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 |   The catch-all for items related to and/or inspired by the music that shaped me. |
Music has played a role in nearly every situation of my life. This is where I'll be collecting items inspired by those moments- poems, lyrics, blog entries- the soundtrack of me.  I may also contribute blog-style entries here from time to time:
And this month, I've decided to take part in... ![Merit Badge in Quill Award
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Congratulations on winning the 2017 Quill Award for Best Music for [Link To Item #2072393] . *^*Delight*^* See [Link To Item #quills] for more information.](https://images.Writing.Com/imgs/writing.com/writers/badges/group-Quill_Award-1375927_6.gif)    Best Blog |
  "Write down a list of observations from scraps of dialogue you overheard, images you encountered, and thoughts that crossed your mind. Shape your observations into a poem, story or simply your blog entry."What's good, people? I'm afraid I'm taking the easy way out today, and forming my observations into the shape of a blog entry, for simplicity's sake. Which doesn't sound very interesting, but I'll try anyway. I had an appointment this afternoon with my Mental Health doctor. No biggie; just a checkup regarding a med change from last month. This was the second time I've seen her; my previous doc left this office because he wanted to work closer to home and took a position making more money. Good for him...I got along really well with him, I trusted him, and I felt comfortable talking to him and listening to him. This lady? She's nice and all. Certainly means well, I think. But she's...a little dippy? Can I say that about someone? I said it so whatever. I can overlook certain things about people given their situations, and she's been overbooked because Cortland County didn't really give a shit about filling the vacant MH doc's position for months on end. And she's more of a Nurse Practitioner, trying to figure out why my previous doctor has prescribed this or that and what for. My medical history is slightly complicated I guess, but I'm fairly open-minded so I'm willing to see things through with her for the time being. I waited a half-hour past my scheduled appointment time. It's bad enough I get anxiety about waiting around all morning for these things and I usually show up early because I hope that means it's the start of the whole process ending. I'm glad I didn't show up early today. She comes out and meets me in the waiting room, squinting down at a piece of paper going "Robert? Robert, right?" Those of you who know me know that is not my name. I politely corrected her because my only other default setting might have been nervous assassination on the spot. We proceeded to go upstairs to her office, and along the way she began introducing herself and why she was there in a manner that suggests she's never seen me before. No less than twice did I tell her we met last month. Nervousness and annoyance is not a pleasurable cocktail, my friends...but I'm keeping it together because otherwise I'm gonna get shouty and stupid real fast, and I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt. My main reason for being there? I needed one of my insomnia meds refilled. I placed an order through the online patient portal a couple days ago, and now I'm totally out. Otherwise, I may have just cancelled the appointment because my anxiety has been making me fucking trip lately and I was in no mood to put on a performance for anyone...I was content to just wallow. But let's not worry about me...this is about her. After about ten minutes of jibber-jabber and her asking me if I remembered why she cut my Ritalin dose in half and me fucking panicking out of not remembering right away why, she finally snapped and was like "Ohhhh, now I remember you!"   Why is this an issue? Because I truly believe this fucking woman has no clue how any kind of technology works. She hasn't looked at my chart or file or whatever because I don't think she wants to admit that she can't use a computer. Half of my two appointments with her have consisted of her seriously mock-typing on her keyboard like a Muppet and then muttering how there's "something wrong with the system" and it's not "letting her in", but she "probably saw my request and probably approved it earlier"...which is bullshit because "the system" alerts me when the request I make is sent to prescriber and when prescriber has sent request to pharmacy. And actually, this is a step up from the last visit, when she looked at me like I was asking her to shove the business end of a hammer up her ass upon my mentioning that I use the office's patient portal for medication refills. Don't fucking ask me what that is, lady, when there are signs all over the doors and reception area touting the portal. To recap: this woman, who isn't even really maybe not quite my mom's age, doesn't remember me and is technologically deficient...and also, I had kinda no reason to be there when I especially didn't wanna be there but kinda needed to go anyway. And thank fuck I did, or else I probably wouldn't have had much to go on regarding observations for this entry. Also, still no confirmation from the clinic or the pharmacy that I'll have one of my insomnia meds refilled by the next time I'll need to take it. Sweet  .  "Talk Tuesday! In Sally  's entry "Invalid Entry"  , her use of the term 'writing kit' had me intrigued. Do you have a physical set of tools you rely on (certain pens/pencils, notebooks, etc.)? Different websites you rely on for particulars? Maybe even mood-setting accouterments like music or candles? What's your scene?"I ask because I'm curious, and I know that to probably most of us blogging is a side-hustle when we're not writing stories or poems or drawing or taking pictures. And like most athletes have certain brands of gear they prefer or carpenters stick with a specific tool-maker, so do we have our own things we like to keep around when we're doing this thing. Awhile back some of us participated in a WDC Live -type of conversation that we forgot to record  where we took turns reading a poem that featured plenty of words that have multiple pronunciations (I forget what it was but I'm sure Elle - on hiatus  or anyone else who was there remembers and can link it), and it made for some hilarity. And like these things go, we spent some "off air" time bullshittin' around and chatting with each other...at some point I had a mini freak-out on I think Gaby ~ Keeper Of The Realm  about notebooks and the amount of them I have within arm's reach of my laptop (answer: a sick number ). I'm not one to just stare at a computer when I'm ready to start anything (I did that once and ended up with "The Computer Age" , which isn't bad but it's not my preferred way of working). I need the physical hard copy first. Let's start with pens, because I'm a nerd.  These are great pens from Staples (they're a big-box office supply store in the US, for the unfamiliar). Nice grip, writes smooth. I'm pissed cuz the Staples in Cortland closed, and I don't remember if the one in Ithaca is still open but at least we pass by it on the way back from my mom's. I'm probably not gonna be pleased if I have to resort to buying them online once I go through my current stash. Then ya got notebooks...looking around, I see at least four different notebooks and notepads within five feet of where I'm sitting. One's the hard copy of "World By Design" - a CVS-brand college-ruled, spiral-bound thing probably 6"x9" with thicker pages that almost feel like writing on a thin sheet of stone, and one's a little "Fat Book" (no seriously, that's what it's called) from CVS- a 5.5"x4", 180-page more conventional notebook for titles and fragments and whatnot to work from. There's a composition book (those elementary school, marble-colored covers) I use mainly for 30DBC stuff and for other contests and things like that. Then I've got a thin little Moleskine pocket notebook for day-to-day things, like grocery lists that never make it to the store . Haven't gotten a desk yet- not sure how that's gonna fit in the apartment- so for now I've got my laptop on one tray table and notebooks and various crap on another off to the opposite side of me. Works for now, so there's no urgency in finding a better solution. When I wanna do this blog thing, I open up all the tabs I'll need in the order I plan to use them...almost as if it were an outline. I get it...it sounds weird and maybe some of you just sorta fly by the seat of your pants and answer the prompt with whatever comes up because that's what works for you, but I can't do that because I forget things and need to be organized and that's my preferred way of doing it. And even then, in the course of my own pants-seat flying, I'll think of like six different other things I wanna throw in, and then I've gotta work those in. I've got two YouTube tabs at minimum up, the Genius.com tab for song lyrics, the Daily Box Score stuff no one reads, plus all the WDC stuff I'll need for an entry. I don't fuck around  . Otherwise, nothing fancy over here .
 The thing about most of the "WDC Live" appearances I've made is that they took place in the room I was renting around the corner from my apartment building...big enough for a bed and a dresser and me. You could probably fit about three of 'em in my living room now, and my apartment's not all that big either but at least I don't have to eat on my bed (if I don't want to). But I'm struggling to fill up all the open spaces I suddenly have. I don't wanna have things just to have them, and I don't know how long I'm gonna be here, so I don't wanna have too many things in case I wind up moving again after my lease is up. Sorta the same with ideas and options. Don't wanna have too many, because "no limit" is often limiting at times. I find it not always easy to concentrate when I'm not organized and have too many things to work from. Sometimes scaling down the ambition is the best thing you can do...whether you're writing a novel or a poem, choosing what to wear for the day, or going on a bank-robbing spree. "Fell In Love With A Girl/Little Room" -The White Stripes"Well, you're sittin' in your little room, and you're working on something good. But if it's really good, you're gonna need a bigger room. And when you're in the bigger room, you might not know what to do. You might have to think of how you got started sitting in your little room."   Anyone else use Windows 10? Apparently I saved an article from last year claiming Windows 10 is gonna force users to buy a new computer in early 2018. Something about a block on certain processors that won't accept updates. I got this laptop right when Windows 10 was launched; it's entry-level like the article refers to, and came with 8.1 I think? I don't remember; that was like 2.5 years ago. It still updates from time to time, so I guess that's good. Last thing I need right now is having to go out and get something new.  Passing this along for the freelancers out there, because I'm a little bit of a big fan of McSweeney's Internet Tendency (one of my all-time fave books y'all have probably heard me talk about too much is Created In Darkness By Troubled Americans ): Tips For Getting Published On McSweeney's . And finally, oh hey Jack White...heard ya got a new single comin' out tomorrow . Thanks for making a commercial for it that's basically a commercial of a commercial. Done here. Done with you guys today. Tired as fuck. Body feels dead, and it's not the usual dead arms; it's everything. You people are wearing me out  . Don't worry; I still love all y'all. Peace, it's really good, and GOODNIGHT NOW!! |
  "Isabel Allende says in her novel, Maya, 'Our demons lose their power when we pull them out of the depths where they hide and look them in the face in broad daylight.' What do you think of those things Allende calls demons? Are there any such demons you can think of that are hiding deep inside you or in someone you know that could inspire a story, novel, or poem? How?" "Musician David Bowie, born on this day in 1947, once said 'All my big mistakes are when I try to second-guess or please an audience. My work is always stronger when I get very selfish about it.' How true (or false) is this about your own writing? What's more important: pleasing yourself, or your audience?"'Sup you guys? I love it when two prompts can kinda be tied together into one seamless entry. Let's see how coherently I can do this . I have an admission to make...I like David Bowie just fine and all, but a lot of his songs just don't really resonate with me emotionally. By no means is that a knock on him; he's got an immensely enjoyable and deep catalog...it's just that outside of "I'm Afraid Of Americans" (which I've probably written about more than a couple times), he doesn't do a lot for me other than basic entertainment. And there's nothing wrong with that, and maybe that wasn't his intent anyway (and maybe I'm just too emotionally needy and demanding ). You could probably rattle off the names of dozens of others who offer great entertainment value but little in terms of emotional, gut-punching power. Or maybe I'm overthinking everything (which is a real possibility). I don't think it's a stretch to say everyone has their demons, even on simple levels and terms. Creative types especially. Bowie had his, I have mine, and you know you've got some (whether you choose to acknowledge them or not). He spent the majority of the 70's skiing Cocaine Mountain like it was his own personal theme park. I've got Severe Depressive Disorder, Generalized Anxiety, a difficult-to-tame insomnia streak, and a dramatic off-again/on-again love affair with cheap beer. Maybe yours is chocolating yourself to excess, or your folks left you in a supermarket, forgotten and alone, for an entire afternoon. Demons are part of who we are; the key to taming them is figuring out how to use them to our advantage. That's why we write/sing/paint, or eat 'til we can't feel feelings, or push strangers in front of moving buses. Humans are fun and complex like that. Putting our demons on display only works if we know what we're after and why we're doing it. Are we asking for help or change that we can't finagle on our own? Are we trying to acknowledge something that plain rational thought can't, in order to shame ourselves back into a correction we're unsure of the way toward? Is "putting them out there" a means letting people know you've got some things you need to work through? There are more reasons for them than demons themselves...no shame in that. There are probably thousands of think-pieces out there as to why Bowie came up with the Ziggy Stardust persona, and if I've read or seen any interviews he gave on the subject unfortunately anything he imparted hasn't stuck with me. I'm sure he wanted to create something he thought his audience would dig. He sold millions of records, so he did something right whether his audience knew it or were considered as part of the creative process. And much of what I'm trying to work out about myself is hopefully going to be reflected in my current work-in-progress, "World By Design" . Maybe I'll get there, maybe I won't. I know who will probably read my stuff, but I don't know the majority of people who will/might...so it's hard to direct your output with a specific demographic or set in mind, when the reality is that it could be much wider than you'll ever fathom. My audience is the same and as different as we all in the "30-Day Bloggers Group" are, basically. Trying to please every single one of you with each blog entry or poem would be fucking impossible...all you need to know about that is take a look at some of the prompts I'll send out where half of you love it and the other half of you are confused af by it . Writing is one way I have to make sense of what's in my head while trying to reconcile it with my life experiences. I need to know that I'll be able to live with and stand by the things I say/said before I can put them in front of people. I've found that only time offers the greatest sense of detachment for me...that's why it's taken me years and sometimes over a decade before I'll feel comfortable adding certain poems or collections to my WDC port. I often have to be emotionally ok that my demons won't terrorize you as much as they have me, while also not reliving that same terror myself years after the fact.
"Modern Love" -David Bowie"It's not really work. It's just the power to charm. I'm still standing in the wind, but I never wave bye-bye. But I try...I try."  Like many of you around my age, this is my era of introduction to Bowie...seeing a well-coiffed gentleman making easy-to-dance-to pop songs fit for the early MTV generation. I was eight years old and had no idea the concept of love could be defined as "Modern" (or "Endless" or "Tainted" or "Big" or "Secret" or anything else musicians much older than me sought to color it as). Love was Love...until it wasn't, and you have to go through a lot more livin' to see that when it's not (when it's something more, and when it no longer is), only then do you really know how to talk about it in more specific terms. I don't know what my point is, other than it was around this time I was first warned that love could be terrifying, and useful, and both iterations didn't hafta be mutually exclusive. First, thanks to everyone who offered kind words and condolences regarding yesterday. I'm not ready to talk about it yet, beyond it being a great ride that not many of us imagined at the onset of the season...we feared the worst, but making it to the playoffs was huge and I'm not gonna let a loss bring down the pride I have in my team and the fan base I'm a part of. #BillsMafia  Funny how once you hear a phrase or learn about something, you're suddenly more aware of how it changes. Like "Modern Love" as a concept (rather than just a song). What it was in the 80's isn't what it was 50 years prior, nor is it the same now. Even the way we change as we get older changes our own perceptions. Like, I'm much more guarded now and keep myself locked up a little tighter than I was in my 20's in a lot of ways (says the man typing into his blog that's available to the general public )...so here's nine ways guarded people show you they love you . Like I mentioned above, I've probably used the Bowie/Reznor counter-anthem "I'm Afraid Of Americans" in a shit-ton of previous entries, because it's the song of his I relate to the most and has the most emotional resonance with me...here's a great article from last January about its correlation to the Trump presidency . Wish I could say I was shocked about some of the premises and premonitions (if you can call them such) claimed about White, Middle-Class America and "Jonny", but...I'm  not.   And finally, this love story between a dog and a cat is maybe all the Modern Love we need in this day and age. I'm not a big "pet person" but dammit, good for these people  . Ok...time for a snack-turned-into-a-meal maybe, a shame nap if that's the case, and then I'm off to see what y'all have been up to. Peace, things don't really change, and GOODNIGHT NOW!!  |
 "Good news! Your blog is being turned into a novel! But the publisher chose this as the cover picture, and it's in your promotional contract so you can't pick another: Your job today is defending this decision by giving your potential readers the story behind it." What's up you guys? Ok, lemme get this out of the way...sometimes coming up with prompts is hard even though I've got a cache of them the size of War And Peace. And then, other times I come up with a good prompt and it's not the right time for one reason or another to drop it on the "30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS" , so I save it...only to forget about it for awhile. And this one fell into the "forgotten" pile for months...until yesterday, when all I had to do was find an image just weird enough to go along with it . You know a prompt is good when you get an email reply like 30 seconds after you post it that simply says "The fuck???"  And here again is another example of the creative power the members of WDC share with each other...I don't remember where exactly I saw it (or else I'd cite the source), but there was a thread of convo between I believe Cinn  and Joey's Spring has Sprung  where I made a usually otherwise disposable remark along the lines of "'The 14th Fuck' would make a great title for a poem!" and left things at that, comfortable enough to see where the day would go, but not planning on actually writing that poem. That is, of course, until I came across the pic you all see at the top...and then the wheels started turnin' and the black smoke began to billow from the chimney of whatever decayed remains in my mind ignited, enough so that there was gonna be a poem for this picture/prompt. Wanna hear it? Here it goes: The 14th Fuck We don't talk enough about how important the 14th fuck is. It's unlucky to get stuck on 13 for too long, and we all know each given fuck isn't created equal. There really isn't a roadmap for it, but is that necessary? You're only using landmarks anyway, like a Patron Saint Fucks-Giving Fairy whose wings you ride to rid the burdens of irritation from your damned soul. -"The 14th Fuck" , from "World By Design" Also, I've come to the realization that I don't use enough image prompts...so be prepared, if you are or become a regular of the 30DBC. You will likely see this prompt again (maybe not in the same round), but with a different picture. I hate that it's taken me this long to figure out that Image Prompts and Creation Saturday were made for each other .
"Man Of War" -Radiohead"When you come home, I’ll bake you a cake...made of all their eyes. I wish you could see me, dressed for the kill."   I know I said I would try not to talk about songs I've used before, but fuck it...this is an exception because I've waited like 20 fucking years for this song to come out, and forgot that it did over the summer until last night when I fell down the usual Radiohead YouTube rabbithole I probably find myself in at least once a month or so . Extended snippets of this song showed up in the 1998 documentary Meeting People Is Easy and was often credited as "Big Boots". They recorded it for the '97 album OK Computer but were never satisfied with it, so they just sat on it. And every time they put out another album, a reworked version of an old, forgotten song would make it...and I was always hoping for "Big Boots" because lyrically it's ominous and paranoid, while musically it shifts similarly (delightfully ominous to menacing paranoia). And when it came time to ready up a 20-year anniversary edition of OK Computer, the newly-retitled "Man Of War" was one of three previously unreleased songs (the other two I'd already had on compilation cds I'd made back in the Napster days  ) as part of the package...and we also got a video for it, which is an incredible souvenir from the "freaked out, world is burning" paranoid Radiohead era of the late 90's. Speaking of Radiohead, I am completely here for this definitive worst-to-best ranking of every Radiohead song officially released ...in case you're looking for me later and can't find me .  Also, I wanna be here for this list of songs about depression ...but it seems like there are a lot of songs by Twenty One Pilots on that list. Not that I don't like them, because I kinda wanna like them, but I saw them on Saturday Night Live last season and...I think maybe they confuse me, if anything? Like, there's two of them; a drummer and a guy holding a guitar. And during their performance he maybe touched his guitar like five times in each song. I know there's tv studio trickery goin' on and all that, but it's distracting af to me when I guy holds a guitar and doesn't play it for longer than like an intro, or 20 seconds during a song. I don't get it.  And finally, since many of us are a little more introverted than others, or care to admit, and the topic of maths came up in I think Charlie ~  's comments section the other night about how cool it'd be to have some advanced stats for our blog that could track how many times we say "fuck" in an entry, let's start off with some word problems for introverts . Don't forget to share your results...preferably on a dry-erase board in your kitchen that only you will ever ever ever see .Whew...ok guys, I'm done here. About an hour to go before the NFL Playoffs start, which gives me time to not do anything before I sit in front of the tv, doing nothing . Peace, stop all the taps, and GOODNIGHT NOW!! |
 "Hi, how's it going? Let's talk about what's happening in your neck of the woods. Here... well guess you'll just have to find out in my blog entry."Today is straight trash, homie. People in charge of things not directly involving words shouldn't also be in charge of naming the things they're good at. Like, meteorologists. Apparently, I live in the area that has been targeted by a "cyclone bomb", which is terrifying enough given that I heard that term around the same time Trump was tweeting about "having a bigger button" and taunting North Korea again, but it turns out it's just a name the National Weather Service gave to a pattern of snow brewing over the northeast this week. And I woke up today to find the bomb has been dropped (and is still dropping). No lie: I'd rather be hit every surrounding building in my neighborhood's fallout from an actual nuclear strike than have to go out into a snowstorm. But nope...shittiest, snowiest day of the week and I've gotta go places. The bank...ok, that's around the corner. Coulda done that anytime over the past couple days, but nope...Greyhound has to start sending the guilting emails that I haven't booked my trip yet that I've been looking at and they're threatening me with the "you're not gonna have a seat" tone. I was low on smokes, so the little bodega I get 'em from is around the corner from there. Fine. And the therapist is just down the street...so everything's kinda in like a three-block radius. Which is fine, were it not for this "bomb cyclone" or whatever other bullshit they're calling it ("snow genesis" is another term I came across)...why does shit have to be like this? When I was a kid and a young adult all we had were blizzards. This is a fucking blizzard. Not an apocalypse. Not twenty fucking adjectives greater than the sum of their parts combined into three words to make all the old ladies believe this is the worst thing they'll ever see in their lives. They'll truck out to the convenience stores, buy up all the bread and milk and toilet paper, crank their heat up to 85°, and go back to watching Murder, She Wrote for the eighteen-evelenty-hundredth time without a hint of panic...weather reports are their Pavlovian bells. Meanwhile I'm over here like "Does my therapist deliver?"  .Winter is bullshit. If my biggest fear is slipping in the shower, cracking my head on a grab-bar, and bleeding out while simultaneously drowning, #2 on my list has to be slipping on the sidewalk that maybe was shoveled/maybe it wasn't an hour ago during a snowstorm, smashing my dome on a fire hydrant, and bleeding out while simultaneously asphyxiating on the snow forcefully being blown all up into the nostrils and gasping maw. I hope everyone who's dying to tell me they miss snow gets punched in the face by several thousands of 1,000-lb. snowflakes the size of nickels, and no one stops to help them up cuz it's too windy out to get out of their cars.  "'If I ruled the world, I'd __________...' Fill in the blank with some whats and whys."Ya know what? Call me crazy (it's ok), but I'm down with brainwashing. Only for legit, moral purposes though...I swear, I wouldn't use it to my supreme advantage or anything, like convincing some actress on a tabloid cover who's dying to have a baby that I should father it by initial actions only, or throwing sporting events so I can wager on them and win a metric fuck-ton of money. As fun as having that power would be, the guilty conscience I should be continuously medicated for wouldn't allow for that. Instead, I'd like to offer these, because it's bullet point time!  You wanna stereotype people so they fit/don't fit into your worldview? Let's taser that the fuck outta you. The term "global warming" never happened; you're gonna learn that man has created technologies out of wasteful resources that are seriously altering and obliterating all the data science has collected on weather patterns in general, and not just "oh, well, it's a little hotter now" or "brrrr, snowing, need some o' that good ol' 'global warmin' stuff'". Nope. GTFOH with that. Cable companies, satellite providers, and internet services are gonna be forced to compete on a more reasonably affordable level. None of this "one or two options in your area" bullshit, where they're all terrible and also ridiculously expensive. This might actually be job #1. And that's just the start of things. I probably have mentioned a slew of other ideas here and there in other various "King Me!" types of prompts, but the reality is I just don't want the job, and don't punish me for not taking it by giving it to someone gross above me instead. You can fault an "either/or" system as the problem, but really it's because any other third party never has its shit together enough to make any sustainable difference for the better and ends up splintering to appease their desired masses. So it is; so it shall be. When the bright light shuts off, I'll snap my fingers and you'll be the bestest version of you you ever imagined, only it'll be the same one everyone wants you to be too in accordance with the common goal of Don't be a dick.
"Live And Let Die" -Paul McCartney and Wings"You used to say live and let live (you know you did, you know you did, you know you did). But if this ever changing world in which we're living makes you give in and cry, say live and let die." Truth. Call me whatever you want (I don't care at this point); if you can't let people live the lives they want to live, then you gotta go. And chances are, the only ones who'll miss you will be the first ones following you out, if ya know what I'm sayin' . I've loved a lot of people in my life- friends and family alike- for various reasons...but wasn't it the late, great Maya Angelou who one said "When someone shows you who they are, believe them"? And yes, I know full well it goes both ways and I've said/done things to people who loved me unconditionally that made them question it, but in the end everyone does what they think is best for them. That's why people stick with like-minded others over blood relatives, for good and/or nefarious reasons. That's why you can still love people who hate your insomnia, and hate the person who feels like your only friend because he steals your insomnia meds (true story for another time, although I've probably mentioned it once or twice years ago and don't feel like looking those entries up right now). It's easy to say "live and let live" when you're young and optimistic and the world hasn't ruined you yet. I believe in the good of all people...but I don't let people get close to me often enough anymore to prove to me they're good or bad; usually they do it on their own (either way). I want everyone to be happy and comfortable, and I'll surround myself with those who want to do the same; I'll align myself accordingly, with as little judgement as possible...but when the judgements start taking on lives of their own and keep piling up and pulling me apart by internal organs dragged by horses, I will cut ties. And I don't cut them with scissors. I will bail strong, hard, fast, and with no sentiment or worry that you'll ever creep back in. When I'm gone, you're dead to me. Hey! This is always open, never ending, cool as hell, and needs more entries! It's one of the only contests I enter anymore with any bit of regularity, because I'm paranoid and have a fear of new things .
 Speaking of which, I entered "I Have Questions." this time...but I also added "Pocket Annie" and "Complications" from the current project. Yes, I'm attention-whoring now.
 And finally...OMG today is #NationalTriviaDay   and my gawd I'm a sucker for any Mental_Floss article with a header of Lego people in all kindsa regalia just minglin' in peace together with one another, unaware that any single one of them could inflict pain on a gottdamm human being just by being stepped on in the cold, dark night. Alright you sad clowns from Charlie ~ 's kingdom...party over here, fuck you over there! Amirite? /douchebaggery Anyway, I gotta get outta here so I can go look out the window some more and shake my fist at the sky like it'll mean something. Peace, got to do it well, and GOODNIGHT NOW!! |
 "What do you think are three things we're going to be hearing about a lot more as 2018 rolls on?"Man...all I'mma say is y'all knew what ya signed up for, or at least should've . Existence exists and persists in part because we have to navigate the things that make us uncomfortable. Wasn't sure I was gonna bother writing an entry today...I've felt like shit all morning but it is what it is, and the world doesn't stop just because I don't wanna go, and it's the same with news cycles. Not wanting to be oversaturated by overwhelming news cycles doesn't make them go away; it's how we manage our intake that determines how and to what extent we react (if at all). So I dropped in on a couple entries already (since I was tagged in 'em), and it confirmed at least the notion that what I was likely to lend to this discussion wasn't gonna be much different than what anyone else had to say. On the surface, many of us have similar fears and opinions of the world we're facing. The connectivity we have as a world community makes a lot of what we know harder to avoid. But not talking about things doesn't make them go away; in fact, sometimes commiserating with like-minded individuals over similar thoughts often makes them more bearable. You feel less alone, knowing someone's heard your unique voice on the subject. There are things we're unfortunately not gonna be able to run away from this year. Remember, in the grand scheme social media is still relatively new and entering adolescence, along with how we maneuver in this climate. It's not the same environment our parents grew up in, where there was no other adjective besides genre-defining ones maybe before the word "media". We have more options, and thus more control over them. Not total power; there'll always be some asshole in the street you can't help but overhear, crying about something he or she knows/understands maybe 10% of but wants you to know they're 125% butthurt by it. And while it's practically impossible to know every slant and every detail on any given topic, ya gotta know something in order to know what to let slide and who to sit beside when everything's as terrible as your fears inevitably lead you to believe they are. Ok, all that said, here's three things we'll be dealing with one way or another, whether we like 'em or not... 1) President Babyhands will not get off his bullshit. No man has ever craved attention or drawn so much attention to himself as this guy has. He's got the ultimate platform and he's not afraid to use it. Because of his position, the media won't not cover him...the problem lies with our expectations of how a President is supposed to act. Elect a carnival-barkin' con artist, get all the decorum of lunchlady gossip. The news reports things they deem newsworthy; their first job isn't to say what's right or wrong but to inform, and your first job is parsing their credibility with your opinion and going from there. Having a place to start from is crucial to understanding this godforsaken year. Anyway, Trump is who he is at this point, and many of us tried to warn you, but until he seriously murders someone or gets us all to learn to love nuclear winter, we're stuck with him. He'll say some dumb shit, the news will report it, and millions will be generated in ad revenue from clicks on the thinkpieces that sprout up. Lather, rinse, repeat. And he's not going away (until he is), and the only good thing is when he does how much worse can it get? He's eroded civil discourse and public decency to all-time low minimums...me farting in a pastor's microphone would be a step up at this point. 2) Sexual Harassment isn't some new phenomenon. More names will come out, hopefully in more industries too...and yeah, I said "hopefully" because if this shit's gonna keep happening then people need to start being held accountable for it. Fucking words and actions have meanings. These jagoffs get a little power and a little money, and just can't seem to be content with that, and all the sudden it's a problem when someone won't roll over for them like someone else did...nope. And I get it...it's hard in many industries to know of a true and level playing field, but it's gotta start somewhere, and yes, there will always be those who work harder at trying to get around equality rather than putting in the work and accepting that things don't always go their way. The shitty actions of a few will always, unfailingly, ruin things for others...but until you understand what the victims had ruined for them, is it still going to continue to shock you when more names get named? I don't want this to go away because it's systemically ruined way too many lives for much, much longer than anyone's needed. 3) Things will actually start getting better, in general. I mean, they have to, right? Law Of Averages, and all that happy hoo-ha. As we start getting worn down and fatigued by all the bad things we're consistently being shoveled, our natural tendencies to self-correct will shift us in the direction of good news. We'll search out things that make us feel good, or at least better about humanity...and ideally, we'll appreciate them that much more because of all the dark shit we've seen and tried to run from. Curate your time to finding more positive things going on in the world; think of it as the last minute of the local news (before the weather recap) where they struggle to crap out something heartwarming, like animal adoptions or athletes visiting sick kids. Surround yourself with more outlets like that, and give of your time and energy when you can to promoting them.  Like, the Buffalo Bills made the playoffs this year for the first time in 17 seasons. A lot of things needed to happen going into the last game, including an underwhelming Cincinnati Bengals team beating another outside-looking-in team, the Baltimore Ravens. And yet, the Bengals pulled it off! So how did the legendary #BillsMafia celebrate? They've donated over 170k so far to Andy Dalton's charity foundation (he's the Bengals' quarterback). That's some shit to feel good about...to make you proud you're a part of humanity.
 Working out more details of eventually a long-term home for us displaced Soundtrackers (we miss you, Beth), but in the meantime Lyn's a sly fox  has stepped up for us. And I'm gonna try to talk about songs I haven't talked about before...like this one. It came up on the laptop while I was waiting for an app to load on the tablet, so it's a good place to start. Sure, it's a variation on a common thought in life: "If you're *obsessing about some bad thing*, then *it's happening right now*"...but it's something I think about on at least a semi-regular basis. There's a lot of shit in life I've resisted out of fear and chaos and pain and uncertainty, only to go through with it and do it and find it fine, if not pleasurable even. Fear and anxiety kill you. They kill your dreams, your ambitions, your future. They rob you of decent, normal day-to-days...selling them to the highest bidder on Craigslist so they can turn around and make someone else's life more miserable (and for a higher profit). But when you stay informed, keep yourself plugged in, and start to understand the whys and hows of the outrage segments of the population might have at different things on the news- educating yourself and having some empathy- then you're already one step ahead toward a solution and one moment saved from dying in isolation. "If You Fear Dying" -One Day As A Lion"Why would we ever let a few white Christian fictions shape our tomorrow following them? 'Cause tomorrow got a gun to its head?" So, um, welcome to the "30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS" , ♥Hooves♥  ...#sorrynotsorry. Sometimes comments sections like the one in "Crystal Bull" just happen, ending up miles away from where they started. Part of why the 30DBC is consistently the bestest buncha bloggers on the planet  . Also, ** Image ID #2144977 Unavailable ** I...I don't know what else to say. That's all the entertainment I can share with you for now. I can't top that and trying to will only humiliate me, I think . Peace, have the mic or the heater but you can't hold both, and GOODNIGHT NOW!! |
 "What is/was your favorite part of the New Year celebrations? Fireworks, music, highlights of the past year, getting together with friends?" What's up you guys? Welcome to 2018! Let's all stop and give thanks for a moment that the year hasn't been ruined yet by something petty and useless . One foot in front of the other. My NYE was...quiet. I'm pretty sure in fact that I was asleep before midnight, which was amazing because that means I slept through whatever fireworks the town decided to blow off (assuming they did, but it was like single-digit frigid here). I think this is the fifth New Years I've lived in Cortland, and I tend to forget that they do the whole fireworks and ball-drop downtown, even when I lived pretty much on the opposite corner of where they do it. Also, fireworks suck. Fight me. Also also, remember how 2016 sucked because of all the cool people who died and America turned into everyone's racist uncle who isn't even trying to hide it anymore? Turned out Cortland saw it coming, because we weren't even two days into the year and the 2016 sign was already broken.  But that's neither here nor there. I wanted to be pretty much left alone, and I got it . Besides, most every news show and publication and website rolls out their yearly Best Of lists by like Thanksgiving now anyway, which is for me like the second-best part of another year falling into the abyss. By Christmas I've got "year-end fatigue" and I'm sick of reliving it. Where does the time go in between "This is gonna be a good year!" and "Shit, it's over already, and it was not a good year."?This all might sound like I'm miserable, but I'm not, I swear. And now I don't know if I'm trying to convince you, or me . "Tell us what annoys you most about yourself."Man, I don't even know where to begin. This is what I get for coming up with a prompt before I let others convince me that I should be joining them in the "30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS" fun. Which, it bears repeating: This has gotta be the best round ever in terms of people who have won or placed in previous rounds. When I saw the signups coming in I was awed...like a family reunion and you're all the cool cousins I don't get to hang out with anymore cuz of my shitty racist uncle, Life, that I was talking about in the previous segment. Ok, niceties aside...moving on...Yeah, pick all the different annoying things and write them on any wall in my apartment and spin me around, and the first wall I walk into is probably what's up my ass that day. As if walking into walls isn't annoying enough . Yesterday it was my terrible relationship with food. The day before, it was my inability to socialize coupled with my hatred of almost everybody. Today, it's the fact that it's not even 2pm yet and I've already given up on the day pretty much, cuz I had things I wanted to do but it was snowing and dreary out and saying "fuck this" was a lot easier when I woke up than actually waiting things out with any degree of optimism. And the thing is, I don't think any of you are judging me over the shit I get annoyed at myself over; I just can't help it. Like, before I went to my mom's for Christmas, I cleaned out my fridge because I didn't wanna deal with skanky leftovers once I got home...only, I forgot about the lettuce I had in the vegetable drawer and thought of it a few times while I was gone. I've been home since Thursday. And by now that lettuce probably looks like Frosty The Snowman took a dump in that drawer and went merrily on Christmas-ing everywhere else. What am I doing about it? Telling you about it. And I'll probably forget about it the next six times I'm up and poking around in the fridge, only to remind myself about it once I'm safely tucked into my bed for the night. Why? No idea. Not like some of y'all don't have science experiments goin' on in your refrigerators! But I'm outraged, and also outraged at my lack of doing the right thing about it. Why are we so flawed that we get upset at ourselves about things 99% of the people who love us wouldn't give a fuck about? Maybe we're good people most of the time, except for that one time we didn't realize we weren't, and yet that's all we remember? Now I feel like I'm living in a cycle of perpetual self-annoyance, which is also this annoying thing I do to myself. Thanks a lot, you guys . Glad to be back with all y'all. "No One Loves Me & Neither Do I" -Them Crooked Vultures"And I said, 'no one loves me, neither do I'. It makes perfect sense, so I never ask why."  Ok, I know it's not true so don't remind me. Maybe it's just a "current mood" type of thing. Also, it's probably a good thing I'm seeing my therapist this week . Nothing makes you question the questioning of your self-diagnosed deficiencies like a trip to the mental health clinic!  Current reading: The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A Fuck by Mark Manson. Cuz oh, ya know...just sittin' here workin' on myself .  Guys! Go bid on stuff here! All kindsa cool stuff...like, I just moved into an apartment in November (kinda a big deal, that) and my walls are pretty bare, so I'm angling for some artwork this time. But you can get handwritten poems and stories, cards, physical MBs, books...all from WDC friends!
 And finally, if you're neurotic like me, let's all laugh at our anxiety like the insane bastards we (probably) aren't. That's enough outta me for today, you guys. I swear I'm not really that miserable. I just don't know to what degree yet I'm also lying about it . Thanks for playin'! Peace, you're gonna lose control, and GOODNIGHT NOW!! |
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But, with extreme shit hitting me I bury under ground and neither internet nor real life can find me then.
