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One man's journey to find the way home |
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I am an American Baptist ordained minister. I began my life journey in Massachusetts, where I was called to help people understand what it meant to know a loving God. The call came during a time when I was wrestling with how to help my brother Kurt, who was diagnosed with Schizophrenia during my high school years. I was a new Christian by my senior year following trying to understand what it meant for me to care about a person like my brother who others tended to stay away from. After twenty three years in Massachusetts, God sent me to the land of Kansas City where I spent about 35 years of my life. I was a pastor, a resident chaplain, a supervisor in training and most recently a caregiver and security. Everything I have done vocationally has been with God in mind. That does not mean that I am totally comfortable with all the movings of the Spirit. I am now in Erie where I do not know very many people. I came here because of my wife. She is from Erie and coming here was the right thing to do. It just plain made sense. My kids had grown up. I did not like Kansas city in terms of climate and was looking forward to a change. I had become very frustrated vocationally and longed to come to Erie to get a second opinion, because I honestly believed that was what God had wanted for me. I left behind kids and grandkids who I loved!!!! I had two jobs that I enjoyed. They were both very appreciative of my skills and I was making more money with the two jobs than I ever had. I heard more than once. ARE YOU CRAZY? Well I can only say that I am in love with God's leading. I am starting all over again. It has not been easy. Maybe some of you can offer me some words of support. I am lonely despite the fact my wife is with me. She battles depression and has two siblings that are having similar battles. When it is all said I am in a depressed community with a depressed wife and her family. So I begin the conversation.... WELCOME!! |
| I am in recovery mode. It is nice to get back to work even if it is for only one day. I am not coughing as much. I still worry about finances. There is nothing I can do about it. January will be a tight month no matter what. I will write 1400 dollars optimistic for how much I made in a week. It is pretty sad. The car getting worked on is cause for concern. I need to trust that our finances can absorb the blow. One day at a time more than ever. |
| Am I ready? Only one way to find out. It is a bit scary. I got my hair cut and gave my tithe. What can be next? I look at today as an opportunity. Anything less than that would be a dream that could become a nightmare. I have worked hard. The greater reality is grace and forgiveness that does not preclude a person special. I have a lot to learn and little time. There is less than 4 hours till I walk to work and trust in something called acceptance and another chance. God grant me the faith that sees in the darkness what can not see in light. |
| Emerging from Covid cocoon. I am not sure what can be redeemed by such a mess. You are forced inside by the health department, because you have become a menace to society, because you have tested positive. It is past ridiculous. My situation was a result of taking care of four residents with Covid. I was a frontline workers. So many others stay home and do as little as possible to care for the mentally handicapped. It is all a part of Covid madness. You are loved more for your ability to be isolated and aloof than available and caring. At one point I was threatened in a letter that I would be taken to court and put somewhere if I did not comply. So I am forced to go out the back door in steep snow to get exercise The other issue was taking care of my wife. She has health concerns of her own that need people to be with her. All of a sudden I become a villain, as if my Covid is going to put my wife to death. How dare I? I am glad this has not happened. My wife loved having me around for the holiday and was focussed on telling family she was not sick. She begins quarantine after I am done. The laundry is stacked up and we will need groceries and other errands done. We will see what this sense of emergence means as I resume work and she struggles with isolating even when she feels ok. Covid is a cocoon of chaos. What comes out on the other side invites the grace of God to reveal |
| My date to renew seems imminent. I may not have enough gift points to keep my membership. That is the least of my worries as I push thru Covid. I am a survivor make no mistake about it. The couple days I have had nightmares about the end of the world coming. Will I live to see tomorrow. I even see my own journey as dealing min(d) fields. My mental illness reveals my vulnerability to thoughts of death and defeat when I am sickly. Great to talk with Frank, another survivor. I have much to learn and Mindy Gunn's. I am not alone is the thought for the day God will see me thru it. Proud to have logged nearly 1700 miles in steps this year. May next year be better. |
| The memories are there. I have so many memories about being called to lay down or fight. I recall time at St. Luke's. You make mistakes and wonder if person's will let their knee off your neck. Then I go forward a loner, unsure that even my best can be good enough. Time will tell |
| I am not having a lot of fun. I found out yesterday I had Covid. I can only hope I can make peace with this enemy God willing |
| I am glad for another day. I actually made over 55 thousand. Go figure. I trust God will be with me. About 4 more hours to go. I am tired, I am surviving. I am glad that God is with me!!! |
| Covid madness will be culminated in being tested with the result determining how much I work. Maybe God is giving me a message. Time will tell |
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