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My thoughts released; a mind set free |
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These pages contain my thoughts, from meandering ideas and persuasions to deep cerebrations and serious mentations. Why, for what purpose? To release my mind and set creativity free. Somewhere inside the constraints of my mind dwells a writer, a poet, an artist who paints with words. In here I release those constraints and set the artist free. Perhaps, lost somewhere in the depths of thought, is a story or a poem, waiting to be written. 
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| Wednesday will be my first day smoke free. The date is set to begin this new journey on a busy day to help make the transition, I also have a lot of support and a few items, gum and nicotine patches, to take the edge off. I quit many years back and went for a few years without smoking, but then a new job with a lot of stress had me back into the habit, which has only gotten worse with time. I restarted with just an occasional cigar to relax with. A few months passed and it became a daily thing, but still only a few cigars a day. Next it was a change to a pipe, with a pouch of tobacco lasting about five days, but that increased slowly as well. Finally, it was just more convenient to smoke cigarettes, and I am currently at about a quarter to a half a pack a day, depending on the day. A few months ago, I was down with a bad cold, or something, and it just wasn't possible to smoke without triggering a coughing fit, so I decided it was a good time to give the smokes up. Cold turkey had worked in the past, and for a couple of weeks I did stay tobacco free, but I was getting so grumpy my family didn't like to be around me; hell, I didn't like being around me either. I went back to smoking with the thought of waiting until school started. This would give he kids a break from me, and for me, be a bit less stressful. I also went in and talked to my doctor about quitting, and received some information on quitting as well as some possible ideas for making it easier and avoiding the grumpy stage. I was set, had picked a date, the second week of school; the first week is always hectic. Also, knowing I could be a bit grumpy yet, I wanted to wait until after my daughters birthday; nobody likes a grump on their birthday. A couple of weeks ago, I came down with a cold, or whatever it is that's been plaguing me for almost a year now. Once again, smoking only made it worse, so it seemed like a good time to quite. Also, I visited the clinic for the illness and the doctor I seen told me it was better to stop right then instead of waiting for the date I had set. Of course this was based on the illness and she didn't consider what my family doctor had insisted was needed. Me to be ready, have a set day, and have the items she recommended on hand. I did stop at the pharmacy for my prescribed medications and picked up the nicotine patches and some gum. I had not smoked that day or the day before as a result of the illness, but I wasn't ready, not really. The kids hadn't started school yet, there was some stressful stuff going on, and I wasn't able to get much sleep. As soon as I lie down, the congestion would increase, I would have coughing fits, and end up back in the living room trying to sleep sitting up. This only added to the stress and I went back to the smokes after just a few days. But, I was still focused on quitting on the day I had set. I've focused on that ever since, letting myself smoke as I desire, but thinking a lot about each and every smoke. Why was I smoking? Was I enjoying it? Did I like the way it messed up my taste and made me feel? Last, I asked myself if it helped with the stress; I'm still asking these questions and the answer in short, "No." Of course, the nicotine does help in a small degree, but mostly it's the withdrawal symptoms that I don't like, almost as much as I'm beginning to not like smoking. So, as the smoke free day approaches, I find myself ready and wanting to end this madness. I already know, from the few days I used them, that the patch and the gum help a lot, Now, with the proper frame of mind, lots of family support, medical support if I need it, and something to take the edge off and keep me from getting the grumpies, I'm ready to start feeling better, breathing better, and end the madness that is smoking. |
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