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a maybe daily but likely not blog! |
| Am I supposed to write anything in here? I dunno |
| Ok... so this is not the right place for this but I have to get this off my chest now before I forget the points made and then I can use later to write to the BBC or a Newspaper and tell 'em exactly what I think about their 'investigative, open and fair debates'... Yet again, the Baby P case has been brought up as an example of appalling and ineffectual social workers. Yet again the media choose to ignore that there were many agencies involved in this child's case... yet again the media choose not to query those agencies' role in his death... and on this point yet again the media choose to imply that it is the Social workers who killed this baby and not his mother, her boyfriend and their lodger. I am really disgusted that Nicky campbell asked why 'bad mother's and their boyfriends' should be allowed to carry on looking after their children... I think he should remember that those 'boyfriends' are often BAD FATHERS OF OTHER PEOPLE'S CHILDREN... still it is acceptable to blame mother's for the ills of society and social workers for the ills of society, most of whom are women. In addition to this James O' Brien...a media presenter... cos of course HE would know all about the workings and day to day work of social services! .. said that keeping children at home is the holy grail of social workers. This is absolutely NOT the case. Most social workers are firmly fixed on the child and their needs, but they are thwarted by the governing bodies and procedures that prevent them from taking action to protect those children It is usually getting anyone else to take the investigation, enquiry, assessment seriousl;y that causes alot of social workers problems, not just even the over work and lack of resources and the ever changing rules, most of which are made by politicians who want to evade taking any responsibility for their party's ill informed and manipulative policies... but the programmes biggest sin is to do the usual hypocritical and unbalnced stance... that of not having ANY SOCIAL WORKERS PRESENT ON THE PROGRAMME to state what is going on... Oh yes plenty of 'writers' plenty of 'QC's'... incidentally who are the very people who make decisions NOT to let the local authority remove children from damaging and abusive homes!... plenty of 'CE's'... plenty of people saying 'oh yes if there were parenting classes every thing in the world would be rosy!' NO IT WOULD NOT.. There are many many parents who just cannot change... this is one of the key areas that Social workers need to assess... whether the parents have INSIGHT and the CAPACITY TO CHANGE... we do this day in day out... i work hard to be objective, looking at the needs of the child... who cares??? No bugger cares! I am not regarded as having knowledge or experience I am regarded as not even worth asking my opnion.. everytime a case goes to court the lawyers who see it all as a big game and get paid a fortune for prolonging the agony for these families... then get experts in to asses the family, many of whom who have no knowledge of this family prior to this! The irony of all of this is that if there were enough time and resources to carry out proper assessments, the social workers would be able to do their jobs properly... No wonder departments can't get the staff and Social workers leave in droves... we are sick of being insulted, rubbished treated like 3rd class subnormal professionals.... You and You and YOU... take a look at your society, make yourselves responsible for finding out what is going on, what your legal system is doing, what your politicians are doing, what your local authority managers are doing, what your police are doing, what your church is doing... what YOU are also doing to help protect children in your community... stop washing your hands of the problem and blaming the individual social workers for everything you find uncomfortable and want to wash your hands of.. It is a difficult job, people lie, people cover up, there will always be people who slip through the net... it does not mean that we are not worth talking to, taking notice of... listening to... If you want to 'debate' the death of a child known to ALL SERVICES... talk to all services not just the ones who are gonna slag off the likes of me and my colleagues, most of whom who work really really really hard! |
| On the motorway today a car tried to cut me up; as I indicated to move over into the lane - there being plenty of room - the car sped up, when it was sufficiently irate it got right up my arse and then flashed its lights. I then indicated to move into the fast lane and waited for the car in said lane to go before I pulled out. As I did so the arse car pulled out again trying to cut me... no indication nothing and then drove a about a foot away from my rear at 80 miles an hour. I couldn't resist a quick slam on the brake just to teach arse car a lesson. Later on the car, took over on the inside lane and as it passed me I saw it was young woman with a baby in the back. She looked like she'd taken vows for the nunnery she had such a sweet look on her face. Strange , I thougbt it must be the car with the vicious and very irresponsible attitude on the road. After all no human would risk their child's life in such a way! |
| The man on the trolley came by yesterday to apologise for Dear Anna knocking at my house in the early hours. Obviously I told him it wasn't necessary to apologise, I was just worried about her. My fears were realised. He told me that the following morning he reminded her that her husband was dead and and he pulled a shocked and distressed face to show me her reaction. He told me that sometimes when she is really insistent that he is still alive and wonders where he is, they tell her that he is working overtime to get some money for her birthday, and then she is happy. Re-living a grief is like stabbing yourself continually... the worst kind of ground hog day. He told me some stories about the other neighbours and the rows over the years... Anna keeps going to another neighbour's house, Petra, because years ago she thought she and her husband were having an affair. Petra has dementia also... they row in the street over something that happened over 30 years ago, but to them it is still very present. Sometimes he has to go and split them up... Anna is 87 and Petra 82. He says that it is funny to watch them, then he waved his hands in the air and said: "Still love, I've had to put up with this for 50 years.. I'm glad I've still got me marbles" Ain't that the truth. |
| ... and proper sick at that. She got taken to the hospital this morning and they gave her some heavy duty painkillers. She lay on the settee looking rough and semi conscious. She still mumbled that I was a lovely person, I should give myself a break and the geezer wasn't good enough for me anyhow! That is a proper proper mate! In return I left her a vegetable samosa and a couple of falafal... I would have left more but I ate them when she fell asleep. |
| At 11.45 last night there was a knock at my door. I am on my own so I opened the door just a bit. There was a little grey haired old lady standing there. She asked in a Polish accent: "Is my husband there?" I told her no and needless to say was confused. She said that this was the Czykowski's house and that her husband was here. I repeated no. She said "yes, yes, they have gone to pub". I asked who had gone to the pub?? She said her husband and the Czykowski's. Had I seen them? I said no, she must be mistaken. I live here. She said yes yes, she knows, I had already said, we must agree to differ! She repeated that he was there. I asked her who she was looking for. She said Sten and Hak. They had gone for a drink and had not come back. She said that it was late and she was worried. I understood, of course, 2 old men out late at night, getting up to God Knows What. She laughed and said "Silly Old Git" and then: "Oh my day, I have had all sorts, sorry to disturb, sorry, sorry" and off she went. About 15 minutes later she came back and asked the same thing again. She hadn't remembered that she had already knocked. We had the same conversation and off she went. I did not know where she had come from or where she lived, although I knew it was somewhere just up the street. I started to worry about her. Half an hour later, I had gone to bed and there was another knock at the door. This time when I looked out the window I could see that she was now wearing a nighty, she kept calling through the letter box for her husband. Poor love. The man who had lived here had been dead 5 years. When I had spoken to her before and I had explainhed this she was incredulous... No No she said it was his wife His WIFE who had died not him. I looked up the number for the local police. Just incase she called back. 15 minutes she knocked again. I got onto the police straight away and explained that she was distressed and I was worried about her. I opened the door and tried to persuade her to come in but she wasn't having any of it. The poor lady, She thought I was on the phone calling her husband for her. Obviously by this time I had realised that he was dead and she had forgotten. Fortunately at this time an elderly neighbour walked passed and saw what was happening. He said that he lived next door to her and had been out looking for her. He said come on Anna, let's go, come home. She was reluctant to go but nevertheless went with him. He had a key to let her in and reassured me that her daughter was on her way over. It was upsetting, because I hate to think that she's going to remember at some point that her husband is dead. I don't want to think that she might grieve all over again as if it were a fresh incident. It can be lonely out late in life. |
| I went for a second interview yesterday. I was met at the door by the Actual Person Who Was Going To Interview Me. Which makes a nice change. She didn't try to lord it over me either, which is also unusually refreshing. This Local Authority is now infamous for the deaths of 2 children after a catalogue of procedural errors. In the main the Social Workers were villified in the press, although the errors made by the health services and police were largely ignored because the pap press knows who their market is and who the readers hate the most. I was interviewed by Little Tough Lady and Calm Joan. LTL was obviously the most vocal and kicked off with the first and most obvious question: Why do you want to work in H? Let me tell you it is a given that no one wants to work there because of it's reputation and let's be honest, nobody wants to have their picture splashed all over the tabloids and made scapegoat for ills of the various managers, departments, governments, rules, procedures and general all round madness that is created by inadequate and yet over zealous bureaucratic pen pushers. I told her that it was purely because I had understood that there was a post available carrying out parenting assessments, which is what I do now and which I love. LTL clarified that I wasn't interested in taking on conventional case load management. No is the short answer. Been there, know the score, which is nil-nil-nil to the families, the children and the Social worker; yes, I know, but it's hard not to be cynical. There was a silence and a couple of sideways looks between them. LTL asked me what I thought were the key components of a Core Assessment. Here we go: Parenting capacity, children's needs, environmental factors, capacity for change, understanding of concerns, chronologies, risk assessments, ability to work with agencies, previous involvement. Her ears pricked up and she asked me to tell her how I would carry out a risk assessment. I asked her in what respect? To the child or the workers? To the child. Yes. Tell her about the child. For example Domestic Violence. How I would I assess this in relation to the Child. DV is a real hotty at the moment. research shows that children can be quite resilient in many ways even when there are sinificant issues in relation to drugs, alcohol,mental ill health and so on. But put DV in the mix or even on it's own and the risk soars, both physically and emotionally. I touched on all the necessaries: Ability to recognise the risk; ability to protect; level and frequency of violence; whether victim can access help; childrens' behaviour and how the stress is showing itself; protective influences around the family; planning. At this point the planned interview came to a halt. We had a long conversation about the various merits (or otherwise) of having a 'parenting assessor' in the team. I said that I thought it would be quite difficult but do-able. Both seemed quite interested in pursuing the idea that they could have a worker who was available to other staff to assist and train. They told me that they would be taking me to their senior management! Calm Joan interjected here and there with her full understanding of what I actually did. They asked me what models of social work I used: interactionist, systemic. I said one thing that I had picked up on recently that I had never noted being done as a matter of course by frontline social workers was Family Observations. By this I mean specifically going along and watching them for an hour or so, rather than just visiting to talk about the concerns the department had and interviewing each family member separately; to me it s very important to see how people operate with one another rather than seeing each individual as the proverbial 'Island'. It is the same with chronologies. Social workers have to spend sooooo much time filling in bits of paper that they inadvertently see the family as a Series Of Unfortunate Events rather than a whole organism, moving through time and space, acting and responding to life and their own previous experiences. This is often where The Bigger Picture gets missed. Let me say it is REALLY important to have thinking time. Social services in this area (i.e. Child Protection) is often operating as an Emergency Service, which it is not. It needs very careful thought and planning. Thinking Time is just not built into the equation. We talked about money. I said what I had been offered elsewhere. LTL said you would be looking to get x amount, which was a pound less than I had been offered. Calm Joan said "No, she is looking to get the same". It doesn't do in Britain in Social Services to state your worth, but how much is the prevention of death of another child worth? It's not question of how much I am worth, but how much the child and their reputation is worth to them. They're gonna let me know. It was interesting, I liked them. I hope they come back with the right answer!! |
| I really screwed up with bloke number 5,382, 567,894,967,328. He is a cinematographer. We had a great time together, I was mad about him, he was mad about me. He dropped me off at work on Tuesday. Later I sent him a text saying I had a great time with him and would love to cuddle him but had to go home after work. He wrote back 'come here, take your cuddle and then go home x'. I said it was tempting but I would have to go home and would see him tomorrow. Much later I wrote him another very ambiguous and not very friendly text, accusatory and childish. He rang me straight away but i couldn't answer the fone. Then I was really ashamed. I rang back but I didn't know what to say. He wrote me a text telling me that he didn't want to have anything else to do with me. It was only after that that I remembered he has driven all over London for me, told me that he liked me so much, wanted to see me again that night, bought me drinks, cared about me, he'd been writing me lots of nice emails. I told my friend what had happened. We just had a few days of bliss...She put her head in her hands and asked why I keep doing this. I said I can't take the fear of liking someone so much and then getting dumped; I am a saboteur. I don't do it deliberately at the time but I am Mrs Terrified of Terrified Street and then when the deed is done I look at it like someone else did it and the madness of it. Only one good thing came of it, I decided to contact a counseller and get this horrible part of me dealt with once and for all. I don't want to be on my own, but more importantly I don't wanna cause pain to someone else I care about and who cares about me because of ghosts. I had a chance with a lovely person and I screwed it up the wall. |
| I wasn't looking forward to it any way. I had worked there before and had left after only 3 months, just before I moved to France. It was a chaotic place and I thought it was probably only a matter of time before a child died; none have as a result of negligence, as far as I am aware. Nothing had changed. When I arrived I was greeted by the two team managers. One of them introduced herself to me and then told me that they did not have a room to interview me in. Then she told me that she wanted to give me a case study but could not find it. The other TM rummaged around in her papers and came up with said case study. TM 1 led me down a corridor, TM 2 said she would be along in a minute. When we arrived TM1 asked: "Did I introduce myself to you?" I told her she had. I wondered if she could remember her own name. We went into the room. She rummaged about in god knows what and then told me she didn't have the case study. We were in a part of the building called The Dungeon on account it was in the bowels of the Town Hall. Usual scenario: peeling walls; electrical faults; broken chairs; dippy managers... It took a further 10 minutes for her to ring around in order to locate the case study, eventually it arrived with TM2. TM2 had her eyebrow pierced with a huge black bent arrow. I reckon it was all wrong for work; call me old fashioned. I mean I am not against piercings, I have 3 in each ear, one in my belly and my eyebrow done as well, but there are times and places and ages... it wasn't the time, it wasn't the place and there comes a point in one's life when one accepts the ageing process with a certain amount of awareness of how one looks when trying to retain youth, I Know! They gave me the case study and told me I had 15 minutes and on their return they would ask me to talk it through. They left. I read the case study. It was exactly the same one I had written about 8 months before. The question was about a boy called Michael and I was to explain how I would assess his needs and what legislation I would use. Literally the same shit, different day! I wrote 2 pages and completed it in 10 minutes. 20 minutes passed and then 30 and then 40. Finally TM extraordinaires returned. The first thing they did was to take the case study off me., then give it back. Black Arrow was OK but 'What's my name' probably needed to stay off the ajax. She said to me: "I'd like you tell me about the case study and talk us through your care plan and how came up with it". Balck Arrow stared straight ahead. I replied that I had not been asked to do a care plan but assess the boy's needs. She said "Oh well, just think of one" and whipped the case study away again. I went through a case. I talked to her about children who were on the register because of their parents' Domestic Violence. When I had finished she said 'but you're not the case worker'. I said 'no', thinking what the hell difference does that make. Black Arrow was giving me long stares and looking apologetic. What's My Name gave the case study back and asked Black Arrow what she wanted to do. They couldn't decide. In the end they left the interview and went out into the corridor to whisper! When they came back they carried on asking me questions as if there had been no 40 minute wait, no 10 minute interruption, no loss of case study, no lack of suitable room. At the end they asked when i could start.. If I Was Appointable! I said 2 months.. I Am Not Desperate. The following morning the recruitment bloke rang me. He said the feedback was positive.... 'Which end you looking at?' I thought. I said I didn't want to work there. He said 'they're offering you alot of money'. I thought they'd be better getting a new manager instead. Just remember people: these are the people you are paying for out of your taxes to protect children in your community. |
| Well... at this moment in time I have no choice but to bare my soul to the world... my 'restrict access' is not working properly... this is a bummer, I can only make my blog readable if I leave it as 'Make public, Allow EVERYONE!'.. EVERYONE is a pretty scary thought, I feel like I'm walking down the street with me bikini on and no sunglasses! But then what's the point of not writing anything... If I make this private I may as well be writing my diary. So.. two and twos I've just gotta change the odd detail to protect the guilty.. Last nite I went on a date with a bloke who I met when I went to buy something from him. He seemed like My Kind Of Person.. Oooh... me never learn... I mean I NEVER learn.. after having a nice Vietnamese dinner in Shoreditch and talking our little socks off, he said that he wanted to go for a drink... we did so, no sooner had we got our drinks than he downed his pint in one and said I didn't have time to drink mine as I would miss my last train home... we left the pub, me walking along like a little rag doll, being dragged around by my arm... and then he walked off and left me! I didn't know where to go so I asked a couple of people the way to the station, on my way said geezer shouted at me from a coupla hundred yards down the road... he'd called a taxi and told me to get in or I wouldn't get the train... I didn't want to get in but he insisted I would miss the train.. The taxi driver said we would have been better and it would have been quicker to walk, which was what I'd said... what do I know? I'm just a woman... When we got to the station I got out... he paid a tenner to the taximan and then promptly called me a selfish cow!... I got on the train with me metaphorical udders between me legs! What can I say... I have very precise radar for assholes, clearly... he sent me a text telling me I was the kind of woman who would jump in bed with anyone... cos he would know!!!! I sent a message back... he lives on a narrow boat... I said: "Narrow boat, narrow mind, you shouldn't call women cows because it demeans you more than it does them". What else is there to say? Bother with insults? I am ashamed of myself as I always am after these little engagements... it's degrading and humiliating... Dunno if it's the fags or my emotional crap that's gonna kill me first! |
| ....I ask myself in writing this, I have no idea if you can see it or not... because it won't let me look! |
| Just wanna get this off my chest... A new CE started at my place of work and he came round to 'show his face' to the commoners. During his visit he told us that he made a point of not telling people he was coming because it was a bit like the Queen visiting places and smelling new paint everywhere; that he liked to see 'his' people in their 'natural environment'! When he arrived I had been in the middle of witing an important and difficult email to a colleague, which required a degree of diplomacy, therefore I was in heavy duty thinking mode. Let me tell you that all my colleagues, friends and family know what I am thinking at any given time because if there is one weakness I freely hold my hands up to it's showing my emotions on my face there and then. And at this time I was thinking hard, engrossed. The CE said to me: "You might want to check the body language there" I looked up and realised he was talking to me. I had a deep frown on my face and my arms folded. I said: "Oh yeah sorry I was thinking about something". He carried on pontificating about the various merits of meeting people without warning and as he left he gave me a little nod and said: "And remember... check that body language". Ok, the thing is, I am not working at a front desk, I feel I am entitled to think with whatever expression I want on my face... surely we have not got to the point in society where we can't even pull the odd face now and then! I thought he had a cheek actually because iof you are going to make a point of catching people unaware you've go to be prepared to accept what ypou find to a degree. i mean, obviously if I'd been shagging someone on the desk I would understand his consternation. I reckon this is just a little hypocritical and that really he was a Queen expecting the joy of sniffing fresh paint! |
| Today my bloke dumped me... he's done this about 4 times in the last week.. so I don't feel anything, that's a bonus... he wasn't good enough for me anyway! I am going to concentrate now on my writing and my job which needs alot of attention. i have quite a few debts and they need alot of attention also. I have been very neglectful of my own needs and self esteem and will need to take things slowly and work hard at focusing properly on the important things and then I'll feel better, Hooray! |
| On Thursday a 31 year old man jumped from a bridge on the M25 motorway and died, being hit by several cars. I passed his body, covered with a silver sheet which was held down by yellow and black tape. I didn't know at this time what had happened but found out when I got home that evening; this happened at 07:00. Later that evening I spoke to my bloke and he asked: "How could someone do that to themselves?... surely if you wanted to kill yourself you'd find a less unpleasant way of doing it" I said that this was a form of extreme self abuse. Of course someone swould do something like this. At that point the man probably wanted to punish himself and everyone else for his pain. My bloke was talking from the point of view of someone who did not want to kill himself. Of course many people do use a different method but quite often this is borne out of a different reason. This man's actions affected me greatly; it must also have been really shocking and terrible for the people who hit him at 70 miles an hour. He will have affected many lives by his death. |
| I don't know what I think until I hear myself say it Women play around with sex to get love and men play around with love to get sex Fools rush in where angels fear to tread but sometimes angels get caught in the entrance The grass is always greener on the other side, but only for the first 6 months Never let your partner know how much money you've got nor how much you love them. If you don't give more than you take you will always be poor. Watching dumbed down TV is like masturbation... While your engaged with it it's great but afterward you feel like shit! Leave the past behind and the future in front... the Present is the only true gift. |
| the pc broke down and I could not complete my entries... now I've lost some motivation so will need to start over... Yawn |
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