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Random thoughts, inconsistent posting |
 My meandering thoughts |
DEATH We all have to face it some time or another. This isn't something new to our family. My husband's parents died in 1981 an in 1991. My father past away five years ago. This is different. In 2010 my niece posted her friend's grandma had a dog she was going to have to put down if she couldn't find a home for it. The picture showed a shih tzu. I thought cool! I'd love a little dog like that and we headed off to the grandma's house to get it. When we got there it wasn't the shih tzu it was a little schnauzer mix. She was about four years old. I was told the story back story and felt sorry for the puppy. I didn't want to see it put down so I took it and figured I'd find another home for her. The woman named the dog Oreo. (My sister-in-law had named her shih tzu Oreo so I changed it to Ariel) Because this dog (Ariel)had been through a traumatic situation, she would bite anyone who she felt threatened her or her possessions, I couldn't find a new home for her. When my husband came home he bonded with her and we ended up keeping her. The first few weeks she, slept under the covers at the back of my legs. The next morning she'd chewed through the back of my nightshirt. She chewed the edge of two of my sheets and pillow cases. We started giving her a milk bone at night and the chewing stopped. We never left any underwear in the open. All our dirty clothes were in the walk in closet or she'd chew the crotch out of them. My father came to watch her when we were on vacation. I warned him about leaving his underwear out of the suitcase. He didn't listen and two pair ended up with holes chewed in the seat. I won't go into all her problems but to say that she bit me two to three time a month during the first five years we had her. Sometimes bad and other times very bad.(I got infections three time) Still my husband would not give her up. The last four years the biting has gotten better, or I've gotten better at judging how to avoid her reaction. She's a loving dog. I don't blame her for biting. I don't know why she has this reaction, but when I tell her she's a "BAD DOG" and reprimand her, she is so sorry. She will lay on her back next to my neck and rub back and forth until I forgive her and rub her stomach. She'll lick my face and burrow next to me to make sure I know she's sorry. This last fall she began drinking and peeing like crazy. Then began to lose weight. I recognized the symptoms and sure enough she's diabetic. We have been trying for the last couple of months to regulate her eating, drinking with insulin. You can imagine how that's going. I can't do it alone. She bites. She knows if she eats in the morning she's getting a shot. She will eat and run under the table and not come out. I have to go to work so I can't play her games. My son has managed to get her head down and give her the shot. I can't, I'm too afraid of her. Last week she began shaking and wouldn't eat. We took her to the emergency vet on Saturday night after we came back home from having my husband's seventieth birthday party. The vet said she probably had pancreatitis. We took her home and fought with her to give her the pills and didn't even bother with the insulin. Then on Monday I took her to our vet. They did blood work and said she not only had pancreatitis, but her kidney's were shutting down and her sugar levels were over 500. As of Thursday she hadn't eaten any real food since Saturday. She'd only eaten the bits of peanut butter we buried her pills in and forced down her throat. Last night she ate a half a hot dog and some bits of chicken. She is acting more alert and barking at the normal things. The vet said just keep her comfortable and go with whatever she'll eat until you know it's the end. This has hit my husband the hardest. He isn't home a lot during the year and Ariel is so excited to see him. I usually take her with me to pick him up and she covers his face with kisses all the way home. When he gets his suitcase ready to leave she isn't happy and barks at him. I take her with me to the airport to drop him off. She's pretty sad for a while and sits on my lap. I have never seen him this upset over anything in all the time we've been married. His sadness has affected me more than her demise. I won't miss her all that much. Her biting me has resulted in a disconnect with her. I love her and cuddle with her, but I didn't overly bond with her emotionally. I don't know how much longer she will be with us and my husband has told me he doesn't want another dog right away. I just don't want one with issues. I want a dog from 10-20 pounds that I wont have to be afraid of. |
| What's OLD? Growing up I thought anyone over twenty-five was old. As we all know age is a perception, not a number. The years we live are only the calculation of seconds, minutes, hours, days, months we've had a heartbeat. They are an accumulation of all the knowledge we collect during this period. The way we take care of our bodies plays a big part of aging. I remember my parents and others in later years who dressed and seemed OLD to me.My perception now is different. Even those in their late eighties and nineties dress and move like they're in their seventies. Look at Betty White, still acting and getting around in her nineties. That's now, but a couple decades ago many died in their sixties of "old age." What is "OLD AGE?" What makes us afraid of it, laugh nervously when we speak of it or work desperately to stave it off? This week my husband of forty-seven years turns SEVENTY Scary, is when I look at that number. Fearful when I see the process of aging unfold on his thinning hair and lack of hearing (even with the hearing aids he hates to wear). My husband doesn't slow down. He is a master carpenter. He built homes for the starters to the million dollar mogul. Everyone got the same dedication to perfection, no matter what the client could afford. He"retired" a few years ago when we moved from Minnesota to Oregon. Finances were tight so he went back to work. Not building houses but doing odd jobs for people. Then was hired to travel the USA doing inventory for surplus bearings. He's enjoyed the travel but in the last year was gone 285 days. A bit much even for him. January 25, 2020 We had a party to honor him. Did I mention he cooks? No I didn't, Some men/women are good at grilling, or cooking meat. Some might make baking pastry their forte or making pies/cakes. My husband does all of that. He puts that perfection into whatever he decides to make. Not always does it turn out perfect the first few time, but he keeps at it. Let me tell you how many batches of rolls he either threw out or we gave away because they didn't look or taste the way he wanted them to. He was attempting to make a roll that was as light and yeasty as a friend who is a master baker. I think his rolls are just as good as a Parker House roll you get at a fancy restaurant. Not Paul they have to be just as good as the Parker House roll. Let's get back to his party. When I decided to have it I wanted it to be a surprise, but knew he wouldn't go for it. He has to have his hand in everything aspect of it. When I told him my plan his first question was, "Who's cooking the dinner?" I told him and he raised his eyebrows and said, "I'd better do it and he can assist." I told him it was his party. He still wanted to plan and cook the dinner. On Friday, He met with the our friend who makes amazing rolls. Paul questioned him on the dough as it looked too dry (as I said he'd been making rolls now for a year). All night long he worried about the roll batter not rising enough. Sat morning he went to the Lodge and made another batch (of 160 or so) that has the right texture. It was a good thing he did. When he went to bake the first batch they didn't raise right and even though they tasted ok they were more dense than the one he'd made. The menu changed from a turkey dinner to chicken fried steak because he read that was the number one Sunday dinner across the USA. We planned the party and Saturday my daughter, sister and I decorated the venue. When someone asked me if this was a formal dinner I laughed and said, "It's slightly casual with class." I knew most of the people coming would dress as if they were coming to church. Some in suit and tie, others in sport jackets and button down shirts. The women would all wear skirts and dresses. By some standards that might be considered formal. That night we served three types of appetizers. I had a video of Mary Maxwell's invocation for Home Instead who is all about aging. Each table was dismissed to go to the buffet table where I had servers dished their food and a beverage table, for coffee and water. When the main dinner was finished the staff served the desserts which were three flavors of small bundt cakes, a friend made. They were amazing, the flavors were carrot cake, chocolate with a peanut butter, butter cream frosting and bits of peanut butter cup on top, and a lemon poppy seed cake with lemon curd in the middle and lemon butter cream frosting. Thankfully the staff I hired, helped wash and put away all the dishes (we have a commercial dishwasher at the Fellowship Lodge). All the left over food was divided out and I could leave with the comfort we left it cleaner than when we got there. I sat down when I got home and couldn't get up without pain. My feet and legs relaxed and has been hurting all Sunday. Thank goodness for Tylenol PM. It was good to hear the compliments on the party, from the people who came, on Sunday. I just received a voice mail from a older man who thanked me for inviting him and his wife and how much they enjoyed the entire party form the food to Paul's birthday speech. |
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She is a great woman and so kind to me.