any goals or dreams you've had to give up due to your mental health? What were they and what was the "final straw" that made you give them up? I still haven't given up on any of my dreams specifically due to my mental health. The way that I look at it, I was diagnosed at an early enough age and am managing my health well, there is plenty of time for me to still reach my goals. Task 11: We're on the second week of January now. How has 2019 started out for you?This year has been good for me so far. Work has been relatively busy with launching one website and preparing to launch another at the end of this coming week. On a personal note, I've been doing great with deciding to start selling wreaths that I make as a hobby. My shop is at https://etsy.com/shop/kevinkidwell for any who may want to look at them. I'm hoping that the year continues on as it has so far and I'll just try to stay cautiously optimistic. Task 13: What are some important things you'd like to say about your specific mental health issues? It can be information, advice for others who struggle, advice on how to be supportive, or anything else you can think of.There are so many things that can trigger anxiety and it is different for everyone. I always find that for me, if I'm noticing that my anxiety starts to go up, I text one of my friends who also has GAD and she and I chat about things. I also love to read Buzzfeed articles so that can be a great way for me to calm down. Buzzfeed also tends to post articles for things to do to help with anxiety so it can be good for that as well. Task 14: Recall the last time you were angry. What were you angry about and how did the situation get resolved?I don't know if I get full-blown angry anymore because it tends to just be bursts of emotion in passing. I would guess that the last time something really annoyed me was working with someone at work that I don't really get along with well. It was miscommunication around something with one of the projects. We worked it out through talking through it all so that worked out alright, although I still have trouble working with this person. Task 15: Have you written any fictional characters that suffer from mental illness? Tell us about the character and the illness they suffer from.I haven't written anything substantial in years so it's difficult to recall if I've written characters with mental illness. The last time I wrote was before I was even diagnosed with GAD. Some of my characters may have some form of mental illness but since it wasn't at the forefront when writing them, that was never a major theme or came up in my stories. |
| Task 6: Write about someone who has disappointed you. It can be in the form of a blog entry, story, or poem. Parts of family have disappointed me within the past couple of years. I have to say that it all started with the 2016 election and because of who they voted for. I knew that a lot of the family would vote for the piece of shit currently in office, but there were a couple that I expected better from and they let me down. Since then, I haven't had the same kind of relationship with them I had before. We don't see each other's posts on Facebook, we don't text each other anymore, and even at the family holiday gathering, we spoke maybe 30 words to one another. The relationship I have with them will never be the same because I know that we just have very different ways of thinking that won't be reconciled easily and I'm not sure that I want it to be. I don't regularly think about them because would prefer to keep toxic people out of my life and that's where it stands. Task 7: Rant about anything you need to get off your chest this week. What is bothering you right now?Lately I have been extremely pissed about debt culture, corporate corruption, capitalism in general, and terrible administrations. I'm sure that I could go into each these more in-depth, so let's try it out: With the way that banks work, with credit cards, how younger people are forced to go to college and go in debt for an education to then only be paid minimally with the degree, it all comes together to perpetuate a culture of constant debt for those people not born wealthy. This pisses me off immensely because I'm in this group, my sister is, my friends, nearly every person my age that I know is in debt with virtually no way to escape because we were sold and forced into the idea of getting a degree to better our lives to only be fucked over by corporations, greed, and capitalism. What ever happened to being able to pay a living wage, why do we have people going to bed hungry when we throw away so much food, why are the pieces of shit in charge trying to build a fucking wall instead of investing in education, infrastructure, housing for the homeless?! But if money were put into these things to raise the morale of the people, they wouldn't be working for sub-par wages and benefits and would demand better, which capitalism and the corrupt corporations can't exploit to continue to make a profit for their already wealthy executives. As days go by, I realize more and more just how annoyed and pissed off I get by all of this and would love to get involved in some sort of change, if I didn't have to be constantly working to keep paying my debts which then keep me locked into the sub-par corporate/capitalist system. |
I've decided to try and tackle some of the challenges with "Invalid Item"  so I'm going to list them out below and then write about each them in this, ya know, blog style thing.  Task 1: We've all made it through yet another year! Reflect back on 2018. What are you most proud of?2018 was not as tough of a year for me as 2017 was, because that was when I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder and started taking medicine to help control it. 2018 was more of a balance year for me in the mental health department. There were some ups and downs with stress but when isn't there? In 2018 I ended up starting student loan repayments because I now make enough money for that, which caused a bit of financial stress. Because of that I needed a way to lower expenses (especially rent) so I ended up going through the long and arduous process of buying a house. It was a pain to do but in the end I have to say that I love having a place of my own that I can really call home. That's one of my proudest moments of 2018. The other one would be that I was involved in the process and actual launch of a website for work. It doesn't sound like much but I touched every aspect of it that someone interacts with and worked to optimize it for users. To see it finally be released into the world after a year and a half of work is fantastic. Task 2: What are some of the odd quirks you experience with your mental health issues that no one seems to talk about? Are there any strange symptoms or general oddities you've noticed?I don't know that I've personally noticed any oddities or symptoms that don't regularly get talked about when it comes to anxiety. There are certain things that can trigger it but that is really only if I haven't taken my medicine for 2-3 days. If something like that happens, I tend to get into an agitated or spaced out kind of mental area, depending on the day/time/surroundings, which can also lead to full-blown panic attacks if unchecked. Task 4: How does traveling affect your mental health? Do you find it difficult to be away from home, or does the distraction provide temporary relief?It really depends on where I'm traveling for how it affects me. If I'm visiting my parents, it is actually a bit of relief because I don't have as much to think about or deal with, since that typically means I'm off work. Most other times that I'm traveling I end up worrying about the house (which has been alleviated a little with having added a security camera) and my puppy. Coming home after traveling, no matter where I went, is always a sigh of relief and I feel better, even if I didn't notice things were off. |
| Apparently I haven't updated this blog in over 3 years. I've been spending the holidays with at my parents' house and I'm nearly ready to head back home. I would like to attempt to blog more in the coming year but there's no guarantee that's actually going to happen so I won't hold my breath on it. For now, I'm at least writing up a bit of an entry and will go with the flow of it, whatever. If you haven't already, check out the WdC discord channel: https://discord.gg/BprWgrz And I will leave you with a lovely gif... [Embed For Use By Upgraded+] |
| This week I had one of the Sparks ("Invalid Item" ) really catch my eye. The topic is "Fascinations," and for me there are a number of things that fascinate me. I'm just going to list these things out and explain them all a bit. Unicorns I have a fascination with unicorns, and it's not just because of them being a mythical creature. It has something to do with that, because they are rare and special and just something magical. I've always thought of myself as a kind of unicorn, because I like design (art in general) and physics. In specifically the design sphere, a unicorn could be considered someone who can do coding as well as design, which is what I'm striving to do. Design Design fascinates me. Old school, modern, various styles, it's all just fascinating. I love seeing pieces of art around the city and the school. I love seeing work on websites and getting to share in the experience that is design. Spirituality This topic fascinates me greatly. I'm into the whole connectedness of everything that is. How everyone has their own energy and how it all works together in a giant cycle of the city, state, nation, continent, earth, solar system, galaxy, universe. I love hearing other people's opinions on this kind of topic and sharing my own ideas. What I don't like is when this kind of thing is diluted by religion. That is one quick way to lose my interest. Ancient Cultures I love learning about the past, about what happened a long time ago in the world. I wish there were more that we knew about those things, but it's something that has always fascinated me and as more is learned, I'm sure it will continue to hold my interest. Changing The World The ability to change the world, the thought of having a significant impact on what is to come and how things happen on this planet are fascinating. The idea that someone can have such a strong thought that it can resonate among so many others and become a reality, literally shaping the world around it, is amazing. The Future Anything can happen so long our minds are focused on it. I spend a lot of time thinking about the future and how my life will turn out in a few days, weeks, months, years, and decades from now. The future, in all its mystery, is a fascinating thing to think about. If the whole world can be changed with the spreading of a thought or idea, then our own futures can change just as easily. A few positive thoughts, a better outlook on life, just one impulse can make a huge difference in our lives. That simple fact fascinates me to no end. |
| PROUD! designer of this wonderful poster that has been going around the internet the past 4 days. http://fav.me/d54uzvz I wish I could post an image but it's too big for WDC parameters and shrinking it down loses the whole feeling of it. |
Started a fun little raffle today for St. Patty's Day. Benefits "RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group" and "The WDC Angel Army" , and tickets are only 100 GPs each. Stop by and join the fun! 
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My computer is going to be worked on so I won't have a computer for a bit. Don't know exactly how long. I can check email otherwise, but not do much of anything else. Just letting whoever cares know.  |
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That totally makes sense to me that avoiding comes down to how comfortable you are with something and how confident you are that you can complete it. I think that's what I struggle with a lot, too. If I don't feel like I can do it, I'm much more likely to avoid it.
I hope that you find out why you've been so tired. Chronic fatigue is awful. I like the tasks that you came up with. The Buzzfeed quiz one is an interesting idea.
