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 |    We live much of life amid unique choices. Joy is anchored in The One beyond our life. |
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“There are times when solitude is better than society, and silence is wiser than speech. We should be better Christians if we were more alone, waiting upon God, and gathering through meditation on His Word spiritual strength for labour in his service. We ought to muse upon the things of God, because we thus get the real nutriment out of them. . . . Why is it that some Christians, although they hear many sermons, make but slow advances in the divine life? Because they neglect their closets, and do not thoughtfully meditate on God's Word. They love the wheat, but they do not grind it; they would have the corn, but they will not go forth into the fields to gather it; the fruit hangs upon the tree, but they will not pluck it; the water flows at their feet, but they will not stoop to drink it. From such folly deliver us, O Lord. . . .” ― Charles Spurgeon “Our anxiety does not empty tomorrow of its sorrows, but only empties today of its strengths.” ― C. H. Spurgeon “Hope itself is like a star- not to be seen in the sunshine of prosperity, and only to be discovered in the night of adversity.” ― Charles Haddon Spurgeon “If sinners be damned, at least let them leap to Hell over our dead bodies. And if they perish, let them perish with our arms wrapped about their knees, imploring them to stay. If Hell must be filled, let it be filled in the teeth of our exertions, and let not one go unwarned and unprayed for.” ― Charles Spurgeon “A Bible that’s falling apart usually belongs to someone who isn’t.” ― Charles Spurgeon “Visit many good books, but live in the Bible.” ― Charles Spurgeon “When your will is God's will, you will have your will.” ― Charles Spurgeon (Philippians 2:13, KJV) https://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/2876959.Charles_Haddon_Spurgeon    |
| Here we are on Day #2 of taking stock of my surroundings. I'm sitting in Panera Bread, enjoying free Wifi, while Jade Amber Jewel  is taking her second day of the end of year tests at the specified testing site.1. The day is still fairly young with the restaurant, being fairly empty, but a group of three nicely-dressed business types just sat at a table diagonally to my right. Their mannerisms are professional, but the man, who is apparently in charge has a voice to match his personality. His voice carries. I had to turn up the volume in my earbuds two notches. 2. The ordering desk is firmly to my right with the regular banter of orders being made. The anticipation of breakfast is joyful. 3. The party of three businessmen has settled into a steady clickety-clack of conversation, that reminds me of a train rumbling down the tracks. 4. I'm sitting in a two-person booth with my back to a large partition. I guess it's just my preferred comfort zone, but I like to have my back next to a solid object when I'm out in public. I'm not much for people sneaking up behind me. Besides, I'm alone in this booth. I have no one to watch my back. 5. The three businessmen have left almost as quickly as they arrived. Apparently, ten minutes was more than enough time for breakfast. It's time to "get down to business." 6. One man munches on his breakfast sandwich at a booth just beyond the table, where the three businessmen were sitting. He sits quietly enjoying the moment with jaw muscles regularly prancing in place. (He just left, too. Apparently, I'm the only one, who has chosen Panera for a morning office.) 7. A man around the corner of the room in the very next table just got up to leave. I didn't even know he was there since he was so quiet. I must say, that this environment is my preferred situation for writing. I can occasionally write in a noisy environment, like yesterday when all of the noises seem to cancel out each other, but over my past two, (nearly three) years as a member of Writing.Com, I have been willing to spend many nights writing, until 2:00 or 3:00 in the morning for the sheer pleasure of writing in the relative peace of a sleepy house to the tune of quiet Christmas music. Apparently, I'm not by myself. There are sets of hours at a time on the weekend, when I'm at my laptop in our large walk-in closet, (that provides me great moments of solace,) Jade Amber Jewel is in her room writing, reading or both, and her Mom/my wife is on the couch, scrolling through one of her many websites or reading a book.It's not that we're antisocial types. We're just creative. We enjoy spending time with friends and family, like going out to eat and to the movies together, but we need alone time in order to recharge our emotional "batteries." I offer these times to my ladies and they offer these to me as the gift of what we most need at the time. 8. Two ladies, who are no doubt quite good friends, situated themselves in the large booth next to me in the otherwise empty restaurant and started to have a joyful conversation. I had to pick up all my things to move to the other end of the dining room just to finish this blog post. Even through my music in the earbuds, I can still hear the low rumble of their conversation in the background, probably 30-40 feet away. There was no canceling out effect today. Their words were quite clear in the next booth. I hoped they didn't see me relocate because I didn't want to be rude, but I have difficulty writing in the presence of clearly-understood speech and songs with words. Instrumental music is my consistent curtain of "white noise." Isn't it interesting how we humans respond in different scenarios of life? I was tempted to be put out with the loudly talking ladies, but "the shoe has been on the other foot" at times that I was in the presence of my dearest friends on Earth. It's a little hard to talk softly when the adrenaline of JOY is fully coursing through your veins. My writing is important! Others should be respectful of that fact!. However, I'm not always respectful of others' need to write when I'm in a joyful mood with my friends. The easiest answer to the offense of this sort is to change the environment. This allows me to keep writing, while the joyful friends continue to enjoy their time together as well. Keep going, Jay! You're still growing up. You'll get there one day.  by Jay O'Toole on April 30th, 2019 |
| As I sit to update this blog, I'm taking stock of my surroundings. I'm sitting in a Starbucks, enjoying free Wifi. 1. To my right, two ladies of college and/or career age are in a vigorous and joy-filled conversation. 2. The Muzak (aka in-house music remix) plays some loud music of the Big Band era. 3. I attempt to combat the raucous cacophony by wearing earbuds, playing my peaceful instrumental Christmas music. 4. Two men ahead of me are having a slightly softer conversation, but express themselves with hand and facial gestures, that appear to be unintentionally drawing me into the conversation from across the room. 5. To my left, the kitchen area is humming with coffee-makers and smoothie-makers expressing the pleasant sounds of refreshments on the way to their owners. 6. Cars drive by on the four-lane outside the bay windows with their visual "noise." As a man, who has always had to deal with AD/HD, though I've not always been able to identify it as such, one wonders how I am able to write any sort of a coherent blog post. However, as someone, who, also, finds complete silence to be almost deafening, this backdrop of quasi-white noise creates a unique peace, that is all its own. I often need some sort of music or the whir of a fan to provide me a background sound for focus, while I'm indoors. While outdoors I often give up on writing anything at all and just enjoy the symphony of chirping crickets, singing mockingbirds, and cars and semis as they groan and whoosh down the road. Some people like to listen to music as they walk or run on their daily work-outs. However, for me, the sounds of nature and people enthrall my creative heart as I exercise to the largest wall-sized screen in the world. You've heard of surround-sound. This television is surround-everything: sound, visuals, smells, etc. Enjoy your peace today in the midst of the often quite noisy world. by Jay O'Toole on April 29th, 2019 |
crisp, bright, clear the air birds sing, roses glow, sun shines day is here, again by Jay O'Toole on April 28th, 2019 |
crickets chirp and sing yellow ribbons braid the trees chill to wake the bones by Jay O'Toole on April 27th, 2019 |
| Thank you, WDC, for the privilege of processing out loud as I think back over the past 40 or so days. I know this week's posts have heavily surrounded my beliefs, which may or may not be shared by other Writing.Com members, but as I wrote in the piece, "Perception is Reception," it is great to have a safe place to state what I think and to be myself, even if nobody else can relate to what I am thinking through and processing. First, I find it interesting that I got up at 6:20 this morning, meaning that for two days in a row I have been up before 6:30. This may not mean anything to folks, who have early morning start times at work, but for me, this is huge, since my years' worth of late nights have kept me from seeing the sunrise. However, I started Easter Sunday at a sunrise service, and I like that part of the day. So, I am willing to change to improve my health. Two days in a row is a big deal for me. "Baby steps, ba-by steps,..." as Bob Wiley said in the movie, What About Bob? I think this will be my last post on the debrief from Lent. I'm sure that more could be said, but since I'm still processing, I think I'll just keep it in my heart until I have more to say with a slightly more interesting presentation. The most basic aspect of Lent is the fact, that it is the period of forty days before Easter (aka The Day of Jesus' Resurrection from the dead.) Lent starts with Ash Wednesday when devotees walk silently out of a church with a cross of ashes marked on their foreheads and a commitment in their hearts to give up some pleasure or valued part of their lives in order to be in concert with Jesus, who gave up His life to save from their sins, anyone, who would accept His greatest of all gifts. This forty day period of anticipation has answered a question, that I asked about a year ago. "Why do we seem to have so much prelude to Christmas, but so little prelude to Easter?". The answer seems to be, that Christmas is a time of getting, and Easter seems to be a time of giving up. Arguably, it is easier to celebrate and to anticipate a day when you can expect to get stuff for your own pleasure. Being good for forty days seems like a good investment, since the better you are the more stuff you can expect to get. Depriving yourself in a time of somber reflection doesn't seem to be a very worthy investment, especially since the best an adult can hope to receive on Easter is one or maybe two fairly nice meals. However, the saddest part of Christmas and Easter (for me, at least) is the day after each. When you go out and about away from home, life seems to be "same ol', same ol'." Nobody really talks much about the holiday just one day prior. Whatever benefit they had is pretty much over. "Now, it's time to press on to the next big thing on the calendar. In the case of Easter, especially in the U.S., the next big thing is Mother's Day in May. This is certainly a worthy celebration, but what has happened to the reflection on the importance of the Resurrection? Even more than that, where is the consideration of the forty days after the Resurrection when Jesus walked the Earth in His new everlasting body before He ascended back to His Father in Heaven, which was just ten days prior to the arrival of The Holy Spirit in Acts, chapter #2 on the Day of Pentecost, which was 50 days after the resurrection as signified by "pente," or "fiftieth" and "cost" or "day." Is it significant to anyone else, that Mother's Day consistently falls during these forty days after the resurrection? Mothers are the vessels through which we were each birthed into this world the first time. Jesus' resurrection is the vessel (or vehicle) through which any human, who is saved, has been birthed into the second birth of the newness of eternal life. (John 3:16; Romans 10:9-10, 13) Ultimately, I am starting to see that there are two separate sets of eighty days, surrounding the greatest (in my humble opinion) celebrations of the year, Christmas and Easter. The forty days before and the forty days after each of these holidays have significance. 1. Forty days before Christmas starts in the middle of the season between the annual harvest and Thanksgiving Day. (At least this is true for the United States.) 2. Forty days after Christmas ends right around Valentine's Day. 3. Forty days before Easter begins on Ash Wednesday. 4. Forty days after Easter ends at the beginning of summer. Further reflection will, no doubt, glean greater meaning to the significance of each of these seasons. First, the Christmas season begins during the time of thankfulness for the harvest of wheat by which we make bread to sustain life. Christmas Day celebrates the birth of Jesus Christ, The Bread of Life, in Bethlehem, "The House of Bread." The Christmas season "should end" (at least in my heart and from my perspective) on Valentine's Day when we remember that God sent His Son into the world because of His deep love for us. ("For God so loved the world, that He sent His only begotten Son..." John 3:16) The Resurrection season begins on Ash Wednesday with the remembrance of sin, that caused death to enter the perfect world God had created. The Day of the Resurrection shows, that though sin corrupted Man's very existence and death was its ultimate consequence, Jesus Christ was stronger than Sin, Death, the Grave and Hell itself because none of those enemies could prevent Jesus from coming back to life, again, in His newly eternal Body, that was equal to His own Original Creation. (Genesis 1:1-2; John 1:1) The Resurrection season ends at the start of the summer season, which is known for rest from the school year and joyful play, that a new time of study seems to be worlds away from this respite. (The result of the resurrection for those, who embrace its Gift and meaning will be eternal rest from temporal labors, joy in this new, everlasting respite, and the anticipation of meaningful work forever to the Praise of His Glorious Name.) This moment of clarity is significant for me, and I would suppose it would, also, be significant for others, who are on the same page with me, regarding this belief about the life of the spirit. There is value in taking out the deepest belief, that you hold to be true, contemplating it fully, and digesting that truth to greater levels of spiritual nourishment. Whether you agree with me or not, I would like to ask you to embrace truth to its fullest in your heart of hearts, wishing (as I do) God's Greatest Blessing to the rest of Humanity. by Jay O'Toole on April 26th, 2019 |
| Lent, 2019 has given me the benefit of resetting my circadian clock. When I opened my WDC profile in the summer of 2016, I started writing in a whirlwind around the clock, but most often between the hours of 11:00 PM and 3:00 AM, (local time, of course.) In the fall of 2016 GabriellaR45  gave me the invitation to join the Rising Stars program, which fanned the flames of writing, even more, with all of her wonderful writing exercises.WDC offered so many excellent opportunities for writing, like a personalized blog for my profile, contests, weekly & daily challenges to write from prompts, and reviews with double GPs, that I was a "kid in a candy store." However, as we are all aware, eventually the "sugar-rush" wears off and the body starts to crash with greater and greater needs to rest. The funny thing was, that by the time I realized my need for greater rest, my circadian clock had changed to going to bed around 3:00 AM and getting up around 10 or 11 AM. My recent studies of body physiology, which included watching some videos on YouTube on the subject, has convinced me, that one of the reasons I am currently over 200 pounds in body weight and dancing on 30 BMI is due to the fact of having inappropriate and less-effective sleep patterns. When the graphics showed the difference in weight between a person, who got out of bed at 6:30 and another, who got up at 8:00, I was staggered and my behavior was checked. The point is simply this, during the 40 days of Lent I wanted to return to a more normal (or possibly better expressed, "more effective") sleep cycle, but many nights I was still going to bed around 2:00 or 3:00 AM. (The struggle is real!) However, I started to take heart in the nights when I would get in bed at midnight or even at 1:00 AM. Finally, last night I went to bed at 11:30 PM and popped out of bed at 6:30 AM to take the dog for a walk of nearly a mile. (She needs the exercise as much as I do since she has gotten arthritis in her hips in the past year. This is apparently typical for an Australian Shepherd, but we stopped exercising her to let her rest, and then she put on some weight. (Oh, MY! The struggle is real for both of us!) Now that the vet gave us some pain meds for her, we are trying to get back some of the youth, that she and I have both lost in the past couple of years.) My hope and prayer are that my new standard of sleeping will be firmly established and that I will see a great improvement in my weight, especially, since I have been exercising to the tune of walking at least a mile per day and often two and three miles. They say that exercising, sleeping right, and eating right are challenging no matter what age you are, not to mention the fact that genetics mitigate against some people's efforts at maintaining good health, but I can say that at 58 restoring my standard of health from 20-30 years ago will require the strength of Arnold Schwarzenegger or Jack LaLanne or more. In the early years of my marriage I could eat anything I wanted, and just go out for a four or five-mile run, while still looking great (almost to the point of being skinny from about age 15 - 30.) Yeah, I get it! There really is a big difference between a 28-year-old body and a 58-year-old body, but I am unwilling to stop trying to find the combination to help me lose at least a solid twenty pounds of excess fat. I was about 150 pounds from the time I was in high school, until my early 40s, when my wife became pregnant with Jade Amber Jewel . I had only heard of "sympathetic pregnancies" up to that point, but I apparently had one. Frustratingly so, I gained 40-50 pounds, whereas my wife maybe gained 30 or possibly 40. Within about six months after Jade Amber Jewel was born, the dear lady had lost her extra weight. I still haven't. I've struggled to get below 190 pounds for the past 16 years. I've been on a gluten-free diet for nearly six years. I've run road races. I walk. I was even a member of a Body Pump class of weight-lifting to aerobic-style music until I got discouraged because I didn't seem to be losing any weight. The struggle has been nearly maddening at times because, even though people don't point fingers at me, calling me "fatty," like my classmates did when I was in junior high, I know that I am not at my optimal weight for my age, and I WANT IT BACK! I guess by now you can tell that I have struggled with healthy body shaping pretty much all of my life, since both my parents had issues with weight, too, but at least my dad did the best that he knew later in life. Dad walked about 45 minutes every day, even if he had to walk around a Wal-Mart, during the colder months. This he did all the way up to two months before he died, even though he was still between 190 - 200 pounds. Finally, pneumonia and COPD took him to an early grave at 73 years of age. During those last years, his encouragement to me was, "Son, take care of the body!". "Sorry, Dad, but I am still trying to do just that." Maybe I'm not aging graciously, but I don't ever want to stop struggling against the effects of advancing years. 1. I have my first viola solo in less than two weeks, having taken up this new instrument just after Mom died. 2. I started adult ballet classes last fall in hopes that the stretches and movement would help me with my weight issues. 3. I am committed to going to bed on one calendar day and waking up in the next. 4. I've been teaching myself to embroider cloth, work with other forms of needlepoint as well as creating artwork with soft pastels in order to keep my mind as sharp as possible. 5. I successfully crossed the finish line of NaNoWriMo 2017 & 2018 with two rough-draft novels. (Now, I hope and pray, that I can exercise the mental self-discipline to finish a publishable couple of books.) 6. I have maintained the discipline of writing new poems on most days. (Again, this is for the purpose of mental exercise.) 7. I continue to search and try out new things for the purpose of finding the right combination to help me lose weight down to the 170 to 180 range. (Will a 58-year-old body at 175 pounds be as athletic as a 28-year-old body at 150 pounds? Arguably not, but it will most certainly be healthier than what I am now. THAT is my goal!) You see changing my sleep pattern was started during Lent, but it took about four days after Easter until I was able to see a little glimmer of hope. If new sleeping will even spot me 10 -15 pounds of weight loss, then I'll take it and REJOICE! Oh, I forgot to tell you that I now eat fresh spinach leaves with great enjoyment, (THAT'S HUGE!) and I eat other vegetables with self-discipline as opposed my earlier years when I ate only green beans from a can. No longer do I munch on uncooked hot dog links and sugar by the spoonsful as well as ice-cream with Karo syrup on top and cakes and doughnuts and peppermint candies. (I haven't done those bad habits in nearly six years.) I'm not giving up! I will press on! The Lord being my Helper, I will be successful,...one day! by Jay O'Toole on April 25th, 2019 |
He died upon a cruel cross. He laid in state through Sabbath rest. He raised to new life with nothing lost. He greeted the women. Their hearts were blest. But He showed the men His body’s scars. Then Jesus told them, “Touch me now, “I’ve wounds on flesh, the cross has marred. “I’m raised, again, as oft I vowed.” “You’re really scared, that I’m a ghost. “You needn’t be. I’d like to eat. “Do you have some fish to broil or roast? “We’ve supped so often lives to greet.” He took the fish and honeycomb. He ate it before them because He could. This makes me wonder. When we’re Home, will we yet eat because it’s good. Is food a tool to keep alive the human body on the Earth? Or is it joy where friendships thrive forever after great new birth? The Marriage Supper of The Lamb is slated for a future date. Will there be things to eat, like jam? Or is form just on the plate? That Jesus fills the Earth so full of reddest rose and sautéed beef. It seems ‘twould be the greatest cruel to spark each sense without relief. by Jay O'Toole on April 24th, 2019 |
The seven miles back down they walked to town were heaviness for heart and feet. How could they hope or life be turned around? With Master gone they knew defeat. A stranger with his kindly worded thoughts began to walk with these sad souls. His gentle manner soothed and lessons taught, in serving bread He made them whole. With chastisement called them, “slowish fools, “who did not learn the prophets’ words.” How can it be that this is good, not cruel? Can harshness lead to wisdom that’s heard? Fair Jesus You are ever all that’s kind, but sometimes I don’t understand. You walk with friends in love, but keep them blind, You leave them when they see as planned. You feed them of your living manna bread, but You slip away when they need You close. You’re teaching trust, that they’ll be calmly led. The patient child is one, who knows. by Jay O'Toole on April 23rd, 2019 |
The ancient man with knowledge great approached the rabbi rather late. He wanted to be right with God. He hoped his life would shine for laud. But Jesus questioned what he knew. “Be born again or you are through. “Be born of water and the wind if hope of kingdom you would find.” “How can this be? I do not know,” as wondered Nicodemus so. “You are a master in the land, yet these things you don’t understand?” “I speak of earthly things to teach you truth of Heaven, Heart to reach. “Remember Moses’ serpent pole. The cross I’ll bear with make you whole.” “For God so loved the broken world, His gave His Son as flag unfurled, “that anyone believing Him would live, not perish in his sin.” Salvation comes not through my skill. It’s the Gift of God by His own will. To let Him work, I need release my trying and my hopes to please. Surrender means my heart is “Yes!” The Savior works my heart to bless. Believing trusts the Surgeon’s Hand. My future’s saved by His dear Plan. by Jay O’Toole on April 22nd, 2019 |
| The past six weeks have been a time of growth and endurance. Giving up the daily creation of blog entries for this personal profile blog has required the discipline of just saying, "No," to the impulse of trying to maintain a perfect record of blog entries, since I began on November 5th, 2016 as I recall. Before Lent, 2019 I had created blogs most days for over nearly two and half years, missing less than a dozen days, purely by oversight. Giving up this prideful status has reminded me that The Lord's Name is worthy of Glory, not my own. Now, I will try to maintain my blog posts as often as possible for the purpose of doing Him honor. Giving up coffee and drinking only tea has been a matter of self-discipline. At least I was permitted to avoid the "no caffeine headache," that I've been forced to endure at other points in my life, but I has required me to drink probably twice to three times as much tea in order to maintain the caffeine levels. Refusing myself coffee has made for adjustments in my social events. Going to coffee shops with friends is a major respite in my life. During Lent I have learned to drink tea lattes and chai tea when I'm in a coffee shop, which has felt a little bit outside of the Comfort Zone. What is the first lesson, that I've learned from Lent, 2019? Jesus gave up His life for the humans of Humanity, many of whom still to this day do not stop to appreciate just what His sacrifice meant. I, on the other hand, had the much simpler task of giving up two simple things for the benefit of my spirit's growth, while it is fully appreciated by Jesus, the One, Who made me to grow to be like Him. I'll close for today because I feel like I'm starting to ramble, but I hope to add more thoughts about Lent in the up-coming days. This has truly been a learning experience for me, since I'm not catholic, nor am I part of the truly reformed denominations, like Methodist, Presbyterian, and Lutheran. My background is Baptist. My forebears often lived out in the wilderness, even in caves to stay away from the debate between the aforementioned parties. This means, that even this Baptist has been challenged to learn from the disciplines, that give groups, like the Methodists their very name. Finally, for now, I started back writing a poem each day at the first of April to coincide with NaPoWriMo, aka National Poetry Writing Month. If you would like to catch up with what I have been doing, during the April section of Lent, then you can find that here. https://jesusislord.video.blog (It's a Word Press blog. The web address looks a little funny, since it includes the word, "video" of which I have none, but this was the only format currently that was free. Previously, the free ones had the suffix, ".wordpress.com.") Anyhow, that's for what's it's worth. by Jay O'Toole on April 22nd, 2019 |
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So beautifully written.