A journey of self-improvement - or not. |
Sup? I'm Char. You may know me from timeless classics such as
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[Embed For Use By Upgraded+] Believin' all the lies that they're tellin' ya Buyin' all the products that they're sellin' ya They say jump and ya say "how high?" Ya braindead, ya got a fuckin' bullet in ya head |
Prompt via "30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS" : Describe a time when you exhibited bravery. Gotta do my once a week blog entry. I definitely wish I had more time to read and write entries this month. I had a really long second week of work. I think I'm adjusting a bit to the schedule and stuff, but it's just rough. The work-life balance seems pretty nonexistent. I'm expected to stay late at work almost every day, which makes my hours like 50-60 a week. It's a bit much for my taste. I'm going to focus on paying off my student loans over the next couple years and then we'll see where I'm at with everything. My problem is trying to do that without completely burning myself out. I'm the type that will work 11 or 12 hours a day and then do side hustles with any 'free' time I have and end up completely spiraling out once the hypomania peaces out. So, trying hard to balance all that at the moment. Anyway, bravery, hmm... First of all, I think most people exhibit bravery on a daily basis whether it's stepping out of your comfort zone to meet new people or tackling a project that you're unfamiliar with or confronting a personal issue or whatever. People with mental health issues especially have to exhibit endless bravery- specifically people with anxiety issues. Anxiety makes everything terrifying... making phone calls, driving a car, meeting new people, coping with unknown variables in life, learning new things, setting boundaries, standing up for yourself, being nice to yourself... Pretty much everything feels like a BIG deal. Throughout school, I had to spend so much of my time coaxing myself into just being baseline normal. I have to do the same thing at work now. Just trying to not be outwardly fucking weird. Like, it's a sincere struggle to just appear normal on a day-to-day basis. I've had several private moments where I have to step out and just do the whole deep breathing, positive self-talk thing. It is what it is. I'm used to having to go from one moment to the next that way. Getting through things one second at a time and all that. More specific to me, I had to be super brave during my teen years- and I was. Not knowing where my next meal was going to come from or when it would be pretty much required a high level of bravery. My mental health wasn't even terrible then because I just didn't have that option. I would've been completely frozen in fear every moment of my life if I hadn't found a way to swallow that day. It's insane what a human can take when survival is the endgame. Then you raise yourself up out of that only to have your brain be like, "Nah, fuck you." My mental health got worse the more stabilized I got because I started coming out of that fugue state. Then I was terrified my life would slip back into the abyss. So, that's been fun... |