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My thoughts released; a mind set free |
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These pages contain my thoughts, from meandering ideas and persuasions to deep cerebrations and serious mentations. Why, for what purpose? To release my mind and set creativity free. Somewhere inside the constraints of my mind dwells a writer, a poet, an artist who paints with words. In here I release those constraints and set the artist free. Perhaps, lost somewhere in the depths of thought, is a story or a poem, waiting to be written. 
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| Well, I'm trying to get things moved back a bit, I would like to get everyone settled in for bed my ten and sleeping by ten-thirty. If all works well, I should also be ready to go to bed by ten-thirty, or eleven at the latest. That's the plan, and tonight was the first try. It worked fine, but I got involved in a few other light activities around the site, so it's now twenty after eleven and I'm in here blogging. I still should be in bed by midnight, which for me is considered early. I'm trying to change things around a bit and overcome this trapped feeling I've been having for some time. I know that writing about it is a major way of dealing with it for me, as is talking to someone, as I tried to do earlier this evening. However, I'm not sure if talking will do any good, as the person I tried to talk to is also a part of the problem. The two girls we adopted are the other two-thirds; perhaps they are fourths, and life itself makes up the final quarter. I also know it is a lot of just me being who I am. I am an introvert without any doubt, in fact, I need alone time to function as much as I need sleep and healthy food. I have known most of my life that I need alone time. It's the time I need to escape life's problems and refresh and recharge. It's also when my creativity can flow and my mind can release; it's why I'm in here writing at midnight or after so many nights. The problem is I also need my sleep. I could adjust quite easily to being up all night and sleeping during the day, but with two girls at home and a wife, it's not an option. Besides, there are too many things I need to access during the day that aren't open at night. Today was another example of getting frustrated and throwing in the towel. First off, my wife decided this morning to take the day off to work on getting the girls social security cards updated. We have tried since the older girl was adopted early this past spring, but covid shut everything down. I, however, had started a project in the garage that I couldn't get finished because I need to figure a way out to rearrange things so I can install a counter on one wall for storage and workspace. I also have to figure out how to install the counter without spending a lot on base cabinets. I had got a start while my wife and the girls were gone for the weekend. I told her what my plans were last night after they got home. My wife, like the girls, has a difficult time organizing and sticking to a plan. Even when a task is started, they tend to get side-tracked and off on something else, just the opposite of how I work. So this morning, she's home and trying to find out what needs to be done to get the cards switched over. She finally got through to a person, got the paperwork printed off, gathered all the needed documents, and headed off to the nearest Social Security Office to drop everything off in a dropbox. But, when she arrived, the office is closed and there is no dropbox. She texts me about this, so I stopped what I was trying to do and found her a couple of numberes to call. A half-hour later, she again texts to let me know these are the numbers she called from home. Not much I can do about it, so I continue to move stuff around, measure, and try and work on my project. But, I have the girls who need to do distance learning, so I have to come in frequently and keep them on task. This means I stop for a break, come in, and get bombarded with questions that have nothing to do with school. By the time I get them refocused, my mind is reeling and struggling to try to find my last thoughts as I head out to the garage. Then, even as I find where I left off, I get a text. My wife, not knowing what to do, has decided to do some window shopping and wants to know if we need anything since she's in town. Sure, let me drop everything and look through the kitchen to see what we may need. Of course, as soon as I re-enter the house, the girls start in with questions about how much school work they need to do before they can stop. They also have to show me what they did already, what they are working on, and what their friends are doing, the whole time I'm trying to move around them to see what we need to get. Finally, I get another chance to escape to the garage and try and get something done. I measure and contemplate where things can get moved, what has to go, or if I can find a way to make it fit and still leave enough room to move. I get an idea and am doing some measuring and rethinking things, I may be able to make this work... The oldest girl arrives and begins with questions. I asked her if she needed something. Yes, your phone is going off... I left it inside because I was tired of it interrupting, now here it is, with her asking if I'm coming in now, can she be done with school work, and asking questions about everything in the garage. I end up back in the house, talking to my wife over the phone who is wondering if I want a specific bait box for fishing. We had looked at them when out Christmas shopping, but I wasn't sure what the best kind to get was. At last conversation, I told her I didn't need one right away, and I want to look around before I spend that much on a glorified minnow bucket. Now, right in the middle of another project, she forgets I said that and is ready to buy it, thinking I really wanted it. I'm done going to the garage, I'm frustrated and haven't gotten anything done, I've forgotten half the ideas I had gotten, and my head hurts. I decided to look online and see if I can find any cheap base cabinets and just do it the easy way. I found a few, but they weren't very cheap. So, I look online for used cabinets, surely someone must have remodeled and had some to get rid of. But even as I try and read about some, I'm asked to look up this or that for school. The youngest needs help with some math, and my wife is texting me to say she's done and getting ready to come home. My frustration levels are now very high, my head is splitting and I just can't try anymore. I sit and do nothing for a few minutes, but the questions continue to bombard me, now having nothing to do with school, just foolishness. My younger daughter is telling me funny things she seen in tik tok, and I'm ready to go nuclear! I head back to the garage and put most of the stuff back, even though I'll have to move it all again another day; a day that will likely go the same as today. then return to the house, and surrender a beaten man. I gave up and gave in, I would not accomplish anything today, so here I am for your every question and need. Of course, I don't say this out loud to the girls, but I sure feel it. I pour a cup of coffee and sit down, ready for whatever they may need. They both go to their rooms and it's quiet. Shortly after, my wife returned. I know because she stopped close to home and text me that she was getting gas before coming home, then she called when she turned in the driveway to let me know she was home and wanted help to bring things in. After she had to show me everything she had purchased, then once everything had settled down, she asked if I made any progress in the garage... |
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