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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/books/item_id/2107193-Depressed/day/3-14-2017
Rated: 18+ · Book · Biographical · #2107193
A blog about living life in a depressed state everyday...


Welcome to my life. I am a pretty ordinary person. I have a home which I am currently sharing with my daughter and her small family IE kid and boyfriend. I work the night shift at a tape factory which means when I am not at work my favorite hobby is sleeping. I am single and hardly date which means not at all. I have a cat, Harley Quinn and a dog, Moose. Though I am single I have been in a lifelong relationship with depression. There have been times when I have willed myself out of bed, and others when I could not even do that.

Several years ago I lost my mother and both sisters to different forms of cancer all within a year of each other, one of them dying on Christmas Eve. This did nothing to help my depression and actually was a catalyst in picking up an old addiction that I had laid to rest for nearly two years. The beloved fight with the bottle. Not drinking near as much as I used to but drinking more than I need to.

I am the head of my family because all the adults are dead. This means that the kids are running the candy store seeing that those of us who are still here have never really grown up enough to be responsible to head anything. However I am the oldest living relative so that makes me the head. Where as my Mom and sisters would handle things I just try to keep everybody calm and out of jail. For the most part we all do our own thing but we still rely on each other emotionally, that makes us close.

I have never been married because I believe men cannot handle my mood swings, well the ones I have known anyway.
Yes, I have had my share of relationships, one dysfunctional relationship right after the other. The last one lasted a little over 6 years. It was inevitable it would end for he was just as crazy as me.

As I mentioned before I have a child, a daughter who I believe is just as depressed as I am. I say that because she acts exactly like me. She can also be quite the moody little dickens. She and her boyfriend live here with me along with her little girl. Her boyfriend is a good guy. He has a twin brother and both of them have aspirations of being actors. You can scoff and laugh but for living in a little Podunk town like this they have managed to get acting gigs. Yes they are extras but they are getting bigger parts all the time. Cannot go in to any details about their last endeavor, but the casting director asked them to come and film a few days. I know it's not a big part but it is a speaking part and it is something. Like I said, very impressive considering where we live which is right in the middle of anywhere America.

I have four nieces and two nephews who will make appearances from time to time in this blog. Unlike most cousins and aunties we all grew up together, because my parents had me late in life when my two sisters were half grown, I am a year and a half older than my oldest niece. This was something I used to hold over her head with great pride when we were younger. I find myself nowadays not mentioning it so much seeing as how I keep getting closer and closer to fifty. My oldest niece and middle niece live here where I do. My other two nieces live in Florida. They are my oldest sister, Janey's kids.

I also have two n'er do well nephews who live in Tennessee. They are the sons of middle sister Dana. I don't see them as much as I like but they both live lives of such turmoil, chaos, and drama I find the less I know about what is going on the better. Each of my nieces and nephews have children. They range in ages from 29-7. Some of their children have children making me and 3 of my nieces grandmothers.

So why do I feel the need to make this blog. I don't know except that writing has always been cathartic for me. It is a way to let off steam and express myself. A means by which I calm down. My biggest problem with writing is trying to figure out how to wrap something up so I can move on to the next idea.

So here it is. My blog, Depressed.

March 14, 2017 at 2:58pm
March 14, 2017 at 2:58pm
#906819
It seems like I was very prolific with the blogging last month and here it is the middle of this month and I am just now making an entry. Sometimes the words flow like a smooth running stream, sometimes they dry up like a drought. In any case here is my first March entry.

I have been feeling a little down because my mother's birthday was this past Sunday. She would have been 89 years old and well on her way to her goal of living 100 years. Those three little words are a killer would have been. And I suppose since I have been writing a story about a woman dealing with the loss of her mother that is why I haven't made a new chapter in her endeavors with grief.

The springtime always reminds me of my mother. So does the color green. I cannot go into the lawn and garden shop of Wal-Mart without crying because it reminds me of my mom. She always had plants and flowers all around the house and porch. She had bird feeders hanging in the small dogwood tree that grew outside her living room window in Florida. When the weather was nice she would sit on the porch and watch them. When it wasn't she would sit at her computer desk which faced that window and watch them. She loved her birds especially the humming birds.

She had a proficient green thumb which could be seen in the nurture and care of all the house plants she helped grow. I cannot remember a time in my entire life when she wasn't piddling around in the dirt planting something. She said playing in the dirt was good therapy. Even as a child living in the city she had flowers and plants growing in various gardens around our house.

The smell of spring and flower shops will always remind me of my mom. I love her so much as I always have. I miss her terribly and I am very thankful to God that he chose her to be my mom.Do you ever get over losing a parent? IDK. This September will mark 8 years since she died. In Dec it will be 30 years since my dad died and still after all these years I find myself missing him.

Love my parents and am grateful for them. I just wish this thing we call life wasn't so fleeting. I would love to have had more time with both of them.


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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/books/item_id/2107193-Depressed/day/3-14-2017