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My thoughts released; a mind set free |
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These pages contain my thoughts, from meandering ideas and persuasions to deep cerebrations and serious mentations. Why, for what purpose? To release my mind and set creativity free. Somewhere inside the constraints of my mind dwells a writer, a poet, an artist who paints with words. In here I release those constraints and set the artist free. Perhaps, lost somewhere in the depths of thought, is a story or a poem, waiting to be written. 
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| Friday is here and originally we had plans to visit Rhonda's mom for the weekend since the girls don't have school today. But, the older girl has homecoming tomorrow so that kind of buncos that idea. We did talk a bit about driving over today and leaving early tomorrow so she can be back on time; she has to be there by noon-thirty. I also started a project yesterday that I wanted to get done, but things didn't work out, so it' on hold pending the plans for today. I purchased a couple of bookshelves, one a bit taller than the other, both the same design and color. They are assembled, but I still need to attach a shelf between them for the television to sit on, converting the bookshelves into a rather fancy entertainment center, with enough room under the shelf and between the two bookshelves for the big cedar trunk to sit that houses all our games. The day is burning away quickly an still no conversation about todays plans and what's happening. I've tried to talk with Rhonda a few times this week about this and other things, but she is side tracked and distracted, so our conversations have gone nowhere. It's very frustrating and results in not much getting accomplished, since we try and make most decisions together. So, the question today is, what's happening; what's happening this weekend, and what's happening with my partner? |
| It's been five days, time to update in here. My last entry we were heading back to our old residence to get more stuff and the trip was pretty much uneventful. We did hit a detour for road construction that's been going on for about three years. They got as far as the border, so hopefully they will be done soon. Even so, it's crazy how long they have drug this project out for; it's also ridiculous how they detoured traffic. We drove to the highway and proceeded to travel along until we came to the state border, and hit the detour that made us drive back north about thirty-five miles, then east to the interstate and back south again. The road they detoured us to was crap, and it added aver two hours more driving time. Also, we didn't rent the truck as originally planned, so we are looking at another two trips to get everything. It took a lot longer to pack and load than I had wanted, so we didn't get home until three in the morning and by the time we got things settled, in bed about four. The next day we unloaded the pick-up and should have been life back to normal. Not so, our daughter has started in again with some issues and things have been pretty stressful. She had really settled in well over the summer, made a couple of good friends, and seemed to have shown a lot of change. Then school started and the attitude and issues resumed. I discovered a note in her pocket yesterday after she got home and asked what it was. She lied about it and went to her room. I dropped it until this morning, when I asked her what she had done with the note. She got irritated but threw it in the trash before heading out to school. It was addressed to a boy she had a lot of issues with last year and who hangs with a not so wonderful group of kids. She also got a text from one of these kids, and it's apparent now what's going on, she's back into a group of negative kids,. In fact, one of the good friends she, we'll call her J, has had all summer is no longer talking to her. This was the case last year at school, too. J wouldn't hang with these kids because they were trouble and mean, so she also wouldn't hang with our daughter. That all changed over the summer and they got to be real good friends. Now that our daughter is back in this group, however, J won't talk to her or hang with her. The whole thing has me pretty upset, since she has changed in her moods and her personality to fit in with this group, she's back to lying and sneaking, and I'm not sure how to proceed. |
| We, my wife and I, are headed out to get some of our belongings that are still residing at our old address. We still have quite a bit to move, and I'm hoping we can get it in one last trip, but it's likely we will have to make this run at least once more. We have a pickup, so we can haul quite a bit, but we have some rather large items left to move. I had pondered the idea of renting a truck just to make sure we could get everything. I looked and compared pricing and then began the online process. Now, I had looked into this around the end of last week, and found pricing about the same except for mileage, one was 15 cents the other possibility was 17 cents. Yesterday, the mileage rates were higher, 65 cents and 72 cents! Why? The increase in fuel costs I assume. Not that they would be paying for the fuel, but what else would have increased the cost? We looked into round trip and one way rentals, and the rates were the same." Oh well, I should have procured the vehicle last week," I thought to myself. I filled in the required information and the estimated cost was 220 dollars. Next was insurance, we'll round it up to 100 dollars. Checkout time, and the amount due is almost 450 dollars! No explanation why it was so much higher than the previous quote. Also, it stated a deposit was needed at the time we pick up the vehicle, 650 dollars! There was no way I could come up with a grand overnight. On to the next renter. Final cost was a bit higher do to the higher mileage rates, about 250 dollars. Insurance was next; we picked the lowest option, 40 dollars, and added a one time fee of 10 dollars that covered any mess, dirt or other possibility we could be charged extra for. 300 dollars and no deposit fi we paid with a credit card. More than I had wanted to spend, but if it got everything moved, it would be worth it. I proceeded to check out and finish the process before anything else caused rate increases. No vehicles available in our area. More time wasted; I proceeded to look at a one way move and went through the entire process again. A one way move would be about 100 dollars cheaper, but since we would have to drive there to pick up the truck, the added fuel for the trip would make the cost about the same. Okay, my wife can bring the pick-up back, I'll drive he truck, and we will for sure have everything moved. I completed the online forms and guess what? They now needed a security deposit since we were renting in a state we did not reside in. Yep, around 650 dollars! We will drive the pick-up back there, get as much as we can, and if needed, go get the rest another day. |
| It's been a couple of days, so let's see what's been going on. I've been enjoying my new computer, the large screen, how fast it is, and all the newest bells and whistles. It took a couple of days to get everything set up, but I think I have it. I get notifications from my phone and had it set up to text and call as well, but changed that today. I still get notified, but have another device set to make calls and send text messages, an Echo. I've been looking at Amazon Echo for a while, and seen one that's refurbished, so I thought I'd make the plunge and see how it goes. It was suppose to arrive yesterday, but I didn't get it until today. It shipped UPS and they have a new driver who didn't ring the apartment, just left a note saying he would try and deliver again today, since I needed to sign for it. I was home but didn't know he had arrived since he didn't buzz the apartment. Also, if we aren't home, packages are dropped at the office, where they will sign for them if needed. He didn't know this, however. I waited for him this morning, hoping he would show up about the same time, which he did. I spent a good deal of the day playing around with Alexa, and enjoying my new toy. It's really quite remarkable how much she can do, and if we had more devices set up, would be even more helpful. We'll see how it goes for the next few days, but I'm already convinced that everyone will be getting a lot of use out of Alexa.  & "Reading soothes the soul, writing sets it free." T.J. |
| I spent quite a bit of the day researching computers, comparing prices, and trying to decide what would be the best new computer for us. I also researched different brands, to determine which would be the most reliable. Researching the computers wasn't bad, most of the information is pretty basic, and all I needed to know was what operating system, how much memory, and how large of a drive we need to meet our needs. Windows has been our operating system for many years, so that was easy to decide. Since we don't do much for gaming, memory wasn't very difficult to figure out. Currently, 4 Gb would be enough, but since memory needs tend to increase with time, more would be better, so 8 Gb should take care of our needs for quite a while. Even so, wanted our new computer to be capable of at least a minimal memory upgrade. Finally, what kind of drive and how large would we need? Again, the question was easy to resolve. Our current compute 7 or 8 year old netbook has 250 Gb, and we still have ample room. Although I've never had a problem with a mechanical hard drive, I have heard of other's who have. Also, they are a bit slower and more prone to damage than a solid state drive, even though they offer a lot more storage room. I decided to go with solid state and about the same as our netbook. I don't keep a lot on the computer, since we have 1Tb available through our Microsoft account as well as unlimited photo storage with our Prime membership. Which brand proved to be more difficult. It seems like every reference and review I looked at had a different opinion. Now, a person would think that they would research and rate based on similar data; not the case at all. Everyone seems to have different opinions about which make is the most reliable, with much of the data based on how innovative they are, not how dependable. Even so, I narrowed my list down to three makes, HP, Dell, and Lenova. HP and Dell kind of went neck to neck as which was better, but Lenova rated very close to both, and in a couple of sites, better. Price was also a determining factor, and from my online research, HP ranked a bit less expensive than Dell in similar machines. I also checked into places to purchase that offered the best deals, and again HP was the most affordable. Our local Best Buy had a sale on quite a few computers, and in the end, they seemed to be the best place for a purchase. With my information in hand, I headed over to Best Buy to make my purchase. One of the employees was right there to help out, and I provided him with my list and desired computer. He took me over to see it and then showed me another very similar, but a bit more expensive. The higher priced machine had a CD drive, but it cost almost a hundred more. I told him I wanted to think about it a bit and browse, so he left me to my looking and thinking. I looked around at the types of computer we had decided on, and found a Dell that was similar to the HP I was interested in, but over a hundred dollars cheaper. I asked another associate about it, and he said that a customer had been in the process of purchasing the Dell and wanted some software installed. They hadn't even completely unpacked the machine when he changed his mind, so they had an opened box but unused computer. They had run out of inventory on this Dell, except for the one opened box, so it ended up getting marked down even though it wasn't originally in the sale. It was just the machine I had wanted, but opted for the HP because it listed for almost 200 dollars more. It didn't have the CD drive either, but the associate provided me with an external Dell CD drive for 40 bucks. I took it, the Dell all-in-one with wireless mouse and keypad, as well as an extended 2 year warranty for the same price, give or take a little, as the HP with CD drive the other guy tried to get me to purchase. I payed, brought it home and proceeded to set up. All in all, the setup went quickly, and even better, very easily. Even so, I was up till midnight putting things on, setting up apps, and transferring data. The longest part was getting the info from my netbook into the clouds, especially the music. I ended up going to bed while OneDrive loaded. This morning I turned on my Dell and looked at OneDrive, it was complete. I downloaded a very large audio file, a Bible study about an hour long, in just a couple seconds... Wow. It's not even been a full 24 hours, but I'm in love with this new computer. One cable, the power cord, so it's very portable as far as ease of moving, it's not real heavy, even though it has a huge touch screen (both my wife and I agreed, it's about the size of the TV screens we watched in the sixties), and the sound is terrific for built in speakers. |
| It's been a few days since I've written anything, so time to update. First, I have been able to have a good talk with my daughter over her incident at school this week. She seems sincere and I'm hoping we can continue to communicate and keep things moving in a positive direction. She's 12 now, and typical of her age, she is curious about and questioning many things. Since she has not had a typical upbringing, she tends to keep things to herself and has a lot of difficulty talking about things. She is also prone to follow other's without question, especially when it aligns with her questions and curiosities.After our talk, however, I think we will be able to discuss more, and I'm hoping she can begin to feel more secure in trusting and coming to me with these questions and curiosities. Second, I did not stay smoke free. I haven't given up on quitting and want to keep moving towards this goal. I'm currently thinking about a new start day in the very near future. I am also focusing on smoking less, and cutting back a bit more over the next couple days. This aligns with the information in the booklet given to me by the doctor, and I'm hoping it will help me along this path. One thing it says I should do before my quit day is to cut back to an amount I am comfortable with, but less than I normally smoke, for a few days. Another thing is states is that it helps to succeed by doing a few mini-quits. So, for the next few days, it's cut back a bit, and then I'll follow their advise and try a mini-quit. I made one day this past week, so I'm looking at trying two days this week. Of course, if the two days go well, I will go for another, and another, so the mini-quit may be the final quit. If not, I'll cut back even more after the mini-quit and in a couple days, do another mini-quit, shooting for at least one more day than the previous. If I can do three to four days with a mini-quit, I should be able to keep going without any more difficulty, or at least, that's what the booklet states. Finally, my wife and I did a bit of window shopping for a new computer. Her desktop computer was ten years old, maybe more, and my laptop at least two years older than that. Her desktop crashed, the processor burned when the fan quit. My laptop still works, but the battery is shot and it's very slow, out of memory and just plain wore out. Currently, we are using a net-book I purchased before I started working as a security guard, so about eight years old, and like my laptop, out of memory. It's definitely time to get a new computer, and we looked at some yesterday that are on sale this week. Not the fastest or highest memory computers, thy are way out of our price range, but they should be adequate for our needs. The plan is, one laptop and one desktop, if we can afford them. |
| In a couple hours I take the girls in for their weekly therapy appointments. Last week we did updates on treatment plans and both had advanced and we updated their plans accordingly. The youngest had actually met a few of her goals and we were able to mark them off as completed. Today I'll have to speak with her therapist and inform her that we were duped, she has not achieved them, she just played the part very well. But, with the passing of time, she has shown that she has not held the position she had shown, her actions and disposition over the last week have not shown any improvement at all. In fact, she has started some new behaviors, some very negative ones. This is a pretty big let down, but hopefully we can get her back on track again. |
| I was out and about doing some shopping for dinner tonight and stopped by the liquor store for some beer, since both my wife and I enjoy relaxing with a can or two in the evenings. Because I also enjoy a nice bourbon every now and again, I decided to browse the bourbon isle thinking of getting a bottle of Wild Turkey or Jim Beam, both of which my wife and I enjoy, although she prefers a good brandy more. As I looked over the selection, like a kid in a candy store, I seen Jim Beam Double Barrel Bourbon. I have tried and like Black Label a bit more than the original Beam, so I thought this would be good. It's aged just as the original, then re-barreled and aged a second time, which to my thinking would add a lot of extra flavor and undertones. The price wasn't bad, not more than a five spot more than regular Beam or Turkey which run the same, so I grabbed a bottle and proceeded to the checkout. I left and picked up the needed items for dinner, then drove home and unloaded the pick-up, put everything away, and admired the bottle of bourbon. It's a bit early for me, but heck, one shot isn't going to topple the balance of nature... I opened the bottled and poured a light shot into a shot glass and let it breath for a few minutes, then lifted the glass to my face and let the aroma waft into my eager olfactory senses. Wonderful! The color was a bit darker and looked as delightful as the lingering aroma. I gently put the edge of the small glass to my impatiently waiting lips and sipped; definitely a sipping whiskey. The first taste was delightful! The bourbon had a great taste as it flowed over my tongue, leaving a bouquet of secondary flavors as it passed down my throat. The after taste was terrific, so many flavors its difficult to describe, with a lingering sense of slight sweetness in it's wake. I took a second sip and it was just as wonderful. A swallow of water to chase it down and rinse my tongue off, then a third small sip, to enjoy the whole experience again. That left only a small sip left, which I didn't hesitate to devour, rinsed my shot glass out and then went out to smoke a cigarette. About half way through the cigarette, the effects hit, and wow, that's some potent stuff. It kind of sneaks up while your unaware and lets you know, it's aged in double barrels and packs as much of a kick as my old double barrel shotgun. |
| Wednesday will be my first day smoke free. The date is set to begin this new journey on a busy day to help make the transition, I also have a lot of support and a few items, gum and nicotine patches, to take the edge off. I quit many years back and went for a few years without smoking, but then a new job with a lot of stress had me back into the habit, which has only gotten worse with time. I restarted with just an occasional cigar to relax with. A few months passed and it became a daily thing, but still only a few cigars a day. Next it was a change to a pipe, with a pouch of tobacco lasting about five days, but that increased slowly as well. Finally, it was just more convenient to smoke cigarettes, and I am currently at about a quarter to a half a pack a day, depending on the day. A few months ago, I was down with a bad cold, or something, and it just wasn't possible to smoke without triggering a coughing fit, so I decided it was a good time to give the smokes up. Cold turkey had worked in the past, and for a couple of weeks I did stay tobacco free, but I was getting so grumpy my family didn't like to be around me; hell, I didn't like being around me either. I went back to smoking with the thought of waiting until school started. This would give he kids a break from me, and for me, be a bit less stressful. I also went in and talked to my doctor about quitting, and received some information on quitting as well as some possible ideas for making it easier and avoiding the grumpy stage. I was set, had picked a date, the second week of school; the first week is always hectic. Also, knowing I could be a bit grumpy yet, I wanted to wait until after my daughters birthday; nobody likes a grump on their birthday. A couple of weeks ago, I came down with a cold, or whatever it is that's been plaguing me for almost a year now. Once again, smoking only made it worse, so it seemed like a good time to quite. Also, I visited the clinic for the illness and the doctor I seen told me it was better to stop right then instead of waiting for the date I had set. Of course this was based on the illness and she didn't consider what my family doctor had insisted was needed. Me to be ready, have a set day, and have the items she recommended on hand. I did stop at the pharmacy for my prescribed medications and picked up the nicotine patches and some gum. I had not smoked that day or the day before as a result of the illness, but I wasn't ready, not really. The kids hadn't started school yet, there was some stressful stuff going on, and I wasn't able to get much sleep. As soon as I lie down, the congestion would increase, I would have coughing fits, and end up back in the living room trying to sleep sitting up. This only added to the stress and I went back to the smokes after just a few days. But, I was still focused on quitting on the day I had set. I've focused on that ever since, letting myself smoke as I desire, but thinking a lot about each and every smoke. Why was I smoking? Was I enjoying it? Did I like the way it messed up my taste and made me feel? Last, I asked myself if it helped with the stress; I'm still asking these questions and the answer in short, "No." Of course, the nicotine does help in a small degree, but mostly it's the withdrawal symptoms that I don't like, almost as much as I'm beginning to not like smoking. So, as the smoke free day approaches, I find myself ready and wanting to end this madness. I already know, from the few days I used them, that the patch and the gum help a lot, Now, with the proper frame of mind, lots of family support, medical support if I need it, and something to take the edge off and keep me from getting the grumpies, I'm ready to start feeling better, breathing better, and end the madness that is smoking. |
| Three days ago I blogged about being sick and tired of being, well, sick and tired. I seem to keep getting the same thing, over and over, since last December. It hits and I'm congested, have trouble breathing, cough, fever, and just feel run down. Then I'm off to the doctor, get tests, give blood, and get put on antibiotics for some kind of infection. A month goes by where I'm feeling better and think it's over, then the cough starts, then the sinuses go, and next thing I know, I feel like three day old road-kill. So, the last time I was in, the same thing, but with allergy meds added to the mix, It didn't help and I was planning on going in again if not better by tomorrow. Well, I'm glad to say, I do feel better, but its a slow process of getting completely over this. The phlegm has broken loose and I haven't had a fever for a few days. I still get feeling mighty tired, but I'm getting better. I spent the weekend doing some research on what may help speed up this recovery and prevent another onslaught of the dreaded "crud". Yes, I know, self treatment and self diagnosis aren't the best, but I have done well over the years trying various treatments for things from an old, and well worn book I came across a couple decades ago, called "The Green Pharmacy". With this and a lot of information from the net, I have added some natural products to my daily intake to help boos my immune system and balance out my vitamins and minerals. See, nothing drastic or dangerous, just compensating for a lot of added stress that started a year ago, and is likely the culprit behind a lot of my problems. So, hopefully, I will recover even faster and soon be feeling like my old self and maybe, just maybe, I won't have another case of the crud for a long, long time. |
| It's been a few days and still not feeling much better. This is going on the third week now and maybe time to return to the doctor, although I don't know what else they can do. I was in a week and a half ago, had a bunch of stuff done and never did get an actual answer to what I have, but at least I got some answers to what it's not. I did have an elevated white count so they prescribed antibiotics, but they didn't do anything except mess up my stomach. I also got a nebulizer to help clear up the flem and improve my breathing, which helps a little. Finally, some pills for the constant coughing, that do nothing. I'll give it the weekend, and if by Monday, there's no improvement, then it's back to the clinic. |
| It's been a couple days, very busy ones here. Yesterday was spent setting up my older daughters new bed. It's designed like a bunk bed, but has a full size bed on top and a desk beneath it. I shouldn't say new, it's new to us, which means no instructions and a bit of a challenge. We purchased new hardware for it, since most of the old screws had stripped heads, and with her help had is set up relatively quickly. Of course, there was a lot of last minute getting things ready for school, their first day was today. There was a lot of excitement from both of them, eager to be back at school, which is nice. I remember dreading the day school started and, for that matter, going. My youngest daughter had gotten a hamster about a week ago and had really become attached to Popcorn, her hamster. Yesterday afternoon, she lifted up the house in the little critter's cage and found Popcorn had left us. We have no idea how old Popcorn was, or if anything had resulted in her passing. Nothing new had taken place except her cage had been cleaned, and unknowing, my daughter had used the hand soap in the bathroom instead of dish soap. Also, we were in the room next door moving stuff and setting up the new bed, cleaning and vacuuming. Since I was already close, I did vacuum in Popcorns room as well. I don't know if she was accustomed to the noise and hustle and bustle or if that may have contributed. Not that it mattered, my daughter was devastated. With her history and past, she assumed she did something wrong and was sure she was in trouble and would not get another animal for a long time. Of course, I talked with her, we discussed anything that may have stressed Popcorn, all the while re-assuring her that she was not to blame and we just needed to consider anything that may have contributed, so that we could learn from them for the future. I also added that she could get a new hamster, and because we didn't know the history of the cage and items in it, a new habitat. My older daughter, so she wouldn't feel left out, was also told she could get a hamster and new habitat. My wife drove them up to the pet store, and again, disappointment. Closed for the holiday. I looked online for habitats so they would be ready to get their new pets today, but the store only had one within our price margin. I reassured them we would work it out. Today, they headed off to school, I did a bit of cleaning and vacuumed their rooms knowing they would have new pets in them tonight. After, I did a bit more around the house, then looked online for another pet supply store. Found! I headed over and looked at the starter habitats. They were nice, but lets say, "lacketh" a bit. For another ten bucks I could get a nicer habitat. I picked the nicer for both of them, picked out a little wooden house for each cage, and a couple of stuffed toys for our dog. I was able o assemble both cages, put bedding, food, and water in them, and have them ready for their new inhabitants before the girls got home from school. My wife took them to the pet store, and now, they are home and I have to go meet the two newest members of our family, DJ Pizza and Lunna. |
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