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A blog about living life in a depressed state everyday... |
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Welcome to my life. I am a pretty ordinary person. I have a home which I am currently sharing with my daughter and her small family IE kid and boyfriend. I work the night shift at a tape factory which means when I am not at work my favorite hobby is sleeping. I am single and hardly date which means not at all. I have a cat, Harley Quinn and a dog, Moose. Though I am single I have been in a lifelong relationship with depression. There have been times when I have willed myself out of bed, and others when I could not even do that. Several years ago I lost my mother and both sisters to different forms of cancer all within a year of each other, one of them dying on Christmas Eve. This did nothing to help my depression and actually was a catalyst in picking up an old addiction that I had laid to rest for nearly two years. The beloved fight with the bottle. Not drinking near as much as I used to but drinking more than I need to. I am the head of my family because all the adults are dead. This means that the kids are running the candy store seeing that those of us who are still here have never really grown up enough to be responsible to head anything. However I am the oldest living relative so that makes me the head. Where as my Mom and sisters would handle things I just try to keep everybody calm and out of jail. For the most part we all do our own thing but we still rely on each other emotionally, that makes us close. I have never been married because I believe men cannot handle my mood swings, well the ones I have known anyway. Yes, I have had my share of relationships, one dysfunctional relationship right after the other. The last one lasted a little over 6 years. It was inevitable it would end for he was just as crazy as me. As I mentioned before I have a child, a daughter who I believe is just as depressed as I am. I say that because she acts exactly like me. She can also be quite the moody little dickens. She and her boyfriend live here with me along with her little girl. Her boyfriend is a good guy. He has a twin brother and both of them have aspirations of being actors. You can scoff and laugh but for living in a little Podunk town like this they have managed to get acting gigs. Yes they are extras but they are getting bigger parts all the time. Cannot go in to any details about their last endeavor, but the casting director asked them to come and film a few days. I know it's not a big part but it is a speaking part and it is something. Like I said, very impressive considering where we live which is right in the middle of anywhere America. I have four nieces and two nephews who will make appearances from time to time in this blog. Unlike most cousins and aunties we all grew up together, because my parents had me late in life when my two sisters were half grown, I am a year and a half older than my oldest niece. This was something I used to hold over her head with great pride when we were younger. I find myself nowadays not mentioning it so much seeing as how I keep getting closer and closer to fifty. My oldest niece and middle niece live here where I do. My other two nieces live in Florida. They are my oldest sister, Janey's kids. I also have two n'er do well nephews who live in Tennessee. They are the sons of middle sister Dana. I don't see them as much as I like but they both live lives of such turmoil, chaos, and drama I find the less I know about what is going on the better. Each of my nieces and nephews have children. They range in ages from 29-7. Some of their children have children making me and 3 of my nieces grandmothers. So why do I feel the need to make this blog. I don't know except that writing has always been cathartic for me. It is a way to let off steam and express myself. A means by which I calm down. My biggest problem with writing is trying to figure out how to wrap something up so I can move on to the next idea. So here it is. My blog, Depressed. |
| These last few weeks have been filled with tremendous tragedy and happiness for my family. Our family experienced a profound tragedy because my niece's husband and soul mate of the past 28 years died unexpectedly in a car accident. He left a hole in her heart that will probably never heal. He left behind my niece and their three sons, the youngest of whom is only 12. My niece (Miki) has been stalled in her own grief trying to be there for her son. His dad was his world and he is having tremendous trouble accepting and dealing with the fact that his dad is gone. Her older two sons are grown, but still mourning over their dad. Daniel was a good man, a good husband, a good father, a good brother, a good son and a good friend. He was many things to many people and he will be missed. His death as I stated was unexpected and took us all by surprise and yet in the midst of the grief, we had the opportunity to celebrate as his oldest son married one month after his father's death. It was so wonderful to gather for a happy occasion and witness this lovely young couple pledge the rest of their lives to each other. I myself wiped a tear from my eye as I saw that little dark haired boy standing as a beautiful young man. professing his love to the love of his life. My God where has the time gone? Our little family experienced some drama when my granddaughter flipped in an old Radio Flyer wagon and broke her collar bone. She is fine but the whole experience has frazzled my daughter, who has been extremely anxious since she broke it. My granddaughter is healing fine she has been in a sling for the past few weeks but she is getting better each day. This week coming up is her 5th birthday so we have all been running around trying to get her birthday presents and decorations. As usual her mother and I have gone a little overboard, but I think she will be happy. Also Halloween is coming up on the 31st so we have that to look forward to. And last but not least I have been seeing someone. We had our first date the day after my nephew-in-law died. It was a blind date and I wasn't going to keep it but my niece made me go. I am glad I did. We are taking it slow hanging out and just kind of seeing where things go. Go me... The past few weeks have been filled with both unbelievable sadness and joy. The only word I can think of to describe it is bittersweet... |
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The so called hormones were like a wasps nest inside me. 
