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 |  Out of her head and into the world...the real, the scarcastic, introspective? |
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** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** You have just entered the OLIVIA zone! From the far reaches of her wonderful, creative mind come thoughts and expressions that cover every spectrum! Anyway, enjoy my blog.... It's me.... When I get here to dump in it! Cheers! ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Member Blogging Groups |
| Agnes and Alice are having a screaming match upstairs and it’s keeping me from the promise I made to my beloved mother and best friend (30 minutes ago) to go to bed. Luna, my faithful companion is not impressed with my performance either. I figure I have a right--- My daughter has come up “profoundly allergic” to a couple of kinds of cedar. As in, she topped out the Allergy Doctor’s testing scale. This is the last day of Spring Break and she basically woke up with one of those headaches. From what I can gather, it is pretty much like a migraine, but not localized like a migraine. But then, there’s the other thing. One of my close friends from the time we were in grade school is going through a divorce. He and “wifey” hooked up in middle school and we were and still are the kind of friends that don’t need continual cultivation to know that we are interested in, and care about the other’s life and wellbeing. When I was recovering from my divorce, and then the subsequent long-term relationship turn humiliation that occurred a couple of years later, he made sure to at least give my hand a squeeze while passing the peace at church every Sunday. It did not matter what all the other “cool kids” thought—He made sure I knew that I still mattered. And yeah, I am from a small town and a main group of the “cool kids” went to my church--- I however, was not of that particular crowd. When the band geek crowd I hung with started experimenting with smoking cigarettes, huffing Krylon, and throwing Big Red soaked tampons at oncoming cars on the drag on Saturday night, I switched ponies and got a job waiting tables at a local restaurant. While not cool, I was the girl in the graduating class of 1989 that was knocking down the highest weekly income from a legal job. Through it all—He and I would have our moments when we’d check in and exchange impressions on life, school, family, and other personally important tidbits. My friend has always been that guy with that sparkle in his eye like he already knew every secret to the universe. Or at least a really awesome joke. He’s smart, handsome, entrepreneurial, and a good family man. When I called my best friend from elementary school who literally probably hasn’t seen him since 1984, she freaked out like crazy when I told her that “wifey” had been screwing around on him. He’s what most of us likely call perfect. The clean-cut all-American guy. Owns his own business, is NOT a workaholic, season tickets to the college football games for the whole family, apple pie, and mama. If you scored that, why the HELL would you fuck around on and mess it up? Were you craving a pot-smoking bad boy or something? Funny—One of the other guys from church had the same thing happen to him. At least his wife was an import and didn’t grow up in our church too. How freaking stupid can you be to screw around on the guy who thinks you hung the moon? Gave you a crazy beautiful home and just last year added an in-ground pool as well as one of those oh-so-popular “outdoor living spaces” that lots of us are craving. Can you see why Agnes and Alice won’t leave me alone? By the way, Agnes and Alice are the fictitious old biddies in my head that carry on the continual conversations in my head that never escape my lips. We work constantly on “judge not lest ye be judged,” but they still have a hard on for my friend’s wife since she and her crew did a lot of that sort of thing to me when I came home rather banged up from my marriage--- Literally. There is a difference between real crazy and just so immensely heartbroken over life that you actually break down and cry in the middle of The Lord’s Prayer toward the end of church. Apparently someone forgot to tell Sister Bertha Better-Than-You that the bible actually said that Jesus healed both of those conditions frequently and still does. Which is really lucky for my friend, because he is exactly that. Broken hearted. Now it’s my turn to share an encouraging look and squeeze of the hand while passing the peace. According to what I’ve heard “wifey” thinks she’s “Good with the Lord” and church doesn’t have to be a weekly affair. And that’s okay by me. It leaves my friend a lot of breathing room to find his own recipe for “bouncing back.” Once he told me how much he admired me for my grit and my ability to bounce back every time adversity seems to run me down. Maybe I should send him my recipe card for that particular libation. But one of my good girlfriends who just moved back to town and joined our church ran into him out at a local watering hole the other night and reported that they laughed and carried on for quite a while as they had ended up sitting next to each-other at the bar. Maybe they will end up dating though she’s nearly six feet tall and he’s more like 5’5”. He’s the kind of guy that I’ve always prayed might be out there for me and yes, I have thought about hitting the gym, getting a new look, and throwing my hat into the ring. It’s just that after all the crap that I faced with the Ex and Former in-laws, I have to weigh all the baggage that goes with any second-time-around relationship. Believe me—If his daughters had not treated my daughter like such an outcast, I might think about it. Right now, the baggage looks way to heavy and complicated for “happy” to factor into any relationship if I were Daddy and the Ex-husband’s choice. And, somehow that’s okay. Right now I am not sure why that is the thing, but it is. There may be someone wonderful out there just for me still. I can only hope that he is just as, or even more wonderful than my precious friend with the recently broken heart. Well, it seem like the old biddies upstairs have finally konked out for the night as the great brindled Pitbull/Mastiff that I share my bed with has. In approximately 35 hours, I will land in San Francisco for a working vacation. I am hoping to have some good food, meet a few new people, and come back re-charged for my counseling and research activities as well as for my creative writing. Until next time, be well, choose happiness, and stop to smell the flowers, Always, Liv ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
Vows  Groom In your eyes, I have found my home. In your heart, I have found my love. In your soul, I have found my mate. With you, I am whole, full, alive. You make me laugh. You let me cry. You are my breath, my every heartbeat. I am yours. You are mine. Of this we are certain. You are lodged in my heart. The small key is lost. You must stay there forever. Bride You are my inspiration and my soul's fire. You are the magic of my days. You help me laugh, you teach me love. You provide a safe place for me, unlike I've ever known. You free me to sing my own song. You are more of an amazement to me, each day I rediscover you. You are my greatest boon. I am yours. You are mine. Of this we are certain. You are lodged in my heart. The small key is lost. You must stay there forever. Frau Ava (circa 1160), translated by Willis Barnstone I've been through two sets of vows that ended up being meaningless to the other person making them. When the chips were down, I was out. I honestly believe he thought I was putting him down when I praised him and spoke well of him to others. In retrospect, the way his parents talked down to him, maybe I should have picked up on all of that. The second time, the person was so disconnected with the meaning of Marriage Vows that he was lying while he was saying them. He did not file the marriage license and my whole "marriage" to him was a lie. Due to the multiple, long conversations I had with him about staying celibate before marriage because of what sex means to me, I feel like I was sexually violated because I was not really married. I have been working so hard to put all of that behind me and live the very best life possible...A life that will attract someone who will honestly love me and want to spend his life with me. I really deserve a romantic who has a strong intellect, strong communication skills, and a great sense of humor to keep me challenged and engaged in all parts of my life. As I said, I thought that I was doing a good job of putting all of this behind me. I had been working on a contest where a prompt was someone's sonnet regarding the day they said their wedding vows. Somehow it hit me in such a visceral place that I've been angry for a week. I guess it does not help that I've been down with the flu. Fever can really throw your brain into a crazy space. Between thinking about the fearless commitment that it takes to make Vows and mean them, and the death grip that I have on finishing my Bachelor's degree and walk with top honors (and something is threatening that possibility too) I just have a lot of heaviness going on right now. Heaviness that I do not particularly care for. And let me just say that the count down to Valentine's Day is doing nothing for the way that I am feeling. I know that I am about as complex a person as one could find. I am a developmental psychologist and yes, I believe in astrology. Based on that, I was born on the cusp of Gemini and Cancer. I am not twins, I am triplets. I am such a wild blend of Gemini and Cancer that I need all of that and someone who can keep me grounded too. I'm not someone who believes in doing anything half-way. All or nothing...That's me. I guess in this world of slackers, that makes me kind of an offensive person.  I don't want to be angry. Nor do I believe that I'd be ready for "the one" to pop into my life at this red-hot moment. However, it would be wonderful to have a friend right now. Someone who would call about 9 in the evenings and say: "Hey, how was your day?" Maybe those nice weekend dates with a nice meal and a cool beverage... Maybe I won't feel so angry once I get well. Until we write again, Liv ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Hugh Jackman Hugh Jackman. You know, Wolvarine from the X-men. Macho . Loved him in Lés Miserables. Completely respect the amazing range this guy has . I am watching an interview with Hugh Jackman on the Marie (Osmond) Show. I am just in awe of what a gently spoken, aware individual he is. It is so evident that he loves his children and family. He WANTS to communicate well and help those he cares about feel emotionally secure. Isn’t that about the coolest thing ever? A man who wants to communicate…But then we have to remember that Hugh is an artist and artists have minds that like to connect. Ladies, what would it be like in your relationship life if you had such an engaged man like Hugh Jackman? Thoughts? Until we write again,  Liv |
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Day #31: Without knowing how much time you have left, would you be willing to reduce your lifespan by 10 years if it meant a significantly better quality (however you define it) to the remaining time you had? No, I would not. I believe each day that we are here is an important investment in the tomorrows we have left. Sacrificing a potential end to change (perhaps) only the last day, or week that I have left in my life would not be worth it in my opinion. Later, Liv |
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Day #30: With all the conflicting "let it go" vs. "stick with it" advice out there, how do you personally decide when to keep holding onto something and when to finally let it go? At a seminar I attended one time, the facilitator said something that has made a lot of sense to me and I have used it a lot over the last 7(ish) years: To everything in life, there are benefits and costs. When the costs out-weigh the benefits, then it is time to reevaluate your position.” There is one adjunct consideration is that sometimes there is a strong gut feeling that drives a person to stick with something. For example: some people may think I am crazy to be a single mother going back to school to finish my BS and pursue a graduate degree so I can become a licensed psychologist. There are some grants that I have been able to take advantage of, however, I am so committed to this process that I do not care about the student loans I have taken out to assure that I will be able to complete the classwork. I really just do not care how much my education will cost because I know that I will be able to get a job in my field with a salary that will allow me to pay down, and pay off my loans in a decent amount of time. Therefore, contemplating costs, benefits, consulting my inner compass  , and praying are all important to me when trying to decide when to hold on and when to let go.Until we write again, Liv |
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Day #29: Which is a more powerful emotion: love or fear? Why do you think so? This is a very interesting question today. Fear has the power to kill. It can completely take a life or create a walking dead person. Love heals and is life giving. Galatians 5: 22-23 says this: “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.” If one has love and lives in love, then the other eight fruits of the Spirit are possible. If one lives in fear, none of the fruits are possible. In fact, Galatians 5:19-21 describes many characteristics and habits of people who live in, or choose fear over love. The pivotal concept of both of these concepts is Trust. If you trust that you are loved, then you remain faithful to your relationships. You are secure and comfortable in your fidelity to the connection. If you do not trust that you are loved, then you may betray the relationship by seeking satisfaction from someone else. That occurs in innumerable ways other than just physical betrayal of an intimate relationship. You could receive a gracious monetary loan from a close friend, and when life does not immediately smooth out so that you can repay that loan, fear may cause you to create a discord in the relationship to allow you reason to excuse yourself from recompensing the debt. There is death and finality in Fear. There is life and freedom in Love. Fear is as effortless as wearing flannel jammies and houseshoes to Walmart. Love takes work and self-discipline just like respecting yourself enough to get up, style your hair, put on make-up, choose clean, well-fitting clothes, and go about your day fulfilling your commitments on time and correctly the first time. I imagine that what one perceives as more valuable personally would lend the greatest significance to either concept. As for me, I am worthy of Love and am willing to do the work; even to walk out the pain when necessary. Until we Write again, Liv |
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Day #28: You're scheduled to have dinner with the five people you admire most in the world. Who are those five people (real, currently-living people only) and why would you want them there? Where would you make a dining reservation? Would you try and cook? My Ultimate Dinner Party Guest List Each invited guest on the list is someone whom I admire for their intellectual prowess, the contributions to society that their body of work offers, and/or the personal power that it took to dig deep and strive to be the best person that they could possibly be. Carol Dweck Educational Psychologist who studies how people learn and a great inspiration for my studies William Damon Motivational Psychologist who studies how people learn and a great inspiration for my studies Sharon Osbourne Successful businesswoman and philanthropist; I admire her honesty and openness when she is sharing her thoughts and opinions Sir Patrick Stewart Inspirational actor, philanthropist, survivor of family violence resulting from post traumatic stress disorder (before it was defined), and supporter of Amnesty International Michael Oher Inspirational person, survivor of neglect, family violence, and example of what is possible with work and passion; I imagine that we have only just begun to see what he has to offer in this life-time Dinner Menu I would cook and have some of my former students who have become friends to assist me and help serve the dinner. I definitely would not want to serve a dinner that just had anyone’s random energy on it… First Course Grilled Rock Shrimp on a Fresh Pea Hummus Crostini Moet White Star Champagne   Second Course Pan Roasted Quail Stuffed with Porcini Mushroom Mousse served on a bed of Ruby and Gold Beet Medallions Toasted Head Chardonnay 2009 Third Course She Crab Soup with Chervil Croutons and Asparagus Tips Stoneleigh Rapaura Series Sauvignon Blanc 2011 Fourth Course Dijon and Herb Crusted Lamb Chops with Zinfandel Demi-Glace, Roasted Parsnip and Pear Mash, Steamed Hericot Vert Marietta Zinfandel Alexander Valley 2011 Old Vine Red Lot 49 Fifth Course Wild Baby Greens in a Butter Lettuce Cup; Texas Ruby Grapefruit Citronette with Hill Country Cold Pressed Extra Virgin Olive Oil and Toasted Pecans Antipodes New Zealand Sparkling Mineral Water Sixth Course Individual Coeurs a la Crème with Fresh Berries, Candied Walnuts, and a Dark Chocolate Drizzle Ruinart Champagne Blend Champagne Brut Rosé 2008 Obviously if I got that kind of guest list, I am counting on an unlimited food budget as well  Until we Write Again, Liv |
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Day #27: Which is worse: accidentally killing another human being, or fully intending to kill another human being and failing (i.e. by screwing it up, not by having a change of heart)? Why? This is a really interesting question to ask, because I believe that at one time or another everyone has either accidentally, or intentionally said or done something that has either killed or contributed to the killing of another’s soul. This can occur by means of placing the victim in a state of humiliation or fear by any means be it “good natured joking,” or outright bullying. In my belief system, this is as bad as using a tangible weapon to take another person’s life. I do not believe in accidents. There may have been a lack of awareness, which prevented thorough, informed choice, but there are no accidents in this life. Choosing to act but screwing it up is just as bad. The intention and the execution both occurred. Just because nobody was hurt was just pure dumb luck, and the executor of the action is still equally guilty of the offense. If conscious deliberation presents you with evidence that your first elected action is not a productive, or fortuitous decision, and a choice is made out of remorse to not act on the contemplated deed then a lesson has been learned. This produces personal growth…To choose the value of another person’s life over death. This is commendable. Whether it is the choice not to pull the trigger of a gun, or to bully another person because they somehow do not measure up to your personal standards or expectations. The first two scenarios are no good. The last is praiseworthy for demonstrating depth of thought and strength of character. Until next we write, Liv |
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Day #26: Do you believe in intelligent extraterrestrial life? Make your case, either for or against it. Pardon Me Scotty, but There Is Intelligent Life Out There This brings up huge debates between “Big Bang” and “Intelligent Design,” which I hate. Due to my personal viewpoints of this existence and this journey, I do not believe either is wrong. The Bible clearly states that God’s time is not our time, so we do not know that when the Old Testament says “7 Days,” it means seven of our 24-hour days. Nor did the Bible say that God ceased to create. It only says that “on the seventh day He rested.” I believe that there is intelligent life out there. Science has proven time and again that creation is ongoing, so it would be terribly conceited and narcissistic of us humans to believe that we are the only intelligent life in the universe. On a daily basis I am pretty sure that there must be more intelligent life forms out there than we have here on earth when I cannot have an cerebral conversation with a graduate school enrollment counselor regarding what I want to do with the next phase of my life. I have a friend who highly into the whole New Age thing and “channeled messages” and all that kind of thing. She and her friends believe that there are intelligent life forms (not metaphysical light beings such as angels) out there who care about us as if we are family. Further, they are either already present, or coming to our aid to assist us in evolving to the necessary state of being so that we ascend with them to the New Earth. What?!?!? That’s pretty outrageous to think about but when you get to watching some of the “Aliens Among Us” television shows on the satellite television stations…Who knows? Truth is always stranger than fiction, right? I just have a hard time believing that anyone other than God, the angels, and my family are truly able to extend unconditional love to me. Yet, maybe these “beings” do not have the human hang ups that we earth-bound folk have. Studying neuroscience has brought me to a higher degree of awareness about how the brain processes and communicates information, so I do believe the physics theory that we are all just masses of light energy traveling at a rate that makes us visible and solid. What if the ignorance and prejudices that we have been indoctrinated with have weighed us down and incapacitated our ability to choose higher thinking? Here are a couple of articles that have some interesting information in them that you can chew on if you like. http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2004/03/0311_040311_biocosm.html http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2004/03/0311_040311_biocosm.html Until we write again, Liv ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Day #25: At what point does a for-profit company have an obligation to the social good? If your job as a CEO is to maximize profit, at what point could you justify cutting those profits to accomplish something else like lessening environmental impact, keeping jobs local, etc.? We were all sent to this life with free will to choose how our lives will be. This means that we are free to choose to believe in, or not to believe in a higher power or powers. Due to this free will to choice, we also get to choose whether or not we are obligated to care for our fellow man. People other than those who own a company, or additional outside forces have no right to decide when or if philanthropic giving will occur. This decision is between the decision maker and his or her personal beliefs or private relationship with Spirit. To interfere with this process of decision would be to interfere with the natural evolution of that person’s soul. Due to my personal beliefs, my companies have always followed the formula of my principles towards giving, saving, recycling, composting, and above all, taking care of my employees to the best of my ability. I believe profits will take care of themselves if a business is taking care of serving those who need a hand up. I would be grateful to finally be able to realize a comfortable life where all of my bills were paid, I was debt free, could travel a little bit, and still have a few dollars in the bank to retire on. I just refuse to get there by using or walking all over anyone to get there. Until we write again, Liv |
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