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My thoughts released; a mind set free |
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These pages contain my thoughts, from meandering ideas and persuasions to deep cerebrations and serious mentations. Why, for what purpose? To release my mind and set creativity free. Somewhere inside the constraints of my mind dwells a writer, a poet, an artist who paints with words. In here I release those constraints and set the artist free. Perhaps, lost somewhere in the depths of thought, is a story or a poem, waiting to be written. 
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| As many already know, I'm not normal, this entry just proves that theory correct. But I digress. Sipping coffee this morning as I strolled down Notification Lane and up Newsfeed Street, I had some odd and unexplainable thoughts of Mother Goose's Poetry. Actually, it was one poem in particular that intruded my thoughts: Little boy blue, Come blow your horn, The sheep's in the meadow, The cow's in the corn. But where is the boy Who looks after the sheep? He's under a haystack, Fast asleep. Now, as a child, I kind of believed this hype, but as I got older I saw some discrepancies within the story as well as it not being written correctly. One thing is the grammar, The Sheep's in the meadow; is there only one sheep? Does it own the meadow? Does the same apply to the cow? If I were Mother Goose, I would have written: Hey, Little Boy Blue (a name) Come and blow your horn there are sheep in the meadow, There are cows in the corn. But, it's poetry, you can write it any damned way you want, right? Therefore, I overlooked that, figuring my writing is my style, and your writing is your style. However, it doesn't explain why he was under the haystack sleeping. I mean, if he was tired he should have returned to bed. Maybe he wasn't supposed to be napping, so he headed to the hay pile to catch a few z's unobserved. But, wouldn't he be on the pile of hay? I can't see sleeping under it; I've handled enough hay to know it's scratchy and makes you itch, it's also dusty and makes you sneeze, a lot! I'm not believing he crawled under a big pile of hay to sleep. I believe, he was in fact, up in the haymow with alternative motives. With this in mind, let's see what was really transpiring... Hey, Little Boy Blue Come and blow your horn there are sheep in the meadow, There are cows in the corn. So where is that boy Who looks after the sheep? Why he's up in the haymow With Little Bo Peep! That explains everything. Little Bo Peep lost her sheep because they were in the meadow with Little Boy Blue's sheep. She likely let them in so she could sneak off to see him. In fact, my sources have disclosed, they conspired this plot together when they snuck off to meet behind the outhouse at church on Sunday. One last thing to consider. Why was he supposed to blow his horn? One loud blast on that battered brass instrument would have cows and sheep stampeding all over God's green earth! Perhaps I should have titled this, The Mother Goose Conspiracies (I have more). |
| It's Monday and things are going well. I logged in this morning and read my Notifications; thank you to everyone who has interacted and filled my Notifications so nicely. I also read through the Newsfeed and found some interesting things to read, some to comment on, and a lot of things to "Like". I was happy to see that Lilith of House Martell   is back and we had a "Question of the Day!"  this morning. It's crazy, but a morning just doesn't seem complete without one.I also entered a goal in "Weekly Goals" again this week. Goals are important, but should not be made impulsively. If a goal is well thought out, it is a form of motivation and reward when the goal is met. But if a goal is not well thought out, it is demotivating and disappointing when it is not. At least, that's my opinion. I know, many would write or say, "In my humble opinion." Seems to me, if they were that humble, they wouldn't be stating their opinions so much. (I do realize, however, that some of those people are truly humble.)I don't post in "Weekly Goals" very often, but if I see a goal I should set, it seems like a nice way to share it with others. Posting goals in itself aids in one being held accountable for that goal, or at least it does for me.Last week, I set a goal of logging in every day. This is something I need to do simply because I get busy or distracted and procrastinate logging in. First, it's a day or two, then a week, or even a month. (Months) Why? I enjoy the site and spending time here with everyone, or at least almost everyone. So why put off something I enjoy? I blame my upbringing; "first comes work, then comes play" has been instilled in me since I was old enough to do any form of work. This week I addressed my bliting (blog writing). Yes, I made up my own term for writing in my blog. Hey, I'm a writer, I can do that. Anyway, as I looked back through my blog, I was disappointed at how inconsistent my bliting has been. Originally, I had all intentions of bliting every day. However, to do that, I need something worthy of sharing for each entry or it's just a lot of argle-bargle that not only bores others but drives them away from my blog. (Picture someone seeing this and making the sign of the cross)
I enjoy blogging when I have something to write about, and I hope some of my readers enjoy what I've written. But with weekly and monthly gaps, I also lose people's interest. Therefore it seemed like a good idea to set a goal for writing in here, or bliting, as it's come to be known. How often? As often as I have something worth writing. I, at first, thought of blogging at least once a week. But, that did not seem like much of a challenge, and we should try and challenge ourselves a bit. So, I decided to provide bliting here at least twice a week. That's my goal, two entries per week. However, if and when there is more blog-worthy content in my life, I'll share it here with additional bliting. Do you have any goals to share? |
| We had planned a different Thanksgiving this year, instead of going over to my sister-in-law's like we usually do, we decided to do a mini-vacation. We decided to visit the port city of Duluth and tour Bentleyville (https://www.bentleyvilleusa.org/visitor-guide/). We booked a room overlooking Lake Superior within walking distance for Thursday night. The plan; have our Thanksgiving dinner on Wednesday night, get a fairly early start on Thursday and drive to Duluth, check into our hotel, walk over to Bentleyville, then return and order pizza. That was the plan... Things went afoul Wednesday! It was a beautiful day and the snow was melting, but by late afternoon, it was below freezing again. Unknown to me, the steps had been coated with ice, and I slipped on the top on, bounced down them, and landed hard on the concrete patio. It took a couple of minutes to regain my senses and my breath. It took another minute to move various body parts to see if there were any that had broken. None seemed to be at the time, but when I rolled from my back to my stomach, I felt a wave of nausea wash over me. I lay there another minute waiting for this to pass, then tried to get up. I could not, it was too icy... I managed to crawl over to the edge of the open porch and get hold of the decking, then with some difficulty, pull myself up onto my knees. I was up high enough now to rest my upper body on the deck floor and roll onto the porch. Luckily, I have a chair out there that I used to get up to my feet and drag my hurting body into the house. Everyone came rushing to see how badly I was injured and my wife was asking if I needed to go to the emergency room. I had her assist me to my recliner, telling her I just needed to sit for a minute and determine how badly I had injured myself. She also said she would call and cancel our hotel reservations. The kids looked devastated but did not say anything except ask what they could do for me. I did not have the heart to disappoint them and cancel our mini-vacation, besides it didn't seem like anything too serious. I informed them that the trip was still on, pending whether I could get out of bed the next morning or not. Humor always helps a situation and they jumped aboard with a bit of humor in return, "We'll get you out of bed in the morning, don't you worry about that!" In truth, I could barely get myself into bed, did not sleep much at all, and was hurting much worse than I was going to let on to them. But with enough OTC pain meds, I managed to move pretty well and we headed out. There was quite a bit of pain driving, there was a lot of pain getting in and out of the vehicle, and walking was painful as was standing or sitting. After we returned to the hotel, I walked around in the pool; the cool water felt good. Then I soaked in the hot tub which really helped ease the pain for a while. The hotel mattress was firm and comfortable and I slept through the night. Oh, being Thanksgiving, we could not find anything open that delivered, but the hotel front desk checked around and found an Old Chicago just a few blocks away that was open until midnight, so after the pool and hot tub we drove over and enjoyed a very wonderful dinner. The next day we checked out and headed over to Superior Wisconsin and did a bit of sightseeing. We toured a turn of the center mansion and visited the last whale-back ship, the USS Meteor, as well as some other historic sites. By late afternoon it was time for dinner at Perkins, then the long drive home. I was still in a lot of pain and there was no way to hide it, but I refused to let it ruin our fun and we all enjoyed the outing. In fact, it has been requested that we do this every year as our new Thanksgiving tradition. As for me, I haven't moved much from my chair today. Both arms are bruised up, my entire back is black and blue, and I may have a cracked humerus (bad name, there's nothing funny about cracking this thing), and it's very likely I have once again busted my tailbone. |
| It's been a tough week for us; re-adjusting to a home without Hannah will take quite some time. But, everyone seems to be moving forward and dealing with the loss in healthy ways. That's something to be thankful for. Yes, even with Hannah's passing unexpectantly last Friday, there is so much to be thankful for. The key, I guess, is in the attitude we choose to use as we look at the world and our lives. I lost one of my best friends six days ago, and sure to some she may just be a dog, but to me, she was a friendly and loyal companion, family member, and a huge part of my life for the last ten years. I could go into a deep depression, focusing on my grief, but instead, I try to focus on the positive aspects and the wonderful times we shared. I choose to be happy, even in grief! I was with her in her time of need. When we stopped by the shelter ten years ago, a guy was taking a one-year-old dog out of the building. He wasn't being gentle with her; she pulled and resisted him all the way. When she saw me, she tried to come over, but he yanked hard on her leash, she yelped, and I got pissed. The story, one day, will be written, but for now, let's keep it short I have to get ready to head out o a four-hour road trip. He was taking her to be put down, she was anemic, full of parasites, and quite near to death on her own. I paid the fee to adopt her, well half price since it wasn't likely she would through the week. We nursed her back to health instead and had ten years to share with her. That's something to give thanks for. Her health failed quickly, but she did not seem to be in pain or suffering and she passed during the night in her sleep. That's something to be thankful for. I was able to be with her through that last night, petting her and comforting her right up to her last breath. That's something to be thankful for. Today, my family and I have a road trip planned instead of the traditional family get-together. We will go visit a Christmas village, stay overnight at a hotel, and return tomorrow, possibly setting a new Thanksgiving tradition. Even as I write this post I think of so much more to be thankful for, not just today, but every day. We all have something we can be thankful for, we just have to look, and as for one day set aside to give thanks? Well, I'm thankful someone thought it was important enough to make it a holiday so we can have time together, but one day of thanks kind of comes up short. Maybe we should rename the day to Pilgrim's Day or New Beginning Day and go back to being thankful every day... |
| My last entry on Thursday was about my return and waiting for a diagnosis on Hannah, my canine companion. I was waiting to hear what the vet had to say after her visit on Friday morning. She had been feeling well, as far as her actions and interactions, not showing any signs of discomfort. Her problem was, she would not eat very much; she showed interest in food, but would only eat a small portion at a time. She had also begun to drink more water than usual and her abdomen was getting larger. Except for the loss of appetite, she almost appeared to be pregnant, although that was very unlikely. On Thursday, she refused to eat anything and seemed to have some motor function problems. She was a bit unsteady on her feet, and she needed help getting into the car; We knew she was in need of some professional help and called the vet. He wasn't taking new patients, but when we explained her condition he said he would give her a check-up on Friday at 8:30 in the morning. As the day progressed, she continued to show more signs of weakness and instability and stopped drinking any water. However, she would eat snow when she went out and seemed to want to go out whenever she felt thirsty. She still did not seem to be in any discomfort and tried to perform her regular activities, but she was unsteady on her feet and by late afternoon could not get into or out of the car, she had difficulty balancing, and now needed help to go up or down the three steps going outside. By evening she was having difficulties getting up and moving, her legs just seemed to not support her and she had to have help moving from one place to another or she would stumble and fall. I still held out hope that the vet would find a cure, but I also faced the fact that she was likely not going to be with us much longer. I talked to our two children and explained this to them, so they could spend as much time with her as possible. By 10:00 that night, she was unable to stand or move, however, she still did not show any signs of pain or discomfort. In fact, she would try to stand and fluff up her bed: she did this by pawing at her blanket with her front feet, usually until she had a tangled mess. Now, however, she would tip over or her hind end would just collapse back down. She also continued to try and go anyplace I went, as she has always done. I knew she was nearing her end and was doubtful she would make it to her scheduled appointment. Even more difficult to think about was if she started to show any signs of pain and the likelihood that her vet visit would be for having her put to sleep to end any suffering that seemed likely to come. My wife made up a softer bed for her next to the couch and slept there beside her, offering comfort and security. Hannah did seem to be comfortable, secure, and at peace, as she would sleep. I sat up with her, watching her ready to go to her anytime she showed any signs of discomfort, fear, or restlessness. She could no longer get up, but she would still lift her head a bit and look over to see if I was still sitting beside her. I would, at these times, get out of my chair and lie beside her, petting and comforting her. Still, no sign of pain, but when she did this, I could see the fear in her eyes. Since she could no longer go out to eat snow, I brought it in for her and let her keep her mouth and through moist. I found I had to scoop a bit in my hand and put it to her muzzle, she could no longer see the bowl. But, she would relax to my touch and voice, fall back asleep, and seem very comfortable and peaceful for about a half hour or so and then we would repeat this through the night. At a little after 3:00 in the morning, she again woke and was looking toward me, but she could not raise her head any longer. I again went to her and comforted her with both touch and soothing words. She closed her eyes, her breathing slowed, and she seemed to return to sleep. But as soon as I stopped caressing her neck she would open her eyes again. So, as I spoke softly to her so she would know I was still close by, I made room beside her and lie down and resumed rubbing her neck and shoulders as I talked with her. She closed her eyes and seemed to drift off to sleep, but I did not stop comforting her. For the next hour, she slept and even snored a bit as I rubbed her shoulders and neck and talked with her. Shortly after 4:00 a.m., her breathing became short raspy breaths and she would convulse a bit. I found by increasing the pressure of my hand she would calm a bit, her breathing would slow again and she seemed peaceful. But, her breathing was still rasping in her lungs and her body was tenser. We continued lying together, me talking softly by her ear and caressing her as her breaths became shorter and shallower. She would tense more, then relax as I increased pressure and massaged her more than caressed. At about 4:25, she had a convulsion and then went still, the tenseness in her muscles was gone and she was very still; her only movement was the slight rise and fall of her chest. I still massaged her neck and shoulders as those breaths became shallower and slower until at 4:35, she let out her last... my faithful friend was gone. My heart was heavy with loss, but at the same time, I gave thanks that she was able to spend her last night at home, was not in pain or suffering, and I was able to be there with her. For ten years she has been faithfully at my side; I'm so thankful that for that one night, I could faithfully be there by hers. |
| Here I am, back from a couple of months' separation. I looked through the newsfeed, posted a message there, then went through months of backed-up mail. I was surprised by all the wonderful emails I had missed over the summer as well as some terrific reviews. I decided I should make a short entry here since it's been about half of forever since I wrote anything. I thought about writing about my summer, all the good and bad, happy and sad that has transpired, but hey, I want you to return and read more of my blog entries, so I decided it was better not to bore you with all of that. I also thought about writing about Hannah, my dog, and friend since 2013. Her health is failing and she is deteriorating quickly. She sees the vet tomorrow morning, but as today has progressed, I have little faith that anything can be done for her; still, I cling to hope. I will write about her, but not here, and not today. I will wait for the diagnosis tomorrow and see what choices are available. |
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