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Growing Bald With Lynx/ The Better Wife

by Azrael Tseng

Rated: E · Book · Personal · #2116848

The misadventures of a full-time working/ housekeeping parent! Quill nominee.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

So that's the Wife and the Kid in the photo. Not the Better Wife -- that's me. Or at least who I'm forced to be, and try to keep being, most of the time. I've never blogged before, and never felt inclined to do so. Before I got married, I was too busy gaming.

World of Warcraft demands a great deal of your time, devotion, and sanity, especially if you're in an end-game raiding guild. After I got married, I was too busy being married. It turns out that being a husband, a father, a homemaker, and a professional rent-maker is even more demanding than being a guildmaster! Now who could have imagined that? Well, certainly not me.

When I started this blog a few months ago, I had kind of reached a boiling point. I was stressed out juggling all my commitments and responsibilities, and had hit the Mariana Trench in my career. I'm still mired in the deeps, and during this period I needed something else in my life to haul me out. It turned out that poverty is not conducive to creating a healthy and supportive home environment.

To add to my depressing financial straits, Lynx's (the Kid) health started deteriorating. From one epileptic fit a month, he started suffering up to three times, sometimes within a single day. Numerous hospital visits and specialist consultations ensued, forcing me to take unpaid leave from a minimum wage job that paid me less than half of what I made as a fresh graduate -- twenty years ago. Silent blame from the Wife began to seep out through resentful tones and then blatant accusations. In this era of 'empowered females', somehow men are expected to earn more and do more at home as well. Ironic, isn't it?

What I'm going through is similar to what many women go through every day, and only a tiny fraction of what my mother and the working women of her generation endured. But one thing I am denied which most women enjoy is a group of confidantes they can open up to. Most men I know aren't comfortable talking about, or listening to another guy talk about their emotions and struggles. Maybe it's an ego thing, or machismo speaking. Maybe I need to grow out my hair and a pair of boobs, slap on some makeup before a guy would at least pretend to listen and commiserate.

Anyway that's when the blog started, and I started pouring out bits and pieces of my frustrations and elations into the nether of digital space. Beyond the Cloud9

was one of my first few readers, and I enjoyed chatting with her through blog comments tremendously. She's helped me so much by providing perspective and sharing her own stories and experiences with her own family and children.

That's what this is -- a little space where I occasionally come in and rant or share odd, interesting, or exciting events in my never-mundane life. A space I hope will attract a few others to come in sometimes, look around and share some words. Enjoy sharing my life with me!

Merit Badge in Music
[Click For More Info]

Thank you for your participation in the 48-HOUR CHALLENGE: "Return To Innocence by Enigma" Media Prompt hosted by [Link To User support] ! We appreciate that you tackled this challenge... *^*Smile*^* *^*Thumbsupl*^*

A big thanks to Lornda~ House of Martell ~

for the magnificent merit badge above!

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Nominated for Best Family/ Parenting

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Nominated for Best Blog

Featured in "Comedy Newsletter (August 1, 2018)"

Show Recent Comments

10 Most Recent Blog Comments:

Xarthin

Jan 3, 2019 at 3:54am
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I know I'm doing a bit of necroposting here, but I wish to say my piece on it.

I think negative reviews, just as failures in life, can be far more useful than positive ones because, well, who spends time reflecting after a victory? Only when we fail we stop retracing our steps.

However, there are two kinds of negative reviews, and one has to become able to discern between them.

A constructive negative review is like disenfectant put on a wound: it hurts like hell, but in the end it's good for you.

A malicious negative review is like salt upon a wound: it hurts like the depths of hell, and it is meant just to hurt you.

The first is born out of concern and care, the second is the spawn of spitefulness and envy.

It's not always easy telling them apart, especially in the age of the internet, but one has always to keep in mind this distinction.

2 Like

🌑 Darleen - QoD

Nov 12, 2018 at 11:56pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Just know that it doesn't matter if someone has it worse, you're still struggling and your struggle is real. You're a working dad, that is not to be diminished just because millions of women AND men have done it before you! Trust me, we all have our moments of feeling like a used rag. It's OK to have days where we feel like we can't take another moment. It's OK to have days where we wonder how we're going to get out bed and do it all over again. As long as you do, then there's always hope for the next guy/gal.

You're doing a wonderful job! You ARE living an amazing life. Stay strong and keep pushing. You'll make it!

And thank you for your kind words, Azrael. I thank my husband for stepping in and taking over when I feel like I can't go on. Sometimes he has to literally physically block the kids from pouncing on me when I'm overwhelmed.

It's actually quite humorous if I think about it.

I hope you're able to come back soon. I'd love to hear what else is going in your world.

Good luck, my friend. My thoughts are with you.

1 Like

Azrael Tseng

Nov 11, 2018 at 6:25pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Thank you for being a light to me in this present darkness.

2 Like

Azrael Tseng

Nov 11, 2018 at 6:23pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Thank you for sharing about your own situation. One of the things that has kept me going so far is the knowledge that millions, if not billions, of mostly working women have gone through far worse than I'm going through, including my own mother, and if they can do that and still lead amazing lives and be wonderful, non-worn-out-like-a-used-rag people, then I can too. You're a great example of that.

There's so much trying stuff going on I haven't been able to write for more than a month, and until this stretch is done I probably won't be able to do so. WDC is still my family, however, and I look forward to coming back to it more active than now!

1 Like

🌑 Darleen - QoD

Nov 10, 2018 at 5:23pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I feel kinda backwards after reading this. I was a stay at home mom to all 3 of my boys until the twins entered into Kindergarten. Then I was able to go back to work and what a relief it is. But at the same time, I no longer have the weird crazy schedules that I used to when I was younger, No more night shifts, no more double shifts. Now I have a 9-5 and I enjoy my time away from home. I still adore my family and love spending time with them, but I also enjoy my time at work when I can focus on myself, even if its in thoughts alone.

We have a household of 6. My mother, me and my husband and our three boys. It's a bit overwhelming trying to balance the needs of everyone though, so work is usually my place of peace. I do look forward to the weekends though both for my family and finding time to be on here. Confusing. Lol

I hope you find a better job that allows you to have more balance though. This is the first job I've ever had that I don't have to work weekends and omg, it's awesome when you have a family. I've always worked weekends and it sucks when the rest of the world seems to be able to enjoy theirs. I hope you get to have that experience asap!! You deserve it.

1 Like

🌑 Darleen - QoD

Nov 10, 2018 at 5:05pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I just sent you a review before coming to look at your port and blog. I'm hoping it came across in a positive way as that was my intention!

I know I worry about being positive but also know we all need some constructive criticism, as well. This is hard to do and hard to balance because constructive criticism may come across as something much worst than intended. But everyone is different. Plus I've noticed sometimes that a story didn't come across right to one person and to another they may completely get what you were trying to convey, so I try not to take things too personally... but easier said than done!! I seem to get one or the other in reviews. It can be confusing sometimes too.

Just keep doing what you're doing and trying to be kind. From what I've read about you so far, you seem to be a very kind-hearted individual and I'd hate to see you lose that part of yourself because of someone else's unkindness.

You've definitely found another fan of both your work and blog. Keep up the fantastic work and I'll see you around the site!!

1 Like

Christopher Roy Denton

Oct 24, 2018 at 10:02am
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Yes, I've probably been unkind to people, though I can't think of a specific example. I think it comes generally after somebody has done something to upset me, and I've lashed out in response perhaps with disproportionate strength.

I try to find something good to say in every review I write. Honestly, because the members of this site are all keen writers (doh!), it's usually not that difficult to find something positive to say about every piece. However, there are occasions when I'm scratching my shiny bald patch in an effort to find something nice to say that doesn't come across as too generic, like, "Nice job, mate!"

1 Like

Nada

Sep 17, 2018 at 6:13pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Kindness is not always easily found....and yes, it is a key to being happy!

1 Like

Azrael Tseng

Sep 15, 2018 at 3:44am
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Me too, Beyond the Cloud9

, me too. Kindness is the key.

Beyond the Cloud9

Sep 15, 2018 at 3:15am
In response to "Invalid Entry"

How have you treated someone else in a way you regretted afterwards? What has happened to you before that spoiled your entire day (or week)?

Okay, I'll admit I am really bad about letting negativity spill out when I have been treated in a negative way. Not so much on reviewing, but in other ways. If my husband and I have a negative interaction it will immediately spill out of me onto my kids. I'll be irritable and harsh with them when they have been completely undeserving of that treatment. What I feel inside just pours out of me. I need to practice more self control in this area and yet I find it incredibly difficult to do.

Little things can really affect me. I once got a note put on my car after I parked in a private road that was written in black marker pen: "Do you live here? Then don't park here. This is a private road." Now, I had permission to park there from a home owner, but whoever left the note didn't know that. It really rattled me. I only park there once a week for an hour when we go visit this person and there is literally no where else to park. I can't afford to be taking a train in just for an hour visit. It affected me the rest of the day. I showed the homeowner the note and apologized for any inconvinience. She was very kind and sympathetic and now when I go she actually moves her own car so I can park in her parking spot, and therefore no one can complain. But the day I got the note and even for the entire week after, I was thinking about it and it bothered me. The day I was to visit again, I texted her and told her I was feeling very anxious and could she advise me on any other place to park. She didn't want anyone visiting her to have negative feelings and that's when she suggested I take her own private space. Her kindness really soothed things over for me. This is why kindness is so incredibly important! Whoever had left that note left me no way to respond to them. No name, no house number, no phone number to discuss the situation -- just a horrible assumption that I was a jerk, and I'm a person who tries to be considerate to everyone and not put people out, so it was the note left me very upset. I am very thankful that the person I was visiting offered a solution even though it is a mild inconvenience for her. Her kindness really helped me through that.

So kindness...because we never really know what is going on with someone else. I need to practice more kindness when I'm feeling negative on the inside. It's a weakness of mine and I'm trying hard to improve in this area. I'm grateful for the example of others who are so good at showing kindness and soothing things over. It teaches me how to do the same.

1 Like

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